Ghosts of the Past
by Some1Else
Summary: The past catches up to Snake when FoxDie activates and an unexpected guest forces him back into the fight against the Patriots.
1. Top Secret

**Story # 6 : Ghosts of the Past.**

**By Some1Else.**

**Chapter 1 : Top Secret.**

A lot could happen in two months. Otacon could have read a book. Campbell could have divorced his wife. Raiden could have died. Ocelot could have gone skiing. Snake and Meryl could have gotten engaged despite the fact that they hadn't even been together for a year, but they were wary of that trap. Despite all that could have happened, next to nothing actually transpired. Meryl still found plenty to write about in her journal, though. That woman could turn a trip to the super market into three pages of nonsense dealing with why milk was so expensive if it was required of the farmer to milk the cow in the first place. This gave Snake something to read in his spare time when he didn't have anything better to do.

He was clearly invading her privacy, but Snake didn't feel very guilty about it. This was a great way to know what she didn't want to tell him. It didn't help that she hid it in a painfully obvious spot. Meryl usually updated it every Friday, but she was two days late and Snake was getting tired of waiting for this weeks episode. He flipped through her notebook, wondering silently to himself why she just didn't keep her journal on a computer like everyone else. It was easier and more secure that way. Perhaps Meryl thought writing by hand was more meaningful. So far she hadn't mentioned anything significantly negative about him and Snake intended to keep it that way.

Snake was in her closet hiding underneath his strategically placed cardboard box with a flashlight in one hand and Meryl's book of secrets in the other. A variety of clothes covered his little hut. Two of his dogs had a bad habit of pulling her clothes off of their hangers and smelling them. Since Snake was somewhat sympathetic towards their curiosity, he had allowed it the first few times but now it was getting old. Still, Meryl did have a pleasant aroma about her most of the time when she wasn't exercising. Reece and Dayne were the culprits responsible for messing with her clothes and Snake didn't find that very surprising as those two were always coming up with new innovative ways to piss him off. Usually Meryl kept her door closed but she forgot to shut it before she went out to stock up on food for both herself and Snake so they'd be good for the next two weeks.

This gave him more freedom when it came to snooping around her room and acquiring the coveted journal. It also gave him more laundry to do as Reece would purposefully pull out five of her shirts and arrange them into a bed which he shamelessly slept on. Reece could have just jumped on her bed and took his slothful naps there, but that wasn't good enough. Snake was seriously thinking about selling that dog. He'd always been a problem.

_You sure do ask a lot of questions. . ._

Snake shivered so hard that his box shook and a couple of Meryl's bras that she rarely wore but had still acquired through misguided Christmas presents from her family fell off the top of his corrugated shelter. He sometimes couldn't stop himself from randomly remembering things he'd rather forget, and Reece's attitude was one of them. The time his dogs had decided to start talking to him was another. He calmed himself down by focusing on a couple of his favorite entries that took place when Meryl had been feigning helplessness to get a chance to live with him.

_September 7th: I wonder how long this is going to last. I'm starting to feel a little paranoid. The fire department just isn't giving up. They suspect arson and they are correct. This is bad. I should have spent more time planning this escapade. I can only hope that this stupid decision doesn't backfire on me. I can't even remember what I was thinking. I guess I should look on the bright side of things. Nobody has figured out that I intentionally burned down my own apartment so I could live here with David. That's technically because I didn't do it, though. I gave Olga a bottle of lamp oil and a box of old matches and told her to go wild. I always knew she was a pyromaniac. You can tell by her eyes whenever she sees an open flame. David had the same look when he saw me in the schoolgirl outfit I wore to Mantis' costume party._

_September 14th: David has been unusually upset lately. He's been drinking straight from the bottle and he only does that when there's something wrong. I thought it would have only lasted one or two days, but he's been in a mood for the whole week. I just picked him up off of the floor and somehow managed to move him into his bed. What a role reversal. I wonder what he's upset about this time. Wait, I already know. If I mention it, I might begin to worry as well. We're all in for a rude awakening. It's inevitable. There's too much left to take care of. At least I'll be able to tell everyone that I was right all along. They should have listened to me at Ocelot's dinner party! Anyway, I have to be careful that I don't worry too much about this. I think we're all ready for whatever comes next. It looks like I'll have to introduce the nurses outfit at a more appropriate time._

_September 21st : The heater is broken again. I can't understand why David just doesn't replace it. He does have a surplus of space heaters, but whenever we use those there's always a short somewhere. This house gets impossibly cold. Thankfully, the water heater is separate from the main unit. I'll admit it's somewhat fun to watch David slink about the house with five blankets and a beanie on, though. Otacon says he almost looks like No Face from Spirited Away when he's wrapped up in those heavy covers. On that note, my army outfit finally arrived today. Those bastards billed my debit card for that months ago. It's still a good addition to my personal collection even if they sent me the wrong outfit. Just what am I going to do with an NBC uniform? That's the last time I order from a seller who can't spell Alaska._

_September 28th : I am going to kill Reece. I am going to get a piece of meat, lace it with poison, and feed it to him. I bet he'd stick his nose up at me and expect me to cut it up into little pieces and serve him by hand. That dog must die. He somehow managed to get on top of the kitchen table and eat a bowl of cookies I'd been steadily adding to over the morning that I had set there the moment I finished baking. I only left that bowl unattended for less than a minute and he still managed to ruin the whole batch. It makes me feel better to vent my frustrations like this because I couldn't actually get rid of that dog. I know Snake dislikes him just as much as I do, but I'd feel absolutely awful if he found the dog dead for whatever reason. This weeks addition to the collection is more cosplay. Apparently I look just like Etna. Of course I do. The skirt is short enough to make a man say yes to anything._

Snake smiled at the thought of Meryl killing Reece. It got him every time. He flipped forward and started reading about what happened after she had revealed her charade to him. The entries weren't quite as interesting so he quickly became distracted by her handwriting. He pressed his face against the page and examined how perfectly the ink bled into it with each stroke of the pen she was using. Snake could smell the lotion she put on her hands still embedded deep within the lined paper. On page twenty four he caught the faint scent of strawberries. Thirty had some cocoa cinnamon butter. He was fully aware that what he was doing wasn't normal, but he ignored his conscience.

He just had way too much time on his hands. The only other thing that kept him busy was his job at the _Praying Mantis. _His friendship with Terra hadn't changed or evolved and he was finally getting along with Naomi, which was good for his health. The only recent change to the working environment he'd grown so familiar with was the addition of Irving Washington, also known as Phuc Ngu. He'd been hired as Kyle's replacement after Kyle had been terminated. Kyle moved to Florida and tried to start a pressure washing business. Other than an obscure postcard bearing his name and covered in his own blood, they hadn't heard from him since he quit. Irving came by once a month to collect a set of documents that Mantis prepared himself.

Though the temptation was great, Snake knew better than to poke his nose into Mantis' business. His thoughts could be under surveillance at any given time of the day and Snake didn't want to take any risks with his boss. Allegedly the sealed black folder contained papers to keep the government away from the institution, but that was just an educated guess and Mantis wouldn't confirm or deny it. Everyone speculated on what else could be inside the mysterious folder during company outings at the ice cream parlor inside the _Shopety-Shop-Shop Mall _when Irving wasn't around and they were far removed from Mantis' mind probe. Sometimes this was tricky because Mantis could read minds up to a mile away thanks to a technique that involved remote viewing, but it didn't work quite as well as when he was within close proximity of his target. While on these socials, nobody could ever agree on anything when it came to discussing the documents other than working at that place was getting kind of boring, which didn't have anything to do with the topic at hand but they somehow always managed to wind up at that point.

Other than that, Raiden and Mei Ling were indeed a couple until Otacon spilled the beans to Rose. Snake still couldn't decide if that had been the right thing to do. Otacon's intentions certainly weren't honorable. Snake couldn't blame him. After all, Mei Ling had the Asian Persuasion and that was enough to stir up a sufficient amount of lust in anyone. Things didn't quite work out the way everyone had thought they would have. Snake figured that the affair had been Raiden's fault. Meryl couldn't agree with him more. Both of them were wrong. They experienced a brief separation due to personal reasons that they were not asked to share. Nobody had known anything was wrong. Raiden was seeing Mei Ling, but he had quickly grown tired of her proverbs. Apparently she was highly philosophical, which was a polite way of saying that she had a tendency to be argumentative. Raiden said that whenever they got into a conversation they somehow wound up debating some touchy subject at random. Neither of them had the same views. Raiden didn't think it was any different than being around Rose.

Their discussions weren't really abusive as they didn't wind up shouting at each other, but because neither of them could find common ground, they chose to break up. Raiden failed to get an Asian and Mei Ling had to look elsewhere for her bishounen. Apparently they hadn't been intimate. Otacon was ecstatic.

"Don't want others to know what you have done? Better not to have done it anyways." was what Mei Ling had to say about it.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." was what Raiden had to say about it.

"A bad wife spells a hundred years of bad harvest." was what Meryl had to say about it.

"I saw it coming." was what Mantis had to say about it.

Rose and Raiden decided to take relationship classes together to even out their rough edges for the sake of their kid. They also hired Mantis as a therapist. Apparently the word through FOX-PALS was that they were getting along just fine and Mei Ling wasn't going to date anyone for a while until her heart healed. Otacon was furious. It was around that time that he had taken to playing a particular computer game in favor of doing more productive things with his time. Snake hadn't seen Otacon in a month.

Whenever Snake called him to ask if he wanted to hang out, he'd be too busy trying to get a death staff. Apparently he needed more than thirty people above level sixty to even think about setting foot in the area where they dropped. Their friendship suffered slightly as a result of Otacon's newfound preoccupation. Otacon offered Snake a chance to play the game, but he politely declined, especially after seeing the effect it had on Otacon. They couldn't even understand what he was saying most of the time anymore, especially when they were chatting online.

Snake recalled what had been said the last time they spoke online before Otacon got offended and blocked him for a few days.

_SoapyGear: I just got my feral druid up to level 60 after my latest instance!_

_SnakeBeater: . . ._

_SoapyGear: What?_

_SnakeBeater: I just finished making out with Meryl in the shower._

_SoapyGear: I C Wut U Did Thar! Nice try, Snake. I know you don't kiss and tell._

_SnakeBeater: Usually. Somehow I find it highly acceptable given these circumstances._

_RedHeadInBed: It's true._

_SoapyGear:_**:(**

_**SoapyGear left the RevolverLovesLiquid85 room at 02:45 hours.**_

_RedHeadInBed: lawl_

Otacon didn't even like his anime anymore. The shows he'd cherished and defended so much before he got that game were suddenly boring and unoriginal. While it was true that every other anime series always had something reminiscent of a culture fest or baseball episode that was no reason to shun the collection he owned. On the plus side Snake got an indefinite lease on whatever show he borrowed from Otacon due to his preoccupation with his game. Aside from that, searching for the latest news on Metal Gear's wasn't a job Otacon was paid for so he quickly stopped contributing to the limited resources of Philanthropy. He had also become incapable of concentrating long enough to invent something useful because he was too busy planning the instance he could be running instead.

The only thing that had escaped his addiction was hacking because he could use it to his advantage while playing the game. Otacon was so damn lazy he bought his pizza's online and had the delivery boy throw them through an open window. If they managed to hit him with the box, they earned a five dollar tip. Raiden tossed a couple of feral stray cats and a dead guard through Otacon's only open portal to the outside world hoping it would upset him enough to get off the computer and come outside and yell at him, but Otacon sent him a rude text message instead. If Olga and Raven hadn't stopped him, Raiden would have thrown a chaff grenade inside the window and destroyed around twenty thousand dollars worth of electronics.

While all this was fine in its own demented fashion, Snake had become restless. He kept telling himself that life would become interesting again sometime soon. If it didn't, he was probably going to spend a lot of time alone with only his dogs and Meryl for company just like he had done back in his hermit days. Snake could only take so many drinking parties before they all seemed to run together. Movie parties were good until they got exaggerated. With all the commotion that had happened in the lives of those involved with the many Metal Gear escapades, perhaps it was time to finally relax.

Snake sighed and closed her journal. He remained seated in the dark underneath his box and several of her clothes that had been pulled out by Reece. It smelled like fresh linen and cardboard with a faint mixture of his sweat. Sometimes being in a box got a little hot, but he felt quite snug in his little fortress. A cup of hot cocoa would have made it so much better. He was about to doze off when he heard a couple of his dogs barking near the front entrance of the house. They usually did that when someone they knew entered his home. Luckily for him, his dogs didn't go on a tirade and throw a gigantic fit when this happened. A couple of barks was all they uttered before going back to their business, which usually included sleeping in spots they shouldn't, walking backwards on the ice outside, and having staring contests with one another.

The only other person who had a key to Snake's house was Meryl. She was currently downstairs, which would probably give him enough time to get out of the box and exfiltrate from her room before she came upstairs. Meryl didn't bother announcing her presence as the dogs had already accomplished that. Snake sighed in frustration and was about to unequip his box when he heard a stream of liquid raining down on it from above. He leaned forward and looked out the slit and noticed that Reece was urinating all over the top of his versatile shelter. Snake was so enraged that the only noises he could make were tiny clicks and frenzied grunts. He felt his face turn bright red as the stream of yellow fluid continued pouring down on him.

Reece was lucky that this was not one of his vintage boxes that he had acquired while on a mission. He kept those locked safely away in a room that only he was allowed to go into. He heard Meryl ascending the stairs. Whenever Meryl returned home from wherever it was that she had been, she carried her shoes to her room and returned her coat to her closet. Reece still hadn't stopped pissing and Snake didn't even dare to whisper. There was a possibility that Meryl could find him, and that would suck in a big way as he still had her journal.

She was fully aware that she had a box in her bedroom but what she didn't know was that Snake occasionally used it for the purpose he was fulfilling earlier. He called it the Meryl Box and treated it just like Meryl, since it essentially was a part of her. While he was rough with his other boxes, Snake was always gentle with this one. It had been in pristine condition before Reece had decided to defile it. The dog was still going strong and didn't show any signs of stopping. Perhaps this could work to Snake's advantage. Meryl would shoo out Reece before she checked her closet. That might give Snake enough time to escape. Either way he was cutting it really close.

**NEXT TIME : **How will Snake slither his way out of this one? I wonder. Stay tuned for a near fatal encounter with death and the heartbreaking disposal of the Meryl Box.


	2. A Harsh Reminder

**Chapter 2 : A Harsh Reminder.**

"Reece!" Meryl shouted.

Snake leaned forward very carefully and peered through the slit. Meryl was standing in the doorway covered in snow and completely shocked. Reece quit relieving himself long enough to change positions and do it again. Meryl groaned in frustration and grabbed the dog by the collar, hauling him quite forcefully out of the room while calling him names that he was far too familiar with. This didn't alleviate his bladder. He kept going while he was being dragged. When Meryl was far enough away, Snake slipped out of the box with the journal and flashlight in his inventory. He placed the light in his pocket and put Meryl's journal back where she kept it hidden, which was underneath her bed.

After arranging a couple of things that had fallen out of place the moment he had emerged from the box, Snake darted out of the room and stood in the middle of the upstairs hallway. He wondered what he should be pretending to be doing and could think of nothing. Was this not his house? He had business everywhere in it! Meanwhile, Meryl was physically throwing Reece headfirst into the shed. After that, she'd wander back upstairs to gather her dirty clothes.

Snake went for the room that contained his vintage cardboard boxes only to find that he didn't have the key to the room on him. He put his back up against the door, blinked, and broke away from it as if he had just been in there. His chest abruptly started hurting like he had the worst case of heartburn ever and he found himself short of breath. This usually happened when he ate too much greasy food and he made it a point to avoid doing so because he wasn't very fond of feeling anything remotely similar to a FOXDIE attack. Unfortunately for Snake, he had not had anything very greasy for breakfast. Before he could wonder if he had any Tums left, the pain intensified.

It felt like his heart had just exploded. His legs went numb and wouldn't allow him to stand so he collapsed to his knees and struggled to breath in air. All he could manage to get into his lungs were tiny bits of oxygen that weren't enough to properly sustain him. His heart felt heavier and pulsed like something tiny was floating around inside of it. It was excruciatingly painful, but Snake couldn't scream. His eyes bulged in terror when the enormity of the situation hit him. He might be dying and no amount of ducking behind corners and eating rations in the middle of the fight was going to save him. Even so, he knew he had to stay alive for the sake of those he knew.

If he could not manage that, he figured Meryl would take his passing the hardest. Nobody would be around to save Otacon from his computer. Ocelot wouldn't have anyone to argue with for a couple of weeks. Campbell didn't have anyone else he could lie to that would forgive him so easily, except for maybe his wife but that was beside the point. Raiden would have to find someone else to look up to. Reece would wind up getting euthanized because nobody else could take that dogs attitude so evenly. These people needed him and he needed them, although he'd never outright admit that. It would take something really heavy to make Snake miserable enough to curl up into a ball and hope death was gentle with him. His ability to see and hear became severally impaired, so he didn't notice when Meryl approached him.

"What are you doing?" Meryl demanded. "Did you leave your bandanna in my room again because you forgot to separate it when you were folding clothes? Honestly, Dave."

Somehow Snake managed to prop himself up against the wall as the attack continued to assault him. Meryl immediately became concerned. Snake tried his best to act as if he had been drinking. He didn't want Meryl to know that FOXDIE had finally activated if he could avoid it. Snake had figured that he had at least eight more years until the virus would become a real problem, but apparently he was wrong. All he could do now was exercise his will to survive.

"Hey, are you okay?" Meryl asked.

"I'm fine." Snake replied in a high squeak.

The fact that he was still alive at this point was a miracle. He'd outlasted Liquid by about thirty seconds so far. That probably wasn't anything to be proud of. Even if he did survive the attack there was bound to be some internal damage. The pain began to feel less intense. Just as quickly as FOXDIE began, it ended. Snake took a huge breath of air. Tiny purple dots danced in his vision and he felt faint. Meryl looked at him critically and sighed. Snake stood up slowly, noting how numb his entire body was. Meryl had her hands on her hips, obviously unconvinced and totally oblivious to the pain he'd just gone through. It was as though someone had torn into his chest and squashed his heart between their hands. As soon as he got the chance to do so, Snake was going to call Naomi. He'd have to do it when Meryl wasn't around because he didn't want her to worry about him. The best thing he could pull out of what had just happened was the fact that somehow it hadn't killed him. Shouldn't it have? Maybe he was too awesome to be taken down by FOXDIE or maybe he _thought _he was having an attack. That had to be it. At least that's what he was hoping for.

That still didn't change the fact that he was going to call Naomi and ask her about it. He would also politely request that she work on that new vaccine just a little quicker. Snake realized that his attack had been brought on by elevated stimulation. That seemed to be how it killed. Whenever someone got too excited about something, FOXDIE kicked in and dampened the mood. It all had something to do with the adrenaline level in the blood. Ocelot had been right about his assumption. That annoyed Snake to no end. He'd have to punch that man the next time he saw him.

"What's with you?" Meryl asked. "Did you just. . ."

Her eyes went wide with shock and her face twisted in anger at herself for not seeing what had been going on earlier.

"David, was that FOXDIE?" Meryl demanded.

"No, of course not." Snake replied, out of breath. "Tricked you."

"Tricked me?" Meryl asked.

"Yeah. Just like at your cousins wedding."

She didn't like that one bit. Snake was sure she was going to hit him, but she just seethed in rage like she loved to do.

"That is not very funny, David."

Oh, but it had been when he was just joking around. Campbell and Meryl had been miserable at that wedding. Her cousin was a real bitch. One time when Snake was stranded in a jungle for three weeks after a mission had gone bad, he made friends with a piece of wood after he had become delusional. That slab of rotting lumber had more of a personality than she did. He made sure to tell her that. It was Campbell who suggested that Snake fake FOXDIE. Meryl had fallen for it then, too. She was absolutely livid afterwards, but it had gotten them out of the wedding.

"I'm just practicing in case I ever have to fake my death in the field."

"That is not a viable combat technique."

"They said the same thing about a cardboard box."

Meryl could see that this was going nowhere and decided to change the subject.

"In any case, what were you doing inside my room?"

He could see by the look in her eye that she was concerned about her private things, as she should be.

"I was taking a nap."

"Where?"

"In the box." Snake said, pointing at it.

Meryl raised an eyebrow at him and nodded. Somehow it made complete sense.

"Snake. . ." Meryl said, highly concerned. "You slept inside a cardboard box?"

"Yeah. Have you ever tried it? You haven't spend much time sneaking around inside a box, have you?"

"If I did that, I'd be dead." Meryl said flatly. "You are the only person who could get away with something like that. No wonder you have problems with your back."

"I suppose you're right about that." Snake said.

Now that Meryl had mentioned it, Snake's back felt a little stiff. He arched his shoulders and put pressure on his lower back. The series of cracks that followed were painfully audible, causing Meryl to grit her teeth in disgust and soothe her own back with both of her hands. Snake returned his attention to Meryl's room. There was a huge mess on the carpet and most of her clothes would need to be washed. Then there was the Meryl Box. It had once been a beautiful creature, but now it was totally ruined. Snake couldn't bring himself to throw away any of his cardboard boxes, so he'd have to ask Meryl to do it for him. There was no point in letting the Meryl Box suffer.

Snake could see that Meryl was starting to see through his lies, so he needed to act quickly and get her attention on something else before she called him out.

"Meryl, I'll take care of your clothes. You take care of that spot on the floor."

"Wait, no way!" Meryl said in protest. "He's your dog!"

"Paper, rock, scissors?" Snake asked.

Meryl rolled her eyes.

"Fine. But you cook tonight regardless of who wins." Meryl blinked. "Wait, scratch that. I'm actually hungry today."

"Are you saying I can't cook?"

"You tend to think that raw is tasty and a good ration goes a long way. Sorry, but you're wrong."

"I'll clean up the puddle, then." Snake said. "But you. . .you have to burn the Meryl Box."

"Meryl Box?" she asked.

"You won't be able to get the smell out and she. . .she needs to be put out of her misery."

Meryl's mouth was agape in an expression of befuddled ignorance. She got along with Snake just fine, but sometimes the things he said and did were totally bizarre. Meryl would never fully understand his spiritual connection to cardboard boxes. It was far too pure for her knowledge. Snake walked over to the box and patted it gently, biting his bottom lip and holding back tears. He then exited the room and went to fetch a laundry basket and a can of carpet cleaner. Meryl still hadn't moved from her spot near the doorway as the shock of seeing Snake act so emotional around an inanimate object still hadn't left her. Snake entered his luxurious bathroom on the ground floor. A large durable basket was right beside the entrance with a bunch of dirty clothes already piled inside it. He carried it under one arm and opened the hall closet that was almost adjacent to the bathroom.

It was a walk-in closet the size of a tiny bedroom. Inside were towels, bathing supplies, and a bunch of chemicals most people would typically hide under their sink. Snake grabbed a washcloth and a can of liquid that would help erase the noxious smell of dog urine from Meryl's room and put the items in with the clothes. He then tossed the flashlight that had been in his pocket carelessly on the floor, promising himself that he would shelve it by category later. Meryl passed him on his way upstairs with the box in tow. Snake buried his face in the dirty laundry so he didn't have to see his little baby right before Meryl scorched it. He wanted to believe it was still in Meryl's room somewhere and one day he'd find it like he'd suddenly found Otacon's copy of Dark tucked behind his freezer where he had originally hidden it along with a can of ravioli to see if it was capable of spoiling food. It did.

Since Snake didn't think Otacon needed a hentai like that in his collection, he threw it away and told Otacon he'd lost it. He originally promised Otacon he was going to pay him back, but that was before Hal discovered how much time he could waste on his computer. The debt was forgotten, which worked out just fine for both of them. Snake entered Meryl's room and picked up all her clothes that had been within Reece's reach and put them in the basket. He then took the cleaning solvent and sprayed a large amount of its contents on the puddle and scrubbed the foam into the dirty carpet voraciously. This wasn't something he was used to as most of his dogs were polite enough to go outside when Snake let them out every four hours for a bathroom break.

Snake had read somewhere that when a dog pulls a Reece, it doesn't respect its owner. There wasn't all that much he could do about it other than think about how much he wanted to strangle Reece for being such a stupid mutt. Now all he needed to do was the laundry. After that, he could call Naomi while hiding in his house somewhere safe and discretely tell her what he had just gone through because if he were to shout and hurl derogatory terms at Naomi that dealt with how promiscuous she was it might attract Meryl's attention. Snake went downstairs and walked to the back of his house where there stood a single, solitary door. It was hidden even better than his shed. Most people didn't even think his house had one, but this door lead into a basement.

Nothing was down there except his laundry room, a ventilation system that heated and cooled the house, and a bunch of empty space. It was a fully finished basement with carpet, walls, and paint, but he didn't bother putting anything amazing down there. He preferred not to think about it at all because for some reason, the basement bothered him. It wasn't creepy, but it wasn't very homely. Snake thought it felt like a cave. With a heavy sigh he opened the door, flicked on the light, and walked down the steps. Everything in the basement was white. Even his washer and dryer. He figured that Meryl would try to redecorate it eventually, but he was wrong. Meryl let Snake keep his house the way he wanted. Only the room she slept in had a feminine touch to it. The rest of the house was clearly set up by a male who liked to keep things simple.

Snake could see his breath as he entered the laundry room. He finally had managed to fix the heater a couple weeks ago. It had been broken for almost two whole months, leaving his house at the mercy of the weather, which was always cold. Snake and Meryl managed to live with it. Running around Shadow Moses gave new meaning to the word freezing. Unfortunately, the heater still refused to work in the basement. That made it even more uncomfortable. The washer still had clothes in it that had been in there for a while. They weren't even moist anymore. Snake put them in the dryer anyway. He was glad Meryl hadn't found them like that. She gave him a lot of freedom, but when it came to keeping things clean and in order she asserted herself. Snake didn't mind as he was also a clean person. He was just lazy, as the washer clearly suggested. After he set everything up properly, Snake had both the washer and the dryer running. He noticed that his chest hurt whenever he breathed in the cold air, which made him even more eager to call Naomi.

"Snake!" Meryl called down to him from upstairs. "Naomi's on the phone. She wants to talk to you. She says its important."

Somewhere, a kitten died in the street. So did a shred of Snake's soul.

"How about that!" Snake shouted. "What a coincidence!"

By urgent Snake suspected that Naomi already knew about his little incident. After all, she made the virus so she probably had a very good idea of when it would begin to manifest in him. As this knowledge wasn't something he was prepared to have Meryl hear, Snake initiated the most impressive ten second scramble up a flight of basement stairs Meryl had ever seen, and she had been to some wild college parties while in high school before joining FOX-HOUND. She also lived with Solid Snake, which was another way of saying that she had become familiar with this sort of behavior.

**NEXT TIME : **An argument over the phone takes an unexpected turn. Liquid steals some of Naomi's panties. FOXDIE's secrets are revealed. A haunted flamethrower becomes a problem. All of the above and quite a lot more await you in the next chapter.


	3. You're Bad Luck

**Chapter 3 :** **You're Bad Luck.**

Snake intentionally made himself look stupid to keep Meryl's attention away from the phone. Once he arrived upstairs, he snatched the gadget away from her. Snake didn't bother talking to Naomi for now and instead kept his gaze locked on Meryl, who was growing more curious by the second as Snake was formulating some way he could get her out of the house so he could have his conversation with Naomi in private.

"You're acting weird today. Did you overdose on your meds like last time?" Meryl asked.

"Ever since I finished fixing that heater, I haven't had the need to take any diazepam." he informed her proudly.

"But you still use some of those anti-freezing peptides, don't you?"

"Sometimes when I'm cold at night." Snake admitted.

Meryl was obviously perturbed.

"You'd legally be a druggie if it weren't for those prescriptions Naomi keeps giving you. Besides, I thought you slept with five blankets."

"I'm very sensitive to the cold, Meryl. I prefer desert or jungle climates."

"Then how come you don't live in Arizona?"

"Because I'm partial to snow and you can't argue that the view in our backyard is very fetching."

"Our?" Meryl asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Might as well be considering how long you've been living here. Anyway, have you gotten rid of the Meryl Box yet?"

"I was going to ask you how you wanted me to dispose of her."

Snake swallowed hard when he saw the small twinkle in Meryl's eyes. He knew what she wanted him to say and it almost sickened him.

"You had better euthanize her using the quickest and most efficient way possible." Snake suggested. "It'd be the most humane course of action we could take."

"Of course. Are you sure it won't be painful?" Meryl asked, trying desperately to conceal her glee.

"Cardboard boxes only feel pain when they're neglected." Snake informed her. "They can easily be repaired if they incur any damage that isn't emotional and doesn't involve water."

"So fry her?" Meryl paraphrased, instantly regretting her choice of words. "I'm sorry. It slipped."

"I believe she would want to be cremated, just like me. That way it will be harder for people to try and make a copy of her. So yes, Meryl. You can use the flamethrower."

The flamethrower in question was not entirely legal for him to own, but Snake didn't bother listening to gun control laws. It was an antique from from World War II that came with a certificate of authenticity and a small blue card informing him that it had been used in the toasty disposal of twenty six Nazi's, one communist, and several small animals. It was monstrously heavy and kept outside in the garage away from his other weapons. His decision to not include the historical M2 in his gun cabinet or anywhere else in his house was influenced by a singular photo.

"Don't forget to wear a rosary." Snake said.

"I know, I know." Meryl assured him. "I'll take some holy water with me, too."

Snake felt that these precautions were absolutely necessary. Once he had received the abominable weapon from a private delivery company, he began posing in front of a digital camera while wearing it. He was curious to see how much it raised his bad ass factor. Immediately after his little private photo shoot, he paged through the pictures to view the results. Snake looked pretty good. So did the ghosts of twenty sixNazi's, one communist, several small animals, and Eva Braun. They were all waving at the camera in a friendly manner. One Nazi had both of his thumbs up in approval.

Knowing full well that it was haunted, he had initially kept it in his house. It made his dogs go positively ballistic. He also woke up in the middle of the night on several occasions to the sound of cats mewing underneath his bed and shadows walking down the hallway. His PTSD flashbacks were ten times worse, so he always shrugged it off and went back to sleep. It wasn't until he woke up one evening and smelled the indistinguishable scent of fresh honey and beerocks drifting from the kitchen that the circumstances changed. After getting up out of bed with two of his blankets wrapped around his body for warmth, he marched into the kitchen only to find that there wasn't any visible food. He could only smell what was being cooked. It was ghost food meant for ghosts. That was the final straw. They could drive his dogs nuts as much as they wanted to, but when those Nazi bastards decided to cook in his kitchen and not share their food, it was off to the garage with them.

It did not end there. Sometimes when Snake would wake up from a nightmare and wander outside to clear his mind, he would see a light on in the garage that never failed to shut itself off when he got too close. After a few shots of a bottle whiskey that was forty percent alcohol, he convinced himself to investigate the garage after the light had been shut off. Snake's garage was packed with stuff and the flamethrower hung from a hook in the far corner. He had managed to fit four cars into it. These vehicles included his Contour, 1954 Buick Hardtop, Land Range Rover, and Meryl's Dodge Neon SRT-4, which was completely out of place even with its durable snow tires. It took two performance tweaks to get her car to work on the roads around Snake's remote location. Snake's automobiles were nothing compared to the beasts Ocelot owned, though. He was constantly reminded of this by his jealousy. The smell of burning flesh was heavy where the flamethrower hung from its hook and the area around the weapon was extremely warm. The rest of the garage was as cold as a tomb.

Upon turning around to leave, he saw the charred corpses of two Nazi's lumbering toward him. He almost broke his leg trying to maneuver around the four vehicles. He had to pay for new cement to remove the footprints the things had left behind. Needless to say, Snake learned not to bother the ghosts and they didn't bother Snake. The rule seemed to be that he was to stay away whenever the light was on when it wasn't supposed to be. He made a peace offering by baking them some cinnamon sugar cookies. German folk music drifted from the garage that night and the next morning, the cookies were gone. The plate he had put them on had been badly burned. It took Snake two hours to move his cars as far away from the flamethrower as the remaining space in the garage would allow. Now he couldn't get in from the side. After that little adjustment, everything returned to normal. As for what Meryl thought of it, she believed him. Meryl had seen some of the photograph's Snake had taken during the Shadow Moses incident that contained the faint images of several ghosts and the surprised faces of several guards he had snuck up on. The evidence was clearly there.

But the flamethrower's influence wasn't limited to the garage. Whenever Snake wore it he smelled perfume and thought in German. That was as far as the possession went, though. Meryl, on the other hand, didn't have any problems at all with the weapon and had developed a rather odd affinity toward the monstrosity. Snake usually limited his use of the flamethrower to recreational activities, such as melting snow and scaring off moose's. Unwanted visitors also took the hint really well when he lumbered toward them with it on. He still didn't know how the Girl Scouts and several other volunteer organizations found where he lived.

"David!" Meryl shouted.

Snake snapped out of his flashback and shook his head to clear his mind of the fog.

"You're spacing out again. You do that a lot."

"It's how I keep track of where I'm at now."

"You know, I'm aware that boxes mean a lot to you, but I don't think I'll ever be able to understand your obsession with them."

"People put their memories into more than just a photo album, Meryl."

"I guess there's plenty of space for them in a box."

"Hey, those things are sacred and you know how I feel about it when you get on my back about them. Honestly, Meryl. One of them just died! I can't explain why I love them so much. Perhaps the emotion is just too pure to be put in words!"

"I wasn't complaining, I was just thinking out loud." she sighed. "Why must we bicker?"

"We're in love." Snake joked.

"Yes, that's got to be it." Meryl said, nodding in agreement. "Anyway, when I'm finished putting your box to rest, would you like me to collect the ashes in a jar?"

"No, it isn't a box from any of my previous missions. It's terrible of me to say this, but the box isn't that important to me."

"I was joking."

"I wasn't."

Meryl blinked and slowly backed away from Snake until she put what she considered to be a safe enough distance between herself and him. She then turned around and headed out the back door on her way to the garage. Snake opened up his inventory and pressed O. As he already had the item in his hand, he used it immediately after closing his inventory once he finished checking to see if he had any smokes on him. He didn't. They were still probably lying next to his bed, spinning around and presenting a potential hazard with its sharp corners to his overly curious dogs. The cutscene was triggered without the interruption of one of those pesky disc read errors. Snake hated those.

"Hello?" Snake asked. "Are you still there, Naomi?"

"What's a Meryl Box?" Naomi demanded.

"Just forget about it. Why did you call me, as if I already didn't know?" Snake said, changing his tone now that Meryl was outside.

"Snake, I don't quite know how to say this properly so I'll just be blunt with you."

"I know, Naomi. I just got done dealing with it!"

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb." Snake lowered his voice substantially. "This is about FOXDIE, isn't it?"

He quickly checked to see how Meryl was doing, even though she had just left. Meryl had already managed to equip the flamethrower in her energetic glee and was leaving the Meryl Box smoldering in the drive way while she torched a few snowmen she had built earlier. Snake grimaced. The fuel that thing ran on cost a lot of money for her to just be messing around with it. So long as it kept her outside of the house, he couldn't complain. Naomi wasn't responding, but Snake figured he could give her enough slack to compose herself enough to tell him he was dying.

"You knew today would be the day, didn't you?" Snake asked. "I can't blame you for trying to hide it, but you could have at least given me a weeks notice so I could have stocked up on Bayer aspirin!"

"No, it's not about that. The reason I called you was because Big Boss is in town and we think he's looking for you."

"You mean this has nothing to do with that virus you infected me with?"

"Not at all. Why? Did something happen?"

Snake felt his face turn red in frustration as he began breathing heavily.

"Yes, I had a FOXDIE attack today. At least that's what I think it was. It sure as hell didn't feel like anything else!" Snake explained in a hurried whisper.

"Well, that's just great. As if you didn't have enough to worry about."

"Big Boss is in town?" Snake shouted, the enormity of the problem suddenly hitting him. "That's impossible! He's supposed to be dead! I thought that file Campbell gave me was a stupid prank."

"Why would he joke about something like that?" Naomi asked.

"You know how he is." Snake said, exasperated. "He's supposed to lie about stuff and then apologize for it later so you'll let him get off easy!"

"I guess you really can't tell with him, can you?"

"I suppose not. Damn! But what about my problem?"

"Which one?"

"What do you mean which one? You know damn well which problem I'm referring to!"

"Humor me, you currently have several."

"I will gladly set Big Boss on fire again and roast hot dogs over his burning husk while he's dying. No problem. FOXDIE, however, is a different matter entirely."

There was a click on the line as someone lifted their finger off the receiver to participate in the conversation audibly.

"That's good to hear." a familiar voice said.

Snake narrowed his eyes.

"I should have known you were behind this, colonel." Snake sneered.

"That's no way to treat an old war buddy, Snake."

"Buddy? I can hardly believe I'm still friends with you after all you've put me through. I know what you're up to. What do you want me to do about Big Boss?"

"For now, I just want you to be aware that Big Boss is back and that if he's not in a base somewhere now, then he's planning on being in a base sometime soon. You should call me if he comes knocking."

Campbell didn't sound very happy. In fact, he seemed quite sick. His disappointment with himself for using Snake was clearly evident in his voice, but he'd get over it.

"Says who, Colonel?"

"The kind of people who will use you until you're dead if you're the best in your field." Campbell simply said.

"Wait, what?" Naomi said suddenly. "You had a FOXDIE attack?"

"Yes!" Snake said irritably, raising his voice. "Did you not hear me the first time, you stupid ditz?"

"I did." Campbell admitted with a sigh. "I've been listening in the entire time. Weren't you working on a cure, Naomi?"

"I'm still looking into it. FOXDIE was not meant to be cured after it is administered into the body. The only way to be immune to it is to have your DNA sequence exempt from its coding the very second it becomes airborne. After that, it disguises itself in the victims body. Your immune system does not know that it has been invaded by a virus. Even if the immune system did recognize it, FOXDIE can usually breed ahead of what can be destroyed. I am currently working on two solutions. The first effectively stops a heart attack from happening completely."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"No way."

"The serum helps the heart work around the attack. It must be injected into the jugular vein or directly into the heart itself. It does nothing more than that so it cannot be substituted as a cure. I would say it is more of a preventative measure. You may think of it as a crash cart. I have the materials on hand to make this serum."

"That's right. You've got your own little lab in your basement." Campbell said.

"Way to keep ahead of Alzheimer's, Colonel." Snake joked. "Continue, Naomi."

"It's possible that a new nanomachine colony within your body could kill FOXDIE, but that's only theory. Nanomachine colonies aren't things you can easily make. If one could be constructed, it might be able to kill FOXDIE completely or at the very least prevent it from ever becoming active."

"Okay." Snake said, starting to feel a little lost. "I don't like biology and FOXDIE has certainly taken its time to activate, Naomi. Why?" Snake said.

"I. . .as you already know, you were injected with it as a part of the Shadow Moses incident. I could have programmed it to kill you within a week, but I set it for longer. . .so I knew you would suffer."

"That wasn't one of your better decisions, was it?" Snake asked.

"No, but I'm prepared to take responsibility for my actions. I will cure you, Snake."

"So why am I not dead now? From what I saw, FOXDIE doesn't joke around."

Naomi paused for a moment to reflect.

"You should indeed be dead now. FOXDIE has probably mutated. I will need blood samples from you to determine what went wrong."

"I think I'm going to throw up." Snake said.

"I already did!" Liquid shouted.

Everyone was struck silent by his sudden appearance.

"How the hell did you get on this line, Liquid?" Snake asked.

"Easy. I'm at Naomi's place right now. You want to know why? Take a bloody guess, you twat!"

"You're in my house?" Naomi asked, totally startled. "Where?"

"Turn around." Liquid instructed.

"Yikes!" Naomi gasped over the line.

Snake could only imagine Liquid poking his head into whatever room Naomi was currently in and the look on her face as a result of the surprise.

"Why are you holding a sack full of my panties?"

"I don't answer rhetorical questions. It's a good thing you have more than one phone." Liquid remarked.

"So you're having some problems with FOXDIE too, huh?" Roy asked.

"Yes. I had an attack just today and Ocelot was as pissed as a wet hornet. He tried cutting off the hand I depend on immediately after we recovered from the attack. I wouldn't have any of that! He did give me a rather nasty gash across my thumb with the butcher knife he was using just before I finally took control of this withered shell he dares to call a body. I sewed it up but I haven't been able to get it to work right and it hurts worse than jumping on a bicycle without a seat and I say that because unlike everyone else, I've actually done so."

"But I thought Ocelot received the FOXDIE vaccine prior to the Twin Snakes. . .I mean Shadow Moses incident." Roy said.

"He did, which effectively made him immune to the virus. However, adding a part of me to his body probably wasn't the best idea because Snake still carries FOXDIE. I'm guessing I caught the damn thing again when I was around Snake for a while _through _Ocelot. My DNA has mixed with his to the point where the vaccine was rendered useless. It sounds bizarre, but then again nothing is really normal in our sick little universe, is it?" Liquid explained.

"Man, it's not a joke when you mess around with genetics." Roy muttered.

"No kidding!" Liquid snapped. "Speaking of uncertainty, why do the color of your eyes keep changing, Snake?"

"They do what?" Snake asked, completely confused.

"Calm down, everyone. This is a problem we can all find some way to deal with, I promise. Although I must admit I didn't expect you to be in any trouble, Liquid. After all, you're just a hand. I'd have to run some tests to be absolutely certain because if I remember correctly, Ocelot does have a slight heart condition. With as much spaghetti as he eats, it's no surprise. Or was that Raven? I can't remember, I'd have to see the files again."

"I think I can get you those. Possibly." Roy said.

"Too bad I didn't get your bloody note, doctor." Liquid pouted. "Damn it, this sucks! You're not supposed to be killed by the same virus twice! Not twice!"

"Liquid, she said it might be Ocelot's heart. Weren't you listening?" Snake asked.

"What, do you expect me to accept a possibility as opposed to my own reasoning?" Liquid exclaimed.

"Fine, go ahead and worry."

"Look, this is all getting way too emotional. Everyone take a breather." Campbell instructed.

They all took deep breath and held it collectively for ten seconds until they exhaled all at once. Even though Meryl was still outside, Snake didn't feel like taking any chances. He quickly ran into his room, where he closed the door behind himself and locked it. Meryl was good about leaving him alone whenever he retreated to his hole because she respected his privacy. It wasn't too surprising that they usually got along well because of this. Snake upped the security of the conversation by running into his walk-in closet. His dog Dayne was sleeping underneath his expensive tuxedo's. Snake's dogs were literally all over his house at times when they weren't in their shed. He sat down next to Dayne with his back against the wall and began petting the dog as doing so had always managed to make him feel comfortable.

He noticed that a handkerchief Sniper Wolf had knitted for him had somehow found itself on the floor where his dogs could potentially get at it. She was always passing out those damn things like it was Christmas all year round. On one of the many she had given to Snake she had taken the liberty of sewing his code name near a corner and adding a tiny little Metal Gear right beside it. Wolf had used the original TX-55 model for nostalgic value, which Snake appreciated. This was the one that currently had been carelessly placed on the floor. Whenever he looked at it, Snake was magically brought back to the days where he could crawl around a ventilation shaft without suddenly developing a horrible cramp in his back. He never used it and kept it inside of his expansive closet near the top shelf where his dogs couldn't reach it if they suddenly felt like messing up the place.

Meryl had almost burned it twice because it made her insanely jealous. It didn't take Snake long to realize that so he asked Wolf to make a special one for Meryl. The one she received was bright red and had a purple bra sewn smack dab in the middle of the cloth. Meryl took this as an insult and allowed Dayne to play with it, which involved him tearing the thing into tiny pieces and trotting off shortly thereafter as if nothing had happened. Meryl must have been the one who tossed it on the floor, although she would deny responsibility as it was in her blood to do so. Sighing, Snake picked it up and placed it out of harms way.

**NEXT TIME : **The crisis is well underway, but things will only get worse from here. An arrangement is made and a date at Snake's house is set. Naomi gathers up her cure and finds someone with a vehicle capable of traversing the dangerous terrain around Snake's natural habitat. Campbell comes along as well. Who do they ask for a ride? I wonder. Find out next week during the significantly longer upcoming chapter.


	4. Loose Ends

**Chapter 4 : Loose Ends.**

"Okay, let's start round two." Snake said, initiating the argument.

"Ding." Campbell said, impersonating a bell in a boxing ring.

"For now we are going to have to stall for time. Snake, you will have to use the serum. It should keep you alive long enough for me to make a real genuine cure."

"What about me?" Liquid demanded.

"Don't worry, you can have some, too. I'll share." Snake said.

"There's a catch, though." Naomi said.

"There's always a catch! You have sex for fun, you get a baby. You buy a used car for cheap, the air conditioner doesn't work. You play one video game, it plays exactly like another video game." Liquid retorted.

"Liquid, will you please stop complaining?" Roy asked. "Honestly. You're like my niece."

"Meryl?" Liquid asked.

"No, the other one. Snake knows who I'm talking about."

"Oh, god." Snake muttered. "Spare me."

"Besides, Liquid. . .Meryl is actually my daughter."

"Say what? When did this Christmas card go out?" Liquid shouted in disgusted disbelief.

"Everyone shut up for a second and listen to me!" Naomi demanded. "The catch is that you are still having heart attacks. Like I said, this is not a substitution. Cholesterol and many of the other factors that normally cause heart attacks will still be present. The heart can only withstand so many attacks before it will completely shut down even with the aid of the serum. After all, it's only meant to be used once. Anyone who experiences a heart attack will obviously seek additional treatment."

"Naomi, this sounds somewhat like Mend." Snake commented.

"It should. They're related and I developed both of them." Naomi said. "Keep that to yourselves, though. There are people out there who don't want us living long enough to cash in on retirement, especially in this day and age when overpopulation is starting to become a real concern. It's enough that I'm still alive and this formula is on the market thanks in no small part to several colleagues I have and certain Internet image boards."

"Is there any way to prevent a FOXDIE attack before it happens without having to use that damn serum?" Snake asked. "I had my little encounter with this beast when I was excited."

"Me too." Liquid said.

"I wonder what both of you were doing." Roy joked.

"Do you think your keen wit deserves a cigar, colonel?" Liquid asked.

"Is your sarcasm worthy of some scones drenched in honey and a spot of tea with the admiral?" Roy countered.

"I'm afraid there is no real way to prevent a FOXDIE attack. Since it hides itself, your immune system has no real way of knowing what's going on, which is the major problem here. That doesn't mean you shouldn't be working to keep yourself healthy, though. If you keep your heart strong you will undoubtedly last longer than someone who doesn't." Naomi interjected quickly, cutting off the fight before it could begin.

Snake felt slightly relieved after hearing that. Exercise was part of his daily routine. If it weren't for advanced aging, the only other thing he needed to do was quit smoking, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon.

"Ocelot has a mother load of protein tablets and Vitamin E supplements. Will those help?" Liquid asked eagerly.

"They should, but I can't say for sure."

"I could hardly tell there was anything wrong with him on the inside just by looking at him." Roy said in puzzled bewilderment.

Everyone fell silent. Roy reflected on what he had just said and suddenly felt very stupid.

"You have no idea how annoying this is." Liquid said darkly. "I have to tell him to take his medicine because he always puts it off. He never learns. It's only when I possess him that he finally gets the supplements this body needs."

"Well, we're not going to get anything done by just playing telephone all day long. I'm going to drive to Snake's house right now with a month's worth of my best solution. Liquid, you can come as well."

"I don't know about that. The roads out here have been pretty bad lately. You're going to need a vehicle built purely for rough terrain." Snake advised.

"Ocelot has that covered." Liquid said. "So Naomi and Roy should meet up at my place. . .Ocelot's place as soon as they can and then we'll go from there."

"I'll also brief you more on that situation we were talking about earlier when I arrive, Snake." Roy said.

"Hey, guys!" Raiden boomed over the telephone.

"What in the name of the queen? How the hell did you get on this line?" Liquid demanded.

"I'm in Campbell's house."

"Where?" Campbell asked.

"Right over here."

"Yikes!"

The same image that had played out in Snake's mind earlier repeated itself with a different set of people.

"Are we all going to a party?" Raiden asked.

"No, this is pretty much a business call and we're just about to finish up." Snake said. "Sorry."

"Shucks!" Raiden said.

"Why are you at Campbell's house?" Liquid asked.

"What, are you kidding me? Roy's awesome! I came by to shoot the breeze with him for a couple of minutes and drop off a couple of things I borrowed."

"Tell Rose I said hi." Naomi requested.

"Will do. Snake, are you still on schedule to be at Raven's board game party next week? He asked me to ask you because he doesn't have a phone right now. Again."

Snake's eye twitched.

"Maybe, so long as we're not playing Catan again."

"I'm bringing Scrabble and Clue. Otacon says he's got two Mahjong cases. There should be more variety this time." Raiden said.

"Well, I'll let you know." Snake said.

"Awesome! In that case, I'm off the line." Raiden said before hanging up.

"Don't invite Raiden over, okay? He is not a part of this." Snake said.

"That goes without saying. Does anyone remember how to get to Snake's house?" Naomi asked.

"What, you're telling me that you're the only person who doesn't know where I live? Campbell, you're slacking. For shame." Snake admonished.

"I can't remember how to get there." Roy asked.

"Neither can I. It's confusing." Liquid added.

"It's supposed to be. Normally I'm not comfortable with giving my address away but if Jehovah's Witnesses can find me I'm sure Big Boss can as well, so listen carefully."

Snake explained how to get to his place. It was fairly complicated, but Campbell specialized in navigation. Naomi and Liquid could rely on him to actually pay attention to what Snake was saying since they tuned him out.

"Got it. Okay, we're ready to go. We will see you when we get there." Campbell said.

"Call me if you get lost. I'll be waiting." Snake said.

Snake ended the call. His thoughts were immediately plagued by Big Boss. He always knew that if Big Boss was still alive after their last encounter they'd wind up seeing each other again at some point in the future. That was just how fate worked. Whether or not his visit would be friendly remained to be seen, but Snake didn't think his father and former commanding officer would be happy to see him after their last little political squabble was settled with fire and a feisty can of aerosol. For all intents and purposes that should have been enough to kill Big Boss right there. At the time Snake hadn't been thinking about clones or how he should have emptied a clip into the body before burning it to ashes. He didn't have a reason to take that course of action.

If they needed to discuss their differences in ideology again, Snake hoped it'd be on a rickety catwalk covered in oil while molten iron bubbled directly beneath them so when Big Boss fell into the pool there would be absolutely nothing left of him to salvage. It was because of this that Snake wanted to be cremated and have his ashes ejected into space beyond the orbit of the Earth or dissolved in the Pacific Ocean.

All Snake could do now was wait. He still couldn't decide whether or not to tell Meryl about these new developments in his life. She'd find out about FOXDIE soon enough when Naomi came by with her elixirs. This was shaping up to be a really bad day and things didn't look like they were going to get any better. For now all he could do was occupy his time by engaging in whatever hobby he felt inclined to waste his time with until Campbell and crew arrived.

Snake stood up, retrieved a special key from its hiding place, and walked out of the closet, leaving Dayne where he found him. He unlocked his bedroom door and stalked heavily toward the staircase leading upstairs. On his way there he passed Meryl in the living room, who noticed Snake's gritty demeanor and knew without having to ask that something was wrong. Getting that ugly nugget out of him would be harder than chewing on twenty pieces of toffee all at once without losing any teeth. Being sexy never seemed to help when it came to this sort of problem. That limited her options. If Snake didn't want to share something, no method of persuasion was going to sway him to part with it. She rarely saw him like this. When she did, he didn't look quite as bad. Perhaps this was a new level of misery for him.

Meryl didn't believe trying to get him to talk would do any good, but she felt like giving it a shot just to be supportive.

"Are you okay?" Meryl asked.

"I'm fine." Snake said.

Well, that was that. Snake hadn't looked in the mirror recently, but he could ponder a guess that he didn't look too good and Meryl had finally taken notice of it. His FOXDIE attack probably hadn't been severe enough to visibly show what he had experienced, but that didn't hinder the fact that he had gone through a heart attack.

"What was that phone call about?" she asked.

"Business." Snake answered as he placed the phone back in its receiver. At least it wasn't totally a lie. "It involves both of us. Nothing entirely too serious, though. I have to get in the right state of mind before Naomi arrives with Campbell and Ocelot. You know what to do. If not, there are instructions in the bathroom."

That wasn't the whole story and he didn't bother elaborating. She sighed and continued reading _Lucid Dreams _by Celia Green_, _hoping that Snake could continue to solve his problems by himself like he usually preferred to do. Since there would be visitors over she decided to prepare some food for them as soon as she finished the chapter she was on. Meanwhile, Snake went upstairs and unlocked the door that lead into the room he put all his favorite cardboard boxes in.

There were no windows in the room as what happened here was extremely private. Snake checked to make sure the moisture was at an acceptable level and adjusted the lighting to an ambient setting. He then carefully walked over to a powerful stereo system and placed a CD labeled 'desert noises' into the polished player. The sound of wind sweeping across the sand in the middle of a summer night flooded the room. Snake then quickly dove under the box he had taken from Zanzibar and began to sweat.

**X**

Roy drove Naomi to Ocelot's house shortly after picking her up. The case she had packed her serum in had been built in such a way that outside interference couldn't disturb its contents. That didn't stop her from protectively cradling it against her bosom as Campbell's Oldsmobile struggled to conquer the snow. His wife was out with the Lexus at her weekly book club meeting discussing the plight of chivalry and he wasn't allowed to use the SUV. Very few people were out on the road, but this was par for the course and it was already getting dark outside. Campbell got stuck inches away from Ocelot's driveway and had to shove the vehicle up the snow covered incline and off to the side so it wasn't blocking the garage exit. It got caught on another lump of snow and refused to move further. Campbell decided to leave it as it was, hoping that the snow would melt by the time he got back. They approached Ocelot's front doorstep. Naomi carried the fashionable briefcase along with her. Ocelot answered the door immediately. He had apparently been waiting for them. The old man looked extremely unhealthy. His skin had a grayish tint to it and his eyes were sunken in. This suggested that his attack had been particularly damaging. The totality of Ocelot's pleasure with his current circumstance was evident in his demeanor, which suggested that he was clearly looking for something to shoot.

Campbell noted that he even had his Single Action Army out, which he was constantly twirling with his left hand in an effort to relax himself. It was a shame that Ocelot's ailment wasn't something he could just run to the hospital and receive treatment for. Besides, Ocelot didn't trust hospitals anymore after his little brush with the _Boo-Boo-Fixie Hospital, _which he still hadn't managed to get condemned. He was dressed the exact same way he had been during the tanker incident, which lead Roy to wonder if he ever changed clothes.

"Wait in the living room and please don't touch anything. I need to find the keys to the Shagohod because Liquid organizes just about as effectively as he masturbates."

Ocelot walked off muttering darkly to himself. They assumed the Shagohod was his vehicle. Roy and Naomi found some spots to sit in and patiently waited as Ocelot tore through his house looking for the set of keys his partner had misplaced. Ocelot's living room hadn't changed all that much from the time Roy had been over for dinner. His plasma TV was currently displaying pictures he had deemed worthy enough to grace his television screen. Naomi grimaced and found the remote and quickly backed out of the Rio Natsume folder. Now that there wasn't anything exciting to look at, Campbell turned his attention to what else had changed in Ocelot's living room. The clock was still in the corner, as was Ocelot's favorite chair with the bull horns. A skull from an ox was still on the front table and his bookcase lined with DVD's looked quite nice alongside the polished iron maiden.

Roy did a double take. The iron maiden was a new one.

"Naomi. Look in the corner next to the bookcase." Roy whispered.

"Where the hell are those damn keys?" Ocelot shouted from down the hall.

A resounding crash reverberated throughout the house as Ocelot began swearing in Russian. A bowling ball came rolling down the hallway and stopped next to the table leg. It glowed briefly after striking the wooden barrier. Naomi blinked and followed Roy's directions. Surely enough, she too spotted the ancient torture device. They looked at each other worriedly, wondering if someone was currently inside the chamber. The dull thud that followed confirmed their suspicions. Meanwhile, Ocelot had gone into the kitchen so he could get to the basement. Four tarantula's crawled out from the same hallway the bowling ball had rolled down and began to take residence elsewhere. Campbell had never taken Ocelot for much of a pet lover. Then again, he hadn't been given a full tour of Ocelot's house.

Ocelot slammed the basement door behind him and stomped down the steps, giving the two a chance to explore and possibly save the victim who was trapped inside the maiden. The iron maiden was a particularly brutal device that kept its victim impaled and unable to move until they eventually died, which could take quite a while. One could easily open the door and check on the occupant without having to worry about a possible escape attempt. Roy highly doubted that Ocelot's was equipped with spikes if he was intending to use it properly because the lavishly decorated carpet it sat on would lose all of its splendor if it happened to be stained by blood.

"Should we open it?" Naomi whispered.

"What kind of a stupid damn question is that? Hell yes, we open it!" Roy shot back.

"I thought there were no stupid questions." Naomi whimpered submissively.

"Obviously you haven't spent enough time with Snake on the CODEC."

"That's mean."

"You're right. I apologize. Look, let's just get that person out of there before numb nuts gets back." Roy explained hurriedly.

He grabbed a handle on the right side and pulled the device open. Inside was a woman clad only in a sports bra and thong that didn't match. A thick black sack was placed over her head. A tiny hole was cut out of the sack around the mouth, guaranteeing that she had been struggling to breathe. A pungent smell of sweat polluted the fresh air of the living room. The woman had been strapped to the inside of the iron maiden with several metal braces around all of her joints. There was no possible way she could move. The brace around her neck must have been slightly loose if she had managed to bang her head against the back of the maiden. Roy quickly removed the bag off of her head and gasped in surprise at the icy blue eyes that stared back at him. He noticed that she had been gagged and pulled the piece of tape off of her mouth and removed the two socks that had been covered with mentholated topical creme Ocelot had stuffed inside the opening before addressing her formally.

"Olga?" Roy asked.

"Get me out of here!" Olga demanded.

"Forget it! Your body is strapped down tight!" Ocelot said as he marched into the room with a ring that held about twenty five keys.

"Back so soon?" Campbell asked.

"Yeah, I figure the key might be somewhere on this ring." Ocelot said, rattling the keys for emphasis. "If they're not, I know who's wrists I'm going to slash to bleed out the angst my tender heart will incur as a result of the mistake."

"What's Olga doing in there?" Naomi asked sharply.

"Don't worry about her. She'll get out just as soon as she can she can tell me why kids love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch."

"Not another one of these games!" Olga yelled. "It's because of the cinnamon swirls in ever bite. Kids love sugar, it gives them an excuse to misbehave and spam the Internet!"

Ocelot considered her answer as Naomi and Campbell waited in stunned silence.

"Okay, I'll give you that one, but only because I have guests. Now who are you going to give your last Rolo to?"

"What?" she shouted in disbelief. "You're not done with me yet? I've answered twenty five of those stupid questions over the course of two days without food or water, starting out with what I would do for a Klondike bar, to which I said nothing because I hate chocolate! Haven't I suffered enough?"

"You're asking me?" Ocelot asked, visibly shaken that she had dared to pose that query.

"Is this your hobby?" Noami demanded.

"Oh, of course not!" Ocelot said sarcastically. "It's just part of a new decorating scheme I've bought into. I call it boredom."

"So you would also justify sticking two kids in your basement as boredom as well?"

"Woman, don't make me get the Judas seat." Ocelot warned.

"Ocelot, what's this about those kids?" Roy demanded.

"Hey, what about me?" Olga asked. "Are you listening? Free me first!"

Olga began frantically trying to break free of her braces as the attention had been taken off of her and placed on the children Ocelot presumably held hostage somewhere inside his house. Without having to be asked, Ocelot launched his defense.

"They came to my house earlier this morning and asked me where Gastric Cobra was. I assumed they were referring to Solid Snake so I told them that I didn't know what they were talking about and that they should get lost, but they broke into my house, handcuffed themselves to a set of pipes in my basement, and are refusing to leave until I tell them about Snake. I can't decide whether or not to call the police or wait until they want to go home. There is something definitely off about them."

"So you do know who the one was who made us as we are!" a voice exclaimed in broken grammar.

Two kids emerged from the kitchen after coming up through the basement. Naomi recognized them immediately as Drake and Kyoko. They were two children who were at the _Praying Mantis _so much that their respective parents had begun to believe that their visitations would most likely be permanent. Psycho Mantis even began giving them coupons to subsidize the enormous amount of money they were spending on their therapy. How exactly they had snapped was a mystery that had never been solved because they described the event rather poorly. Witnesses said they were shot at by a madman wielding a sniper rifle who was never apprehended. The identity of this individual remained unknown and Naomi hadn't ever bothered to think about it too much until Tera had mentioned to her that Snake might have been connected to them as they seemed to recognize him and even distinguished him as another person, which they never did to anyone else.

It was then that she began to consider some highly frightening implications that she kept to herself in an effort to protect Snake's identity because she didn't want to believe that he had done such a thing without having a direct way to prove it. The wrists of the children were covered in blood as they seemed to have wiggled out of the cuffs the hard way. Ocelot grimaced and hauled them both by their hair into the kitchen before they stained his carpet. Drake and Kyoko provided no resistance to this act of abuse. Naomi and Campbell followed Ocelot into the kitchen as Olga continued to squirm in her restraints, screaming in aggravation at how bleak her situation seemed.

"Behold, we were correct. He is indeed the Gatekeeper!" Kyoko proclaimed, pointing at the ring of keys Ocelot was holding.

"How heavily medicated are you two?" Ocelot asked, hiding his keys behind his back.

"The Gatekeeper will fulfill our calling if we are unable to do so." Drake said solemnly.

They rubbed their bloodied limbs all over their clothing in a way that seemed to convey admiration for Ocelot's status of superiority.

"I'll take that as an indication that neither of you will ever be able to enjoy alcohol." Ocelot mused. "Hey, wait a second. I thought you had keys to those handcuffs."

"A minor oversight, Gatekeeper. Do not bother yourself with the evidence of our determination." Kyoko requested.

"Kyo. . ." Naomi said, kneeling down in front of the Asian girl. "Do you remember me? It's Ms. Hunter."

Naomi suddenly felt it was her duty to protect the children and get them back to their parents before the situation got any worse. She had worked with them before, but she was unable to do any better than the eight licensed professionals they had seen. Still, letting them go on like this was inhumane so she had to try.

"Wench, I do not acknowledge anyone other than the Gatekeeper, Rhapasadamensie, Drake, and Slimy Python."

"I thought it was Gastric Cobra." Ocelot said.

Kyoko grabbed her eyebrow and tore off half of it in one vicious yank.

"Gatekeeper, please do not make me abuse myself on behalf of your ignorance. We both know that Raccoon Anaconda changes his identity every time his name is mentioned."

"Kyo, where's your doll?" Naomi asked, trying to alleviate her mood.

"Rhapasadamensie?" Kyo asked calmly, looking Naomi directly in the eyes.

"Is that the one you always carry around with you at the clinic?"

"She was slaughtered to allow her spirit to manifest as a guardian deity." Kyoko explained. "Neither Drake nor I have use for any excess luggage. Rhapasadamensie knew that, which is why we cut her apart with knives and ate her body before coming here so that we might possess what little power her physical form contained."

"Hold on, just a second." Ocelot urged. "Just hold everything for one moment."

"As you wish, Gatekeeper." Drake and Kyoko said in unison.

Ocelot ran over to Media Center and accessed his music library. While his jukebox was still in the kitchen, it didn't have the particular song he was looking for. Ocelot found his desired tune quickly and played it with the volume cranked up loud enough for everyone to hear it. The first half of Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield began playing as Ocelot trotted back into his kitchen sporting a huge grin.

"Now explain that part about Rhapa-Glycogen again, or whatever the hell its name was."

"Certainly." Kyoko said. " She was slaughtered. . ."

"Kyo, do you remember what we talked about? You need to stop this." Naomi interrupt kindly.

She gave Naomi a demonic look and punched herself hard enough in the face to make her nose bleed.

"Do not interrupt me while I am addressing the Gatekeeper!" Kyoko spat, ensuring she got some blood on Naomi's face. She then faced Ocelot. "She was slaughtered to allow her spirit to manifest as a guardian deity. Neither Drake nor I have use for any excess luggage. Rhapasadamensie knew that, which is why we cut her apart with knives and ate her body before coming here so that we might possess what little power her physical form contained." Kyoko repeated.

"Ocelot, tell them to stop! They'll listen to you." Naomi ordered.

"If I do, they'll probably say something about how the Gatekeeper has been corrupted and they might do something drastic." Ocelot said.

"Help me!" Olga demanded from the living room.

"The Gatekeeper has once again endured a Trial of Lies for he himself is the master of deceit." Drake said admirably.

"How flattering. Kids, Gatekeeper has work to do so you go do what you have to do too." Ocelot said. "Just be sure to be home by seven and eat your vegetables. There, Naomi. Will that do?"

"I give up!" Naomi said in despair. "I can't help them."

"Most certainly, Gatekeeper." Drake assured. "We will find Neon Sidewinder and throw this at him as according to the guidelines outlined by the Crystalis Elder's. Only then will we be allowed to return to normal."

Drake pulled a small bottle of Dragon's Blood incense out of his pocket and displayed it proudly. The price tag was still on the container.

"These are the Tears of Mesia!" Kyoko exclaimed, bowing at the glass bottle. "Malignant Adder is powerless against their magical properties."

Without warning, they bum rushed Campbell, attaching themselves to both of his knees. Roy was easily thrown off balance and toppled over on his back. Naomi retracted her decision to not interfere and tried to do so, but was restrained by Ocelot, who shook his head in disagreement of her kindness.

"Don't make it any worse than it already is, Naomi." Ocelot advised. "Campbell, whatever you do, don't move!"

"I think I might have been able to infer that myself when they talked about how they ate a doll to release its soul, but thanks for caring." Campbell said.

Kyoko was perched atop Campbell's chest, staring blankly into his eyes with a face devoid of expression as Drake began searching his pockets. He eventually confiscated Campbell's keys and twisted the one that went to his Oldsmobile off of the ring. After yanking it free, he gave Kyoko a brief nod and the two of them ran toward the front exit of Ocelot's home.

"Hey!" Olga shouted at the two kids.

They stopped and looked at Olga with a turn of the neck sharp enough to give them both a whiplash.

"Please help me." Olga requested. "I'm in the same spot you were a few minutes ago."

"It's a Natas!" Kyoko declared in a hiss. "Quickly Drake, subdue the demon beast, helper of Bypass Cobra."

Drake pulled the glass bottle of incense out of his pants pocket and hurled it at Olga's face. It bounced off and landed on the floor, completely intact.

"We must go back into the field and find another bottle." Kyoko instructed.

"Verily we must go!" Drake chimed in.

"To Wal-Mart!" Kyoko declared.

The children opened Ocelot's living room window and slid out through it rather than just taking the front door. They broke into Campbell's car and somehow managed to get it out of the snow. The trio of adults watched in stunned amazement as they drove off into the falling darkness while the main theme to _Back to the Future_ played through his car stereo. Obviously they had found his mixed tape, which was quite notorious within his social circle. For a while, they remained silent. After all, not much could be said after viewing such a spectacle.

"You gonna call that in?" Ocelot finally asked.

"No, I'll leave it alone." Campbell answered. "I needed a reason to buy a new car. This is perfect."

"The sad thing is. . ." Naomi began, letting her voice hang. "Is that what we just saw was an improvement for those two."

**NEXT TIME : **The Shagohod is quite the beast of a vehicle. Ocelot's reckless driving just might hurt someone. What does a beaded necklace have to do with anything? Will they be able to find Snake's house? Does Snake's heater break yet again? Answers are (in order) : Plenty, probably, maybe. Stop by next week at around the same time for another addition.


	5. Burnt Rubber

**Chapter 5 : Burnt Rubber.**

"Yes, I promise I won't try to kill Ocelot. Now get me the hell out of this thing!" Olga roared.

The keys to the iron maiden were not on the ring Ocelot carried. They had been hung inside the device by a nail, dangling in front of Olga's face the entire time she had been in there. Campbell released the restraints and Ocelot appeared with her clothes. She slipped them on immediately, not caring that she had an audience.

"I put your little toy to work, just like you asked. Now you're going to give me what I came here for." Olga said leaving no room for an argument.

Ocelot nodded, retrieved an envelope from his bookcase, and tossed it on the table.

"What's that?" Naomi asked.

"It's information about my daughter." Olga said.

"Had you come to my dinner party a few months ago, you would have just had to provide money for it." Ocelot said.

"As if my presence was missed." Olga said as she snatched the envelope and tore it open.

Naomi and Campbell tensed up, wondering how she was going to react to the information. Olga's expression changed dramatically when she saw the information. Ocelot was giving her a cold stare. Only two people in the room knew what was going on at that point. Olga flipped through a few pages silently and then returned them to the envelope. She appeared to smile in satisfaction, but it was completely fake.

"This will do. I will be going now."

Olga wandered out into the cold alone.

"You said something about needing a blood sample?" Ocelot asked Naomi, to which she nodded. "Let's get that done before we leave."

Naomi passed her kit over and Ocelot took a blood sample himself. Nobody trusted her with needles. She then gave him five needles filled with the serum. They were designed like a pen so they could be carried around in a pocket and injected when needed. With that finished, Ocelot lead them into his garage. Ocelot's taste in vehicles was bizarre. He preferred buying cars that had seen their fair share of miles but still managed to operate properly. He appreciated the toughness found in automobiles made from metal rather than fiberglass, so most of the cars he possessed were relics. Each car looked like hell on the outside, but was partially remodeled on the inside. Aside from his personal Oldsmobile, Buick hardtop, and vintage Beetle, there was what he proudly referred to as the Shagohod. His little baby and fifth most prized possession was an authentic high mobility multipurpose vehicle, also known as a Humvee. They were restricted to the army, but that didn't seem to bother anyone in the room.

The rear license plate bared the Shagohod's name proudly. It was equipped with four wheel drive and heavy duty snow tires lined with old chains, ensuring that the Earth would slip before it did. Ocelot walked around the vehicle to the drivers side and began trying each and every one of his keys that he currently had. In typical comical fashion, none of them worked. Distraught, he grabbed a crowbar from nearby and prepared to break into his own vehicle when he noticed that it was already open. Ocelot signaled for his audience to prepare to board the vehicle. Once inside the car, Ocelot pressed a button on the dashboard that caused the garage door to open. He then started up the car. The engine roared to life loud enough to make the dust in the garage dislodge from wherever it had taken occupancy. A field mouse crawled out into view and keeled over, dead from a massive hemorrhage brought on by the unspeakably loud demon engine.

"What the hell is in this thing?" Campbell shouted.

"What?" Ocelot asked, unable to hear the other man. "The engine? It runs on rocket fuel. I took it out of a very special tank and modified it to work with this car. You wouldn't believe how much of a bitch that was."

In addition to that, he'd also taken the time to install a GPS device, XM Radio, floodlights bright enough to blind pedestrians, a radar, a shortwave radio tuned into the local protection agencies, a set of beads strung around the rear-view mirror, and several other interesting gadgets that were probably illegal. While all this was nice, he did little to the actual interior of the vehicle. The seats were battered and torn, the floor had lost its carpeting and it smelled rather peculiar. As Campbell continued to examine the car while Ocelot revved the engine to piss off his neighbors, he found a Mossberg slid into a protective sheath on the passengers door.

"What's this for?" Campbell shouted, pointing at the weapon.

"Why, Campbell, it's for you! After all, you're riding shotgun!" Ocelot declared.

"You asshole!" Campbell spat. "You watch too many of those stupid damn westerns!"

Ocelot laughed voraciously as he barreled out of the garage and took the road at a higher speed then necessary with one hand on the massive steering wheel while the other was carelessly occupied in tossing a leather case back at Naomi. His car launched into the street, momentarily halting as the chains on the tires viciously tore underneath the snow and ice before they finally found concrete that they scraped hard enough to produce a flurry of sparks. Everyone lurched forward as the tires took hold and flung the vehicle forward. Ocelot turned on the heater and within a matter of seconds they were quickly plunged into a temperature reminiscent of a Russian jungle without the humidity. The noise from the heater almost drowned out the sounds coming from the engine.

"What are these for?" Campbell asked, pointing at the beads he'd seen earlier.

"These?" Ocelot asked, playing with them for a second. "I stole them from Fortune. They're care beads, or some mumbo-jumbo like that. They apparently bring the owner luck."

"Do they work?"

"Do you think I would drive the way I do if they didn't?"

Campbell paused for a minute.

"Did she ever get over the fact that you shot her?" Campbell asked, posing yet another question.

"No, but few people ever do." Ocelot said remorsefully. "It's not like it matters, though."

He turned his attention to Naomi, taking his eyes off the road to look at her. Campbell quickly buckled up. Naomi followed his example in a hurried panic.

"Pick out two CD's." Ocelot told her, and then went back to driving.

Instead of doing as she was told, Naomi had become far more interested in the mysterious metal container strapped to the seat next to her. She opened it out of curiosity and found a couple of fresh C-4's, three phosphorous hand grenades, two wall mines, the T-Virus, and a couple of AK-47 magazines that presumably went with the AK-47 laying carelessly on the floor. Naomi quickly checked to see if the safety had been turned on and found that it was not, but the gun was unloaded. Even so, she flicked the safety on and returned the gun to where she found it.

She then unzipped Ocelot's CD case and took a peek inside. All of the music was pirated and none of the discs were labeled and there were at least thirty of them. She randomly chose two generic looking CD-R's and handed them to Ocelot, who eagerly put one of them into his stereo system while Campbell held the other. _It Ain't Me, Babe _by Bob Dylan began blaring through the speakers.

"It's my Vietnam CD. I wasn't even there!" Ocelot said nostalgically. "But I'm not in the mood for it. Campbell, hand me the other disc, if you will."

As they were making the exchange, some poor unfortunate soul crashed into the side of Ocelot's Humvee. It barely twittered in response to the collision. His face was turning a devilish shade of red as he slammed on the breaks, causing his car to come to a screeching halt. Ice flew everywhere and scraped the sides of a couple of cars as they were still in a residential zone and hadn't quite made it out to the unpaved roads of the country yet.

"Who the hell?" Ocelot cursed as he stuck his head out the window.

His assailant had once driven a Dodge Viper. Now it was scrap metal. The passenger had been ejected from the vehicle, but had landed safely on an igloo that three children had built. Thankfully they were inside at the moment. The victim had run a stop sign and consequently should have let Ocelot pass first, so the wreck technically wasn't Ocelot's fault. He fondled his beads.

"The higher the insurance deductible the more carefully you drive, dumb ass!" Ocelot shouted at the teenager, who was slowly standing up. "You shouldn't have been in such a big damn hurry to cheat on your girlfriend!"

Ocelot floored it and hauled ass down the street away from the wreck.

"Aren't you going to get into trouble for that?" Naomi asked.

"No." Ocelot said sternly. "And you've known me for how long? Come on. I've got connections."

He took one hand off of the steering wheel again and used it to rattle his lucky beads for a boost in karma. Ocelot's rather liberal treatment of his little spirit necklace finally caught up with him. They came apart with a loud snap. Ocelot screamed in dismay at a higher pitch than he intended as thirty little dark blue beads scattered across the floor. Campbell knew that this wasn't a good sign. Ocelot's recklessness caught up with him immediately. As he desperately tried to make the beads fall in one place, Ocelot drove over the curb when the hand he had on the steering wheel veered too sharply to the right. Campbell thought twice about advising Ocelot to watch the road and instead braced himself for the impact. Naomi got a vice grip on her container of medicine and hoped the munitions box was strapped down tight enough to survive the crash that was coming as the Shagohod headed straight for a large pine tree in some unlucky homeowners front yard.

Upon impact, everyone was thrown forward but properly restrained by their seat belts. A ton of snow fell from the tree and covered the vehicle, which still continued to run. Ocelot took this opportunity to collect the beads.

"Give them to me." Naomi said hastily.

Ocelot handed her the broken necklace, which she quickly began to fix. The string was made out of rawhide, so all she had to do was tie off the broken end and it would almost be as good as new. Meanwhile, the person who owned the property they so viciously violated was storming towards them with a face full of scarlet malice.

"Campbell, for God's sake, do your job!" Ocelot shouted.

"I'm going to hell for this." Campbell said to himself as he grabbed the shotgun.

Revolver put the vehicle in reverse and tore up the persons yard as he guided his vehicle back into the street, causing the discontent homeowner to begin swearing at an uncontrollable rate. He also picked up his speed and was about to get a picture of the license plates with his cell phone when he saw an elderly gentlemen climb out of the passenger's side of the car and sit in the window frame. Campbell held the shotgun steady and fired a warning round in front of the angry man, causing him to run back into his house screaming in terror. Campbell slid back inside the vehicle and rolled his window up. He then fastened his seat belt and put the smoking gun back into its metal harness.

"That was awful." Campbell lamented.

"Funny, I don't believe I ordered _whine_ with my bread." Ocelot said sarcastically.

Naomi handed Ocelot the fixed necklace, which he quickly looped around the rear-view mirror.

"Campbell, see if you can plot a course to Snake's house on my GPS." Ocelot said.

"Umm. . .no. I'm fine. I know where he is. The directions weren't that confusing. We should be there in thirty minutes if you stop driving like a maniac."

**One hour later. . .**

The heater had broken again. Snake's home was quickly becoming an ice cave. It didn't fix itself after Snake hit it. It didn't fix itself after Snake hit it again. Done with bloodying his knuckles on those two isolated outbursts, he broke out his massive toolbox and prepared to give himself a headache as he began looking for what went wrong. In less than twenty minutes he could already begin to see his breath. As focusing on how cold it was becoming wouldn't make the situation any better, he instead directed all his attention into repairing the bulky piece of machinery that continued to defy him on a regular basis. Meryl came down and draped a large blanket over him as he slaved intensively over something he had such a hard time understanding. She then took up a vigil in the corner covered in her own blanket. The amount of stress this put on him was painfully evident.

Something Snake was tinkering with suddenly snapped, sending a piece of plastic flying over his shoulder. Meryl braced herself.

"Damn shit cock duck monkey of a bitch rodent heater whore!" Snake roared.

When Snake began having trouble cursing, he was extremely angry. Snake stormed upstairs and came back down with his USP. Meryl stepped in front of him before he aimed it and destroyed the heater.

"Let's not do this again, Dave." Meryl advised. "You know how your dogs get when you fire live ammunition in the house."

"I can't fix this thing." Snake said. "So I will destroy it."

"Okay, how about you buy a new one first, and then you can blow this old one sky high in the backyard with enough C-4 to completely obliterate it?"

Meryl extended her hand to accept the USP from Snake, who gave her the ejected magazine instead. He popped the bullet out of the chamber and flipped the gun around in his hand so that he could proceed to smash the heater control panel with the butt of the gun. Meryl sighed. Snake didn't stop until he had knocked the thing off of the wall and smashed it to bits. He was clearly taking his anger out on something as Meryl rarely ever saw him like this. There was something bothering him pretty badly and Meryl couldn't help but begin to be fairly annoyed that he wouldn't tell her what it was.

Before Meryl could ask him if he felt better, the basement phone began ringing. He had three phones in his home and he usually only used the one in his living room because he rarely found himself upstairs or downstairs during the day. Snake did own a cell phone, but he only carried it with him when he went outside. Most people knew to try his home phone first. He walked out of the room that contained many of the things that regulated the temperature inside of his house and answered the phone, which was located in the hallway.

"Where the hell do you live?" Ocelot shouted through the speakers before Snake had a chance to say hello.

"I was wondering where you guys were." Snake said. "Did you find the lake?"

"Yeah, I found the damn lake!" Ocelot said. "Anyone can find the damn lake!

"Ask him what kind of direction turn right at the caribou herd is." Campbell requested.

"Master and Commander of Navigation wants to know what kind of. . ."

"I heard him. Calm down! You're almost here."

"I took that as an indication fifth-teen minutes ago when I finally found the lake. By the way, let me back off topic here for a bit. Can you give me some extra gas when I finally find your house?" Ocelot asked as his temper leveled out.

"I have a couple spare tanks in my garage." Snake assured him. "It's a good thing you're in the spot that has reception."

"This is a satellite cell phone, you dizzy ditz!"

"Even so, you're almost there. Look directly in front of you."

"Hold on, let me get out my binoculars. Campbell! Glove box!"

"Right." Campbell said.

Snake heard the exchange of the item and waited for Ocelot to follow his directions.

"Is. . .is that your house?" Ocelot asked.

"I don't know very many people who live out here, so that's probably a yes."

"It's off to the side, right? A bunch of big trees nearby? Almost like a tiny forest?"

"One of them looks like a car hit it?"

"Hold on, zooming in. . .yeah."

"I told you that was his house!" Naomi said. "We passed it like five times!"

"I'll be up to let you in shortly." Snake said.

Ocelot hung up. Snake ran a nervous hand through his hair and went back to the room with the heating system because there was no way he could avoid Meryl's curiosity unless he had that stealth camo clip handy, which he didn't. He accidentally set it on reverse one evening and dropped it down the basement steps. Snake still hadn't found it. In any case, he was now facing a problem that could be potentially bigger than the heater and that was Meryl's untamed wrath when she discovered that he hadn't told her that his FOXDIE attack had been real. She would be even more frustrated when she learned that Big Boss was still alive and looking for him. Somehow over the course of cohabiting with her for a few months, she began to believe that his problems were her business. Snake had hoped to avoid this evolution by not marrying her, but she obviously didn't work that way.

"Is something wrong?" Meryl asked. "You've got that look on your face again."

"Which one?"

Meryl furrowed her brow and tightened the muscles in her jaw, causing the veins in her neck to pop out while the lower row of her teeth were clearly exposed. The expression was overly emphasized, but it did convey a serious message.

"Yeah, something is wrong. I just don't know how to put it in words. Follow me."

"Umm. . .okay." Meryl said, shrugging.

Snake exited the maintenance room and went back upstairs with Meryl right behind him. He unlocked his door so his company could just walk right on in like they always seemed to do and turned to face Meryl just as soon as the doorbell rang. Ocelot must have been speeding again. As this was a formal occasion, his guests had decided to use the front door. They didn't need to give Snake any more stress by sneaking in through his open windows or climbing up the side of the house and getting in through Meryl's bedroom. Snake's fate was sealed. He could either wait for Naomi to tell her or he could break the news to her himself.

"Meryl, I have a confession to make." Snake began seriously.

"I don't like the sound of this." Meryl said apprehensively.

"Oh, it gets a lot better. Please don't get excited when I tell you this. It's really not such a big deal."

"I'm tough as nails. What's wrong?"

They were interrupted by someone banging on the living room window. Ocelot was peering in from the outside. He rudely gestured for Snake to hurry his ass over to the front door through a complex set of military signals. The middle finger was also involved, but that was only to enhance the tone of his silent commands. His impatience was deplorable, but Ocelot himself was usually deplorable. As he knew everyone seemed to accept this fact, Ocelot made no effort to change it and continued being an ass. Even so, this gave Snake more time to think the matter through. He still hadn't found a nice way of saying his end might be near.

"Hold that thought." Snake said.

He went over to the front door and opened it for his guests with a sharp tug.

**NEXT TIME : **Things have been dysfunctional enough already, haven't they? Could they possibly get any worse? Yes. They could get a lot worse. Not only does Snake have to fess up to Meryl, he also has to deal with the consequences and her worries. Angst! Ocelot takes some drastic measures to keep Liquid quiet. Pain! Naomi gets all scientific about her medicine with a familiar name that I borrowed from another series because I love making references. Cross-over! And then. . .the unthinkable happens. Something so absolutely predictable that it's nothing like when Raiden appeared in Metal Gear Solid 2 because you probably saw it coming. Check in next week just to make sure, alright?


	6. Prologue

**Chapter 6 : Prologue.**

Naomi and Roy were standing on his front porch. Naomi was dressed quite professionally for the situation and easily looked better than Roy, who simply threw on a green sweatshirt and a pair of old jeans. She was carrying a very large steel case presumably full of the vaccines she'd come up with. Ocelot had on that same damn outfit he'd worn during the tanker incident, complete with his infernal spurs. Snake had never seen him in anything else except at the costume party last Halloween when he came dressed as a commander of the Spetsnaz. Either way, he looked positively ridiculous wading through the snow with spurs on his boots and the glare he shot Snake clearly explained why his face was covered in deep wrinkles. Ocelot marched right on in ahead of everyone else and headed into Snake's kitchen to steal some food. Meryl grimaced and glanced at the gun cabinet and then at Ocelot while trying to weigh her luck.

"Good evening, Snake." Naomi said kindly, keeping up her manners.

"Thanks for coming. That goes for you too, Colonel."

"Always a pleasure, Snake. Visiting you under normal circumstances always makes our friendship seem a bit more normal." Campbell admitted.

"This situation is far from normal, but I welcome your sentiment even though I can't remember the last time I was together with anyone without something going wrong somewhere down the line. By the way, the door was open." Snake said.

"Who turned Ramen noodles into something edible?" Ocelot shouted enthusiastically from the kitchen. "It couldn't have been Snake, I'll tell you that right now. I don't know about Meryl, but all Snake usually needs is a ration. He might be able to cook, but damn! Damn! Press the select button to submit to yum!"

Meryl did have a fair measure of cooking prowess, which was an upside to living with her because Snake rarely ever felt like making himself a banquet, although he was known to whip up some excellent stir fry every now and then. While Meryl wasn't entirely fond of her stereotypical role as a cook, she justified it by accepting Snake's ability to have one meal a day and be fine unless he stubbed his toe. Getting injured seemed to heighten his hunger. How that worked out when he was dodging bullets was an issue Meryl chose not to explore. With the notable exception of cooking, Snake did most of the other work around the house while she got to read or play with his flamethrower, so her slight disappointment with being stuck in the kitchen never became a heated issue. The meal Meryl had prepared for the guests was a bowl of Tokyo style ramen. It was only fitting that they be offered a chance to eat as it was so close to dinner time. Ocelot's lack of manners was still appalling, even coming from Ocelot.

He sat down on Snake's leather couch and nudged the guns aside that Snake had been tinkering with to keep his mind off of FOXDIE right before the heater broke so he could make room for his bowl, even though the table and couch were big enough to accommodate about four people. He didn't even bother asking how the weapons had gotten there in the first place. So long as they weren't aimed at him they weren't really a threat. Ocelot turned on Snake's television and paged through several channels while eating his meal. Snake motioned for Naomi and Campbell to come right on in. Campbell went into Snake's kitchen to nab a beer, which was an unspoken acceptable transaction between them so unlike Ocelot's behavior it wasn't considered rude. Naomi placed the case she was carrying on Snake's table and sat down in his recliner. Snake examined the case and was immediately able to compare it to the same type of container that had held Mend.

Along with the requisite keypad was a fingerprint scanner. Naomi punched in a string of several numbers and then put her thumb on the scanner. Several additional locks released themselves from within the case before Naomi was able to pop it open. The interior along the bottom was full of several hypodermic needles containing a translucent red liquid neatly packed into a foam lining. Each one was labeled with the name Aglaophotis, which sent a chill down Snake's spine for a reason he couldn't determine. How Naomi had come up with such a tasteless and confusing name for a serum was her own business. If she made it, she could have very well called it Damian's Sweet Nectar Explosion and Snake still would have stuck himself with it just so long as it helped him with FOXDIE.

Meryl looked at the case with her mouth open in confusion. She looked at Snake, who didn't bother acknowledging her confusion. Nobody else cared to either. Naomi was taking out another small case from her pocket that had a regular hypodermic needle in it, Ocelot was still looking for something to watch, and Roy was grinning since he had just found a bag full of raisin cookies. Meryl didn't need them to tell her what was going on. A case full of needles and a drug she'd never heard of before could only mean one thing if Ocelot didn't have a hooker with him. It was all too clear.

"You've had a FOXDIE attack, haven't you?" Meryl asked, completely aghast.

Ocelot choked on his food as Liquid unexpectedly took over, morbidly offended that he had been left out of the equation even though it wasn't completely clear at this point if he had actually had an attack or not.

"We!" Liquid interjected. "We've had FOXDIE attacks."

Meryl kicked the underside of the table as hard as she could. It sent Ocelot's bowl of noodles and meat flying directly into his lap. Naomi's case of medicine didn't budge as it was so heavy, but the fluid inside the glass tubes wiggled furiously. Ocelot stood up and began wiping the mess off of his clothing. He was about to chew her out when his eyes met her gaze, which almost turned him into stone. Roy clutched his plastic bag of delicious cookies closer to his body for comfort and decided to stay in the kitchen until he could step into the living room at a more appropriate time.

"Shut up, Liquid." Meryl said quietly. "You're supposed to be dead, anyway."

And just like that, Snake knew that all the funny had gone out of the room. His time to formulate a palatable explanation was over because Meryl was staring deep into his soul with green eyes laced with unbridled fury. She felt hurt and betrayed since she had been left out of the loop. Snake couldn't really understand it all that well. He'd been out of the loop on every single damn mission he'd ever set foot on. Meryl was no exception.

She'd been fed her fair share of lies, too. Most of them had come from her own uncle. So why, then, did she take this particular incident so seriously? Probably because she had strong feelings for him that Snake usually ignored. This ordeal was nonsense. If Meryl would just grin and bear it, they could move right along and hunt down Big Boss right after they cleaned up the mess on the couch. But no. As a women, she desired an explanation. Snake felt an incredibly strong urge to smoke a cigarette right at that moment and promised himself he would once he repelled his way out of this.

"When were you planning on telling me this?" Meryl asked Snake in the same quiet tone.

"Shortly before they rang the doorbell." Snake muttered, willing himself to look her in the eyes. "You would have found out sooner or later, anyway."

"What else have you been keeping from me?" Meryl silently demanded.

The tone in her voice suggested that she was about to snap. Naomi awaited her turn to speak patiently with an empty needle in one hand while the other rested on her chin as Ocelot toyed with the M1911 that had been left so carelessly out in the open. This fight didn't concern him any. Roy didn't even dare to breath. He also was starting to feel a dire need to perform flatulence at the moment, but he held that in as well. Snake decided to toughen up, so he met Meryl's glare evenly and prepared to put himself in control of the situation.

"Big Boss. . .he's back." Snake said grimly.

"God save the queen!" Liquid shouted, dropping Snake's M1911 to the floor.

It fired off a round through the table and into the ceiling. Nobody seemed to care, although Meryl flinched slightly.

"Are you mad? Since when has he been alive?" Liquid demanded.

"Not now!" Naomi said, gesturing for Liquid to shut up by swatting at him. "Can't you see they're having a moment?"

Liquid shook his head in disappointment and decided to watch the drama unfold for now. Meryl remained quiet for a moment. It appeared as though she couldn't decide which conspiracy was worse.

"How?" Meryl asked.

"I don't know, but I'm sure I'll find out sooner or later."

"Who told you this?"

"Campbell did. In fact, he sent me a file about this problem a while ago. It was around the time that Ocelot was in the hospital. I got an update on this situation from Campbell today. About two hours ago, to be precise. Apparently Big Boss is in town and they think he might be looking for me."

Roy farted loudly in the kitchen. Either they ignored him like the M1911 misfire or nobody cared enough to notice. Campbell sighed in relief. The gas didn't stink and his ass felt about five pounds lighter.

"Who knew about this?" Meryl asked.

"I'm not sure. Campbell said he'd elaborate when he got here. In other words, I'm probably being used. Again."

"Do you think this might have something to do with the Patriots?" Meryl asked.

Snake looked toward Campbell, who quickly shook his head in denial.

"More than likely." Snake said.

Campbell sighed.

"They know you'll go after him." Meryl said. "They also know he's a big threat to them. Bigger than us, even. So they're aiding the lesser of two evils by leading you on. Those bastards!"

"I don't think they're really an issue at the moment. We should be focused on Big Boss. With his charisma, he'd easily be able to organize a militia and rebel. He wouldn't even need a psychic to keep the moral up."

"Hey, I object to that!" Liquid shouted. "I'll have you know that I'm not entirely that bad! I could easily do the same thing all over again if I had the money. I'd just have to find the right batch of ignorant miscreants to preach to."

"I thought I told you to shut up." Meryl said.

Ocelot slammed a fist down on his right hand to discipline Liquid.

"Would you be quiet?" Ocelot snarled. "Just stop talking for thirty minutes! Go ahead, try it!"

Meryl returned her attention to Snake.

"Do you think he has the necessary funds to create an uprising?"

"He was in Vegas, so he might have been building up his cash the easy way. That doesn't sound like him, though. He probably has a double. If I were him, which in a way I am, I would have turned most of my money into bank notes and hid them somewhere or given them to someone I trust in the event of an untimely accident. I wonder. . .did he really die?"

Snake was quickly taken back to the fateful day he fought Big Boss for the second time. He was running around in circles in an uncomfortable green jumpsuit that was riding up his crotch. Even while fighting to the death he had to occasionally pull at the back of his pants to relieve himself of the wedgies he earned while prancing around the pools of acid and ducking behind crates. Big Boss was armed with an odd gun that Snake had only seen twice. Once when they first fought and again during their second confrontation. The barrel was shaped like the symbol for infinity and that seemed to be a general indication of how much ammo the stupid thing held. Snake was only armed with a lighter and a can of aerosol which increased his chance of winning to about negative twenty, which was quite an improvement.

The last thing Big Boss expected to be killed with was fire. It was easy to imagine his surprise when Snake developed a homemade flamethrower and proceeded to use it on him. After he'd been reduced to a smoldering heap, Snake took his gun, aimed it at Big Boss' blackened skull, and pulled the trigger. Sometimes on cold nights when he'd had too much Smirnoff Ice and was resting beside his precious space heater draped in a cardboard box with a cup of spiked java in his hands, he could still hear the resounding _click _that came from the gun.

"It's not over yet!" Big Boss scream of agony resounded in Snake's skull as clear as day, snapping him directly out of his trance and giving him more of a headache.

If he would have had time to reload, things would have been slightly different.

"I think its safe to say that he's still rather rich. His days as a mercenary probably made him a millionaire. I remember when I was working as one." he said.

"How much did you charge?" Naomi asked.

"They sold kidneys to afford me. Seriously, though. Let's just say that my fee was outrageously expensive but they paid me anyway because they knew I could do it. Incidentally, I made more money working like that than I did during my employment with the government. I was paid less for Shadow Moses than I was for a couple of other missions I performed as a mercenary. Apparently the service fee for bringing down a major threat to world peace is substantially less rewarding than escorting a batch of rookies through an abandoned city deep within enemy territory so we could get a tactical nuke over to the good guys."

"That's not the issue here. FOXDIE and Big Boss. They're the two biggest threats you've ever faced." Meryl said.

"What about Metal Gear's?" Ocelot asked.

"They've always just been an accessory." Snake reasoned. "The terrorist who has the Metal Gear is more dangerous than the Metal Gear itself."

"How so?"

"Otacon himself has said you could use those things for peaceful purposes."

"You could use a nuclear equipped walking battle tank for peace?" Ocelot asked.

Meryl grinned devilishly.

"You don't call a Metal Gear a nuclear equipped walking battle tank. You call it a Metal Gear."

"Touche." Ocelot muttered approvingly.

"That's right, hobo." Meryl said.

"Don't mind him. He's just trying to derail the conversation since he doesn't give a damn about our drama." Snake said.

"Am I the most hated person in this room right now?" Liquid suddenly blurted out.

"Yes!" everyone but Roy said.

Roy's mouth was full of a cookie so he couldn't speak. He made a muffled noise of approval, though.

"Why?" Liquid demanded. "I have a right to know!"

"First of all, if it weren't for you there wouldn't have been a Shadow Moses." Naomi pointed out. "Secondly. . .you. . .you're just annoying, Liquid. Honestly."

"Well, damn it all to hell!" Liquid said. "Ocelot, we're leaving. That attack was probably your damnable heart, just like Naomi suggested. With the way you take care of this bag of bones, I honestly wouldn't be surprised. Off we go!"

Ocelot's body began to gyrate up and down as the opposing force within his body fought for control. He forced himself to sit down and slammed Liquid's hand down on Snake's coffee table as hard as he could. Without hesitating, Ocelot calmly took a hidden combat knife out of his pants and drove it directly through his left hand and into the wooden table. Ocelot and Liquid screamed in unison, which was positively surreal. Snake rolled his eyes as everyone else flinched in empathy. Now that Liquid's portion of Ocelot's body was stuck to the table he'd have a harder time leaving. That's what Snake presumed, at any rate. He wasn't quite sure how the whole thing worked out between Ocelot and Liquid.

"We're staying right here!" Ocelot said.

"Yes, you are." Meryl said, her eyes wide with shock.

"My God, Ocelot. . ." Naomi said, completely surprised. "You stabbed your own hand!"

"On the contrary, Miss Hunter. It's actually Liquid's hand and my hatred for him is stronger than the urge to protect myself, least of all any part of my body that just so happens to be his."

"Have you talked with Mantis about this?"

"Hell no!" Ocelot roared.

"I think you should. I really do."

"Ocelot. . ." Liquid said. His voice was laced with pain. "Are you fairly certain it's not your heart?"

"Do you have any idea what Aglaophotis is?" Ocelot demanded. "I'll need it for either condition! It doesn't matter which ailment I have. Aglaophotis is capable of curing it. And while its doing that, maybe it will rid me of you!"

"Oh, bugger." Liquid muttered. "Wait a minute. You already have some. Why are we still. . ."

Ocelot twisted the knife inside his wound, silencing Liquid. Naomi was about to mention that she had named the drug Aglaophotis _after _the mysterious herb of the same name, but she cut herself short when a sudden burst of logic told her it'd be best to keep her mouth shut about the truth. She had come into possession of a case full of what was supposedly actual Aglaophotis that had been sold to her by a very funny man in an old brown leather coat at the back of a rather peculiar alley. That much was fact.

However, Naomi had used none of the contents of the mixture inside her poorly named vaccine. Naomi had run some tests on the concoction the man who called himself Harry Jason had given to her in exchange for a very large diamond crucifix she convinced herself to part with. Whatever he had given her seemed to be somewhat authentic as the ghosts of the DARPA chief and Kenneth Baker finally stopped haunting her when she filled a small baby food bottle up with the bloody fluid and placed it on her nightstand next to her alarm clock.

But why should she bother to tell Ocelot that? If he wanted a placebo, he was certainly entitled to one. Indeed the only real resemblance to Aglaophotis that her vaccine carried was the thick, bloody color.

"Naomi, you do realize that you will be taking care of this wound before the night is over, right?" Ocelot said.

"Should I look for a first aid kit now?"

"No! Let him suffer for a little while longer. What? Do you not believe that I can handle the same torture I give out? Don't be so quick to judge me."

Naomi nodded. Roy quickly saw the lapse in anger as an opportunity to scuttle into the living room and sit down on Snake's other recliner, so he did so. Snake thought he was in the clear until Meryl began talking again. Apparently the argument wasn't over quite yet.

"Let's get back to what we were talking about before the antics of your guests intervened, David. You really should have said something earlier."

"I couldn't. I was in agony at the time."

"How was I supposed to know you weren't faking it? I thought it was normal. Besides, would you have wanted me to find out?"

"No." Snake admitted. "I wish you were visiting your sister."

Meryl gasped in offense.

"Your _other _sister."

"My apologies, but we need to do things together. Especially problems." Meryl said.

"They're not yourproblems."

"But aren't we a couple?"

"I let you live with me because I wanted the company and you were in a bind at the time. I should have known better. It's been fun, but what's happening now has really turned everything around. Even without FOXDIE or Big Boss, there's no telling when my advanced aging is going to kick in. Some would argue that it already has. I just might be dead within the next ten years. I can't believe I let everything come to this." Snake said. "This is all my fault. I shouldn't have abandoned that lead Otacon had."

Meryl sighed.

"So you're kicking me out?"

"No." Snake said. "You're welcome to stay until you can get your own place. That's what we agreed on originally and that's how it will remain. I'm sorry about this, Meryl."

"You just won't let me get too close, will you?" Meryl asked.

Snake remained silent, unsure of how to answer. Meryl thought about what he had said for a moment, trying to remain objective.

"I understand your concern, but I still want to help you with this dilemma. Don't try to stop me. It's my fight, too."

"Fine." Snake consented, knowing he wouldn't be able to win the argument.

Nobody was listening to them at this point. Roy didn't want to think about anyone sleeping with his daughter, so he put three cookies in his mouth all at once so the chewing would drowned out the noise made by their arguing voices. Naomi was admiring her medical accomplishments while Ocelot was counting to one thousand very slowly and turning pale.

"If you want this fight to be yours as well, a part of yourself had better be in it." Snake said. "I'd prefer otherwise, but if you really want to tag along, then I can't stop you."

Meryl thought it over and was able to see his point.

"Okay. You're right, but I'm choosing to help you. Take it as a gesture of my affection. You'd better watch out, Snake. I might put a bullet in Big Boss before you do." Meryl said.

"That's my job." Snake insisted. "I'm the one who kills him. Not you, not Raiden, and not even Liquid."

Roy shook Naomi awake now that the drama was over. She snorted a couple of times and wiped the drool off of her mouth. Snake and Meryl turned their attention over to her as she straightened her hair. She took a bottle of Aglaophotis out from the case and handed it to Snake. He examined it more carefully. How his body would accept the fluid was something he hoped Naomi had spent a sufficient amount of time with.

"Be careful not to overdose on this, Snake." she warned. "Any more than the recommended amount will send your body into shock. You can use three of them in one day. That should keep you ahead of FOXDIE if my science is right."

"What if I have to use a fourth one?"

"Then. . ." Naomi said, trailing off since she was put on the spot.

Snake smiled.

"Don't use more than three?"

"No." Naomi said quickly. "Don't."

"Fine. I guess it's better than dying right away. Thank you, Naomi."

"And what would you know about death?" a new voice mocked.

It sounded like Snake was talking, but he hadn't even moved his lips. Everyone turned to see the source of the voice. A guest had entered Snake's home unannounced and uninvited. The man wore a trench coat, which silently conveyed that he was mysterious and possibly a bad guy. Underneath that he had on a brown sweatshirt and a matching set of camouflage pants ideal for muddy terrain. A scabbard containing a rather vicious combat knife was barely visible on his right leg. Everyone stood in stunned silence as they looked at the fashionably dull old man, who was eying Snake like a hawk with his one good eye. The front door was open and he was standing prominently in the doorway, probably trying to heighten the intensity of the moment. A light layer of snow had accumulated on his clothing, also adding to his attempt to leave a good first impression.

He casually took off his FOX-HOUND beret and stuffed it inside one of the many large pockets his trench coat had. After all, people like him needed more than two spots to hide things in.

"It's been a while, hasn't it?" the old man asked. "Don't you recognize me?"

Nobody responded.

"I realize that it's not an easy task to do these days. Allow me to clarify." he paused for a moment. "I think you dropped something."

"What?" Snake asked.

The old man reached into his pocket and pulled out a battered lighter that looked like it was at least ten years old. Snake recognized it immediately. It was the same one he had used to barbecue Big Boss with. To anyone else it looked like a regular old lighter or a cheap imitation meant to scare him, but something inside Snake's soul told him that there was no mistake. He must have dropped it while boarding the helicopter. How it had found its way back to this man was a profound mystery indeed, but Snake didn't care about the details. The man took a cigar out of his coat pocket and placed it inside his mouth. He then used the Zippo to light his cigar. Initially it only produced a few sparks but it eventually managed to kindle a flame.

"What do you know?" Big Boss said as he took a few puffs.

He put away the lighter and inhaled a large amount of smoke.

"It still works." he said with a sigh, breathing out the smoke at the same time like some Chinese dragon.

He began coughing violently. In under thirty seconds everyone but Ocelot had a gun aimed at Big Boss.

**NEXT TIME : **Oh, noes! It's the Big Bad Boss. The boss to end all bosses. What's he doing here? Why is he still alive? He's got answers to all of those questions and he's more than willing to give them. Such is the price one pays for vanity. People listen easier when they're not confused so Big Boss offers some basic explanations as to why he suddenly decided to stop by and hang out. Surely Campbell and Ocelot will have reactions to seeing an old friend again. There's a lot of catching up to do for everyone. Wouldn't the Patriots be quite angered at this new development? Most definitely. So what's a Big Boss to do? Hire a set of personal bodyguards with wacky quirks, that's what! Stop by next week for the reunion party.


	7. No Need For Big Boss

**Chapter 7 : No Need For Big Boss.**

Big Boss blinked but wasn't surprised or impressed enough to allow himself to drop his sexy cigar. Naomi and Roy had grabbed the two weapons near Ocelot while Snake and Meryl bolted for the gun cabinet. Now Big Boss was staring down the barrels of a M1911, Desert Eagle, FAMAS, and a P-90. He had to adjust his eyepatch to confirm that last one, which Snake was holding. If they opened fire, Big Boss would be decimated. He quickly looked around for something to talk about to bring down the tension in the room. Seeing as how they all had a highly justifiable deep-seeded hatred for him, this would be an incredibly difficult task to accomplish. But if anyone was up to the job, it was him.

"Why is it so damn cold in here?" Big Boss asked.

Snake twitched.

"Yeah, I was meaning to ask about that." Campbell said.

"Campbell! For God's sake, we're talking to _the _Big Boss and you're worried about Snake's chronically broken heater?" Naomi shouted.

"You're right, I'd better not lose my focus." Campbell affirmed.

"Speaking of which, how come we haven't already shot him?" Meryl demanded.

"No, don't!" Snake quickly ordered. "Somethings not right about this."

Big Boss gave him a wink.

"He really does look exactly like you. He may be about twenty or thirty years older, but it's positively unreal." Meryl pointed out in reference to Snake's resemblance to Big Boss.

The similarities between Big Boss and Solid Snake were a lot easier to believe when both of them were available for comparison. First of all, it was uncanny how much Big Boss sounded like Snake. That had always bothered both of them. They didn't have the exact tone but if either of them called up somebody the other knew on the telephone and talked with that person for a while, they probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference. Big Boss' voice was slightly more burdened with age. He also looked like Snake except for the missing eye, short white hair, and that atrocious beard which looked like it belonged near a sink as it seemed to bear the same consistency and texture of steel wool. In any case, Snake was definitely a clone of Big Boss.

Meanwhile, Ocelot was in a world of pain and had begun to regret the consequences of his outburst of anger. In addition to making him feel queasy, having a knife through his hand made it impossible to focus on anything else other than blotting out the pain. Seeing as how he was severally constricted at the moment and also feeling that Liquid had learned his lesson, he decided enough was enough. In one quick motion he yanked the knife out of his palm and proceeded to collapse to the floor and curse profusely. A lesser man couldn't have done such a brazen task without wetting himself. It didn't take long for Ocelot to regret his ego.

Big Boss took notice of the older gentlemen squirming around on the carpet. At first he saw a man who dressed like he was heading to a gunslinger convention who sported a ridiculous handlebar mustache. Then he noticed the spurs and ran an artificial aging program in his mind over a certain someone he had met a long time ago. A hint of recognition sparkled in his eyes.

"Adam?" he said, adjusting his eye patch once more.

Ocelot turned upon hearing his old code name uttered by one of the few people who actually knew it.

"John!" he exclaimed.

"David." Meryl said, pointing at Snake.

"Roy." Snake said, pointing at Campbell.

"Naomi." Campbell said, pointing at Naomi.

"Meryl." Naomi finished, pointing at Meryl.

Big Boss walked over to Ocelot and helped him stand up. Snake's mind was racing at full capacity as he mulled over the situation. He couldn't decide whether to shoot Big Boss or back off. Things were getting trickier by the second and his indecisiveness wasn't helping matters. Since he had already established that he and Big Boss thought along the same lines, Snake knew that Big Boss must have something up his sleeve just in case they actually attacked him. He could have a militia waiting outside. Big Boss might have even strapped a bomb to himself, although that sounded a little to extreme for him.

In any case, Snake didn't turn him into the centerpiece of Connect Four despite how much he was aching to do so. Everyone else holding a gun in the room shared that thought collectively, although Meryl's eyes were wide in anger and she was shaking so fiercely that she might accidentally pull the trigger. Just in case she would need to, Snake reached over and flicked off her safety. Meryl's anger quickly turned to confusion as she blinked twice and examined her weapon.

"Son of a. . ." Meryl said slowly. "Am I going to have to leave sticky notes on rifles so I can remember to turn off the safety?"

"Whatever works." Snake said.

"I haven't seen you in years, Adam." Big Boss mused. "Can you still do that silly hand thing?"

"Eh. . .sure."

He executed his hand gesture painfully.

"Why, it's just as stupid as it use to be." Big Boss mused. "Do you still meow like a cat to call for backup?"

"Not since I last saw you." Ocelot quickly asserted.

"That's good because it probably would have gotten you into trouble at some point. I'm surprised, though. You haven't aged all that well."

"As if you were attractive to begin with." Ocelot retorted darkly, nodding at Snake.

"Yes." Big Boss said. "Creepy, isn't it? Like looking into a mirror."

"At least I still have both of my eyes." Snake retorted, pointing on his own face to the one Big Boss was missing.

"And at least he doesn't keep a beard, grandpa." Meryl sneered.

"Yeah, Santa Claus." Naomi added in.

"Please!" Big Boss retaliated. "As if that mess on his face can't be classified as one."

"I just don't like shaving." Snake admitted.

"Well, neither do I!" Big Boss agreed.

"Fine, then." Snake concluded indifferently.

Naomi exchanged glances with Big Boss and Snake. If there had been a point to that insult, she had completely missed it. Roy also looked slightly dumbfounded. Whatever had been said was only understood by those who had participated in the conversation. Big Boss grinned sardonically and then returned his attention to Ocelot. He observed the man for a moment before launching his hand straight into Ocelot's crotch, which made him jump about ten feet and exhale sharply. Big Boss cocked his head and realized he'd grabbed the wrong thing. It was a disadvantage he'd had for quite a while. Sometimes his perception would be slightly off, which led to awkward situations such as the one he was in now. The look Ocelot gave Big Boss could have cut through a diamond. He quickly adjusted his eyepatch and gently released the most vintage part of his on again off again combat buddy and began poking around his hips until he found a concealed revolver. Big Boss smiled grandly.

No self respecting, delusional and specially trained soldier could ever be caught in public or private without a weapon somewhere on his person.

"I figured you would still be using these." he said while admiring the weapon. "By the way, what the hell did you do to your hand?"

Ocelot doubled over and groaned. Big Boss took a few steps back with his revolver still in hand.

"What's going on?" Big Boss asked. "You still eat honey even though you're allergic to it, don't you? As if that time in Mozambique wasn't enough to get you to stop. Honestly."

"Snake!" Ocelot said desperately. "He's coming. Help me!" he collapsed to his knees.

"Are you alright?" Big Boss asked Ocelot.

For someone that made a business out of pain, Ocelot didn't seem to be handling his little knife wound very well. Snake had once been in a similar position and knew all to well what having a five inch blade shoved through his palm felt like and would gladly trade that knowledge for just about anything. That included watching porn with Campbell and Otacon. Ocelot's age must have been catching up with him. All Snake could do was wait and see how bad things got. Ocelot fell face first on the floor and shook like a Silent Hill Lying Figure monster at a rave. Liquid was undoubtedly about to make an appearance. As it was a well known fact that Liquid had a deep seeded hatred for his father, their little reunion could get a little ugly. Big Boss ignored this and opened the barrel of the revolver he'd acquired.

Six fresh bullets gleamed at him. Snake's jaw popped under the strain of his clenched teeth. Big Boss was now armed. This compromised the situation slightly. Ocelot was wiggling uncontrollably, almost as if he were having a seizure. It wasn't that hard to figure out what was going on. He was trying to suppress Liquid as best as he could. That wasn't going to work, though. Maybe if he were around twenty years younger. He abruptly stood up as Liquid and glared at Big Boss, who was still admiring the craftsmanship of Ocelot's revolver.

"You!" Liquid shouted as he stood up.

"What the hell?" Big Boss said to himself. "Where have I heard that voice before? Is that your best Major Zero impersonation?"

"Not quite, Big Boss. I'm you! I'm your shadow!" Liquid shouted.

"William?"

"One of the twins sacrificed to create me."

"Umm. . .James?"

"Yet another one of the ill-fated twins who lives his life thinking he is the real Solid Snake. I can't believe you even thought to name us when we were in such a pathetic state of non-existence."

"It was a lot easier than giving everyone literal designations." he pointed at Snake. "That one is David." he then pointed at Liquid. "Which means you must be Donovin."

Liquid's face lit up in surprise for a moment before it reverted back to the mask of hatred he always wore, which did nothing to halt the progression of Ocelot's wrinkles. Apparently Big Boss had guessed correctly. Roy snickered at the revelation of Liquid Snake's real name. Meryl's aim wavered as her hands shook in reaction to her concealed laughter. Snake was thankful he got the better name.

"Quiet, you product of an extremely inaccurate aim at a tattoo!"

"Yeah, that's Donovin alright." Big Boss mused. "My, I didn't expect today to be so full of reunions. First Adam, then Donovin, and even Roy Campbell."

Campbell shifted uncomfortably in surprise at the memories that began coming back to him.

"Yes, I remember you." Big Boss said. "You old bastard, you're still alive?"

"I'm ten years younger than you." Campbell pointed out.

"Not anymore." Big Boss countered.

He began laughing hysterically, but nobody else seemed to get it.

"Sorry, that was a dead joke. A joke about being dead. You just don't get it because you're still alive. Anyway, I'm somewhat concerned with how Donovin managed to wiggle his way into Adam."

"It's a rather long story." Liquid proclaimed arrogantly. "But it goes something like this."

Liquid explained. And explained. And explained. He could really talk up a storm. Roy had to sit down after Liquid finished relating how he magically survived jumping out of a crashing helicopter, although to his credit, Liquid managed to make that part slightly interesting. Big Boss didn't seem very interested and was the only one actually listening to Liquid. Everyone else knew the story all to well so they chose to ignore it.

"And that's about it." Liquid finished.

Big Boss looked completely flabbergasted.

"What's the vampire have to do with anything?"

"Beats me. I guess he was just in there to satisfy a fetish, or something." Liquid replied.

"And you say he revives himself using water?" Big Boss asked in disbelief. "I've never run across anyone that bizarre in any of the units I've commanded."

"Well, it's debatable as to whether or not water actually revives him." Liquid said.

"Right. So you live on through a hand. Apparently Ocelot's father managed to pass something on. Too bad he never got it to work to his advantage."

"What are you talking about?" Liquid demanded.

Big Boss chose not to answer.

"Forget I asked. Have it no matter as it is what it is. It scared the hell straight out of Snake the first time he saw it." Liquid boasted proudly. "But that's irrelevant. Now it's your turn. What exactly are you doing here?"

"Is Liquid starting to make sense?" Campbell asked. "That was actually a legitimate question."

"Indeed. There's hope for him yet." Big Boss said. "I'm not entirely impressed with his uprising, though. I could have done things a lot more effectively if I wasn't cryogenically frozen in that damnable tube in a state where I was always on the verge of death until my revival after the operation. That, however, is unimportant as of this moment."

He slowly reached into his coat and pulled out a large brown envelope, which he tossed on the table. It landed face up and bore no writing.

"That's an invitation."

"To what?" Snake demanded.

"To my bar." Big Boss said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "The Zanzi-Bar."

Snake thought it over for a moment.

"Really? Isn't that the new place that opened up on eighth street?"

"No, of course not!" Big Boss shouted. "Do you still whine to your friends about how easily you get played? There's the reason for it, right there! I use to be like that too until I became paranoid. And besides, if I opened a bar I would call it Outer Heaven. You've known me for how long and you couldn't figure that out?"

Big Boss shook his head in extreme disapproval.

"You know, when I read In The Darkness of Shadow Moses, I could hardly believe it was talking about you." Big Boss said to Snake. "Luckily my assumption was incorrect. You've really been dabbling into some serious business, son. I know you are familiar with the Patriots. Before you try to stop whatever I might do in the future, I want you to sit down and think about it for a while. What would you have done if I'd told you about them during our first scuffle in the depths of Outer Heaven? I'm sure you would have thought I was trying to pull another one over you. But now that you know, you should realize that we share a common goal. Or rather, we did share one."

Snake didn't respond. He carefully considered all of what Big Boss was saying.

"For the past six months, our lives haven't been entirely normal. Plus, we don't have any new leads on the Patriots because the only person good enough to gather intel on them is currently hooked on a stupid computer game." Meryl said.

"So you got lazy. It only takes them a minute to create a disaster." Big Boss said. "That's what sets us apart. You don't take action. You join a little group called Philanthropy and hope that an organization under the control of the government will continue to spot you even though they're being overseen by the Patriots. If you keep playing the game like that, you'll never find them, which brings me to my point. Snake, I have a proposition for you."

"Gross!"

"Not that kind of proposition!" Big Boss shouted.

The bullet fired from the sniper rifle a safe distance away from Snake's home cut across Meryl's shoulder deep enough to leave a mark on her skin. It traveled past her and hit Big Boss directly in his chest just inches away from his heart. He was thrown off balance and knocked to the ground quite violently. Once he realized that he'd been shot, Big Boss quickly scrambled behind the couch and crouched with his back up against it, suddenly wishing that he would have brought his backpack with him so he had some camo. His camo index did go up by about twenty percent, though. Old habits were hard to break. The others reacted just as quickly, ignoring the fact that the window was shattered and snow was blowing into the house.

Snake was lying in a prone position and from the angle he was at, he could see Big Boss taking cover behind the couch. The bullet wound didn't seem to be affecting him at all. Something odd caught Snake's attention. Big Boss was bleeding slightly, but his blood wasn't the same shade of red Snake was readily familiar with. It also didn't appear to bear the same consistency as blood did. Big Boss' blood was watery and almost pink in color and he looked perfectly comfortable with this anomaly. There was only one explanation for this paradox, but it was so crazy that Snake couldn't even begin to take the idea seriously and he fully accepted the fact that Liquid could manipulate Ocelot even though he was just a hand. Big Boss cursed and took a silver iPhone out of his pocket and speed dialed a specific number. The person on the other line didn't bother saying anything in response when they picked up, which was to be expected.

"Big Boss, here. Commence operation M - 424. Remember, no casualties."

His contact hung up. Big Boss quickly dialed another number.

"There appears to be a sniper some distance away from the house, just as we expected. Take care of it and get me the hell out of here. This is despicable! I can't even have a decent conversation these days without someone shooting at me."

"You're Big Boss, for God's sake!" Meryl shouted.

"I'm well aware of that! People have been trying to kill me for over thirty five years! I have a right to bitch about it!" Big Boss shouted as another bullet was fired.

It tore through the couch and passed directly underneath Big Boss' armpit. Had he not been engaged in finishing a phone conversation, it would have passed right through his arm.

"You can bill the Patriots for that!" Big Boss said to Snake.

Big Boss turned off his phone and placed it back inside his coat. A mysterious individual with jet black hair and the whitest skin Snake had ever seen inexplicably rose up from the carpet behind Big Boss. No announcement had been given nor any hints of entry made. He simply appeared out of nothing. Judging from his appearance, he was of Asian descent. He wore no shirt and had on a pair of baggy jeans that lacked pockets. The man also didn't seem to have any nipples and had a slightly muscular build. He wasn't wearing any shoes. His eyes were fixed in a creepy manner that made it seem as if he were always staring ahead no matter where he was looking. He didn't enjoy blinking, either. The most interesting feature on this characters body was a lavender tattoo on his left wrist. It was nothing more than a bar of color that covered about as much of his wrist as a watch would. An old brown bag was tied across his waist, held by drawstrings.

"Behold, I have made my entrance like a vengeful demon rising from the depths of hell! Yes! Yes, indeed! Harken onto me, for I am Shadow Raccoon, a warlock and an illusionist. Your senses never cease to deceive you, so why bother trusting them?"

"Let's get out of here." Big Boss demanded impatiently. "They're starting without us and we need to be there."

"Relax, I have personally taken care of the sniper and his little squad of idiots already. Besides, we have plenty of time to get acquainted with our enemies."

He threw his arms up into the air as if rejoicing that gas prices had gone down by two dollars a gallon.

"Show your colors, my comrades! Intimidate our adversaries so they begin feeling apprehensive and have second thoughts about opposing our Commander!"

"This isn't the time for introductions." Big Boss insisted.

"Stand in sheer awe and glory at the inspiring sight of the most elite group of soldiers you will encounter this side of another sequel to the franchise!" Shadow Raccoon declared.

He reached into his bag and pulled out a mixture of several different earthly substances that he freely displayed to Snake's buddies in the palm of his hand. Snake could have sworn he saw some type of mushroom and a spider web grounded up into the formula. The man closed his fist after his audience had enough time to examine what he was holding.

"May Blue Death be revealed!" Shadow Raccoon proclaimed. "An Sanct Lor!"

**NEXT TIME : **You didn't actually think you would get to learn about Big Boss' personal bodyguards so early, did you? This is the perfect spot to end a chapter. However, in less than a week you will learn who Big Boss trusts his life with. It won't be pretty. All those esoteric mercenaries and their superpowers cleverly disguised as results of hardened combat expertise usually aren't all that right in the head and Big Boss' group is no exception. Who are they? What makes them so special? Find out next time when Blue Death is revealed.


	8. Blue Death

**Chapter 8 : Blue Death.**

A bright flash of blue light silently emitted from the hand Shadow Raccoon held his reagents in and blinded everyone in the room. They instinctively shielded their eyes and shouted in irritation. Shadow Raccoon repeated the spell four more times before quitting. Snake opened his eyes and saw that four other soldiers had suddenly appeared in the room with them. Just by looking at them he could tell that they were all a bunch of weirdos. Here was yet another group of highly skilled soldiers who relied on one particular uncanny skill in battle for him to deal with. Snake wondered where people like this could be found these days.

When Big Boss was in command of FOX-HOUND, they were everywhere. It had gotten less interesting when Campbell took over, but once he retired things heated up again much to his displeasure. In Campbell's eyes a standard soldier armed with an M4 was more effective than one who fought with a bionic arm and a bazooka. Snake agreed with this hypothesis and thought that it had evolved into a fact due to the outcome of all his previous encounters. Then again, Snake usually liked to think that he was incredibly lucky. Perhaps that in itself was a latent skill that he subconsciously used.

Shadow Raccoon stood in the middle of them as if he were their leader. The member on the far left was a woman with highly refined features. She was wearing the Splitter camouflage pattern and her dirty blond hair was cut short and pulled back. The woman looked more agile than anything else and it was hard to tell what made her unique, but Snake was sure he would be hearing about her special talent within the next two minutes. Special soldiers loved to brag about themselves. Like Shadow Raccoon, she too wore a band of color around her wrist that was permanently colored into her skin. It was powder blue. A large African grey macaw was perched on her shoulder.

"My code name is irrelevant as I prefer to go by Anna." she explained. "Refer to me as such from this point forth."

Snake noticed her irises were slanted, much like a cats would be. Either she was wearing special contacts or cosmetic surgery had advanced enough to allow for this absurd upgrade.

"I have always had a knack when it comes to bonding with animals, even those animals that would easily think of humans as dinner. From them I have learned how to stalk, track, and attack my prey. Such ferocity combined with the knowledge of how to set up traps has left many of my enemies helpless against me."

"What's the bird for?" Snake asked.

"Without him, I would not be able to control the rage I unleash."

The parrot didn't respond as it was too busy grinding its beak.

"Sounds like a personal problem to me." Meryl commented.

"If only you knew." Anna said with a smirk. "I have something to tell you, Solid Snake. It is unfortunate that we must meet like this as I have always been a fan of your work."

"Get in line." Snake ordered.

She smirked.

"I hope you don't mind if I take a piece of you with me as a memento."

"What do you mean?"

She stepped aside to reveal that a certain dog was standing behind her, panting heavily and looking quite contempt. Meryl and Snake shared a collective gasp. The dog was none other than Reece.

"You bastard!" Meryl spat.

"Traitor!" Snake accused. "How could you do this to me, Reece?"

Reece barked happily.

"He is such a beautiful animal. Do not worry, I will treat him well. He shall not be subjected to any lessons in combat as I would prefer to keep him tame. Perhaps one day I will be lucky enough to return him to you once his attitude has changed. You see, he is quite unhappy with his life as a sled dog."

Memories of his fight against insanity attacked him. Snake cried out in anguish. The only thing that could make him break was a direct threat to his mental stability. PTSD didn't count, but having hallucinations that involved his dogs talking to him with no clear origin as to how the occasion had come about certainly did. Everyone in the room was taken aback. Even Shadow Raccoon blinked and Big Boss knew that was the only time he had ever seen the man do so.

_Sometimes I don't think I can live the life of a sled dog! _Reece's voice cried out from the depths of Snake's sanity.

He was reduced to a crumbled heap within seconds.

"I think I'd better move along with the introductions." Anna said, slightly disturbed at the reaction she had caused.

The man to her right was highly recognizable and didn't appear to fit in with the other members. He was dressed in the exact same fashion the troops guarding the tank hanger had been during Shadow Moses. He was still wearing the same mask and even had a couple of grenades strapped on his belt. Instead of carrying the FAMAS, he held an XM8 and appeared to have a Browning nine millimeter strapped to his hip. He did not have a blue band of pride around his wrist, which made everyone wonder why he was here if he wasn't a part of Blue Death. He cleared his throat loudly before speaking.

"I survived the cold weather of Alaska and the icy attitudes of the Gurlukovich unit. Right now I'm in a transition period and I just so happen to be Big Boss' personal assistant."

The soldier glowered with immense pride.

"The reason being that you are completely incapable of doing anything else, you bumbling buffoon." Shadow Raccoon said. "He only likes you because you know how to work with computers. Why do you think you're always running errands for him?"

Big Boss stole a beer out of Snake's fridge since this was taking so long.

"Let him be, Shadow." Anna said.

"So what do you do? Do you wipe Big Boss' butt?" Naomi asked.

"No, he's not that old! I'm good with computers and stuff."

"And stuff?" Meryl repeated, raising a doubtful eyebrow.

"Yeah, and you guys kind of know me already." the mystery man said.

"Yes, I can clearly pick you out from the hive that was my former regiment." Meryl said sarcastically.

"You don't even recognize the sound of my voice? It's me. Johnny Sasaki and my code name is Akiba because I like Japan and stuff."

An image of a naked ass flashed across Snake's mind.

"You?" he said, snapping out of his stupor and standing back up with his weapon in hand.

"Soldiering has always been what I was best at and that's what my father did before me. Big Boss kind of knows my father and stuff."

"Hence why you're even allowed to be in our company." Shadow said.

"Are you jealous?" Anna asked.

She smiled, revealing four perfectly sharpened incisors. Snake rubbed at his eyes in aggravation.

"That's hot." Roy commented.

"Thank you." Anna said.

"Anna's code name should be Mary Sue." Snake said with a grin.

Anna narrowed her eyes.

"My code name _is _Mary Sue. We'll not discuss how I earned it since. . ."

Everyone in the room was sent into a great fit of pure laughter, except for the other members of Blue Death. The noise was deafening. Even Big Boss had his head thrown back in amusement. Anna seethed noticeably, discontent with how she was being treated. Meryl was sprawled over the table, slamming her fist into it as tears streamed down her face.

"I can't even begin to imagine why." Snake said sarcastically. "I mean, it's not obvious at all."

"Well, I guess we know who's going to play a major part in Big Boss' operation." Roy added in.

Anna sighed in defeat.

"Don't worry, little girl. I'm sure some of the more lenient members of the community will appreciate your addition. Big Boss couldn't have done what he has without the aid of a new group of whacked out soldiers, could he? A private military just isn't enough these days. He had to hire you lot of freaks." Ocelot said.

"Good God, what happened to your hand?" Anna asked. "You're bleeding all over the place."

"I think somebody likes Ocelot." Naomi teased.

"That has nothing to do with it. Can't you even see how bad that looks? Somebody needs to put some ice on it."

"How badly did you fail your litmus test?" Meryl asked.

"The bird must have killed her." Snake said. "That's an automatic twenty point deduction."

"Not entirely. I knew of someone who also used a bird, but he was a bit more annoying about it. That bird was the worst thing I've ever eaten." Big Boss said.

"Just give it a rest!" Anna demanded. "We're getting too close to breaking the fourth wall and none of this really matters."

"Oh, come off of it! Don't let that black thong I'm sure you're wearing ride so far up your crack!" Liquid said.

"Is that the new panties in a knot metaphor?" Big Boss asked nobody in particular.

"Look, Mary Sue. Just don't fall in love with any of us, alright? If you do, there will be hell to pay." Liquid advised.

"Again, with the points. Honestly, Donovin. I might actually start feeling proud of you."

"Let's get back to what we were discussing earlier." Johnny urged. "By the way, can I use your restroom?"

"Don't even think about it! You'll be in there all day." Big Boss said. "Hold it until we get back to base."

"I'll try. No guarantees."

The chick standing next to Johnny couldn't have been two days past eighteen and she was using it to her advantage. She was dressed in a tacky novelty T-Shirt that proclaimed her love for alcohol in Japanese. For her lower half she had decided to decorate herself with a pair of brown khaki's. There appeared to be some American in her and if Snake's ability to judge character hadn't declined he was pretty sure that she wasn't one of those third generation Japanese Americans who took interest in their culture and language of origin after having been born into a family with one parent clearly of Japanese descent. Snake didn't need to automatically assume that the girl was Japanese as he could clearly tell the difference between the multiple Asian ethnicities. The new girl did not appear to be armed, but she held a small Sephiroth plushie that was quite obviously the victim of numerous snuggles. The band around her wrist was midnight blue.

"Hooray, it's my turn!" she said enthusiastically. "I'm Chill Penguin and I incorporate my fangirl passions that border on complete insanity into my combat! Yoink! You will come to know mindless obsession through me. Here, hold my plushie!"

She tossed the beaten doll over at Snake, who managed to catch it awkwardly. Sephiroth was pulling the skin of his right eye down in an insulting manner while sticking his tongue out at Snake. The toy abruptly exploded in a flurry of stuffing and embroidery. Snake's hands were bright red and burning in excruciating agony. Somehow she had placed a firecracker inside the doll along with a small capsule of mace that was currently eating its way into Snake's burn wound.

Snake retrieved his weapon, ignoring the pain in his hands.

"Fricken' weeaboo." Snake snarled.

"Yaoi! Oh, but I'm not!"

"Prove it."

She reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a JLPT certificate. It proudly proclaimed that she had passed the fifth level, which made her fluent in the language. Snake was relieved to see that this was a copy of the original document.

"You spent all that time learning Japanese when you could have been learning Spanish, which would have been infinitely more productive in America. You're still a weeaboo."

"But I'm Asian!" she protested.

"Asian American. The racist elitists from Japan would never consider you one of their own. Even so, I ruffle my bandanna at your JLPT, but you're still a weeaboo."

"You're mean! Slash!"

Chill Penguin made a cutting gesture through the air. She pulled another plushie out of her backpack. This one was a replica of Desert Punk. If Sephiroth carried mace, Snake didn't want to find out what Desert Punk had. The final member of Blue Death took a step forward to announce his presence. This oddball was dressed exactly like a soldier from World War II. He wore the uniform commonly sported by the United States and carried an M1 Garand in his hands and a M1911 at his side.

He had an unusually overwhelming demeanor that made everyone in the room suddenly feel quite serious. His facial features were obscured by the helmet he wore. The whole package made him look like an illustration that had just walked out of a book or movie. He stood rigid and appeared to be intensely focused on something that nobody in the room could see. The band of color he had permanently etched into his skin was prussian blue and the rifle he was carrying had a fairly nice scope attached to it, which could only mean one thing that made Snake roll his eyes in disgust.

"I'm Old Tech." he announced. "I refuse to fight with any weapon that wasn't used during the second world war."

Snake sighed and pointed at Old Tech's gun.

"I see you've equipped it with a scope. You're a sniper, aren't you?" Snake asked.

"Good eye." Old Tech said. "Your reputation precedes you."

"Oh, it's not like that. I just can't seem to quit running into them." Snake grumbled. "Every elite unit always has at least one sniper."

"Don't pair me in with them." Old Tech said angrily, pointing to the rest of the group. "I'm the only real professional here. You'll also notice my codename doesn't consist of a verb or a noun paired up randomly with an animal."

"I think I'm going to faint now." Ocelot said.

He slumped to the side and passed out due to the blood he had lost. Naomi quickly snapped out of the stunned amazement Blue Death had put her in and ran over to Ocelot's side and examined the wound.

"Adam!" Ocelot said. "Johnny, run out to the van and get Naomi our first-aid kit."

"Sure thing!" Johnny said eagerly.

He bounded out the door like an eighth grader going home from middle school for the last time.

"Wait a minute." Snake said. "You came here in a van?"

"Yeah, what about it?" Big Boss asked defensively. "You would have heard us if we came in using a helicopter. That would have ruined the element of surprise."

"Okay, fine." Snake said. "But what kind of van?"

"A Kombi." Anna clarified.

"Give me a break! A Kombi? What's the matter? Couldn't you afford a Ford E Series?"

"It's not like we had a choice." Anna said.

"You could fit a zoo in that thing." Meryl said.

"Exactly!" Chill Penguin exclaimed. "We were all like one big happy family in there! Yaoi!"

Snake scratched the back of his head when he began wondering how Chill Penguin lived when she wasn't doing mercenary work. The possibilities were depressing so he quickly stopped.

"It's a nice van. I mean, it's got a TV in it. Not that I spend much time watching the Nazi Box." Old Tech added.

"Hey, remember how butt hurt everyone got when I stopped stocking FOXHOUND with soldiers who had special abilities?" Roy asked Big Boss, who nodded.

Roy pointed at his group and didn't say another word.

"Look, we're going to rendezvous with a helicopter just as soon as we get done here." Big Boss assured them. "You can have the van after that for all we care. It'll be about two miles to the east."

"I don't want it!" Snake said. "Keep your damn van."

"Why are you so embarrassed at our method of transportation?" Anna asked.

"Because it seriously needs to be pimped." Big Boss lamented.

Johnny came back in holding a very large first aid kit, which he handed to Naomi who accepted the gift wearily and continued working on Ocelot's injury.

"Are we done here?" Big Boss asked. "Is your ego satisfied, Shadow?"

He nodded enthusiastically.

"Then let's be off. I'm fairly certain my troops have that place taken over by now." Big Boss said. "At least our friends will know what they're dealing with before the time comes to make their decision."

As soon as Big Boss finished his sentence, Chill Penguin threw her Desert Punk plushie at Snake, who ducked for cover. The moment it hit the floor a bright burst of light resonated through the room. A flash bang had obviously been stuffed into the doll. If there was a better use for a plushie, Snake couldn't think of it at the moment. It took a while for his vision to come back but when it did, Big Boss and his group of misfits were nowhere to be seen and Snake's carpet was covered in an earthly mixture of several roots and at least one mushroom. They hadn't bothered to take their first aid kit with them, which Naomi was still using. She was currently carefully putting stitches along Ocelot's wound. Luckily, he wasn't around to start bitching about the pain quite yet.

Snake sighed in frustration. Big Boss had really shown him up, as had Blue Death. Particularly Anna. Reece was gone. It was a hard thing to accept. He felt elated about not having such a troublesome animal around anymore, but slightly disappointed that he couldn't have trained the dog to act better on his own. He could still get Reece back after he defeated Anna in battle. That thought did little to ease his mood. For now, there were more important matters at hand such as FOXDIE and the ambush that Big Boss had briefly mentioned. He set his gun down for a moment and picked up the envelope that Big Boss had given him right before the gunshots had started and they got side-tracked by a new band of soldiers Snake couldn't wait to whale on.

He was looking at a map of Alaska. A particular section had been circled with a red grease pencil.

_This is where I am, _was written next to it.

It had to be the location of the base Big Boss had sacked, which had been built in protected territory. The environmentalist would throw a fit. He set the picture down and pulled out a document from the envelope. The name of the base was simply Outpost One. It was a scientific research facility dedicated to cloning, genetics, reconstruction, human acceleration, and AI memory. The base had higher priority than Area 51 and was above top secret. Anyone working there lived there and when they wanted to leave they were given a pension and their memories were probably erased.

Outpost One had held the remains of Big Boss for the past decade. Snake carefully read over that part again. Sure enough, the wording hadn't changed and his eyes weren't playing tricks on him. Snake was less than a thousand miles away from his worst enemy. The section that boasted about the presence of Big Boss also happily proclaimed that he was the subject of a new type of classified procedure that would revolutionize the military. The final piece of paper was a simple message written with the same red pencil.

_Who are you really fighting?_

Snake recognized the implications of that message. Like Big Boss, he too was fighting the Patriots. He hadn't always been. In the past, Snake fought against a radical terrorist that was formerly his superior. Now the tables had been turned and the issues were even more confusing. Fighting Big Boss seemed like a mistake now. The logical thing would be to join him. However, Big Boss had a different idea on how to expose the Patriots and it was probably quite violent. Snake and Otacon had once tried to bring them out as peacefully and quietly as they possibly could. Perhaps that wasn't the right approach.

Starting a war or launching a nuke weren't great idea's either. The loss of life could be more substantial compared to what Snake had been doing. Then again, the Patriots had probably killed more people in their existence than Big Boss could ever manage. Were they responsible for all the wars that had ever occurred as Big Boss had eluded to earlier? From the outside, war was a bloody conflict of interests. Nothing conveyed an idea better or made a person feel more important than putting a bullet through his enemies skull. It also forced someone else's ideals onto others in a very deliberate way.

The Patriots certainly weren't above giving specific individuals the means to accomplish this. If they could create the illusion that the chaos in life was coming from issues like that and hide behind a conspiracy theory, then nobody would question if someone was behind the scene in the first place. Perhaps without such a system the world would break into unorganized chaos. After all, the world had functioned pretty well up until this point, excluding all the conflicts it had been through. Maybe the Patriots had something to do with that as well. Snake would probably never know unless he could manage to find and interrogate one of their members. He tore up the piece of he was holding and threw it into a nearby trash can. There was a hidden meaning in all of the documents Snake had finished sorting through and he knew exactly what it was.

Big Boss was asking Snake to join him.

Snake sneezed violently.

**NEXT TIME : **When in the midst of a conspiracy with nowhere else to turn, who can Solid Snake count on for answers? Roy Campbell. Will Campbell redeem himself by giving Snake the full story, or will he just beat around the bush until everyone threatens to hurt him badly? How can Big Boss still be alive? It's just not one of those things that will be explained as being simply as it appears, is it? No. Such an addition surely needs at least one full chapter of informative exhibition. Get ready to learn some stuff that's definitely not canon but has been carefully structured closely to canon so as to seem nearly indistinguishable from the actual thing. This could potentially come back to haunt me with the release of Metal Gear Solid 4.


	9. A Brief Briefing

**Chapter 9 : A Brief Briefing.**

Seconds after Snake had torn up the slip of paper which questioned his position in life against the Patriots and Big Boss his phone began ringing. He immediately looked over at Campbell, who couldn't bring himself to meet Snake's gaze and instead stared at the palms of his hands. That settled matters. This call wasn't from a salesman looking to sell him some terrific gutters. He approached his phone and picked it off the receiver. Before answering it he checked the caller ID and noted that the LCD screen informed him that the number of the individual trying to contact him was coming from an unknown source.

"You'd better let me have that." Campbell said, offering to take the phone from Snake.

Snake reluctantly tossed the phone over to Campbell. He pressed the talk button so it would stop ringing but chose not to engage the person on the other end of the line quite yet.

"Do you mind if I have this conversation somewhere private?" Campbell asked.

"Of course not. May I recommend the garage?"

"Nice try, but Meryl told me about that. I think I'll go downstairs." Campbell said wearily.

He quickly left the living room and headed underneath the house. Nobody needed to be told that this had something to do with Big Boss. Naomi finished repairing Ocelot's wound and sat in silence, unsure of what to say. Meryl also appeared to be nervous, but she did a good job of hiding it. It wasn't all that unusual that a small gathering full of mishaps had suddenly reverted into a waiting room for a serious mission. It reminded Snake of last Halloween, only the equal distribution of candy wasn't involved.

"I'll just say what we're all thinking." Meryl announced. "Big Boss has taken over some base and they probably want you to go after him, David."

"Did you see the look on Campbell's face? He's about ready to vomit. That can't be good. He's either lost a bet or they're making him do something he doesn't want to do." Snake said.

"I've seen that look before. It's both." Meryl informed him.

Whatever Roy was talking about down there couldn't be anything good.

"What are we going to do about Big Boss?" Meryl asked.

"I haven't decided yet." Snake replied.

Snake was tempted to spy on Campbell, but he would probably put the other person on hold and run away until Snake let him be. It was times like this that he wished he still had his directional microphone. Twenty minutes later, Campbell returned to the living room and tossed Meryl the phone, who caught it and returned it to its cradle. He took a seat and carefully chose the best possible way to explain the situation to them.

"Alright. It's plain and simple. Big Boss has seized a base with the help of a mercenary organization he bought after escaping from the very same place he's taken over. He is currently en route to the base and if he doesn't make it back they said they'll do something totally crazy."

Campbell paused for a moment as everyone took the initial news with varied reactions.

"He bought the PMC he's commanding now with some money he hid in Russia. Before Outer Heaven, Big Boss buried a suitcase full of untraceable bonds in a place once know as Tselinoyarsk. I'm not sure what they call it these days, but that was the name I was given. The soldiers can't be traced to a particular outfit and it might be safe to assume that Big Boss may actually be in charge of other PMC's at the moment, but we have no way of knowing which ones."

"How well are these soldiers trained?" Meryl asked.

"Military equipment isn't sacred anymore. The latest and greatest innovations in warfare can be bought for the right price. They are armed to the teeth. Some are wearing an exoskeleton that is the closest thing to cyberization there is without sacrificing your body. It enhances their combat ability significantly. They're the same type Snake saw in the Big Shell."

"Forget about that. I'm more concerned with how Big Boss is alive in the first place. Well, colonel?" Snake asked.

"I don't know." Campbell muttered submissively.

"That's not the right answer! You tell him straight, dad!" Meryl ordered.

Campbell looked at Meryl in shocked disbelief and began to tear up.

"That's the first time you've called me dad and not uncle. . .or a lying old deficit to social security." Campbell said in a broken tone.

"Right, and I think that justifies going against your code of silence and letting Snake know the real truth behind the operation he will undoubtedly be forced to participate in." Meryl carefully pointed out.

"I wholly agree!" Naomi concurred.

"Of course, the logic is absolutely flawless!" Snake exclaimed exuberantly.

"Then let's get me demoted!" Campbell said assertively.

"Alright, _Lieutenant _Colonel." Snake said with a wry grin and a silly wink, cleverly addressing Campbell one rank beneath his current status.

"God, I haven't heard that in years." Campbell said spitefully. "What I'm about to tell you is classified information. Okay?"

Snake nodded.

"Because of that, I'll be ignoring the risks involved with telling you these details without proper permission. To begin with, you didn't completely kill Big Boss back in Zanzibar, but you came awfully damn close. The Patriots sent someone in right behind you to recover the body because they were still interested in experimenting with his genes. Big Boss' remains were far too valuable to lose. It was quickly discovered that he was still alive, but that didn't matter after they froze him. I think that's pretty much been established about a thousand times by now. However, the fact that he is now a cyborg has never been mentioned."

Snake's earlier suspicions were immediately confirmed. That's why his blood was so different. Even though he suspected that the answer he was just given had to be the only plausible explanation he still found it hard to accept. It required further clarification.

"What did you just say?" Snake asked, completely bewildered.

"You heard me." Campbell answered. "But don't jump to conclusions. When I say cyborg, don't think he's Robocop and the only way you can beat him is by duping him into stepping on land mines. His body was artificially reconstructed. Additionally, all of his organs were replaced except for his brain. This means that while he may be in his eighties by now, his body is only twenty five years old internally."

"Does that mean he'll live longer?" Naomi asked.

"Yes. He shouldn't run into any problems for another forty years unless something goes wrong with his brain."

"So why did they wake him up in the first place?" Snake asked.

"Can you think of a better ally to have? He's a brilliant strategist and has always managed to set up operations that result in minimal casualties. If Big Boss is in charge of your operation, then you can rest assured that the job will get done. In other words, they were planning on converting him. Obviously it didn't work."

"Idiots. Did they actually expect him to do so just because they gave him a new body?"

"Of course not. They were going to brainwash him with nanomachines, but he escaped before they could do so."

"Then it's true that they have come that far?" Naomi asked.

"Yes. Nanomachines have advanced to the point where they can control anything about a person. They're still testing the system for bugs, but the plan is to use them to produce better soldiers and subjugate the general populace."

"How exactly did Big Boss escape?" Snake ventured.

"By hiding inside a cardboard box for several days until he was finally flown out of the facility."

"That's what I would have done." Snake said almost admirably.

"Really?" Meryl said sarcastically. "How could they have been that stupid?"

"You just have to be good with a box." Snake said defensively. "I bet he even put a sticker on the side that specified where he wanted to go."

"He sure did." Campbell confirmed.

"What an ass!" Meryl exclaimed.

"So Big Boss escaped. What about that information packet you sent me a while back? How come they let this problem get so bad?" Snake asked.

"Because that wasn't the real Big Boss." Campbell said simply. "That photo of him in Vegas? A complete fabrication. Big Boss commissioned an impersonator to pose as him while he worked behind the scenes and gathered his resources together. When they got too close to the truth, Big Boss had his double go to Vegas where he was eventually captured, but by that time it was too late. Big Boss was ready to move."

"Wait a second. A double? Was he Solidus?" Snake asked.

"I'm sorry. I'm not sure. It could be a possibility."

"Has Big Boss made any demands yet?" Meryl asked.

"No, but we suspect he'll ask for something eventually."

"I read about what that base specializes in. There won't be any Metal Gear's to worry about this time, will there?"

"No. Not this time."

"How has the development of the Metal Gear's been coming along?" Snake asked. "Or do you even know?"

"I do." Campbell said with a sigh. "They have managed to miniaturize them. I can't remember what they're called, but they're not technically considered Metal Gear's even though they do share a few traits with them. They just started using them in the field. You've got to remember that Metal Gear is an official military vehicle now thanks to Ocelot. A new Metal Gear is like the latest gun from a viable company or yet another bland but marketable Final Fantasy game geared towards rabid emo's like that stupid Chill Busty fan brat."

"Penguin." Meryl corrected.

"Whatever. Anyway, our escort is probably almost here. You'll learn more about the mission when we get to where we're going."

"We?" Naomi asked.

"I assumed you and Meryl would like to participate in the mission so I negotiated a couple of positions for you two to fill in. Naomi, you'll be with me on the support team. Any problems Snake has with FOXDIE or personal injuries are to be handled by you. Meryl, you'll be going in with an elite team we have on loan to rescue the hostages and lower the opposition Snake will encounter once he has finished his end of the operation. This will be a stealth mission. It's technically an assault, but it's an assault we prefer you do quietly. As for you, Snake. . ."

Campbell paused to allow the background music to suddenly become very suspenseful and to make himself appear more stoic. Everyone shared a collective sigh as the music slowly swelled.

"Your primary mission objective is to eliminate Big Boss."

"I understand." Snake said. "But isn't Big Boss fighting against the Patriots? Wouldn't we be killing an ally?"

"Honestly, I don't know what's worse. They'll always exist, Snake. Always. What their ultimate goal is, nobody really knows. Do you think any of us would be alive right now if we were a real threat to them? For the time being, we might as well do what they say. After all, they are trying to preserve social order in this case. If you'd like to look at it in a different light, the UN is technically the organization asking us to do this mission and considering some of the stuff you've been involved in ever since you and Otacon started that anti-Metal Gear coalition, I'd take it as a compliment."

"Fine. He did desire a world of perpetual warfare where everyone was a soldier. I don't agree with that."

"Okay. Now for the really bad news." Campbell announced. "Snake. . .Raiden is going to accompany you on this mission. He's a decoy, but don't tell him that. He'll be watching for the members of Blue Death. Hopefully you won't run into them. If you can get straight to Big Boss, that would be great. Once you two are finished, the cavalry will arrive and you will be extracted."

"Just make sure he doesn't get in my way." Snake requested.

The doorbell rang, which caused everyone to jump.

"That must be our escort. Once we get to where we're going, everyone will undergo a quick virtual simulation to knock the dust off your combat skills. After that, the real mission will commence and hopefully everyone will be home in a few days."

"And exactly where are we going?" Snake asked.

**NEXT TIME:** Hidden agenda's aren't very fun. If people were honest with each other, there would be no need to lie. That has nothing to do with the story or the next chapter, but it's just one of the grains of fruitless knowledge that nobody really follows. Snake and the gang are quite surprised at where they will be staying. Ocelot is made at karaoke. A familiar task force from _Issues _shows up and an imposter is revealed shortly after Campbell saves the day by stopping a helicopter from crashing. He's good at aviation like that. Be sure to watch for the exciting tater tots cameo and be back next week at around the same time for more of what you've already read.


	10. All Expenses Paid

**Chapter 10 : All Expenses Paid.**

"Shadow Moses." Campbell answered dramatically. "It's been renovated and from what I hear they did a fabulous job. One of its new features is a high-tech virtual reality simulator and since they overspent their budget to afford this thing it would be really rude of us not to use it."

"Is it better than Otacon's?" Meryl asked.

"It's his latest build. You know how that guy is. He's always trying to make his stuff perfect. The newest update patches several security flaws and adds more realism. Do you remember how rendering actual environments really ate up the programs resources? That's no longer an issue."

"I still prefer the multi-colored blocks." Snake muttered sarcastically.

"Shouldn't Shadow Moses be falling into the ocean by now due to global warming?" Naomi asked.

"Oh, Naomi! Global warming doesn't exist." Campbell said with a little wink.

"And overpopulation is not a concern?"

"Of course not! Play your Gameboy."

"But seriously, Campbell." Naomi urged.

"Yes, Shadow Moses is eventually going to sink into the ocean along with California and the hopes and dreams of many of the people on Earth when fresh water becomes scarce and there isn't enough food to go around, but for now they're doing quite fine despite the fact that the base was once taken over by terrorists." Campbell explained.

The doorbell rang again, but nobody moved to answer it. Campbell knew the situation was urgent, but he didn't feel like rushing Snake. Leaving right this instant didn't bode well with Snake. There was one last thing he had to take care of before he could leave his house for more than a few days. A man dressed appropriately for the weather outside who bore the insignia of a major on his parka jacket peered through the same window Ocelot had used earlier and waved at Snake in an overtly friendly manner.

Another army official came plodding along right behind him and said something to the major, who pointed enthusiastically at Snake. The other man, who didn't bear any identifiable marks on his own parka, began laughing exuberantly. They then both turned and waved at Snake together. Snake frowned. Apparently finding his house was no longer quite the challenge it had been before, which was exceptionally irritating. He'd have to see if he could do something about that.

Meryl got up from her seat and shut the blinds for the window. The two gentlemen outside immediately began pounding on the glass and shouting in protest, but they were ignored. Snake sighed and focused his attention on the last bit of business he needed to take care of before putting his life on the line again.

"Campbell, I need you to hold our escorts for about five minutes." Snake said.

"You don't have to go to the bathroom again, do you?" Campbell asked warily. "I swear. Every single time before a mission or a training exercise. It's like clockwork!

"No, I'm fine. I just need five minutes. Meryl, you come with me."

"This isn't what I think it is, is it? Because I'm in no mood." Meryl clarified.

Snake narrowed his eyes at her. Meryl smirked slightly and winked, indicating that she had been kidding.

"I'll buy you some time." Campbell said quietly.

The two began to head back to Snake's room.

"We're not going to hug your boxes, are we?" Meryl asked in a whisper, knowing that Snake didn't like to talk about such things out loud.

"No, that's something else." Snake told her.

After entering his room, Snake walked inside his closet and rummaged around for a bit before returning with two fresh packs of Lucky Strikes, one of which he handed to Meryl.

"I thought these were discontinued." Meryl said, examining the simple packaging.

"Not entirely. I got scared when I heard they might be so I bought a bunch of them and stuffed them in here." Snake said, gesturing towards his closet.

"Well, I don't smoke but I appreciate the gesture. Thanks for the lucky charm." she said, pocketing the cigarettes.

"Just don't burn the house down with them."

Meryl rolled her eyes and left the room in a hurry. Snake grinned as he followed her from behind, quite satisfied with his dry wit that referred to the lie that had caused them to start living together. Upon returning to the living room, Snake expected to be immediately escorted to a vehicle by a couple of armed soldiers but instead discovered that they hadn't even entered his house yet and Ocelot was up. Snake prepared himself for an onslaught of arrogance.

Campbell wasn't anywhere to be seen but Naomi was checking over Ocelot one last time. Before speaking, he popped a couple of pills that were supposed to be able to suppress Liquid and swallowed them dry. The quality of his medication was something he never got tired of dreading. Either they worked or they didn't and in this instance they really needed to do their job. If Liquid threw a fit now he'd be the laughingstock of the people he was playing host to. And then they might kill him. Or try to, at any rate.

"Thanks for your hospitality." Ocelot remarked ruefully. "Although it was somewhat delayed."

The implications his presence could have on their current state of affairs suddenly became very apparent to Solid Snake, which fueled his need to question the situation. Ocelot was definitely still in league with the Patriots despite his Liquid arm and shady business practices. While he might have been friends with Big Boss at one point, he was clearly against him now. Snake wasn't sure if Big Boss knew about this. Or, quite frankly, if he cared. Participating in a mission commissioned by the Patriots was horribly ironic and belittled the now defunct Philanthropy. Before Snake could speak, Ocelot was able to discern what he would have asked just by Snake's wide eyes and twitching bottom lip that quivered in confusion.

"I'm afraid I might not be able to join either of you in this little endeavor. Big Boss may already know where my true intentions lie due to an unforeseen consequence of a partnership I shared with him earlier in my life. And to think he was once like you, Snake! Don't go crazy and start having delusions of grandeur yourself. Don't you worry about me either, I'll be fine. I know the people who are outside."

"You probably have the most pull in this room right now, don't you?"

"That would be a resounding yes. You might be interested to know that the only reason I came to Alaska in the first place was to keep tabs on you."

"So that time we got drunk and sung at the karaoke bar. . ."

"All a farce. Well, maybe not when we sung Private Eyes by Hall and Oates, but the rest of the time you kept picking music I couldn't identify with. And why in the name of God did you insist I do a duet with you to Raspberry Beret? You're lucky I'd been drinking vodka or that right there would have blown my cover. Fooled you, didn't I?"

"Damn!" Snake spat hopelessly. "Meryl was right all along! We should have never trusted you!"

"I told you so!" Meryl said. "Imagine that! A woman's intuition beating a man's logic? It's not something we can talk about out loud, but here it is!"

"Are you feeling bitter? Then go join Big Boss. That'll piss everyone off. Of course if you do, you and I will be on opposite sides."

"Since when were we on the same side?" Snake seethed.

"You've been a lackey for the Patriots since long before we met. How? By keeping nuclear weapons out of the hands of madmen. It's a role you've never failed to perform. I'll admit we have some professional differences, but if it weren't for you than their job would be a lot harder."

Snake was more surprised to learn that Ocelot had been faking their unstable friendship than to know that he had been inadvertently supporting the Patriots by saving the world.

"But what about FOXDIE?" Snake contended. "It looks like they were trying to kill me there, don't you think?"

"That was an alternate way of erasing an inferior Big Boss clone and killing the league of degenerates he commanded just in case you couldn't manage to do so yourself. You were out of combat for a long time when that mission came around. We couldn't be too careful and it was a perfect opportunity to test a very deadly assassination weapon. Why risk hiring a hit man when you can put that thing into a diplomat and have him shake hands with his target? Everything went according to plan except for Naomi's unexpected alteration of the virus. It was originally suppose to fizzle out inside your body once you completed the mission, but her ambitions for revenge changed all that."

Snake sighed in immense exasperation.

"What's become of us? It's like our life has been stuck in some kind of alternate universe lately. I should have never gotten so distracted. Moreover, I should have never just went with it when my dead enemies came back to life and said they didn't really die in the first place and that they were sorry and wanted to make amends. Damn! Meryl moving in with me, Raiden dating Mei Ling, Otacon getting hooked on that stupid video game, me working for Mantis, anime. . .what an absolute mess. How could I have let this happen?"

"That doesn't matter, but I can tell you what does. In the end, we're nothing but soldiers. Except for maybe Raiden, I'm not sure what he is." Ocelot said. "We can go home after a mission and pretend to live different lives, but we'd only be lying to ourselves. For people like us, war is more than second nature. It's instinct. Anyway, I hope you've enjoyed your holiday, because I haven't."

"You haven't been able to get your hand back yet?" Meryl asked.

"Obviously not or I would have already switched it out. That damn ninja doesn't take orders from anyone other than himself. He's as rogue as they get and nobody can find him! Even if I was able to get my hand back that hunk of meat still wouldn't be the original peace of me. I had been wearing a hand I bought from a flesh farm and it never felt right. I can only imagine how Big Boss must feel in his current body." Ocelot said. "He's probably really pissed."

"That must explain why he hired a PMC and took over a base." Snake said sarcastically.

"Undoubtedly." Ocelot muttered darkly.

"People really need to just talk about their feelings, you know?" Naomi asked. "Think of how much of this could have been avoided if Big Boss had only tried to talk out his aggression."

"No thank you, I'll pass." Ocelot said. "Anyway, I think I'll just ask to have another hand made for me. Anything is better than being stuck with Liquid. In the mean time, I'm going to take my leave as I have other matters to attend to. I'll see you around, carrier boy."

Ocelot handgestured them before leaving the small group and heading out the front door just as Campbell came walking in and motioned for the trio to follow him outside. Snake walked out last and closed the door behind him. Outside, the wind was blowing steadily. Snow stirred up in small powdery bits that stung the face of whoever got hit with the wisps of frozen moisture. A black Hummer was parked in Snake's driveway. It had obviously transported the major and his assistant. Both men were hanging around the back of the vehicle talking with one another. If he had any neighbors, this would have looked incredibly incriminating. Out in the distance, Ocelot was driving away in his Shagohod. Three other unmarked vans were parked around the area. A large platoon of heavily armed soldiers wearing advanced combat suits that were one step below powered exoskeletons hung around the back of each van.

The nearest unit stood to attention when they noticed Snake and tightened their grips on their rifles. Obviously one of the reasons they were there was to make sure Snake didn't try anything funny. When Snake took a moment to examine them further he noticed they weren't affiliated with the army and instead were a private commercial unit. More specifically, these soldiers were part of the _League of __Five _which protected the _Shopety-Shop-Shop Mall _and made certain to deploy and recruit troops in their own squadron in divisibles of five.They gave Snake a solemn nod, noting that their identities had been recognized mostly out of pure arrogance instead of an accurate assumption.

In the distance, Snake could swear he heard the sound of a helicopter approaching. While the noise slowly grew in intensity the major motioned for one of the soldiers to come forward and began speaking with him. Snake couldn't quite hear what they were saying over the howling wind. After a moment and a couple of nods the soldier approached Snake and held out his hand. He didn't bother specifying what he wanted and Snake couldn't read any emotions past the mask and ballistics goggles the soldier wore. As the _League of Five _was sworn to an oath of silence and only communicated with its other members in a highly diversified variation of sign language there was no telling what the soldier was trying to convey.

Realizing his mistake, the soldier knocked on his head a couple of times to convey his stupidity and pulled out a small notepad with a pen attached to it. He scribbled a message on the notepad and handed it to Snake, who read it aloud.

"Give us the keys to your house. While you are gone, we will watch over it." Snake said. "You've gotta be kidding."

The soldier waved his free hand in a disagreeing motion before he opened it again, awaiting the keys.

"Someone has to feed your dogs and guard your stuff." Campbell said. "The League has been hired to fulfill that duty. You couldn't ask for a better team."

"They do birthdays!" the major exclaimed.

Nobody else found that funny even though it was still true.

"Meryl, get our keys." Snake requested.

She quickly ran back inside and fetched them from their hiding spot. Meryl then grabbed a hoodie out of her closet and fetched another one for Snake out of his own closet. She also picked an extra hoodie out of Snake's closet for Naomi that was in his size because she thought Naomi might be a little too fat to squeeze into one of her own. As she passed out the items after going back outside Snake kept his gaze leveled at the soldier and noticed that the sound of a helicopter's twirling rotor was definitely in the air.

"You know how to feed my dogs, right?" Snake asked.

He nodded as he put the keys into one of his satchels. Naomi pulled absently at her overly large hoodie and smiled warmly, glad to be so cozy and smell like Snake's exquisite cologne at the same time. Meryl was starting to regret giving her one of his hoodie's and it showed, especially when she began snarling and bearing her teeth in frustration.

"Don't go upstairs." Snake said to the soldier. "And stay away from my booze."

The soldier gave Snake a hearty thumbs-up and a nod. He gave a complex set of hand gestures to the rest of the group in order to silently communicate with them. These movements made Meryl stare at them completely stupefied with her mouth agape as Snake watched in horror and Campbell hid his face. One required the soldier to violently flail both of his arms and tap his helmet lightly with the butt of his rifle. A representative of the separate unit handed his rifle to another soldier and began making great circular motions with both of his arms while squatting up and down. The other soldiers in the immediate area began quickly stomping their feet in protest. Whatever Snake thought the response meant was instantly proven wrong when the man holding his keys shook his head violently and slowly repeated the same gesture and added a jump and a click of his heels at the end.

Every soldier palmed their fist and nodded affirmatively. The man performed Ocelot's hand gesture as if to say they got it right. Four additional troops accompanied the leader as they went inside of Snake's house. The others began breaking out rations and lifting their masks in such a way that they only revealed their mouths. Simply by this action Snake could tell that a couple of the troops were female. Snake blotted out the worries these people caused him to agonize over and turned his attention to the sound of the approaching helicopter. From out of the snowy mist came a very large chopper. It was obviously their ride.

Two soldiers from the _League of Five _helped the pilot land by setting off flares around an area they had personally leveled. It sat down gently and awaited its passengers.

"Time to go." Campbell said. "It might be a tight fit, but we can all squeeze in here together."

Campbell grabbed a hold of the door and slid it open and stepped inside, quickly finding a seat. Meryl and Naomi went in second. Naomi sat by the colonel. With a final glance at his home and the open land around it, Snake climbed aboard and sat next to Meryl. The interior was set up to allow for a total of six people to ride comfortably inside. It was obviously not intended to see combat. A bottle of champagne and a DVD player were among the few special treats he noticed. From behind a small door with a window near the top they were able to see the pilot who was making sure everyone was boarding the vehicle. Snake buckled up as Campbell grabbed the door and was about to shut it when a hand prevented him from doing so. It was the leader of the private unit currently protecting Snake's home. He had the case of Aglaophotis and Snake's M1911.

"It would have been bad if we forgot those." Snake said.

Naomi reached over and grabbed the case and Snake fetched his M1911. The soldier then pulled out his M-9 and an extra pack of Lucky Strikes, which everyone knew were Snake's favorite cigarettes.

"They think of everything, don't they?" Meryl asked nobody in particular, rolling her eyes. "But I guess you can't have too much good luck, can you Dave?"

"It's better than dying." Snake said.

"But don't cigarettes. . ." Naomi began.

"We're not having that conversation."

As the soldier returned to his post inside of Snake's home, Campbell slid the door shut. The two military officials drove away in their Hummer without another word. They must have just been there to make sure Snake left. He wanted that job.

"We're ready for take off, Brad." Campbell said.

"Roger that, sir." Brad said affirmatively.

"Brad?" Snake mused.

The pilot looked over at Snake and gave him a grin and a wink. Brad looked very familiar and yet completely different at the same time. Snake couldn't remember where he knew the man from.

"No, not that Brad. You're thinking of someone else. This guy is kind of new, but. . ." Campbell wasn't able to finish before their hurried reactions began.

Naomi gripped the support rail until her knuckles turned white. Snake tightened his seatbelt. Meryl found that their parachutes had been strapped to the bottom of their seats.

"It's okay." Campbell reassured them in a tone that conveyed just how much he wanted to believe that as well. "Let's just enjoy the ride. He's the only person we could find on such short notice and I haven't been in a helicopter for a long time. It should be fun."

"Did you forget that you get air sick easily and have always hated flying?" Snake asked.

Campbell's complexion paled considerably.

"Up until you reminded me just now." he admitted.

"Zombie!" Brad screeched. "Just kidding, kids, just kidding. Well, not entirely."

He laughed voraciously at his own joke while Campbell searched for a disposable bag. Naomi looked out the window and saw that the soldiers had been watching their ascent. She tentatively waved at them and was awarded with the spectacle of seeing seven of them run around in a circle five times before collapsing into the snow and rolling over on their backs. This depressed her greatly. What followed was a long trip through stable weather that spanned across the wide expanse of the Alaskan wilderness. During the ride Campbell kept a steady conversation going with everyone and tried to keep the mission off of their minds for the time being. Snake paged through the DVD selection at one point and found a treasure trove of obscure cult classics from the eighties. About the only two worth watching on the entire hard drive that stored the movies was _Big Trouble In Little China_ or_ Escape From New York, _but Snake wasn't in the mood for either of them.

The duration of the ride wasn't particularly long. They took a pit stop at Galena air force base where they ate while the helicopter refueled. It was a nice opportunity to stretch and get Campbell some medicine for his air sickness. He had managed to hold his nausea down for the sake of his company, which was a technique he had almost perfected during his college days just so he could irritate his friends and never release the whiskey he took in. It had been a hard battle, but Campbell had managed to win it. While they ate together in a small cafeteria at the base, Brad decided quite rudely to intrude and ask Campbell about his soup. After realizing that he was eating a hamburger and remembering what his last name was, Roy stood up with his small lunch tray and briskly moved to another table. Meryl and Snake followed. Naomi began having flashbacks of herself during high school. She was once stricken with a severe case of acme, braces, glasses, and a British accent amongst a bunch of ethnocentric youths in a dingy climate that would have been perfect for a sociological study on deviance.

About the only thing good about her back then was her hair style which she had since reverted to after playing with the curling iron became monotonous. Being one of the few students who was forced to sit alone during lunch time gave her a predisposition not to give Brad or anyone else the same treatment so she did what any other woman would do when they wanted to ignore a man that intruded upon their personal space while at the same time pretending to be polite about it. She got him to talk about himself. After tuning him out, she continued eating her meal and always looked past him when it seemed as though she was looking at him. Meryl, being a woman herself, caught what Naomi was doing and whistled tonelessly in approval while Snake and Roy snickered as they shared some tater tots.

When they finished eating, it was time to go and Naomi felt dirty. Campbell took a jug of ice cold water along with him to keep his stomach down. He believed that if he drank enough water he could avoid expelling the mess that churned around inside of his stomach. While drinking water hardly did anything beneficial aside from dulling the sting of the regurgitation it made Campbell feel more at ease for the second half of their trip. Snake dozed off into a dreamless state of infinity. When he was roused by Meryl, it was already dark out. She urged him to look out the window and sure enough the Shadow Moses facility had come into view. The base was definitely bigger, but the layout seemed to be the same. He also noticed that another helicopter had intercepted their course and had taken the lead. Campbell explained that their other teammates were in that one the moment Snake took notice.

Snake spotted the elevator he had taken up from the docks and wasn't surprised to see that the helipad was still in the same place. A covered truck was parked out front. The front door was still there, as were the two ventilation shafts. There was a bit more space for storage as well. Snake couldn't wait to run around and see what had changed. The first thing he was going to explore was the truck parked right next to the helipad. For now, he had to wait for the other helicopter to land. A soldier wandered on out to the pad and began giving directions to the other helicopter. Before it touched the ground, Raiden jumped out of it and landed on his feet. Mei Ling followed him. The second she got on the ground, the helicopter that had carried her and the others ascended and began heading north where it would presumably land somewhere else.

"Holy Snickers and a pack of Dots!" Snake exclaimed. "It's Mei Ling!"

"Where?" everyone demanded.

Snake found his face pressed up against the surface of the window he had been looking out of as Meryl, Roy, Naomi, and Brad clamored up behind him and fought for a view. His face was rubbed violently across the cold surface while Naomi and Roy pushed him down so they could peer over his head, which didn't work very well as Meryl and Brad came in from the side. A loud clunk was heard as all their skulls connected together. Naomi collapsed on her back a couple feet away and Meryl fell back into her seat. Roy and Brad backed off in a daze, leaving Snake to tend to his face, which had been rubbed raw.

"Aren't you supposed to be flying this thing?" Snake asked Brad while checking to see how loose one of his teeth was.

"Oh, yeah." Brad said. "I had better get back to that."

He quickly scrambled into the cockpit and tried to regain control. The helicopter lurched to the right slightly, which caused everyone on the ground to collectively tilt their heads in confusion. One soldier began screaming that the thing was going to crash. He quickly inserted himself into a nearby ventilation duct. Two other soldiers tried to coax him out with beef jerky. The collective intelligence quotient of the soldiers who patrolled the base must not have improved since Snake's last visit. Things weren't any better on the helicopter. Snake grabbed a support beam that broke off during the upheaval, causing him to lurch face first into Meryl's boobs.

"Bath and Body Works again, Meryl?" Snake asked in a muffled tone.

"Why, yes. Cotton Blossom, to be specific. I'm glad you noticed. Do you appreciate the cushioning of my breasts?" she asked snidely.

"Most definitely. They're like airbags. But not baggy! Don't misinterpret what I'm saying. By the way, I'm staying here in case we die."

"You're what?"

The helicopter lurched again. Naomi slid headfirst into the door and groaned in pain while Campbell lost his footing and landed quite forcefully on his ass. Meryl was pressed further into the corner and Snake was pressed further into Meryl.

"Brad, what the hell are you doing?" Campbell shouted.

"I think now would be a very good time to divide the remainder of this assignment into several different scenario's that the player can select!" Brad said nervously.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Meryl demanded.

"Mmmph!" Snake agreed, still wedged between Meryl's love pillows.

"That's it! I've had it with you!" Campbell roared.

"Bus, gas, bust, gust! Bus, gas, bust, gust!" Brad screamed in dismay from the pilot's seat.

Roy crawled into the cockpit and punched Brad across the face. He then grabbed the back of his shirt and the top of his jeans and hurled him headfirst into the passenger area before sitting down and taking control of the helicopter.

"There, you see how. . ." Campbell began.

He looked at the status of the helicopter and saw that the rotor blades had somehow been damaged.

"When did this happen?" he asked nobody in particular.

Campbell seized the control stick and prepared to take the chopper down hard. The only explanation he had for this sudden failure was that the craft must be experiencing a retreating blade stall caused by Brad suddenly leaving his seat and losing control of the helicopter for a few seconds. There might have been other factors involved, but the main point here was that they weren't going to land easily.

"Hang on, everyone!" Campbell advised confidently.

"We're all gonna die!" Brad screamed. "Game over, man! Game over!"

Brad curled up into a ball. Meryl got a good grip on Snake and grabbed a support beam. Naomi hoisted herself up on her rear and wrapped her hand around the door handle until her knuckles turned white. Thirty seconds later they landed. Quite roughly. With a sigh of relief, he powered down the helicopter and tried to ignore the smell of smoke. Everyone slapped Brad at least once for being such a moron. Naomi opened the door for everyone and Meryl stumbled out unto the cement pavement shouldering Snake. Raiden looked on worriedly while Mei Ling watched the snow fall and came up with a haiku she'd have to jot down later. She couldn't express concern for anyone just yet. After all, she had just broken up with her boyfriend, Raiden. Caring for somebody else's feelings was something that would come back to her in time.

Naomi and Campbell emerged from the helicopter, leaving Brad behind to wallow in his incompetence. The front door of the complex opened and a woman bearing the mark of a major approached them accompanied by four soldiers. Snake ignored her and did away with any obligation to be formal by hoping into the back of the truck. He rooted around inside as Meryl watched him curiously. Campbell received the major with a salute.

"Welcome to Shadow Moses, colonel." the major said. "I'm in charge here. My name is Major Lee. Did Solid Snake just hop into the back of that truck?"

"I believe he did." Campbell said matter of factly. "Snake, what are you doing back there?"

"He can play around for now if he likes. I'm afraid I have some unfortunate news for you." Lee said regretfully.

"What's that?"

"The man who flew you here is not a registered pilot. He just kind of looks like one. I don't know where he got all the necessary paperwork, but we caught him anyway. He probably isn't a threat to the operation, but we'll interrogate him anyway just to be sure."

Brad tentatively poked his head out of the doorway to see if everyone was still angry at him.

"Arrest that man." Lee listlessly, pointing directly at Brad.

Brad squealed and shut the door. He ran to the control panel and tried to start the helicopter again, but several soldiers seized him and brought him in front of Major Lee. He fought against the men restraining him, but couldn't manage to break free.

"Who are you?" Lee asked in an even tone.

"I am but a humble servant to all those above me." Brad replied.

"Wait just a second. Where do I know you from?" Naomi asked herself.

Naomi looked carefully at the imposer in front of her and noticed that the color of his eyelashes didn't match the color of his hair. She grabbed his head and searched through his hair where she found an unmistakable scar. It seemed that Brad had once been hit over the head with something. The dye of Brad's hair seemed fresh and wasn't done correctly in some places. This could have been intentional purely for the sake of style, but Naomi didn't think this was the case. She reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his wallet. Inside she found a bunch of credit cards for several different companies, a two dollar bill, and his drivers license. While it clearly identified him as Brad Branson, the picture had been taken a few months ago and he looked completely different now, but back then he bore a strong resemblance to someone she had once known.

She normally wouldn't have thought anything of it if their personalities weren't so similar. This man was not Brad Branson. He was Kyle, a former employee of Psycho Mantis and a complete nut case.

"Hello, Kyle." Naomi said.

The man dropped his head in shame.

"Hi, Ms. Hunter." Kyle whimpered sheepishly.

Snake jumped out of the back of the truck.

"Hey, guys!" he said excitedly. "Look at what I found in the back of this truck! A SOCOM! Isn't that great? Now I'm armed! Better call Nastasha, right?"

Nobody paid any attention to him.

"What?" Snake demanded.

**NEXT TIME: **It's time for some VR Training. In the past, Snake had to run through various challenges that had nothing to do with his actual mission. They were only there to warm him up and keep him occupied. Technology has advanced to the point where it's possible for Snake to do a simulation of his mission before he even embarks on it. Of course, Snake isn't all that interested and would rather spend his time exploring Shadow Moses. Theoretically if all were to go according to plan, Snake would have more than enough knowledge of the base's layout beforehand along with information pertaining to troop placement and other vital goodies that could help him complete his mission almost effortlessly. Where's the fun in that? Stay tuned for the next chapter, which finds itself squarely in the middle of the story.


	11. Bug

**Chapter 11 : Bug.**

Somehow in a highly inexplicable fashion Kyle had managed to get himself employed in the army as a helicopter pilot after being fired from the _Praying Mantis _when Psycho Mantis deemed his services technically infeasible and hired Phuc Ngu to cover up certain aspects of his business in a more professional manner. While hooked to a certain unmistakable torture rack located in the exact same place it had been years before, Kyle wouldn't break and asserted he was the twin brother of Brad Vickers. According to him, that alone qualified him to pilot a helicopter regardless of whether he had a real license or not.

They looked nothing alike when all the cosmetics were removed, but he insisted that they were identical twins. From two separate eggs. Major Lee decided to play along and had Kyle's records brought up, which asserted among multiple charges of insurance fraud and indecent exposure that he was absolutely not related to the Vicker's family in any conceivable way. Upon hearing this devastating news he cried out in absolute anguish that he must have been ghost hacked and refused to respond to any external stimuli from that point forth.

They threw him in one of the holding cells and learned to let him lie on the floor after they had tried putting him back on the bed only to watch him roll off shortly thereafter and collide violently with the tiled ground. His head stopped bleeding thirty minutes later when the bloody wound this behavior earned him finally coagulated. Snake watched this with most of his buddies while drinking a cappuccino flavored with spiced chai. Kyle's eyes remained in the back of his skull. It was quite creepy. After watching a saucy female soldier try to hand feed the man with absolutely no success, Snake was allowed to take a tour of the base because Campbell knew he was a sucker for stuff like that.

Shadow Moses was more of the same, but only bigger. Like Mei Ling's ass. Sometimes a few extra pounds were good for certain women. The armory was still right beneath the tank hanger and now sported a couple of enhancements, Otacon's lab saw a dramatic increase in resources, some of the original bullet holes left in a couple firefights he'd inadvertently stumbled into hadn't been filled in and the overland route was still blocked by frozen glaciers but they were working on correcting that inconvenience. The first floor basement of the main building had an additional room added to it where the prototype virtual reality simulator was located.

It was kind of hard to walk around unnoticed as most of the soldiers recognized him immediately as he was the only person on the base and in Alaska who chose to wear a mullet and a highly distinctive blue bandanna at the same time. They pestered him with all kinds of questions that he reluctantly answered while heading back the way he came only to run into more soldiers. The second batch was mostly comprised of foreigners. Backed into a corner with no real place to run, Solid Snake quickly assessed the situation and made his daring escape by breaking into a nearby ventilation shaft. The massive influx of people heading in after him caused one soldier to die and three others to incur several broken ribs due to their enthusiasm. It took five bottles of kitchen soap to dislodge the tangle of men and women from the tiny opening.

Snake skulked around the vents and wouldn't respond when they paged him on the radio Lee had given him right before he went wandering around just in case he got lost. Now he was simply exploring the ventilation system and looking for a safe place to exit. The vents hadn't changed at all. They were still cold, submerged in some places, and filled with the unmistakable smell of air constantly interacting with heat, moisture, and the bitter cold. He'd slithered down an incredibly cold passage momentarily before continuing through the system he was already in. Snake presumed that the freezing shaft lead into the nuclear warhead storage building, which was across a large snowfield. He lost track of how long he crawled until he finally came across a grated window that sparked his interest. Up until then he'd been passing guards, the occasional scientist, and a squad of soldiers that had been instructed to find him and tell him to report to the third floor basement of Building C, which he presumed he was still in. What managed to halt Snake's impromptu exercise routine for the day was a spot looking down on a locker room.

Meryl and Mei Ling entered. Meryl tried to engage Mei Ling in conversation while they both slowly disrobed, but Mei Ling didn't seem very interested in catching up with the other woman, which ruined Snake's lesbian fantasy. Their backs were to him, which he found frustrating. Hypnotized by their bodies, he couldn't help but watch in a stupefied trance. A fraction of a second before either of them became naked, Lee' voice crackled through the radio Meryl had stuck in her pants pocket. Snake carefully reached around his back to fetch the imaginary chaff grenade he usually kept on his left hip only to realize that he didn't have one and that he was now in severe pain. Snake yanked his hand back into view and discovered that he had sprung a mousetrap while trying to arm himself. He shifted so he could get good view of what was behind him and saw several of the same traps, some of which had already been sprung and held rats that were decomposed to the point of being nothing more than skeletons. Biting back the pain, Snake gingerly removed the mousetrap from his fingers, thankful that none of them had broken. Lee advised the women that Snake was missing and had last been seen near a ventilation shaft.

While he relocated two of his knuckles, Lee continued to talk. Meryl began to frantically look around for something unspecified, but months of exercising her chest prevented any bounces to occur while she moved around in a sports bra and a thong. Mei Ling appeared to have been doing a similar routine so Snake didn't get any wiggles with some jiggles, which just might have been hot in its own way if he wasn't so concerned with being spotted. Meryl disappeared from view and suddenly Snake's hole to the outside world was covered with a towel. She taped it to the wall so it would stay in place and then took a shower with Mei Ling. He sighed heavily, cursing Meryl for being such a hater. Snake continued onward. Ten minutes later he encountered a lengthy drop he carefully shimmied down in a position reminiscent of a splint jump. He sighed irritably as several joints near his ass throbbed in protest. If he got a butt cramp while pulling this stunt there probably wouldn't be an option to continue. Beneath him was another grate casting illumination into his dark little world of perverted voyeurism.

Snake successfully completed the descent and gently crouched on the grate that was now his floor only to hear several screws come loose. With a forceful drop and a great crash he found himself in the middle of a room equipped with several virtual reality seats, a sizable control room, and a very large plasma television. He landed a few feet away from Major Lee, who grinned widely.

"Nice of you to finally drop by." she said.

"I do love making an entrance." Snake replied.

"And they say you're legendary." Lee retorted.

"The one and only."

"Amazing."

"See? You're already impressed."

Lee sighed heavily.

"Please have a seat so we can go ahead and get started. We don't have a lot of time so you'll do two whole simulations providing that the situation doesn't escalate into an emergency. After that, you'll get a fresh infusion of nanomachines and it's off to the base you go."

"I'd rather have a cup of coffee."

"Don't worry." Lee assured him with a smirk. "Naomi is evaluating the nanomachines as we speak. They will only help boost your adrenaline and keep you from needing a nap for the next two or three days."

"I'd rather have a cup of coffee." Snake repeated.

Snake focused on the seats in front of him, which ensured that whoever occupied them wouldn't experience any stiffness in their joints after disengaging from a session. They were black in color and specifically designed to conform to the body of the occupant. A massage feature kept the blood circulating while whoever sat in them trained subconsciously. Behind the seat nestled into its own little case and sporting around twenty different wires that connected to the control room through a trench in the floor protected by a heavy plastic barrier was a visor that covered the head of the trainee. Upon donning this visor a series of special signals were flashed before the users eyes that gave their brain the impression that they were experiencing a lucid dream. This minimized movement to brief twitches and the occasional spasm that were easily contained by the harnesses the chair sported.

A notable side effect of using this was an increased likelihood of experiencing lucid dreams outside of the virtual training. For people who could already use this skill with a fair amount of proficiency it made the quirk seem even more real than it had been before, which could potentially lead to some rather nasty nightmares. Snake climbed into the seat and got himself comfortable before strapping down his body as Lee made an announcement that asked for all personnel involved in the VR exercise to report to the simulation room. Snake groaned at what he knew was coming next as he slipped on the visor and placed his hands on the arm rests. The person sitting in the control booth located directly behind the seats wasted no time and immediately began running the appropriate program. A set of signals danced around Snake's field of vision. Two tiny blue dots appeared in front of him and merged together. His body felt heavier as he physically leaned forward in his seat. Snake experienced a sensation similar to emerging from a tight tunnel. It was almost as if his consciousness had physically left his body. The moment he opened his eyes he was immediately greeted by the sight of a stunningly beautiful tropical rain forest.

"Connection successful." Major Lee's disembodied voice said. "Try talking."

"Why am I dressed in winter combat gear on an uninhabited island somewhere along the Caribbean?" Snake demanded rhetorically.

"So you are." Lee stated with a degree of concern. "Give us a moment to get everything calibrated."

It must have been at least one hundred degrees on the summit he was standing on. A fresh breeze blew in the scent of warm seawater as a vast ocean stretched out to his immediate left. The rolling valleys beneath him were far more appealing so he entertained himself with them for the time being as he began to undress from the twenty pounds of unneeded clothing they added on to him so he wouldn't collapse from simulated heat exhaustion. He wasn't about to sit and roast while he waited for them to get their act together. He had just finished removing his vest and body armor leaving his naked chest exposed for the virtual world to see when Lee abruptly contacted him again.

"Okay, prepare to begin the training exercise."

"No thanks, Major." Snake joked. "I'm perfectly content with. . ."

He trailed off as he was suddenly thrown into the middle of a vast antarctic wasteland during a rather vicious blizzard. Snake frantically looked around for the top half of the suit he'd just discarded but couldn't find it anywhere. It wasn't even buried in the knee-deep snow he was standing in. Now he was stranded in the middle of nowhere with a pair of heavily insulated combat pants and no vest. Snake rubbed himself and tried to keep warm as the freezing weather began to take effect. The VR software running on the equipment he was using was capable of simulating pain or unpleasant sensations brought on by the weather, among other things. Conceptually, Snake believed pain tried to ensure that people wouldn't do stupid things, but it usually worked against itself when deliberately inflicted by the misguided actions of a sadistic individual such as Ocelot. Snake regained his focus and calmly reached for where the visor would be on his head in the real world. A warm sensation spread along his fingertips, confirming that he had a hold of it in reality. Just as he was about to lift it off he was booted into another world alarming enough to distract him from disengaging the session.

Snake was in the middle of an abandoned city that had been bombed heavily by some rather potent artillery. He felt a strong inclination to march forward and round the only corner open to him but he dismissed that as a possible trap. The sound of gunfire made him spring into action and search for cover. After turning left while running in a position intended to avoid enemy fire that became quite difficult to use consistently after the age of thirty five, he spotted a group of mercenaries directly in front of him who were currently engaging an unseen foe. A deep chasm cut off the street leading forward and the only way out of the area was through a building that had escaped the destruction of the devastating hole. The friendlies were all crouched behind numerous vehicles that were inexplicably scattered around the area. He pressed his bare back up against an abandoned van and began looking for a weapon. All he found was a rock. As he was about to pick it up and throw it at someone to catch their attention another person slammed against the van with enough force to momentarily tip it over and brushed up against his bare side.

"Would you mind getting your own cover?" a familiar voice demanded.

The two men exchanged glances and immediately recognized each other.

"Marcus Fenix?" Snake said.

"Yeah. Who the hell are you?"

"A person of interest." Snake replied.

Gunshots punctuated their conversation. They were fighting against the Locust, a subterranean race of creatures that looked vaguely human. Snake wasn't very familiar with this universe, but he did see Marcus' sidearm and knew that it would make him useful.

"Hey. You should let me borrow your pistol."

Marcus thought about it for a moment and shrugged indifferently.

"Okay, but only because you look like a soldier." Marcus said, handing Snake his snub nosed pistol.

That must have been deliberately programmed to be easy. Sometimes all you had to do was ask.

"Can I have a pistol, too?" another familiar voice exclaimed excitedly.

Marcus and Snake turned to see Raiden, who was taking up the last inch of the van the other two men were hiding behind, which significantly hindered their ability to return fire. Raiden was dressed in a modified skull suit that was completely different from the outfit they had tossed on Snake at the beginning of the simulation. Obviously Raiden was designated to be quicker and more light on his feet than Snake. Whereas Raiden would serve as a veritable ninja on the battlefield, Snake was the one man army who could take all the time he needed while Raiden did back flips, somersaults, and several other gymnastic gyrations that would make him impossible to shoot. Snake had to hand it to Raiden, though. The last time Snake had done a back flip he'd almost dislocated his hip. Raiden was carrying a fairly distinct sniper rifle, which probably meant he had only been joking when he had asked for the extra pistol. This further solidified his image as an asshole with a rather dull sense of humor.

"Raiden, did you just plug in?"

"You can't be certain of that, can you?" Raiden asked mischievously.

"Well, if you're just another variable. . ."

Snake aimed his gun at him. Raiden immediately grabbed his hand and pushed the gun away.

"Let's not get carried away, Snake. Yes, I am me. I just plugged in."

"Is Campbell in the room yet?"

"Yeah, he's supervising the whole thing."

"Then why the hell aren't we where we're supposed to be?"

"Don't ask me. Just go with the flow. After all, it's not real. Try to relax, it's just VR."

"You moron. War isn't a video game, kid. You should treat this as if it's actually happening."

"I know, I know! Sheesh, I'm just trying to remain calm. Shall I remind you that it was me who blew up all those Metal Gear Ray's while you were busy playing pattycake with Fortune? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it has always seemed to me that you have refused to acknowledge that. I bet you don't even know that I'm a corporal now, do you?"

"Raiden, that is rather nice, but you're forgetting one thing. Your rank really doesn't matter in this line of work. You'll still have to answer to command unless you live long enough to become an officer."

"Gee, thanks for helping me with my self-confidence. I feel so much better now that my idol has told me I don't amount to anything."

"I didn't say that." Snake affirmed stoically. "Let's try this again. How have you been?"

"Fine. Do you not answer your cell phone anymore?"

"BOOM!" an enemy shouted.

"Shit." Marcus cursed as he crouched down into a defensive position. "Get down!"

Whatever was coming had just caused Marcus to squat like a desperate American man in a Japanese bathroom and that was enough to convince Snake of the danger ahead. However, Raiden played by his own rules and was not in any way dissuaded from entertaining his curiosity. He watched as a rather large creature dressed in black armor emerged from the hole ahead of them. It carried what appeared to be a heavily modified Nikita rocket launcher that looked highly subterranean in design. His eyes also spotted the glint off of the sniper rifle an enemy soldier was currently aiming at him from a rooftop. Raiden ducked behind the van just in time to avoid the bullet. Getting shot at triggered his competitive spirit. He retrieved a flash bang grenade from his bag and tossed it around the side. Raiden was optimistic in assuming that this would be enough of a distraction to get a clear shot in. He twisted around the corner of the van with his eye pressed up against the scope and centered the cross hair on his targets head.

No words could describe the awesome euphoria Raiden experienced as the snipers skull exploded into various chunks of dead meat. Grinning like a school girl from some perverted anime, Raiden took aim at the thing carrying the rocket launcher and pulled the trigger. The audible click served as a rude reminder that the rifle he was carrying just so happened to be bolt-action. The explosion of the flash bang grenade reminded him of how stupid he could be at times. Raiden cried out as his vision failed. Snake was already in the same stance as Marcus and bracing himself for a fairly violent impact when he noticed that Raiden was still dicking around with his head clearly exposed around the edge of the van. His jaw popped as he allowed himself enough time to yank Raiden out of the way. He couldn't get a hold of his suit so Snake reached for his long, flowing hair that seemed impossibly healthy and completely immune to split ends. Raiden was in the middle of reloading and regaining his vision when his neck was suddenly jerked back and pulled down to the ground where Snake proceeded to slap him silly.

"Take cover, _corporal! _Listen to the sergeant, _corporal!_" Snake advised between hits. "I can only hope that your green doesn't rub off on me!"

With that in mind, Snake rubbed the hand he'd slapped Raiden with on Marcus' shoulder, who would have in turn wiped his hands off on Baird if he wasn't so concerned with what was coming next. Raiden struggled to break free but Snake had a firm grip around his throat that easily prevented him from moving. His amusing gurgles were quickly drowned out by the sound of a large explosion that lifted the van they were using as cover into the air and threw it about thirty feet in front of them. This left them clearly exposed to their enemies. One look at the advancing barrage caused Marcus to roadie run his way to safety while Raiden broke free of Snake's hold and cradled him in a vain effort to protect his friend from the inevitable.

"I don't think I'm going to like what comes next!" Raiden shouted hysterically.

Snake wiggled his way out of Raiden's complex hug and reached for his VR helmet. Before he had a chance to escape the simulation, he was transported to a different realm. This was getting old much in the same way continuously resetting a game on an old Nintendo did. Snake now found himself on the outskirts of an Alaskan base. He could clearly deduce his geographical location primarily due to the snow and the fact that he could see the Northern Lights out in the distance, which were poorly rendered and needed some aliasing to give them the slightest shred of comparability with the real thing.

He examined his immediate surroundings and discovered that he was standing in the middle of a landing strip. A couple of hangar's affirmed his suspicions. Raiden was nowhere to be seen. He had probably spawned randomly somewhere else within the level. Snake checked to see if he was armed with anything. He was wearing a combat suit similar to the one he had worn during his initial arctic mission several years ago. Aside from several empty packs along his waist and a radio he was completely naked. They hadn't even taken the time to give him a set of binoculars or his lucky smokes. This was not a very good way to start the actual training session. It was snowing so heavily that he could barely see what was in front of him so he carefully traversed the deserted landing strip. He hoped that he would eventually find a hangar or a building. Snake came upon a truck that was still running but had been abandoned. Several metal crates full of supplies were scattered around the back of the truck, indicating that they had fallen out somehow. Snake opened a few of them and found ammunition for assault rifles that he didn't have. Another one contained an assortment of binoculars. Although he rarely had to use them, Snake took the binoculars anyway as they were such a staple of his standard equipment. He failed to find anything else that was remotely useful.

After stepping away from the truck he tried out the binoculars he had just acquired and managed to spot a guard tower in the distance that had a functioning searchlight, but no occupant. Several hangars were also close by. He didn't like this situation one bit. As he still hadn't received any instructions, Snake's primary task was to find a place to hide and await further orders. If he couldn't get back into contact with Campbell he would simply have to improvise. Sometimes the enemies could point him in the right direction with the correct amount of persuasion. If only he could find one. Snake headed towards the closest hangar with the intention of securing a spot to hide for now.

"Campbell, can you hear me?" Snake asked over his radio.

Why exactly it was taking them so long to begin this charade had begun to worry Snake. A worried Snake meant more wrinkles, a less happy Meryl, and an impeded mission. He had discussed this with Campbell at a lounge more than ten years ago, excluding the part about Meryl. Roy knew better than to keep him worried and certainly was aware that he didn't particularly enjoy being fooled even if it did benefit the mission. At least none of Campbell's lies had ever killed him. Snake finally reached the hangar and stealthily sneaked his way along the side of the building until he came to a large metal door. He carefully tried the handle and found that the entrance was unlocked, which was good because Snake didn't have any equipment on him that would help him pick the lock. He crouched down and opened the door a fraction of an inch. The area this opening lead into was bathed in darkness, so he proceeded to open it very carefully while keeping a sharp eye out for guards. He ducked inside just as soon as the door was open enough for him to do so without making a sound. Snake closed the door behind him and looked around.

The hangar was mostly full of vehicles, supplies, and a few helicopters in desperate need of repair. A set of nearby crates provided perfect cover and he happily ducked behind them and waited. And waited. After twenty minutes hiding in the dark had become cold and miserable, but the adrenaline rush it gave him was euphoric. That had to be why he still opted to do this sort of thing at his age even when his superiors continued to betray him. As he had thought earlier, at least the falsehoods and murky explanations had never gotten him killed. That still didn't mean he had no right to know exactly what was going on.

"Campbell. I'm in a hangar." Snake said, keeping his voice low. "Would you mind saying something? Anything? Tell me that boring story about the time your nephew bought you a hat again."

"Boo." Raiden said.

**NEXT TIME: **It's been a while since Snake and Raiden have been alone in a room together. Snake might not be ready for Raiden's quirky antics. And what of the mission? Something is definitely wrong somewhere, but the two men will soon find that a deserted hanger is the least of their worries. Brief cameo's abound as Raiden explores the hidden depths of Otacon's program. There has been plenty of structured content up to this chapter, but things are about to get a little random for a few pages. Hopefully this will be considered as refreshing as Snake running for his life as he will find himself doing while waiting for the mysterious error to be resolved. Stay tuned.


	12. Glitch

**Chapter 12 : Glitch.**

Snake jumped to his feet in shock and reached for the weapon he didn't have and wound up pointing his empty hands at Raiden. As he backed away from Raiden to put some comfortable distance between the two of them he accidentally stepped onto a small sheet of ice that made him loose his footing. Snake slipped and landed wrong on his ass. His back felt like a jammed toaster as he glared up at Raiden, who had somehow managed to find himself a gun. Even if what they were going through wasn't real this scenario was unacceptable. He couldn't believe that he had been caught without even a knife to defend himself with. At least he knew that he had the advantage if it came to CQC. He could easily disarm Raiden if he had to. Getting snuck up on was becoming rather old. Those that knew him did it whenever they could because they enjoyed watching him jerk erratically in response to the surprise. This lead to many wasted quarters at the arcade and plenty of spilled drinks at the mall.

Snake really needed to work on being aware of what was behind him by not focusing so intently on what he could see in front of him. It didn't always work that way, but Snake had been caught off guard from behind long enough to view it as a problem. Further improvement of his stealthiness would have to wait until later. Oddly enough, Raiden was now dressed exactly like Snake. They both had on the same combat suit that was designed to keep them hidden so long as they were skulking around in the dark. It didn't serve much of a purpose if they were wandering around out in the open.

"Stand up." Raiden said aloud.

"Keep your voice down!" Snake demanded in a low tone.

"Relax. I've checked the area. There aren't any guards around here at all or anywhere else for that matter. I think the system must be glitching. I tried to take off my helmet, but nothing happened."

"What?" Snake said again, this time freely raising his voice. "That. . .that's impossible! These things don't glitch. Otacon designed them!"

Snake tried to take off his helmet but found that he was unable to do so. All he could do was repeatedly jab his thumb into his eye.

"Otacon wants you to believe that his stuff won't glitch, but nobody's perfect. Apparently he should be spending more time testing this software for bugs, but that stupid computer game is obviously giving him better things to do right now. It must be a phase. Anyway, for all we know both you and I could be in our chairs right now with drool hanging out the sides of our mouths while Campbell is scrambling to find out exactly what went wrong."

"Damn!" Snake cursed, slamming his fist into a crate.

His fist went through the wood. Snake pulled it out and checked his hand for splinters. Raiden's worries were not deterred.

"Someone could even be drawing lewd things on our faces."

"I think that should be the least of our concerns right now." Snake said. "Look, I think we should stay here. Since the software isn't working properly I don't think it would be wise to keep exploring."

"Agreed. There's no telling what we could run into."

"If we run into anything at all." Snake said hopefully. "But then again, this is Otacon we're talking about."

"Yeah. I bet if we went looking around we'd find a rogue version of some video game character that would try to kill us. Like Midna."

"Or a level sixty paladin. Given the choice, I think I'd prefer Midna."

"Me too. She looks minty."

"Minty?"

"Yeah, because of all those green luminescent tattoo's? They're bound to have some flavoring. Can't you imagine how awkward something like that would be? After all, she's supposed to be one of the good guys. She'd lull us into a false sense of security and then strike when we least expected it! Anyway, stand up." Raiden instructed.

He aimed his gun directly at Snake, which caught Snake's attention rather effectively and began diminishing his patience at a rapid rate.

"Raiden, do you remember that little talk we had about never pointing a loaded gun at me ever again?" Snake said dangerously. "Does your arm still hurt?"

"Of course! Now I always know when rain is coming. It's quite useful because then I can tell Rose I don't have to wash the car. But come on. Get up. Just humor me."

Snake slowly stood up, feeling his lower vertebrae snap back into place as he did. The crack echoed slightly off the walls of the hangar, causing Raiden to cringe empathetically. Snake grabbed the afflicted area and began rubbing it fiercely to dull the pain..

"Okay. I'm up. Now what?"

"Gimme your dog tags."

"Go to hell."

"Now Snake, you know how this works. I snuck up on you and I have you at gunpoint. Giving me your dog tags will help you remember that you should be more careful. Maybe you should have gotten yourself a gun."

Snake's face contorted into a mutilated expression of sheer rage at being demeaned by someone he could respect but did not regard highly enough to allow for this sort of behavior to occur without consequence even if it was only a joke. Raiden's gall was nearly unforgivable.

"Don't you talk to me like that!" Snake shouted. "Besides, I don't have any damn dog tags!"

Even though he said that, Snake still searched for them and actually discovered that he was wearing a pair around his neck, thus decimating his side of the argument. Whoever had etched in his information must have read his file. Snake's last name stared ominously up at him from its shiny bed. Surrendering his dog tags to Raiden silently conveyed a message of inferiority. As he preferred to maintain his superiority over Raiden, Snake wasn't going to simply give away the only accessory he had aside from his binoculars. In a blaze of testosterone charged glory Snake made a quick lunge at Raiden. As his opponent had been so stunned by the speed at which he was attacked, Snake didn't encounter any opposition. Raiden's hands remained glued to his gun as Snake put his free hand on Raiden's face. He threw his combat buddy to the floor with enough force to send a virtual tooth flying. Raiden quickly spun around and tried to look innocent as Snake briefly contemplated stripping the gun.

Having already resolved at the start of his military career that a man could never be armed with too many guns, Snake smiled and examined the weapon briefly to determine its make. He was holding a Jericho 941 equipped with a silencer. At least Raiden hadn't been dumb enough to parade around with a weapon lacking such a vital attachment. Raiden had certainly managed to stumble upon a good find. Snake had been unable to recognize it earlier as he deemed the gun particularly hideous and preferred a M1911 or a USP. That was what he told himself to cover up the truth. Guns made by the IMI made him feel old, but not nearly as old as Beretta's did.

"Now what are you gonna do? How are you gonna act?"

"I was just kidding?" Raiden offered.

"Stand up." Snake instructed.

With a heavy sigh, Raiden freely removed his tags without having to be told and handed them to Snake, who pocketed them.

"See, I don't have as much of a problem with something like that as you do." Raiden explained, trying to regain his lost dignity. "Relax! It's not like collecting dog tags will net you any sort of reward at the end of the mission. I just do it for fun."

Snake shook his head in disapproval and rubbed his eyes.

"What?" Raiden demanded.

"Just forget about it, Jack." Snake said, his voice heavy with disappointment.

"Hey, don't break mission protocol. Call me Raiden, remember?"

"Campbell, can you hear me?" Snake demanded, turning his back on Raiden and walking into the light. "Roy? Damn it."

"Do you think that maybe we're dead?" Raiden asked suddenly.

Snake toyed with the idea for a moment and dismissed it as pure tripe, but he kept his opinion on that subject to himself just to play with Raiden's head. He didn't look outwardly nervous, but the aura he was giving off suggested otherwise. Perhaps if he gave Raiden his dog tags back he'd feel a little bit better. Then again if he were to do that, Raiden might feel inclined to point a gun at him again in the future. He couldn't be let off that easily so Snake decided to further Raiden's punishment.

"We could be." Snake said indifferently. "What's the matter? Aren't you ready to die?"

"Not quite." Raiden muttered. "You're just being an ass!"

Raiden left Snake so he could find somewhere to think. The possibility of having been killed as a result of the malfunctioning VR training unit was really bothering him.

"We're not dead, Raiden!" Snake said.

That didn't deter him. If he wanted to run off and sulk by himself, Snake wasn't going to comfort him. Besides, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it. Snake leaned up against a wall in the dark and crossed his arms, wishing he had a pack of cigarettes on him. Raiden began searching the derelict helicopters for weapons to keep his mind busy but came up with nothing. All of the crates in the hangar were full of economy grade toilet paper and Raiden opened every single one of them just so he could have something to do while Snake brooded heavily and twitched slightly due to the lack of nicotine in his system.

Raiden soon found a control room that was lavishly unspectacular save for the circuit board and security panel. Several functioning but immobile cameras relayed their feeds to a couple of small screens on the panel. Raiden fiddled with them until he found the one that was positioned near where Snake was hiding in the dark. He could barely see the man on the screen, but Raiden knew he was there. Raiden found the corresponding switch to that area on the circuit board and lit up the spot where Snake was standing. Snake quickly darted into another area of the hangar that was covered in shadows only to have that spot light up on him as well. Snake shot out the light with his gun, spoiling Raiden's fun. The decline in entertainment was momentarily offset by Snake's rabid cursing. Once that ended there was little else to do in the virtual limbo. However, there was one other object in the control room that caught Raiden's interest, primarily because it was shiny. A huge brown chest lacking any defining features sat inconveniently in front of a door that led to a restroom.

He knew better than to poke around closed doors while experiencing what Otacon had blatantly labeled virtual death, but his curiosity was far too aroused at that point. What in the world could be in that ugly brown chest? Would he open up a portal of flashing blue numbers of indescribable beauty? Was there an ultimate cardboard box made of material fit for the gods that Snake would congratulate him for discovering? Raiden's palms felt hot and sweaty as he grabbed the lid and assured himself that if what popped out of the chest was harmful he could deal with it. There would be somewhat of a major problem if he couldn't as Otacon had hypothesized that death during a malfunction in a virtual environment would actually cause the person to die in real life as their body would be sent several wrong signals that were usually blocked by a game over screen, the presence of which reminded the participant that they were still alive. It was only an educated guess, though. Snake wasn't willing to test it and Otacon couldn't find a teenager full of enough angst to go through with the experiment. Either way, it was a fifty-fifty chance and Raiden figured the odds were in his favor.

Raiden lifted the lid. The chest was full of a black liquid that didn't have the same consistency or appearance as ordinary water. Instead, it seemed to be comprised of some glossy texture that gave the fluid the same outward appearance of a bath bead. A small white edge stuck out from the fluid, which flowed freely as if it were part of some eternal ocean. Raiden carefully reached inside the chest and pulled out the elusive item. He had acquired a pack of Lucky Strikes. The mysterious liquid clung to the carton momentarily before sliding off and completely disappearing the moment the droplets hit the cemented ground. Raiden's excitement was barely containable. Before he could rush out and hand the cancer sticks to Snake, another corner of an item appeared. Raiden reached in and grabbed it, accidentally putting too much of his hand into the odd water as he did so. He quickly jerked his hand back and watched as the water slid off his fingers. His glove had accumulated no moisture as the water apparently did not soak into fabric. Whatever it was, it didn't appear to be corrosive or toxic. Raiden pulled out the new item with renewed confidence and discovered it was a Japanese men's magazine with Rio Natsume on the cover.

He pulled out a couple of anime DVD's and a pair of socks that had been autographed by Crispin Freeman before he realized what he had discovered. This must have been Otacon's lost hope chest. Somehow he had egotistically programmed a chest into his software that contained several notable aspects of his personal life, some of which he could only hope to obtain in reality. The occurrence of this chest must have been set at a random value so high that the odds of finding it were practically nonexistent. This was exactly like some hidden goody in a video game and that further reinforced Otacon's image. Raiden dove in with both hands now and pulled out a large helmet with a tag labeling it as the Helmet Of Wrath. He assumed it wouldn't look good on him so he set it aside and continued fishing for items. A floppy disc containing a pirated copy of Number Munchers was what he found next.

Raiden then pulled out a container with a baby Metroid inside of it that squealed upon seeing him. He quickly shoved it back inside the bottomless chest and counted off a full minute before resuming his looting. After that little surprise he couldn't find anything else. Raiden resolved to reach in deeper and almost put his face into the water. His hands caught something that he quickly hauled up. Before he could completely pull it out, the object in his hands pulled back with substantial force. Not one to be beaten, Raiden tugged as hard as he could and went flying backward when whoever was on the opposite end abruptly submitted.

He dropped the object he had won, which emitted a considerably loud noise that carried outside of the control room and prompted Snake to come over and investigate. Raiden had pulled out a very odd stone helmet with several intricate details that identified the brilliantly sculptured rock as a unique relic that had some strange power emitting from it. It smelled like hazelnut cocoa butter cream with a slight hint of cinnamon and a touch of mint for some unexplainable reason. The object flashed briefly and began to loose detail as several blue numbers appeared in the place of its textures. Raiden smiled, happy to have found his pretty lights. A brief strange tune caught his attention and he suddenly found himself face to face with a creature that had slid out of the shadows. This being needed little identification as it clearly was. . .

"Midna?" Raiden asked.

. . .in her imp form, thus solidifying his assumption that this was indeed, without a doubt, Otacon's hope chest.

"You've come here to kill me!" Raiden exclaimed.

Midna grinned deviously and shook her head in denial of that claim. She seemed to be completely content with having to appear in her inferior form before a man who would have clearly preferred otherwise. Then again, Midna couldn't discount the portability her imp form had and the bizarre connotations that went along with it. In any case, she had appeared for a reason.

"Ano desu toire doko ni arimasu ka sore yattarou edo." Midna said, in complete incomprehensible gibberish.

Raiden blinked in confusion as she took her helmet from him. Midna placed the shining crown that was rightfully hers on top of her head. She hit it hard, which stopped the numbers from scrolling across the texture, thus forcing it to render correctly. Midna looked at Raiden expectantly for his response to her statement.

"You wouldn't happen to have a dialog box on you to translate that massively complex set of verbal algorithms, would you?" Raiden asked Midna.

Midna produced a classy text box from nowhere and showed it to Raiden.

_"Come with me if you want to live." _was displayed on the box in bright white letters against a familiar blue background.

"And just what exactly do you mean by that?" Raiden asked her.

"Raiden! What are you doing back there?" Snake asked as he neared the entrance to the control room.

A large, dirty hand grasped the side of the brown chest, bending the upper portion in its iron grip. Whatever was in the box began to haul itself up as Midna turned her hair into a hand and began beckoning Raiden to come over to her. Raiden watched in fear as a familiar pyramid shaped helmet rose up from the chest. Pyramid Head managed to emerge from the relatively small chest rather quickly despite its enormous frame. As usual, the creature was dressed in an old butchers uniform caked over with yellow stains and dried blood. It wore rather large boots and its pyramid shaped head was covered in rust. Midna watched the beast with a small amount of caution and quickly moved a little closer to Raiden. Pyramid Head reached back inside the chest without taking its paralyzing gaze off of Raiden and pulled out a rather large butcher knife. Midna, discontent with how things were going, began snapping her fingers in front of Raiden's face until she finally got his attention.

"Ne?" she asked.

"Sounds good to me!" Raiden yelled as he grabbed the enormous hand her hair somehow formed.

She pulled Raiden to the safety of the Twilight Realm the instant Snake opened the door to the control room, leaving him face to face with Pyramid Head. Snake saw the opened chest and replayed the obvious pattern of behavior Raiden had submitted to. He regarded the enormous creature in front of him without much surprise as it breathed heavily while regarding him without much surprise as well. Truly their epic encounter had been a long time coming. Snake leaned against the door frame and brought his 941 into view. Pyramid Head waited patiently while Snake calculated his odds with the handgun. There were none. He'd need at least a shotgun to slow it down and even then that wouldn't be enough to kill it. Snake tossed the gun aside as it would be relatively useless. Seeing as how he might be staring death in the face, Snake decided to make the best of it by giving Pyramid Head a hard time.

"I bet I can run faster than you." Snake said.

This challenge initiated their destined battle. Snake barely avoided the knife that Pyramid Head swung with incomprehensible ease despite how much the piece of over sized cutlery must have weighed. Even though the first swing was carelessly relative to Pyramid Head's own midsection it still would have cut off Snake's head if he hadn't dodged the blade and rolled out of the way in time. The knife ripped through most of the control room like it was cutting through Velveeta cheese. A ball of brown hair occupied the spot where Snake had just been standing. Pyramid Head had effectively relieved him of his mullet.

"You better hope I don't find a slow way to kill you." Snake said.

Pyramid Head tried to cleave Snake in half but missed him by a fraction of an inch. Its knife crushed the cement clear down to the soil it covered, which caught his knife and required the inhuman beast to pry it out of the area it had just struck. Pyramid Head was getting quite agitated with Snake. It had underestimated him by thinking he would be exactly like every other victim it had come across. Snake ran from the control room as Pyramid Head tugged and pulled at his knife. The first door he tried escaping through had a broken lock and wouldn't open even after he tried kicking it in. He looked over his shoulder and saw that Pyramid Head had already recovered from its mistake and was slowly marching towards him.

"Your stupid right here in this region." Snake said, drawing a circle around his own face. "In fact you're so stupid right here in this region that you don't even know that I'm insulting you."

This caused Pyramid Head to break off into a sprint, which didn't amuse Snake at all.

"I can still run faster than you!" Snake said.

And run faster he did. The next door Snake decided to try was the one he had entered the hangar from, which was at the far end of the building. Even before he reached it he could see that it had been cemented over.

"Asshole didn't even take the time to paint it." Snake said ruefully. "Shit!"

"Snake!" Raiden called.

He had no time to look around for Raiden as Pyramid Head was directly behind him. Snake came to a screeching halt. He figured that the beast wouldn't have enough strength to attack him if he was quick about what he had decided to do. Snake efficiently side stepped Pyramid Head and put his foot out directly in front of the monsters path. It tripped and fell forward. The sharp end of Pyramid Heads pyramid helmet hit the floor first and broke through the concrete where it planted itself firmly into the soil. This wasn't enough to stop its momentum. Pyramid Head's body flipped over the helmet it wore like a rag doll. It reminded Snake of someone pole vaulting improperly. The terrifying being landed flat on its back when the tip removed itself from the ground. Pyramid Head was so utterly astonished at having been tricked that all it could do was lie down for a bit.

"Wow!" Raiden exclaimed from his undisclosed location. "That was so awesome!"

"It was nothing." Snake said, searching madly for wherever Raiden was. "Where the hell are you?"

"Over here!" Raiden urged.

Snake looked to where he had gone once Raiden had began turning the lights on above him. The area was bathed in darkness and Snake couldn't make out where his buddy was until both Midna and Raiden popped out of the shadows followed by a brief, distinct melody.

"Genki konbanwa gozaimasu ka? Denshin shi kore." Midna said.

"Roughly translated I think she wants you to haul ass over here before that bastard gets back up!" Raiden advised.

Midna pulled out her classy dialog box again and displayed it while smiling and looking off to the side, clearly indicating that she was finding this situation highly amusing.

_"What he said." _was how the box read.

Snake took one final look at Pyramid Head, who was slowly standing back up and swaying from side to side as if it were dizzy.

"You're just mad because I did your sister."

Pyramid Head launched itself at Snake, who was laughing hysterically as he rushed towards Midna.

"She wasn't quite as good as your mother!" Snake added.

Raiden seized the little imp and brought her close to his chest to ensure that he would have a front seat on the warp out of this mess. Midna pulled his arms away from her face and allowed him to have a good hold on her while she used her magic to form her multipurpose hair hand. Midna watched as Pyramid Head raised its blade with the intent to impale all three of them in one blow and quickly extended her hair hand as far as she could. Snake sidestepped Pyramid Head inches away from Midna's grasp and tripped it again. It had been so focused on getting all three of them in one shot that it had not noticed when Snake darted beside it. The creature fell in the same comical matter as it had done before and dropped its knife, which Snake quickly grabbed.

"So stupid!" Snake said while rolling his eyes.

With a yank that nearly gave him a hernia, Snake got the knife moving and stretched his hand out far enough to grasp the forefinger of Midna's orange hair hand. Snake, Midna, Raiden, and the knife Pyramid Head carried ascended into the ceiling in different bits and pieces of dark fragments. By the time Pyramid Head had managed to get back on its feet and realize that it had lost its weapon most of the hangar had become transparent as pretty blue numbers began to appear in a swirling torrent of glowing information. Pyramid Head felt something pulling it down into the cement and noticed that a portal of some sort had formed beneath it that was now sucking it inside. Pyramid Head struggled to break free as it slowly sank into the swirling vortex of blue numbers. It groaned as half of its body was swallowed until the world around it became nothing more than a dark void as the numbers came together to form an infinite abyss of darkness. Pyramid Head understood what was happening. Something had damned it. Entombed it.

The creature elicited another pained groan as it was pulled into the swirling pool of numbers up to its neck. The vacuum paused briefly to allow Pyramid Head a faint hint of hope before taking the rest of the things body inside of the portal, leaving what had once been a desolate hangar now nothing more than an infinite expanse of endless space.

**NEXT TIME: **Okay, break time's over. Getting back to the story at hand we find Snake in the infirmary, but he isn't allowed to rest. Big Boss has suddenly become active and has started making demands because he can't get what he wants all by himself. He has to persuade other people to do the work for him. All Big Boss wants is to talk with his son. But is it truly a want or is more like a need? Could Big Boss be trying to eliminate his bloodline? At this point a real motive is unclear, but the situation is dire enough to call for Snake's immediate deployment. The real mission begins during the next chapter.


	13. Reprieve

**Chapter 13 : Reprieve.**

_ Don't kill him yet. I want him alive._

_ Leave it to me._

_ I want no more accidents like that DARPA Chief!_

_ Yes, he's my target. Mine alone._

In his current state, Snake was completely at the mercy of the disembodied voices echoing in his mind. He had been this way for about an hour and it was starting to get old. Snake could remember touching Midna's expandable appendage and feeling a great sense of glee as he watched the knife he had confiscated from Pyramid Head warp with him into oblivion. That sure showed it who was boss. And then he wound up here. Snake expected to be warped somewhere safe, but instead he was greeted with a feeling of complete paralysis that blocked all of his senses. The only thing he had left were his thoughts. He was not in the Twilight Realm, which was where he figured he was going, and it was more than a little disappointing. If he was anywhere at all, he surely couldn't see it because his eyes wouldn't open. Otacon's warnings about virtual simulations assaulted his logic, but he kept assuring himself that Midna had actually _saved _him and Raiden from Pyramid Head and warped them both to a place of solitude until the system could be fixed. Midna had not killed them so he was still alive. His logic wasn't enough to get the voices to stop assaulting him.

_ Few more years and you'll be another dead clone of the old man._

Liquid was such a dick. Snake couldn't blame Ocelot for hating the man so much. He forbid himself to postulate over that claim his brother had made on the tanker even if it was slowly becoming a morbid reality. If these memories didn't stop haunting him soon he was probably going to lose it. In that instant, Snake felt like he wanted to vomit. An incessant ringing noise filled his ears and he smelled blood. His eyes slowly opened, revealing several blurry figures hovering around his bed.

"Snake? Snake, can you hear me?" Roy demanded. "I think he's waking up!"

"Come on, Snake. Pull through!" Raiden shouted.

Snake groaned and closed his eyes. He hoped they would let him sneak in a little nap because he truly felt exhausted after that whole ordeal. Someone abruptly grabbed him by the shoulders and began shaking him.

"No! You were just here! Speak to me!" Meryl yelled. "Tell us you're okay!"

"Snake, what you want to do is walk away from the light! Come back towards the gray area. There should be a vending machine somewhere nearby. At least there was when I was near death. Look for it! That's an order!" Campbell said.

"I don't think he's at that point yet." Naomi pointed out. "See? All of his vitals are normal."

"Pull through, Snake!" Raiden shouted again.

Snake's eyes snapped open.

"I'm pulling, stop yelling at me!" Snake demanded.

Meryl smiled and sighed in relief. She released her grip from his shoulders and sat back down in her chair. Snake rubbed at his eyes to clear his vision. He was in an infirmary and laying on a comfortable bed. They had neglected to place him in a gown, which came as quite a relief. Campbell and Raiden were standing near his side while Meryl held his hand as she sat in a chair next to him. Naomi was monitoring his vitals and going over something on a clipboard. A few female medics were also in the room. Other than that, his company was comprised only of the people he knew.

"Well, what happened?" Snake demanded.

"Isn't it obvious?" Campbell asked rhetorically. "There was a virus in the system. Lee is scrambling to find out exactly what went wrong."

The grip Meryl had on Snake's hand tightened.

"You had us really worried. Except for Raiden. He was absolutely certain that you would wake up again."

"That VR simulation was the most awesome thing I've ever experienced." Raiden said with tears in his eyes. "I am in awe with respect for technology."

Naomi came over to his side with a tray in her hands that held a bottle of Aglaophotis and two needles. She set it down beside him.

"I think you will probably be more comfortable giving yourself your own injections. I would also like another blood sample from you so I can see what's going on with that which can never be mentioned."

Snake did both for Naomi before carrying on with the conversation.

"You were saying something about a virus, Campbell?" Snake asked.

"Yeah. Whoever put it in there must have been trying to kill you through that theory Otacon talked about a while back. We were able to regain control of the system once that chibi saved both of you. After we got you out of the chair, we took you to the infirmary. Raiden recovered almost immediately, but you took some time."

"It looked like you were having some bad dreams." Naomi added.

"You have no idea." Snake said, his voice heavy with multiple connotations.

"We were afraid you would lapse into a FOXDIE attack." Meryl said. "But you didn't, obviously."

"That chest with Pyramid Head in it was the trigger. After one of the technicians analyzed the data further, he discovered that it shouldn't have been in there. Pyramid Head was not part of the original Easter egg Otacon developed for the simulation program. And as for the appearance of that chibi? It was almost like she was an anti-virus. The fact that she helped you directly is even more startling, but I think it's best to leave Otacon's shenanigans to himself." Campbell explained.

"I guess I'll just be happy that I'm still alive."

"That does sound like the best course of action. Unfortunately, I don't think we're going to have time to find whoever put the virus in there." Campbell said. "I can tell you that I don't think it was Big Boss. That doesn't seem like his style."

"Now tell him the bad news." Meryl requested.

"What is it?" Snake asked, clearly annoyed.

"You've been out for an entire day, Snake. Raiden was only unconscious for twelve hours. The powers that be deployed a unit to Big Boss' base. If I were in command of anything around here then that's the last move I would have made. I couldn't stop them. They were given the same assignment that we were, but they failed. All they managed to do was stir up the hornet's nest. Big Boss issued his threat hours after we lost contact with them."

"So what does he want?"

"Well, he's demanding to see you, Snake. In person." Campbell said. "He hasn't asked for anything else. I spoke with him while you were unconscious and I think it might be a trap or at least the beginning of a greater scheme. You never can tell with him."

"He must have something up his sleeve." Meryl added.

"I already pointed that out by indicating this could be a trap so you're not really adding to the conversation." Campbell said condescendingly.

By the way he spoke, Roy had conveyed some degree of familiarity with the other man. The fact that Big Boss must have listened to him puzzled Snake greatly.

"You knew him?" Snake asked.

"He was my superior before your first mission." Roy said.

"No, Campbell. Can you please learn to lie better? You knew him before that, didn't you?"

"We should just leave that alone. I don't ask questions about what you did while you were in the wetworks, do I?" Campbell asked. "I haven't even read your complete file. All I know about you is what I've gained through interacting with you and that's because I respect you."

Campbell was obviously trying to cover up something by tugging on Snake's heart strings. He didn't appreciate the gesture and determined that any association Campbell had with Big Boss in the past wasn't important to the mission. After all, Campbell had been there when the man died. Obviously he didn't have any remaining loyalty to Big Boss or he would have tried to reverse the events leading up to his death.

"Fine. What happened during your conversation?"

"After I explained our situation to him, Big Boss became infuriated that someone had tried to kill you by inputting a virus into the VR simulator. He also wasn't happy that we sent another unit after him."

"Why should we care? What sort of leverage does he have?" Snake asked.

"It's hard to tell, but he has assured us that this is the final straw. Either he sees you within the next twenty four hours or he does something drastic."

"He's bluffing." Snake said. "You said yourself that there weren't any Metal Gears on that base. What does he have?"

Campbell sighed and rubbed at his eyes.

"He may or may not have five updated TX-55's standing by at undisclosed locations carrying EMP's armed and ready to shut off the lights all over Europe and Asia."

So Big Boss had finally shown his fangs.

"Wait a minute. How the hell did he get his hands on an EMP? Why would a PMC have access to such equipment?"

"I'm not sure how he got around that. The owner of a PMC is supposed to report his armament to the UN. They're getting more popular than national militaries, but they still have to play by a set of rules. Speaking of which, and I'm not sure why I didn't mention this earlier, but Big Boss' grunts are technically terrorists because they haven't identified themselves. If they did, that PMC would be shut down in a hurry. You get one chance to fess up. If you don't, you're a terrorist. Period."

"But an EMP, Campbell. What if he has a real nuclear warhead?"

"Then we had better do as he says." Campbell said with a smile. "Why do you think you're supposed to kill him?"

"If I do that, then he's not going to call whoever is in the cockpit of those TX-55's."

"We actually managed to find the location of one of them." Campbell said quickly. "Satellites are wonderful things. It's only a matter of time before we pinpoint the other two. Our resources have increased dramatically since the situation has escalated."

"Fine. I'll let you handle that. Hey, what about FOXDIE? Can't they just use that on Big Boss, or do they really need to send me?"

"Big Boss has already vaccinated himself against it." Campbell said. "You don't think he's stupid enough to go wandering around without taking something like that into consideration first, do you?"

"I suppose not."

"Anyway, now you know how serious the situation really is. All Big Boss wants at this point is to see you, Snake. He doesn't want you delivered personally, either. He wants you to infiltrate. He's agreed to release all of his hostages after he's given what he wants."

"Geez." Snake said, rolling his eyes. "Can we go back to the life we were living before?"

"No." Campbell said. "No, we can't. I imagine this mission is going to change a lot of things."

"We'll never be able play basketball together at the gym again." Raiden lamented. "And whenever we're at parties, we won't be able to crack any jokes because we'll be too busy drowning our sorrows in booze and clearing the rooms every ten minutes to make sure we haven't been followed."

Raiden might have been exaggerating, but he did have a point.

"Is this the first time everyone here has heard this?" Snake asked.

"No. We were briefed right after Big Boss made his demand." Meryl said.

"We had to wait for you to wake up. After all, you're the VIP here." Raiden added.

"In that case, let's get started." Snake said.

**X**

Snake wasn't very surprised when he found himself riding in the cargo area of a AC-130 gunship a few hours later in the middle of the night where he brooded heavily against the chill. With a heavy sigh, Snake decided to go over his gear one more time to keep himself occupied. At his side was his trusty M1911, which had been customized and modified over the years to a point of sheer perfection. It glistened under the low lighting at the rear of the gunship due to its recent cleaning and trigger adjustment. A flashlight was fitted to the barrel, but Snake didn't think he was going to be using it unless he got into a tight pinch. He put the most powerful bulb he could possibly fit into the mechanism so he'd be able to blind any enemy he might encounter at close range, which would give him a temporary advantage.

He had not forgotten about his primary alternative, which was the M9. It was strapped to his other leg, which made him look like a gunslinger. He didn't think he would be using it much on this mission. They had given him a modified M4 to take on the entire platoon with. For when he was feeling particularly daring, he could use his combat knife. It was quite a standard set of gear, except for maybe the second side arm.

This equipment paled in comparison to the suit he was wearing. Otacon had developed the technology for it before his current addiction had taken over his life. He then submitted it to a specific group of engineers that manufactured the uniform for him. It offered protection against bullets without the need of wearing a vest due to a layer underneath the surface which halted the intensity of their impact through a process Snake wasn't required to understand to be able to wear the suit. It was simply known as Octacamo.

All that really mattered was that it turned him into a chameleon and once he finally managed to slip into the thing he ran around all over the place, blending in with as many things as he could. He'd worn it once before while Otacon was beta testing it, but finding new places to hide never got old. Two rather combat worn ladies were stationed inside the woman's bathroom with infrared goggles and rifles loaded with rubber bullets just as a precaution because a couple people there knew about his nasty habit of winding up in the ladies room from time to time.

How exactly the suit functioned was performed through a process that Snake listened to selectively. He already knew what it did, what it couldn't do and how he could fix it if something unexpected happened. In his book, that was enough. Squeezing into the sucker had been a mission in and of itself. He had everyone leave him alone in the locker room while he got naked and slipped inside the multi-million dollar nylon material. It got caught around his crotch and after some embarrassing adjustments he was finally inside of it. A suffocating face mask completed the set, but he didn't have that on at the moment.

They also equipped him with another one of Otacon's wacky innovations. The Solid Goggles. Wearing them made him look like an Olympic swimmer. In addition to serving as a pair of binoculars it was also capable of using both night vision and thermal vision at the same time. Mission objectives, tangos, and other useful information displayed automatically. In essence, it was like looking into a computer. Snake thought it was quite handy. His dedicated panel of helpers camping out at Shadow Moses could finally pick out what he was seeing instead of just making assumptions while watching a bunch of little dots scroll vertically or horizontally across a plasma screen. Normally it would need a battery, but it was currently running on the nanomachines his improved CODEC also leached off of. The CODEC was actually integrated into his goggles so that if he needed to make or receive a long distance call for free at any time of the day or night with unlimited minutes during week-ends a portrait of the individual speaking would be relayed from a web-cam directly into the goggles.

Just in case the Solid Goggles should fail, he was given a small gadget which resembled a smart phone that displayed a radar, the time, temperature, weather forecast, word processor for note taking, comprehensive translator, and several other nonsensical functions that he didn't find all that useful including a piece of software that created avatars. It could even connect to the Internet if he wandered into a wi-fi hot spot just in case he needed to download some porn to distract the guards or replenish his stamina. Even more ridiculous was its ability to take and send pictures. The screen was scratch resistant, so it could take a large amount of abuse and still display data just fine. It operated by touch, which made the CODEC program easier to use. Snake felt that was about it's only useful function. Frequencies could be dialed like a cell phone this time around so there was no holding the right button and waiting to reach a certain point. The audio was then relayed through a small hearing device implanted in his right ear that was wedged in there in such a way that he could still hear the outside environment. It was strapped securely to his left wrist and could be removed at his discretion. Snake had already made certain that all audio options were turned off.

Last but certainly not least was a red pack near his heart that had a small cross sewn into it. That pack held the Aglaophotis he'd need in case a FOXDIE attack were to occur. It also contained a small first-aid kit that would be of little help to him if he actually got injured. To ease the moderate amount of anxiety he was currently experiencing he reached into one of the many packs on his harness and pulled out a battered pack of cigarettes. He lit one up and began smoking while he grudgingly created an avatar of himself on his pocket PC that had been given the nickname Super Joe. His proficiency with computers had him stuck at the menu.

"ETA ten minutes." the pilot said over his CODEC.

"Great." Snake said.

He closed out of the avatar program and brought up the CODEC window. Finished with that, he stamped out his cigarette and took the stealth mask that had been sitting down beside him and put it on, noting the intense smell of fresh rubber that filled his nostrils. He donned the Solid Goggles as well and turned them on. A random anime girl greeted him in the bottom left hand corner before disappearing. So very Otacon. Super Joe vibrated and the Goggles informed him that he had an incoming call, which he took.

"Snake, this is Campbell. How are you feeling? You're not too cold, are you?" Roy asked.

"Oh, of course not. There's nothing like prancing through the snow with a skintight uniform on." he said.

"Good to hear. Let's go over the mission one final time before you make the drop."

"I sneak in, find Big Boss, and subdue him. I know, I've heard it about ten times with one insignificant variation. Tell me something I don't know, like how I'm going to save for instance. Nobody has mentioned that."

Mei Ling's image appeared alongside Campbell's. The smile that spread across Snake's face showed through the skin tight mask, making for quite a surreal display that nobody was around to view.

"Long time no see." Snake said.

"Sorry, but that's just the way everything played out." Mei Ling said.

"Not a problem."

"Should you need to save, we will create a designated point you can return to within our conversations by using the browser included with Super Joe. I hope you are familiar with the search function, which is opened by pressing control F. That can be accessed via the touch based keyboard program on Super Joe. By making use of this you'll be able to quickly return to vital information relative to your current situation if you take some time to rest. With Super Joe you won't have to keep calling us and asking the same questions over and over again. I also notice you're running Internet Explorer. How come you haven't switched to Firefox yet?"

"What's that?" Snake asked, obviously confused. "You mean to tell me that I can change my browser?"

"Otacon never told you?" Mei Ling asked, equally disturbed. "Forget about it. Just let me know if you need to save. We won't be using memory cards this time, but that won't make the process any more complicated. There's a slight possibility of data corruption since you're running IE, but the cookie we leave should prevent against that."

"Right. . .cookie. . .control F." Snake said, still puzzled. "I think I'll just blitzkrieg the mission like I've always done before. There's not much of a point in asking you guys to back up the data for safety purposes when you do it without my request in the first place."

"It's just there to make you feel like you have more control over the mission and to prevent you from having to constantly call us back."

She gave him a wink.

"I'm surprised, though. You find technology so complicated and yet you still can use some of Super Joe's most advanced features effectively. That revised Soliton radar system isn't introductory material." Mei Ling said, slightly amused.

"Super Joe might save my life. Besides, saving our conversations with the browser is somewhat irrelevant." Snake said. "I already deleted IE off of it because I don't plan to use it during the mission. If I had known I would need it I probably wouldn't have gotten rid of it."

"Deleted IE?" Raiden said, suddenly bursting in on their conversation. "You can't get rid of that thing. Trust me, it's still on your hard drive. Dig it out and check your E-Mail. I sent you a funny picture of a cat in a refrigerator."

"Maybe later, Raiden. But more importantly, do you remember your part in this mission?"

"How could I forget? I'm supposed to keep Blue Death off of your back while you find Big Boss. Too bad Meryl won't be joining us until half the work is done."

"You're wrong, that's a good thing."

"Prepare for drop." the pilot said.

"Don't forget that it's snowing pretty bad out there. Use those goofy specs to ensure. . ." Campbell advised.

Fresh static blasted over the speakers. Snake grabbed his ear and grunted in pain as he waited for it to pass. Once it subsided, Campbell didn't call him back. Visibly perplexed, Snake sent in a call to HQ that would continue ringing until they finally answered him. He was fairly certain that he knew what Campbell wanted to say. His goggles were constantly being fed information from the command center. If there was something he needed to see, then it would be there. Hopefully. Snake quickly put his rifle in a small metal box that had a tiny parachute attached to it. He'd be able to pick it up when he landed. He then put on his own parachute and neglected to don a face mask as this jump would be below twelve hundred feet. He wouldn't need one at that height, but he'd have to open his parachute almost immediately. The Solid Goggles recognized his intent to jump and displayed his current altitude.

"Alright, let's do this." Snake said.

The pilot tapped in a few commands and the loading bay door began to slowly open up. Snake walked forward slowly as a large amount of air filled the cabin and attempted to push him back. The moment he reached the spot he intended to jump from he paused momentarily and took a deep breath so he could gather his wits. Snake kicked the case that held his M4 and watched it slid down the ramp and fall over the side. Snow pelted against him as he hesitated.

"Would you move?" the pilot insisted. "It's this kind of stupid expository bullshit that makes people hate the franchise!"

Before Snake had a chance to fully prepare himself he was pushed off the platform and straight into the free fall.

**NEXT TIME: **Since Big Boss stopped making snowmen two years prior to his death he would definitely not be anywhere outside of the base. Snake must gain entrance into Outer Heaven quietly under the assumption that Big Boss' request is part of a devious trap. While on the ground things don't go quite as planned and by the time Snake sneaks into a back entrance the mission has already become overly complicated. What's a Solid Snake to do? Interrogate the first guard he sees, that's what! Additional highlights include an elusive yeti, a bad back, and cinnamon rolls so delicious that they can only exist in fiction.


	14. Level One

**Chapter 14 : Level One.**

Snake's scream broke through his mask in a monstrous gurgle that didn't even sound human. Raiden was saying something over the CODEC, but Snake wasn't listening at that point as he felt himself pick up speed while he plummeted head first towards the Earth. He had never been fond of HALO jumps. Some considered them exhilarating, but Snake found nothing appealing about leaping out of a plane with only a flimsy piece of cloth to break his fall. Whoever that pilot had been would pay dearly for what she did. Technically the mission had always started at the point of insertion for Snake because that's when there was absolutely no chance to turn back. He hadn't even been engaged for a minute and he was already disappointed with how the mission was going.

Snake checked his Solid Goggles and found that he had spun off course. A friendly indicator advising him to open his parachute flashed across the upper portion of the HUD. A humorous animation of what would happen to him if he didn't also appeared. It featured the digitized version of Otacon who turned into a pile of unhappy jelly upon hitting the surface of the Earth. Snake immediately pulled the ripcord half expecting cans to fly out of the back. While that cliché hadn't quite occurred, his parachute still refused to open. It was in that moment that he fully accepted that everything that could possibly go wrong within the next few hours would. To stay alive, he'd have to remain sharp.

While remaining calm he quickly reached over and deployed the spare parachute, which didn't malfunction. Snake had already lost most of the time he'd need to properly land due to technical issues so he wasn't able to fully control his parachute as he braced himself for a crash landing. He was heading straight for some trees in a small forest a few miles away from the base. After landing hard on a trail blanketed in snow he began to look around for where his rifle had landed. The falling case of doom had taken the life of a moose. He left it where it was because he didn't want to see the mess that was underneath it. Upon opening the container, Snake discovered that someone had stolen his weapon.

That wasn't good. It wouldn't be long until they knew he was here at this rate. Snake figured that he could deal without the rifle for now. His mission was still to infiltrate the base and he was armed with a knife and two handguns, which would be enough seeing as how they normally didn't give him anything to fight with. Without moving another inch towards the base and the actual mission he quickly crouched into the snow and sent a call to Campbell.

"You'll just have to wait. . ." Campbell started.

There was more buzzing and static on the line.

"Your mission is to infiltrate, not to. . ."

A sharp pop knocked out all the wax in Snake's ears and made him flinch.

"I'm sorry. There's some odd interference on the line. Mei Ling is looking into it. Is something wrong?" Campbell asked.

"No. I was just wondering if you had anything important to say earlier."

"Yes. Kill Big Boss."

That was a little direct. Snake narrowed his eyes. He didn't like Campbell's tone.

"Is something wrong?"

"Everything is fine. Is your suit working?"

He looked at his arm and noticed that it blended in perfectly with the snow all around him. The rest of his body responded similarly, as did his harness and packs. He was virtually invisible.

"Yes. It's. . .it's rather amazing, actually." Snake responded.

"Then continue your mission." Campbell advised before disconnecting the line.

Campbell hung up on him without another word. A feeling of dread welled up in Snake's stomach. He attempted to quell it immediately. If this mission was indeed sponsored by the Patriots, what did he have to fear? The most powerful organization in the world was backing him up and all he needed to do was eliminate the person they hated the most. He wondered if he could actually do that. Snake knew it would boil down to what Big Boss really had to say for himself.

Snake dialed Raiden's frequency, knowing full well that the kid would be more than willing to answer his call. Every time he invited Raiden to a party he became as giddy as a religious teen-age girl at a Christian rock concert. They both were overtly excited, but mindful of any temptations of the flesh. Raiden didn't answer, which could only mean one thing. He'd gotten himself caught. Knowing full well that once they were done torturing him the rookie would give him a ring and ask him to lick his wounds, Snake gave up on the people who were supposed to be supporting him and went ahead with his mission. This had to be why Campbell was acting funny.

A map was displayed on his Solid Goggles that outlined the path he would need to take in order to approach the base in a stealthy manner. Snake focused his eyes on it, bringing the map to the front of his vision while he hid in the snow. He studied it for a moment. The path he would need to take lead him into the back of the base he would soon infiltrate. Satellite imaging showed few guards in the immediate vicinity. They must have all been inside, which didn't make much sense. Then again, Big Boss was expecting opposition so he wouldn't need to post that many guards outside the base. He must have been fortifying himself inside. Whether or not that was a wise decision remained to be seen.

Without wasting any more time he began heading towards his destination at a brisk trot while paying close attention to the enemy positions even though they were nowhere near him. The forest was positively deserted, although the path through it had been well traveled. He passed some wildlife on his way, but he had no time to admire the animals and they weren't that interested in him. Outpost One soon came into view. It was a dismal building, lacking any sort of unique specification and forged entirely out of solid concrete.

A fence surrounded the perimeter that was topped with a protective line of razor wire to prevent anyone from crawling over it. Snake took out his knife and sawed through the chain links, squeezing through the tiny opening and continuing onward. A few men near the front were building snowmen and then shooting them with their rifles. Snake didn't need to deal with them, but their behavior showed how at ease the level of alert was. The map in his Solid Goggles adjusted to suggest how he could avoid them. It was quite a nifty feature, but not one he would need to use.

He was currently near a heliport. More helicopters than the port could handle were parked in the area. They quite obviously belonged to the rogue group Big Boss had managed to obtain. Footprints were everywhere in front of him so his insertion would be partially masked. He got down into a prone position and turned on his thermal imaging. Doing so allowed him to see that most of the helicopters still had pilots in them. Most of them were asleep. Even so, he crouched low and proceeded slowly. So long as he didn't walk directly in front of them they probably wouldn't notice him as he slipped in under the cover of the storm.

About halfway through the mass of aerial vehicles, Snake's back cracked audibly as it failed to adjust to the position he forced himself in.

"What was that noise?" one of the pilots asked himself.

It was just his luck that while sneaking past a rather menacing Mi-24P Hind F that something like this would happen. The helicopter was occupied by a guard who was staying awake by occasionally stabbing himself in the thigh with his knife. With a muffled grunt of pain, Snake was sent directly into the trampled ground, one hand on his back and the other in the air for balance, which did him no good as he fell into the snow, momentarily paralyzed. He laid perfectly still as his back throbbed in pain and the soldier crawled out of the helicopter, bleeding slightly. The man was unarmed until he brought his nine millimeter service pistol into view.

The situation was further complicated when the man began firing off his gun at random. One bullet hit directly beside Snake's ear, tossing snow into the air and lowering his inhibitions toward killing the man, almost like a good bottle of Scotch would do. Several of the pilots were roused from their sleep and began screaming as they rushed out of the helicopters. Some of them misplaced their footing and tripped over themselves in their haste. Snake heard a crack and slowly looked to his right and spotted a pilot who had dislocated his kneecap while slipping out of the chopper. Being a man's man, he quickly popped it back into place and curled up into a ball underneath the entrance of the helicopter. Three pilots quickly rushed past him. One of them was shot in the chest by the man who had instigated the problem. He fell to the ground a few feet beside Snake's face, which was contorted into a mask of agony as he tried to get his back working again.

"Johnson, put that damn pistol down! I thought the boss already stripped you of it." one of the pilots said.

"But I heard something." Johnson insisted.

The second pilot helped up the one who had been shot.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, the bullet got stuck in my vest."

"Heard something?" the initial man who had interrupted Johnson's search repeated in disbelief. "Another yeti? You've shot eight of them. Where are their bodies?"

"I told you, they just keep getting away." Johnson answered timidly.

"Are you stabbing yourself in the leg?" the pilot who had been shot shouted in disbelief. "You're bleeding!"

"Someone has to stay awake." Johnson said, defending his actions.

All three of them shot Johnson in the chest with their sidearms. Having been hit by three slugs at once, Johnson was easily overpowered and soon found himself eating the snow and writhing in agony. As his luck would have it, Snake's back unexpectedly cracked again, sending a wave of pain through his body that was quickly followed by some minor relief. He would definitely have to get some Icy Hot during his infiltration or he'd be in intense agony for most of the mission. The three pilots heard the noise and were immediately distracted.

"What was that noise?" they all said in unison.

"You see? I told you I heard something!" Johnson shouted.

"It sounded like a popcorn machine popping a giant kernel!" the man who had been shot proclaimed.

"Or maybe like throwing a twelve pound bag of ice outside the second story of your house!" the man who had helped the man who had been shot added.

"Stop with those stupid euphemisms! You're just practicing to play that stupid Japanese word play game with Chill Penguin. She doesn't like any of us. We're not emo enough for her."

"What's that mean?" one of them asked.

"That we're not dead." replied another.

They all had a good laugh at that. Snake slowly began slithering away from them while they were distracted.

"Seriously, though. Have you seen her laptop? It's full of nothing but a bunch of crappy bishies that she steals from DeviantART and then publishes elsewhere while claiming that it's her own work!"

"Really? That's so awful."

Snake tuned them out as he focused on the path ahead. Most of the pilots were awake by now but had not come out to see what was wrong since the situation was now under control. He proceeded with extra caution until he emerged from the helicopter jungle where he switched his stance by melding into a crouch again as he awkwardly rushed to the back door. A card reader was installed in the door, virtually guaranteeing that he couldn't get in without carrying eight keycards if the reader was an older model.

Not even the slightest bit deterred he opened up one of his satchels and pulled out a tiny wire device that hooked into his Solid Goggles and fit perfectly underneath the door. An image of the locked room flashed across his vision. He was looking at a storage room occupied by one lone guard who was currently treating himself to a box full of Grandma's Buns. Excitement. Snake stood erect so sharply that the optical worm flew upward and slapped him in the face. An image of his rubbery mask flooded his eyes. With a plan in mind, Snake put the snake cam adapter back into the pouch he had taken it from and pulled out a tiny card.

It was slightly thicker than a credit card and had a wireless sensor built into it that would relay information directly into Super Joe. If he couldn't get in that way, he'd have to do some wire work that would take more time then he was willing to give and possibly leave evidence of his intrusion behind that would alert everyone in the base to his presence. Snake slowly ran the card through the reader until he heard a small beep in the same ear that contained the audio device for his CODEC. Five seconds later he heard a slightly higher beep. As he expected the noise of the door opening did not distract the guard from eating Grandma's Buns, which had to be the most impossibly delicious cinnamon rolls under four hundred calories per serving that Snake had ever come across in his entire life.

This particular storage room was primarily full of food. When the interior of the base finally loaded on his Goggles it indicated that the back of the building was used primarily for allocating supplies. Snake was grateful to escape the loading screen because the dancing Miku Hatsune chibi that appeared in place of data during this limited period was highly distracting. The positions of the soldiers hadn't quite yet appeared, but he was certain there weren't that many nearby.

The storage room was stacked with plenty of boxes and had various shelves that held even more food. It wasn't lit very well and only contained food that was non-perishable. Snake's only adversary was wearing a powered exoskeleton. A set of warnings he could read at his convenience were brought up. This was an upgraded version of the Tengu suit built specifically for men. Women used a different outfit. The helmet he had been wearing was on a shelf while he indulged freely in the cinnamon rolls using his whole face as he couldn't possibly eat them fast enough to save his own life. Snake carefully approached the man from the side. As he moved, his suit adjusted to his surroundings. If the guard cared to pay enough attention to notice that someone was sneaking up on him he would get the mistaken impression that the room was closing in on him. However, the cinnamon goodness was a dirty whore that refused to allow him to focus on anything but the taste.

"I'll just have three more." the guard said to himself. "After all, I did work out today."

Snake didn't feel like taking that much of a chance with this new threat, so he had the soldier on the floor in no time. He then quickly positioned himself on top of the guard and began strangling him into submission. The guard struggled to break free, but Snake managed to stay on top. Snake put his gun against the guards head, which ended his futile squirming.

"No!" the guard wailed. "My cinnamon buns!"

"You mean _my_ cinnamon buns! You had better hope you didn't eat all of them, rookie, or there will be hell to pay!" Snake contested. "Keep your voice down! I'm here to save you."

"From what?"

"From giving yourself diabetes, you selfish glutton."

The positions of the other guards were finally displayed inside the barriers of the virtual map. He took a minute to let his prey roast and scanned the area by indicating which section he wanted to view by moving his eye. Most of the guards seemed to be concentrated around the cafeteria. Multiple heat signatures were being scanned inside that little area. Big Boss must have put all of his hostages in there. Snake looked down at the guard again to see if he was armed. He wasn't carrying a pistol, but an XM8 was leaning up against the wall just out of arms reach. A strap had been fastened around it to allow the rifle to be carried across the back. The guard probably put it there so he could use both of his hands to eat.

Having established that he was safe to do as he pleased with the man beneath him, Snake grinned and prepared to mess around with the rookie he'd caught. Before he could get any information out of the guard he'd have to break him and Snake knew just how to go about doing that. It was an old trick he learned from Campbell and tried out a couple of times on Raiden when he wouldn't give Snake back the stuff he'd borrowed from him.

"Guess what?" Snake asked.

"What?"

"Chicken butt."

"And you're calling me the rookie?"

Snake slammed the side of his head into the cement floor.

"How can I help you today?" the guard asked, effectively surrendering as he spat out a tooth.

"What's your name?"

"Why?"

Snake slammed the side of his head into the cement floor again a little harder.

"So that when I write my biography I won't have to refer to you as 'that one guard'. What's your name, soldier?"

"Ryan." he said, somewhat dazed.

"Nice to meet you, Ryan. I'm Solid Snake."

"I gathered." Ryan responded listlessly.

"Now that we know each other so well it's time to start sharing secrets. You start."

"You would be a lot better off if you asked one of the members of Blue Death. They have all the answers. They know more than us grunts. To answer your second question before you even ask, I don't know where the Commander is, but I do know that you're looking for him. You better hurry up, though. There's something wrong."

"The Commander? Do you mean. . ."

Snake caught himself. This man obviously didn't know he was working for Big Boss. Revealing that would be like opening Pandora's Box. Big Boss must have used stealth camouflage. His new body was probably immune to its harmful effects. Snake changed the subject. He was sure Ryan wouldn't mind.

"What might that something be? Give me an educated guess. Remember, it's okay to be wrong when you're making a guess with Solid Snake. But not often."

Snake patted Ryan on the head in a reassuring but demeaning way. Ryan sighed, gradually becoming more annoyed with the gun digging into his skull. He thought about Snake's question for a moment.

"A little while ago Anna told me to watch for anyone acting funny. She told me not to tell anyone else and report to her if I noticed anything."

"She must trust you."

"I was quite surprised as well. You know what that means, though. I think some of the soldiers aren't quite loyal to the Commander. That goes for Blue Death as well. Either way, our orders are to capture you alive and bring you to the Commander."

"How do you intend to do that if you don't know where he is?"

"That is indeed a good question." Ryan said, regaining some of his dignity. "I assumed it would play out if anyone actually managed to catch you. Anyway, I heard Anna talking to the Commander over the radio. Apparently we're in place to see how well we can soldier. I think he's testing you and trying to see how much his guards are worth."

That must have been why he wanted Snake to infiltrate.

"I wouldn't pay you to guard my sock drawer."

"Say what you want, but after washing out of the Navy Seals during hell week I joined the army instead. While there I finished a four year tour in Iraq and then decided that I wanted more freedom so I became a mercenary. I did a few jobs and eventually found myself in Europe where I joined an organization that specialized in recovering captured soldiers. When I got tired of that I found myself in Big Boss' private unit due to a set of unrelated circumstances."

"That's all very fascinating, but it doesn't change the fact that you gave into the temptation of Grandma's Buns."

"Yes. I find them utterly delicious."

"I hope you have learned your lesson. Consider our encounter an opportunity for you to grow. One day you might even be like me."

"Believe me, I can't wait." Ryan said sarcastically. "You're not going to kill me, are you?"

"Since you've been so cooperative I think I'll spare your life. However, I will help you get seven hours of sleep and stuff your body in a locker."

Ryan sighed heavily. Snake knocked him out in the least painful way he could and then put away his gun. He was fairly certain that an M9 dart wouldn't be able to properly penetrate the body armor so he didn't bother wasting a round. All of the soldiers in Big Boss' unit couldn't have powered exoskeletons so he began to wonder why this guard hadn't been stationed somewhere important or perhaps he had been until he learned what was in the storage room. That reminded Snake of the sugary goodness awaiting him. He got on his feet and looked in the box that contained the delectable treats and found that there were plenty plenty of them still left. Snake ate six in under a minute and would have devoured more if Campbell hadn't interrupted his buffet.

"What are you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm replenishing my stamina, what does it look like I'm doing?" Snake replied.

"I can _see _what you're doing. I merely asked why you were doing what you were doing in order to get an explanation for it."

"Have you heard from Raiden?" Snake asked.

"No. He hasn't answered any of our calls. He's taking after you."

Snake dialed Mei Ling's frequency.

"Mei Ling, shouldn't Raiden appear as a different dot on my map?" he asked.

"Yes. His dot is bright pink."

"I won't ask."

Snake quickly checked the map.

"I can't see him anywhere. Shouldn't he already be here?" Snake asked, somewhat worried.

All he needed now was for the kid to get captured. That would be bothersome if their was discourse among Big Boss' ranks. The need to remain hidden was bolstered by this new development and Snake's mentally adjusted as required.

"I don't know what to say." Mei Ling confessed.

"You what?" Snake said in disbelief. "Look, what's going on? Tell me! Did he get himself caught?"

"Calm down and let us handle the specifics. Proceed as you normally would."

"Roy, drop the act! He's not dead, is he?" Snake asked.

"No, his vitals are still online. You should be able to see them using those Goggles. All you have to do is move your eye over what you want to see and focus in on it."

"I know all that." Snake said.

He switched over to Roy.

"Campbell, Big Boss' own soldiers don't know where he is. He's hiding. Apparently everyone here has orders to bring me to him, but on top of that there might be some spies in his unit."

"You're not going to let yourself get caught, are you?" Campbell asked.

"Of course not. I merely told you that to see if you knew anything about it."

"Well, I don't." Campbell said quite simply.

"Fine." Snake said after a moment.

He ended the transmission. If something bad had happened to Raiden he couldn't blame them for dodging the issue, but at the same time they were all acting a little bit odd. There was no reason Mei Ling would be stumped by something as simple as figuring out why Raiden's position wasn't being relayed on the map. Even if she had just gotten out of a messy relationship she still would have acted more professionally under normal circumstances. Snake shook his head and focused on his current situation. Ryan had mentioned that Anna was someone that could be trusted, which was either the truth or a misconception on his part if she were merely faking her allegiance to Big Boss.

To find what he was looking for he'd have to catch a member of Blue Death. That was easier said than done. It was better than searching every inch of the base. Snake indicated that he wanted to see what was outside again and gave the area a more thorough scan. Live satellite images indicated that the soldiers were moving some tanks around outside and pumping up security. The Hind-F he had seen earlier was now in the sky, scanning the ground in search of something. If his footprints hadn't been covered by the snow, he could expect things to get a lot hotter.

With all the activity going on outside he would be better off sneaking around inside of the base. There had to be a way to find out where Big Boss was. He'd just have to improvise. Snake retrieved the XM8 and examined it briefly. The gun didn't have any identification software on it so he was free to take it. He would now have something to defend himself with if he ran into Blue Death. Snake searched Ryan's inert body and retrieved five full clips that he pocketed. He dug around further and pulled out a silencer that he quickly fastened to the barrel of his gun. Snake then slung the rifle around his shoulder and fastened it to his back.

His only option was to go forward. It wasn't the best decision he had ever made, but he could think of two reasons why things were heating up outside. Either he was walking into a trap or Raiden had been caught.

**NEXT TIME** : Snake has been running around for less than an hour, but you know a boss fight is coming up soon. Who will fight Snake first? Certainly not Olga, Ocelot, or whoever he fights first in the next game. Will he bury the beast in Anna? Will he tell Old Tech to catch up with the changing times? Will he outwit Shadow Raccoon and his crafty magic? Will Chill Penguin's devotion to anime prove to be more than enough for him to handle? Is Johnny really even a boss? One thing's for certain. It will definitely not be Big Boss. This story may be halfway over, but it's not going to end abruptly like Halo 2. Or will it? Not if I can save it in time.


	15. Magically Delicious

**Chapter 15 : Magically Delicious.**

Before exiting the storage room, Snake needed to hide Ryan's body. He picked up the unconscious man and slung him over his shoulder. It would have been nice if he had known that the equipment Ryan was wearing tripled his normal weight. Snake quickly collapsed to the floor with Ryan's body on top of him. After crawling out from underneath him, Snake hauled the man around by his arms. It took a lot of strength to move him. If he were to take this problem out into the corridor, he might be spotted. Snake looked around and tried to figure out where he could hide the body inside the room he was currently in. A large cardboard box was tucked away in the corner that might serve as a hiding place for the unlucky guard. Snake looked inside of it and found a bunch of potato chips. The look of the box suggested that whoever had opened it immediately went to the next one in search of something better. Snake didn't usually eat chips and the brand he was looking at didn't seem very appetizing.

Snake pulled out all the chips and grabbed Ryan. After some lifting and heaving, he had managed to get Ryan inside the box. He then tossed all the chips on top of him and closed the box. Snake took the cardboard container full of Grandma's Buns and placed it on top of the one that held Ryan. Nobody would ever find him. A scan of the corridor leading into the storage room indicated no threats and Snake used his snake cam to be absolutely certain. The safest route he could take would lead him through a garage. Aside from that were more rooms dedicated to storage. One of them was a freezer that actually had a guard inside of it at the moment. He stepped into the hallways and proceeded through a set of double doors into the garage.

The kitchen and the cafeteria were nearby. All of the personnel who had been captured after Big Boss had instigated his little revolt had been moved into the cafeteria, which was crawling with opposition. The garage was the last place anyone would want to be in at the moment. Whoever had been there last had turned out the lights so Snake switched to night vision. Every shutter leading outside had been closed. A few trucks and jeeps were parked around him. There were also a couple of forklifts and gasoline tanks with a separate room full of tools. Crates full of miscellaneous items were stacked randomly around him. Most of them had been opened and examined. It looked as though this was where most of the things coming inside the base were momentarily held until they could be moved. A server wrapped in plastic and a couple of computers helped Snake build this assumption.

Since incoming supplies were the last thing Big Boss would have to worry about Snake decided the garage was a good place to hide. He'd have to proceed through the hallway next to the cafeteria, which was dotted with a couple of guards. If he could get around them he'd find himself closer to the part of the building that was used for research and development. Mostly what they would be doing in the labs was simulating weaponry in a virtual environment, much like what Otacon's lab had been like. It wasn't densely populated by guards, but there was some suspicious activity taking place in that area. One lone figure was going from room to room and occupying certain unidentifiable corners in search of something. It might just be Big Boss. If that were the case, they probably wouldn't get to have a dramatic showdown.

Upon rethinking his earlier decision, Snake decided that the route he wanted to take might be a little too risky. While contemplating an alternate route with the aid of his Solid Eye software, something caught his attention. There, in the center of the room out in the open with forklifts and other vehicles nearby, was the most beautiful cardboard box he'd ever laid his eyes on. Snake's heartbeat escalated at the sheer rush of ecstasy he felt while viewing this magnificent piece of recycled paper. The main appeal he found in this box was its remarkable simplicity. It was unlabeled and untouched, completely naked and devoid of any identification. Put another way, it was him in boot camp.

Snake slowly proceeded to the box step-by-step, unable to shake the hypnosis he was under. He didn't have any magic pockets to store an infinite amount of gadgets and weaponry in this time so all he could do was briefly admire it. Hopefully he'd be able to double back and snatch it before he made his escape. For now, all he wanted to do was crouch underneath it and experience the feeling that only he could get while taking shelter inside the protective belly of the box.

Without warning, the person taking refuge inside of the box lifted it up and turned to face him. Snake snapped out of his trance and was a little late with his defensive reaction.

"In Lor." the mystery man said.

The man extended his right hand and opened it up. A brilliant burst of light emitted from it, filling the room with an artificial source of illumination that originate from his palm. He threw the ball of light into the ceiling to illuminate the area without having to use electricity because that was expensive. While the light was fairly powerful it still didn't uncover the entire room. Snake held back a scream of pain as his eyes were filled with white static. He quickly removed moved the goggles and ripped off the upper half of his active camouflage suit, rubbing fiercely at his eyes.

"Corp Hur." his assailant said menacingly.

A burst of wind engulfed his body, lifting him into the air and throwing him into the front of a jeep. The impact bent the hood down into the engine and knocked out the front windshield. A thousand tiny invisible knives began piercing through his armor and pricking his body. Snake swatted at himself, trying to knock off whatever was on him. The sensation didn't last for very long. He felt himself bleeding underneath his tight uniform. His eyes had finally regained focus so he was now able to see who was attacking him. Shadow Raccoon stood before him, the silly little magician with his uncanny ability to turn potpourri and other insignificant leftovers from plants into lethal magic. He was dressed the exact same way he had been when he and the other members of Blue Death had introduced themselves to him at Snake's home. Shadow Raccoon had taken the time to add a bigger brown bag to his waist as an additional accessory that was full of the things he needed to use in order to craft his spells. Other than that all he had on was a pair of baggy old jeans.

Snake pried himself off of the jeep and quickly brought his XM8 around as he took cover behind the battered vehicle.

"Solid Snake. David something or another." Shadow Raccoon mused. "Enemy to my superiors."

Snake rolled his eyes as he switched the firing mode on his XM8 to semi-automatic so he wouldn't waste any ammo.

"Why do you recoil from fate?" Shadow Raccoon asked. "Embrace your death. Only then can you be worthy of life."

With an exasperated sigh, Snake whipped around the corner of the vehicle and took aim for the ugly bag Shadow Raccoon wore around his waist. In an amazing display of tactical espionage action he fired one single round directly into the bag without having to beat around the bush with Naomi as they both tried to figure out Shadow Raccoon's weak point, which was painfully obvious. Nightshade, ginseng, blood moss, and cinnamon bark spilled to the ground silently as Snake spun back behind the jeep with a triumphant mangled grin slowly spreading across his face. He clutched a fist and shook it in front of his face as he trembled with the excitement brought on by how pitifully easy that was. Shadow Raccoon stood out in the open like any slow learner playing a first person shooter would. He had been completely devastated by what had just happened to the point where he couldn't even move. Shadow Raccoon finally cried out in anguish and dropped to the floor where he desperately tried to reorder the mess and fix his bag.

"My. . .my reagents!" he shouted. "Do you have any idea how long it takes to get that bag ordered just right?"

"Here's how much I care." Snake said.

He aimed up and over instead of around the corner this time and fired a round into Shadow Raccoon's kneecap, which exploded in gore. The man instantly fell over on his side and screamed in agony, which sent shudders down Snake's spine as he watched the exit and entrance to the garage, expecting guards to rush it at any minute. He put his mask back on and readjusted the Solid Goggles, which were still in night vision mode. Snake brought up the map and turned off the automated vision adjustments. The guards in the area were staying put, but his reliance on the heat signatures had dropped now that an enemy had managed to block them. Shadow Raccoon limped as he retreated and took cover behind a set of containers that were stacked on one another.

"So what now, Pussy Pants?" Snake called out. "Are you going to tell me where Big Boss is or do I have to shoot you again?"

His concentration was unexpectedly interrupted by a transmission from command. Snake opened a line with them.

"We've just acquired a file containing information about Shadow Raccoon. You would be wise not to underestimate him." Naomi advised. "He has the ability to heal his own wounds."

"Great. Do you have any idea how this fruit loop can use magic?" Snake asked.

"There are plenty of hypothetical explanations I could give to answer that question, the best of which is that he utilizes psychokinetic energy to manifest his expectations into reality. I can't tell you where he picked up his particular form of wizardry as I haven't really had time to read his full dossier since I just got the documents pertaining to his past. The human mind is highly versatile and the scope of abnormalities it can incur is vast. Some even theorize that experiences with demons and other malevolent phenomenon are merely the result of misguided signals of perception being sent into the brain."

The method of transmission Naomi was using didn't bring up her image. Instead, a static avatar was present. The voice didn't even sound as clear as it could have. There was certainly a lot of interference.

"So I'm just accidentally imagining that he's kicking my ass?"

"From my view it looks like you're winning, but as I said before I couldn't tell you for sure as it's not part of my field. What I can say is that Shadow Raccoon's military history is covered in disgrace. After failing all forms of military training he apparently wandered into a forest where he disappeared for six months until finally returning with the uncanny abilities he has now. It was only then that he finally found work in a fringe mercenary organization."

"Snake, put simply he's a noob. If he had a weapon it would undoubtedly be a P-90 so if he didn't hit you with the first thirty bullets he'd still have twenty more." Roy said. "If you shoot his bag he'll be practically defenseless."

"You're a little late, Campbell." Snake said.

"I wonder why he's attacking you." Campbell pondered aloud. "I thought they were just supposed to bring you to Big Boss. Maybe unconscious, but certainly not wounded."

"There's dissension in his ranks. I'll deal with it. What's with the technical difficulties I've been getting?"

"I'm not sure. I'm sorry, but we're looking into the matter." Campbell said.

Snake sighed in disgust. Now he was playing dumb. This wasn't the time to pursue the manner anyway.

"Just focus on the mission, Snake." Campbell urged.

"Roger. Pardon me while I get back to work."

"Be careful, Snake." Naomi urged. "This is magic, after all. The rules could change at any moment!"

Shadow Raccoon waved his hand over his wound. A faint green glow emitted from his palm. The bullet had gone straight through his knee and took a little bit of his femur with it. Snake's aim was quite good even without the automation of his Solid Goggles. The nasty hole the bullet had created slowly began healing itself with the aid of Shadow Raccoon's wacky magic. He slammed his elbow into the wooden wall he was up against as the pain escalated.

"I have other bags hidden in this room!" Shadow Raccoon declared. "Our fight isn't over yet!"

"Thank you for telling me that." Snake said.

"Damn it!" Shadow Raccoon screamed, realizing the error he had just made.

Snake noticed that there was a hideous brown bag sitting innocently between the driver and passenger seat sealed with two battered drawstrings. It looked like he held Shadow Raccoon in check.

"Your move, ace." Snake said, aiming up and over his cover, pinpointing his enemy's position.

His confidence was brought on by the fact that his enemy had no other weapons and couldn't possibly take him in hand to hand combat.

"Fool! That is not the only magic I know! However, it is the type I am most proficient at!"

"I'm also proficient. Proficient at kicking your ass." Snake taunted.

Shadow Raccoon made a surprise appearance behind Snake. Apparently Shadow Raccoon was capable of teleportation. It was Snake's sixth sense that had grown through years of stealth espionage action and seeing through scams at the car dealership that warned him of the impending danger just in time to react. Shadow Raccoon was reaching for his throat with ten clumsy fingers. Snake slid the butt of his rifle into Shadow Raccoon's face, breaking his nose and pushing the man back. He rolled over the hood, aimed around the side of the jeep that was still his cover, and shot Shadow Raccoon's other kneecap. The almost inaudible puff of his silencer as it suppressed the noise of the bullet was morbidly humorous given the situation. Shadow Raccoon collapsed and howled in pain since his tolerance toward it was rather low.

Snake would need to grab the bag before Shadow Raccoon could. He popped open the door on his side at the same time Shadow Raccoon did on the other side. The two men grabbed the bag simultaneously and tore it apart, spilling potpourri all over the place. Snake grabbed a handful of it and threw it in Shadow Raccoon's face. He cried out in frustration and began sneezing profusely. This was Snake's chance. His adversary was now blind and slightly allergic to peppermint. Snake ran to the other side of the vehicle only to find cold cement. He recoiled from the spot, feeling as though he had just walked into a trap. Shadow Raccoon did not strike. He had hid himself somewhere to heal the wound in his knee.

His enemy probably knew where the next bag of reagents was. Super Joe vibrated on Snake's arm in Morse Code, spelling out alert. A widget displayed his heart beat appeared on the HUD. It had turned yellow, which was a small cause for alarm. If excitement and adrenaline triggered a FOXDIE attack, he needed to be more careful. He couldn't exactly force himself to remain calm with Shadow Raccoon teleporting wherever he wanted. Knowing he was in yellow didn't make the situation any easier. He regulated his breathing and concentrated on his work. It was about all he could do. The next time Shadow Raccoon exposed himself, Snake would need to kill him. He took cover behind a large crate full of toilet paper. It would be better to remain in one place so Shadow Raccoon couldn't sneak up on him since Snake was pretty sure Raccoon knew where he was hiding.

The crate he had his back up against suddenly burst into a roaring inferno of flame. Snake bolted from it and dodged just in time to avoid a white blob of something flying at him. He fell to the ground and had the wind knocked out of him. Snake looked to see what Shadow Raccoon had thrown at him and saw a giant spider web plastered against the wall of the garage. He scrambled over to a supply truck and took cover behind it. Snake peeked around the corner and spotted Shadow Raccoon coming towards him. He put three bullets through his chest. Raccoon's body turned into ground cinnamon and collapsed to the floor.

Snake cursed. His enemy was getting serious. The tarp draped over the supply truck to cover what was inside rustled. Snake aimed his gun at it, expecting Shadow Raccoon to pop out. Instead, the tarp reached for Snake and wrapped itself around his neck. Unbelievable. Snake dropped his rifle and immediately grabbed his knife and sawed through the material attempting to choke him. It had somehow managed to grow longer than it was to try and choke him. Snake cut through the extra length of the tarp and tore it off of his neck. It disintegrated before it hit the ground. He retrieved his rifle.

"An Xen Por." a voice in front of him whispered.

A purple ball came shooting out of the back of the supply truck and absorbed itself into his body. Snake suddenly couldn't move. He couldn't even blink. It didn't take very long for him to figure out what had just happened. Shadow Raccoon emerged from the back of the truck, looking very much like a specter of death. Snake grunted and tried his best to move, but he couldn't even budge an inch. His enemy dangled a bag of reagents in front of his face, content that he could do nothing about it.

"I had hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but there's no denying the fact that you're better at fighting than I am. That's why I'm a mage. I don't have to fight. All I need to do is learn. Knowledge is power, right?" Shadow Raccoon explained.

He reached into the bag and pulled out a handful of goodies. They glowed through the cracks of his fingers as they reacted to his spirit.

"One down. One to go. Vas Co. . ."

He didn't have a chance to finish his spell because a familiar African grey parrot suddenly made itself visible by perching on Snake's shoulder. This plump bird was enough to sufficiently distract Shadow Raccoon.

"You're dead!" the parrot squawked, his beady eyes fixed on Shadow Raccoon. "You're dead!"

"That stupid bird." Shadow Raccoon said, his voice quivering with fear. "If that thing's here, then that means. . ."

"That you're dead!" the bird squawked.

Someone jumped on top of the truck they were loitering behind with enough force to rock it. Snake wasn't able to see who this person was because he still couldn't move. Shadow Raccoon's mouth dropped in horror as he stared up at the individual looking down on him with a cold, emotionless expression. A singular kunai came flying from her wrist and tore open the bag of cherry blossoms he carried around his waist. She followed it up with a shuriken to his wrist, which stuck deep and caused him to drop the glowing handful of love he held in his palm. Anna attempted to pounce on him, but he managed to dodge her.

She was wearing a fabulously dull set of black clothing, which included a sports bra, army fatigues, and a pair of boots. A pair of vicious hand claws were fitted to her knuckles. Four jagged blades rose above her knuckles with hooked ends that had been polished to a sheen finish. They looked sufficiently deadly and had plenty of teeth specifically designed to create a bloody mess. Apparently she was a fan of Japanese weaponry. They were similar to brass knuckles and the claws were not too long. Anna was undoubtedly skilled in hand to hand combat.

If what she carried was made out of the same material as Raiden's sword, she could tear Shadow Raccoon apart in an instant. The shuriken had almost gone completely through his wrist. He was busy trying to pull it out since he had to before he could heal himself. Anna toyed with him for a moment, circling him so that his back was facing the wall. She rushed him, punching him in the gut and lifting him into the air against the wall. Anna had hooked the claw under one of his ribs and was keeping it from tearing through by somehow balancing his weight against her arm.

The pain was so intense that he couldn't even scream. Thankfully, she didn't tear his rib out from his body. Instead, she pulled out and let him fall to the floor. She kicked him on the injury she had given him so that he rolled over. Anna straddled him and slammed her knee into the wound, breaking the rib she had been tickling a few seconds ago. She grabbed him by the head, forced it back, and tore his throat out with one swipe. It bothered Snake that this wasn't the most gruesome death he had ever seen. In fact, it didn't even make the top five. Blood erupted from Shadow Raccoon's throat. Anna got off of him. For the most part, she had managed to avoid getting herself dirty. Except for her hands, of course. If the police burst in and started asking question, she would definitely be caught red handed.

Now that Shadow Raccoon was dying, his spells began fizzling out. The room was once again plunged into darkness and Snake regained control of his limbs, which was great because he really needed them so he could evade this crazy woman. He switched on his night vision. Anna wasn't where his eyes had left her. Snake didn't hear her bump into anything or trip, so she had to be very comfortable in the dark. The bird remained where it was, talking to itself quietly.

"Snake, listen carefully." Noami whispered hurriedly. "You're dealing with a real psychopath here."

"How stupid. . ." he couldn't finish his sentence eloquently, so he lowered his inhibitions. "No shit, Naomi!"

"Anna was kidnapped at a young age and almost sold into a prostitution ring. She escaped from her captors and got lost in the woods where she apparently bonded with a group of wolves. The experience would change her life. Anna is able to bond with animals in a way most of us can't possibly emulate. She has learned her unique combat style from them. Anna has spent time in a number of covert units across the world. When she becomes bored with one, she leaves and joins another. Up until now, she hasn't been a part of a terrorist organization. She normally uses weapons that tear her opponents apart because she enjoys that sort of thing."

"I don't know if you noticed this or not, but she's also extremely fast!" Snake said in a dumb voice. "Way faster than fast, even!"

As had been the case before, Naomi's avatar wasn't present. In its place was white noise, which was prettier than Naomi when she wasn't wearing her hair the way she usually did.

"Unfortunately, while in a state of rage, she is often unable to control herself. Anna typically works alone because of this."

"What about the bird?"

"It must be important if she keeps it around all the time." Naomi said. "I can't say anything more about it."

"The African grey that your enemy has is considered one of the smartest birds in the world." a new voice informed him. "Some even speculate that they are able to comprehend the nuances of whatever language they learn."

Snake blinked and tried to figure out who was talking to him. Whoever it was, the man sounded like an animal expert. He wasn't able to see his avatar and there was a distinct whining noise now interfering with the CODEC. The only other time he had heard that was on a mission years ago when his frequency had been hacked.

"Yosef Nordon?" Snake whispered in disbelief.

"That's me. I changed my name to Johan Jacobsen, though." Johan, who had formerly been Yosef, cheerfully explained.

"You're not even a part of this mission! How the hell did you get my frequency?"

"Well, I sort of kept it all these years and you never had it changed." he said submissively. "Do you love me?"

Snake immediately blocked the address and would have reported the man if the origin of the signal hadn't been jammed. Something must be wrong with his CODEC and the last thing he had time to do right now was to try and repair it. Snake switched to his M9. It was a fitting way to subdue a wild animal. He made his way carefully towards the light switch, hoping to feel more comfortable fighting her that way.

A noise got him to turn around. It was probably a diversion so she could attack him from the side. Snake reacted appropriately and saw nothing. For a moment he thought she would get the jump on him, but that didn't happen. There were so many containers. She could be hiding behind any one of them. He reached the switch for the lights and flicked it on, turning around just in time to see Anna rushing toward him with her mouth wide open in a silent scream, drool dripping out of the corners of her lips. Snake braced for the clash and prepared to take her down. This impending contact literally boiled down to him or her, and Snake knew it had better be him.

**NEXT TIME** : Of course Snake wins. What a silly place to end a chapter. But what happens after this vicious encounter? Obviously there is discourse among Big Boss' men and women. One event may lead Snake's mission astray. There's still more to come and plenty of bosses for Snake to fight. Yeah, I know this preview is a little short when compared to the others. If I could be witty all the time. . .never mind, I don't know where that's going.


	16. A Web of Deceit

**Chapter 16 : A Web of Deceit.**

Snake aimed the M9 at her, which encouraged her to move from side to side as she charged.

"Wake up!" the bird screeched.

A hint of recognition was finally evident in her insane gaze. She ceased her charge so quickly that she fell over herself twice until she slid to a sudden stop a foot away from Snake, who was still ready to attack. The bird flew from the truck and perched on Snake's shoulder. While Anna recovered on the floor, it began preening Snake's mullet. Snake swatted at it to make it stop, but the screech it gave made him back off. The bird continued playing with his mullet.

Anna was covered in sweat and remained on the ground for a moment longer, expecting him to perhaps offer her a hand. Snake kept his gun trained on her while she stood up on her own.

"Forgive me." Anna said, out of breath. "I knew it was you, but the rage is beyond my control."

"Lunatic." Snake sneered.

"Relax. I'm here to help you." she said, not bothering to look at him.

"Of course you are, Mary Sue."

"Don't call me that." Anna said dully.

"The passion in my heart for you burns more intensely than the fires at Chernobyl." Snake said in the most dramatically serious tone he could manage.

"That's enough." Anna snapped. "Follow me."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. Trust me."

"That's not good enough, Mary Sue."

"It will have to be."

Anna led him across Shadow Raccoon's corpse while she produced a towel from her pants and cleaned her hands. Snake followed her with enough distance between them to shoot her if she tried anything funny. She came to a stop in front of a crate that she easily opened. Inside were several complete suits of camouflage that were exactly the same pattern as what the pilot's were wearing. Anna also wore it.

"You should be able to wear this over your current suit." Anna said.

She turned around to give him some degree of privacy as he changed into a real set of clothing. Her respect was sorely out of place as he didn't need to change out of his sneaking suit to put on everything. He sighed at the thought of wasting the precious technology that hugged his skin so perfectly that it felt as though he were wearing nothing at all. Anna pulled a balaclava out of her pants pocket and handed it to Snake once he finished putting on his tactical harness. He took the Solid Goggles and his rubber mask off and put on the fleece of anonymity. Snake remained silent while Anna looked him over.

"Good. Now you'll blend in more easily with the regular troops here. They even have the same harness that you do." Anna said. "Your friend has been captured. It would be in your best interest to set him free."

"Snake, don't listen to her. She's misleading you." Campbell advised over the CODEC. "To quote an Internet meme, it's a trap! If you fall for it, then you sincerely deserve what you'll get!"

Command had found a new way of making his life miserable by disabling his ability to choose whenever he wanted to answer a call. He could at least turn his CODEC off if they became annoying. Anna was oblivious to what had just been said as there was no way for her to hear what orders he was receiving from Campbell. He could agree with Campbell that she might be trying to lead him into a trap, but he couldn't fight her until they discussed a few things together since she was still helping him at this point.

"Why did you kill Shadow Raccoon?"

"Because he deserved it, but that is not the question you should be asking. What really concerns you are the whereabouts of your cohort. He's being held on the second floor basement. Old Tech is torturing him as we speak. That disguise should get you through to the holding cells on the second floor where you will undoubtedly find him. Tread carefully."

"She'll kill both of you." Campbell protested. "Did you see how she took out her comrade? She's unpredictable and a threat to the mission. If you don't kill her, the fan community will!"

"Where's Big Boss?"

"I would get your friend first, if I were you." Anna said with a grin. "Our unit is having a bit of a falling out right now. If there's one thing you can say about mercenaries in a PMC, it's that they are always loyal to money."

"And what about you?"

"I've got my own orders."

The door Snake had entered from swung open loudly as someone else burst into the room. He and Anna quickly ducked behind the truck and peered over the corner to see who had come in. Their heads aligned in typical comical fashion with one being on top of the other as Snake was noticeably taller than Anna. Chill Penguin was practically skipping as she walked in on the scene with a giant smile on her face and two ice cream cones in her hands. She kept her eyes tightly shut as if mimicking an anime character experiencing extreme joy. Snake watched with great confusion as she easily dodged objects that would have hindered her progress if she slammed into or tripped over them. Not once did she have to open her eyes. She must have been the guard in the freezer that he had seen earlier. Chill Penguin still sported her gigantic backpack that was full of the plushies she used as weapons.

"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin called lovingly in her slightly accented English. "I've brought you some ice cream! Let's write a poem together before Solid Snake arrives. Better yet, let's fight him together and then write a poem about it. Surely our combined powers will be no match for him!"

Anna crouched into an attack position. Her face contorted into a vicious snarl as her lips curled back, exposing her gleaming teeth. Snake's blood ran cold. In an instant that seemed to be suspended in time he knew he had to make a poor judgment call. He couldn't let Anna kill Chill Penguin. The kid was only eight-teen years old. She could have been younger as he'd always had trouble pinning a particular age to Asian women. Snake didn't want to see her die at the hands of someone like Anna who could easily carve her up like a piece of wood. He grabbed under her armpit and jerked her upright painfully to get her attention before she lost it.

"Don't even think about it she's just a kid!" Snake whispered. "I won't let you kill her."

Anna chuckled darkly.

"I have heard ten men say that just before they died at the hands of soldiers who were children." Anna explained. "But if your wish is to let her live then I shall concede. After all, you're just like the boss. Surely there must be some sense to your logic."

"Let's hide in the back of the truck."

Anna nodded and Snake released his hold on her. They silently crawled into the cargo bay and draped the covering over the entrance to conceal themselves a little better. Snake kept his M9 ready. He aimed it right where Chill Penguin's head would be if she walked by.

"We're dead." the parrot quietly informed the two of them.

"Don't be so cynical, Edgar." Anna said, shushing her bird.

"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin called. "If you hide in the dark you'll never get a beautiful tan."

Chill Penguin came across the blood that had been spilled, all of which happened to be Shadow Raccoon's.

"Why, it looks like Snake has already been through here." Chill Penguin mused aloud.

Her voice was laced with a hint of nervousness. A few seconds later her worst fear came true as she stumbled upon the dead body of her indifferent boy toy. Snake knew the gasp she uttered all too well. He could just picture her face screwing up as she observed what Anna had left of Shadow Raccoon. As if on cue, Chill Penguin shrieked in devastation, dropping the ice cream and running over to her tattered lover. Anna chuckled again, highly amused.

"Shadow couldn't stand Chill Penguin." Anna whispered to Snake. "In fact, Shadow would usually make it a point to communicate his distaste for her by actually hurting her. That didn't stop her from becoming attached to him, though."

"She has grenades, ma'am." Edgar muttered.

"I know, Edgar. Hush." Anna chided.

"No!" came the proverbial scream of angst from Chill Penguin.

Inside the truck, Anna and Edgar opened their mouths and mimicked the wail of stolen love. Love so fresh and young that the couple hadn't even had a fight yet because they had only been on a date for twenty three minutes. Love so abundant in quality and untouched by the mistake of having children that it would last at least until the fourth anniversary. Love so abusive that only a misguided woman would dare call it that and have such lurid delusions of grandeur with a man who never wore shoes and carried tree bark with him at all times. While Anna and Edgar clearly found it amusing, Snake just about had his heart jump through his chest, smack him across the face, and call him a bastard while spitting in his eye. Even though he had not killed Shadow Raccoon but would have anyway it was still awful to see that she was so dependent on him.

Chill Penguin's lover was a real mess, but that didn't stop her from cuddling with him.

"Ma'am, I do believe Chill Penguin has grenades." Edgar insisted, this time speaking a bit louder.

"I control when you are fed." Anna said to quiet Edgar creatively.

"Snake, I am ordering you to kill that women! Get rid of Chill Penguin while you're at it!" Campbell insisted. "I can't stress enough how both of them are liabilities."

While Campbell's intentions were certainly honorable they didn't adhere to his personality. Snake couldn't imagine that Campbell would order him to take out Chill Penguin because he always assumed they felt the same way about young soldiers. There was something wrong with the colonel and Snake believed he was starting to figure it out. The stakes would definitely be higher if he was correct. Chill Penguin was still crying profusely to the point of being ridiculous as she swung her big backpack around and unzipped it.

"We're making too much noise to go unnoticed. Why haven't the guards rushed in yet?" Snake asked.

Anna smiled and did not bother to answer him. Chill Penguin began taking out plushies one by one in search of the doll she desired. She lined them all up in a row. Yuki Nagato from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya appeared. Konata Izumi from Lucky Star kept Yuki company. Ryoko Hakubi of Tenchi Muyo fame was forced to sit alongside Onsokomaru from Ninja Nonsense. She pulled out Guido Anchovy and Polly Ester, both of whom had been subjected to the brutal hand of mistranslation and hailed from the Samurai Pizza Cats. The next plushie was Speedy Cervinche, who was their leader. She decided on the spot that she didn't want it anymore so she lobbed it aside carelessly. Chill Penguin could always make another. It exploded into a cloud of tear gas that nobody was around to be affected by.

"Ma'am, those are grenades!" Edgar screeched over the blast.

"Just as I expected." Anna sighed. She turned to look at Snake. "Rescue your friend first and worry about the mission later. I'll take care of the girl."

Snake grabbed Anna by the arm and forced her in close.

"Don't kill her." he requested.

"Fine. If it makes you happy I won't kill the brat."

Anna took off her claws and held them both in one hand while keeping her gaze level with Snake's. Edgar hopped from his shoulder onto Anna's. After she had disarmed herself, Snake released her and she jumped out of the back of the truck. Chill Penguin was still too busy throwing a violent fit to notice. While Anna slowly approached her she finally found the doll she wanted, which was a plushie of Alucard from Castlevania: Symphony of the Night.

"Oh, Shadow!" Chill Penguin lamented. "Without you life just isn't worth living!"

Anna bit her bottom lip in frustration. Chill Penguin huggled her doll as if it were her only friend left in the world. Its eyes turned red. Anna quickly ran up behind her and slammed a fist into the back of Chill Penguin's skull, knocking her out cold. She then grabbed the doll and threw it with as much force as she could. It exploded seconds after it had left her grip, spreading blood everywhere. Anna blinked in surprise, halfway expecting to have been killed. Half of her body and most of the room in front of her was covered in authentic human blood that had been packed in with a tiny explosive. Chill Penguin had probably wanted to give herself something more to cry about so she could force all the agony out and have more material to bitch about on a message board somewhere or she simply picked out the wrong plushie. She had about forty of them.

"I'm supposed to be grey." Edgar, who was covered in red, complained.

"I know." Anna responded evenly, although her temper was growing short.

She quickly knelt down beside Shadow Raccoon's dead body and searched his bag thoroughly. From it she retrieved a small device about the size of a dime.

"As I expected." she mused.

Anna performed the same search on Chill Penguin but was unable to find anything.

"Not as I expected." she whispered. "I guess you deserve to live after all."

Snake climbed out of the truck after she had finished picking at the bodies. He knew better than to ask why the room was covered in red. It took some effort, but he carefully avoided the pools of blood so he wouldn't leave a trail of it behind when he walked out of the room. That would blow his cover instantly. Anna silently gestured for him to proceed forward and he did so with his little disguise. He put his hand on the handle for the door leading to the hallway alongside the cafeteria when he suddenly remembered that she still had Reece. Snake had been meaning to fight with her about that so he turned around only to find that she had hidden herself somewhere. He hated that trick more than he disliked nuclear weapons.

As she clearly wouldn't allow him to find her, Snake made a note to make that the first thing he bothered her about if he saw her again. Before continuing onward he unequipped the suppressor. Having finished that, he walked through the door. Standing at the end of the hallway alongside the double doors that lead into the cafeteria were two guards in exoskeletons that were as heavily armed as he was. They also carried the XM8 rifle, which made Snake seem less out of place. The two soldiers even had a red pack specifically devoted to miscellaneous medical supplies, although theirs consisted of adrenaline boosters instead of FOXDIE suppressants.

There were windows providing a view of the cafeteria from outside. Snake looked through them. Ten guards were inside. Five of them wore Tengu armor, as expected. The others were dressed in standard winter camouflage, but equipped heavily enough to do some significant damage. By the looks of it some of the soldiers who had initially been on the base before the revolt were moles. Big Boss must have placed them here before he had arrived. None of the hostages were wounded. They were all laying flat on their stomachs with their hands over their heads. The tables had been moved to make way for this makeshift prison. They couldn't contain everyone on the base in the holding cells alone so the sizable lunch room was their best bet.

The guards wearing uniforms similar to the innocent soldiers were all armed with M249's. That much firepower crammed inside such a little room guaranteed that everyone was behaving quite well even though the captives outnumbered the soldiers. If they all decided to suddenly revolt, Big Boss' men could easily turn the room into a bloodbath. One row of the hostages was currently being fed with bottled water and rations. They were still laying on their bellies, but they were allowed to use their hands freely. One soldier with an M249 stood directly to their right. The unspoken rule operating between the two groups was that any hostage who stood up would be gunned down. A captive in the sixth row began snapping his fingers. One of the terrorists wearing an exoskeleton stood to the right of his row.

"Get up and walk over here." the guard instructed.

The man did as he was told while still keeping his hands behind his head. He was escorted to the restrooms. Finished with examining their precarious situation, Snake continued onward. The two men guarding the entrance to the cafeteria gave him a nod as he walked past them. He walked right through the base easily. Very few guards gave him a second look. As he neared the elevator he intended to use, he bumped into Johnny Sasaki, who lost his balance and fell to the floor along with several folders he was carrying. Paper flew everywhere. Snake looked down at him for a minute and decided not to help him as he began gathering the documents together. Johnny didn't even look up at him. Snake wasn't surprised. That man always had his head in the sand.

Once inside the elevator, Snake pressed the button corresponding to the first floor basement where Raiden was supposedly being held. Snake knew that he'd walk right into a firefight with Old Tech if he wasn't careful. According to the briefing he had been given earlier the holding cells were used to hold special terrorists from certain organizations. Other military prisons were populated with anyone the army could catch. It was here that the important people were secretly shipped and interrogated. The media was sometimes lead to believe that the terrorists who found themselves here had been killed in action. That was just a clever way of easily getting rid of them once they spilled their guts.

The basement also housed most of the intensive research projects. The chassis Big Boss had been suspended in for the better half of Snake didn't know how long was bound to be nearby. A quick look at the smart phone he carried as the elevator continued to descend showed that very few people were on the floor he was heading toward. The second floor basement beneath the level he was on had nobody in it at all. Everyone was concentrated on the main floor above him. He didn't find it very surprising. Once he rescued Raiden he'd make a clean sweep of the area.

Locating Big Boss down here where there wasn't so much activity would be ideal, but he might be wearing a device that jammed his signature much like Shadow Raccoon had done. If Snake were the one being hunted that's what he would do. Realizing that, he figured that Big Boss would follow the same logic. In a sense, Snake was chasing after himself. To break this vicious circle he'd have to do something stupid or stop thinking how he usually thought. Hopefully Raiden could help, although he had gotten himself captured within the first ten minutes of the mission so his aptitude was questionable.

A bell chimed and the elevator doors opened. Beside the control panel was a guard who was pressing the call button rapidly in a futile effort to perhaps speed up the descent of the elevator. He had his pistol drawn and at his side. As if that wasn't enough cause for alarm, the soldier seemed quite disturbed. Beyond this obstacle was an intersection with two signs designating the separate halves of the floor. To the right was where he'd find the labs. On the left was where the cells were located. For now he had the frantic guard to worry about. Snake tensed up as he walked past the man.

"Who are the Patriots?" the soldier asked.

Snake stopped dead in his tracks, shoulder to shoulder with the man who had posed the question to him. In that moment, he knew that the soldier was probably a traitor and since he didn't know the correct response, the situation was going to get ugly. There was nothing he could do at that point but wait for the other man to react. The nervous soldier pointed his gun at Snake's head. The counter attack to this advance Snake elicited was ingrained so deeply into his memory that he moved before he could think. He dropped the rifle and let the strap catch on his shoulder. Snake grabbed the soldiers arm and broke it before moving in further and slamming his elbow into the guards jaw. His head twisted sharply to the right. Something cracked. Snake blinked. It wouldn't have been a real mission without at least breaking the neck of one guard. His victim slid out of his attack and collapsed lifelessly to the floor.

"Whoops." Snake muttered. "Tough luck, pal."

The more he had done it, the more defending himself had become natural. In his youth, Snake perfected his military training by going to bars and purposefully instigating fights that lead him into alleys and his test subjects into the emergency room. The behavior gradually became automatic. He had to make a split-second decision to save himself when the guard was ready to shoot him and Snake was no longer prone to simply knocking people out. At least one guard had to die by his hands on every mission he'd ever done. He knew his luck would only get worse when he heard a group of people marching towards him. They would surely want to know why he had a dead body beside him. Trying to escape would only further incriminate him so Snake decided it was time to pull out his acting skills.

"He's over here!" someone shouted.

A squad of guards dressed in riot gear rounded the corner and aimed their guns at him. One of them was carrying a shotgun, which would greatly limit his chances of breaking out of this situation easily if it turned ugly.

"Don't move!" the leader ordered.

As if he needed to be told. Snake slowly raised his hands above his head while his blood pressure steadily climbed as his anger intensified. The five soldiers advanced toward him. Snake began wondering how he was going to get out of this one. Four of them kept their guns aimed at him while one took off the balaclava that the dead soldier was wearing.

"It's him." the leader declared. He grabbed the radio on his chest and turned it on. "Sir, we found the traitor you were looking for just like you asked."

"Did you catch him alive?" Big Boss asked.

"Negative. He's dead. A member of our unit killed him."

"What?" Big Boss shouted. "That is not just like I asked! I guess I'll have to start shooting people at random now. I'll begin with the bastard casserole that killed him!"

"Could you repeat that, sir?" the leader asked.

"You heard what I said!" Big Boss yelled. "Put him on the line! I'm going to chew his ass out like a stick of gum!"

The leader handed his radio over to Snake. Beneath his uniform, he was sweating bullets. Snake's voice was highly unmistakable and if he did so much as utter one syllable his cover would be blown. If that happened, there was a chance he might be shot if they weren't all loyal to Big Boss. For now he could do nothing but hope for the best as he raised the radio to his ear.

"Why waste your energy?" Anna suddenly said over the line. "Just throw him in the holding cells for now. You can deal with him personally later after we have the situation under control."

"Don't you ever tell me what to do, woman! I remember the _last _time I trusted someone like you and I'm never going to be that stupid ever again." Big Boss contended.

"Shadow Raccoon was a traitor." Anna said, changing the subject.

"You've got to be kidding me! Are you sure you just didn't kill him because you wanted to?"

"Positive."

"Well, did you throw his body in the furnace?"

"Yes, although I must admit you're method of disposal is rather gruesome."

"So what? It's better than tossing them outside where they can freeze and be preserved. That's how we get clones, you know. Besides, if you don't burn someone down to ashes these days they almost always come back. I knew this guy named Sokolov who. . .well, never mind. Lieutenant!"

The leader of the small entourage that had ambushed Snake took the radio away from him.

"Yes, sir?"

"Have two of your men escort the soldier you found into the holding cells. I'll deal with him later. Take Fisher with you and burn the body of the traitor. And as for you Anna, I'll be expecting you to drop by my hiding place. You had better have some concrete proof that the leaderof Blue Death was a traitor. If not, you'll wish you had spent three months of your life in a different unit."

"As you wish." Anna said, sighing heavily.

"Big Boss out." Big Boss announced.

The lieutenant hooked the radio back to its strap.

"State your name." he demanded, looking at Snake.

"Plisken. Iroquois Plisken. PFC." Snake said.

"Logan and Cooper will be your guides, rookie. Fisher, you're with me. Grab his head."

"Why do I get the gross part?"

"Because I have more fabric sewn into my arm."

Snake had to hold back a laugh at being so grossly underestimated. Fisher and the lieutenant helped each other haul the body into the elevator while Snake examined the two men he was up against. As he had observed before one of them was carrying a SPAS 12 shotgun. Everyone had at least one of those in their arsenal. The other was equipped with an XM8. If he got a chance to attack them, he'd go after the man holding the shotgun first. Getting hit with a couple of bullets wasn't nearly as devastating as getting splattered by the blast of a shotgun.

"Drop your weapons. All of them." the man with the shotgun instructed.

"And what if I don't?" Snake asked them.

The elevator door closed behind him and the man with the XM8 aimed his sidearm, a M1911, at Snake.

"That was an order and I will shoot you if you do not comply." he said.

Most likely that meant Snake would be missing a foot. He would have tried to formulate a move if the terror in his soul hadn't elevated to a point of sheer disdain by the growing agony he unexpectedly began experiencing in his heart. It was then that he truly regretted not having the Solid Eye on even if it meant an easier and more effective infiltration. If he had been doing so he might have been forewarned of the impending disaster. A sudden jolt of immense pain seared through his heart, sending waves of hurt through every vein in his body. He could only manage to gasp in agony as the tightness in his chest wouldn't allow for him to get enough air to scream. Both of the guards looked at each other nervously, checking to see if the other knew how to handle the situation. Neither of them did so they focused their attention back on Snake until they figured out what to do next. Snake collapsed to the ground, his left arm going completely numb. He landed poorly on his knees and fell over on his side, completely paralyzed.

Reaching for the needles inside his medical pouch was like trying to pick a coin out of a cube of Jell-O. His fingers wouldn't grip the zipper properly so he practically tore into the pouch. Several needles spilled out of the container and rolled across the floor as his body was wrecked by horrendous spasms. He managed to grab one and pressed the button on the side of the tube, which made the needle shoot out at the receiving end. Snake jammed it into his jugular vein and was unable to tell how much hurt that added to his current level of suffering.

He injected himself with the serum, which took effect immediately. Snake pulled the needle out and tossed it aside carelessly and rolled over so that he was now on his hands and knees. At least this way he looked more dignified and less like he was choking to death on his tongue. He breathed heavily, still shaking due to how awful the experience felt. His neck and a part of his jaw felt incredibly sore. It didn't help that the two guards were still standing around like idiots. Snake couldn't bring himself to care at the moment. He was simply glad to have survived the FOXDIE attack. Getting blown up by a stray land mine or exploded by a bazooka was a hundred times more flattering than having a seizure on a cold slab of concrete as two members of an assault squad watched on curiously.

"Wait a second, Cooper." the man holding the rifle said. "That looked a lot like what Big Boss demonstrated for us during the briefing."

"I don't know, the Boss put more feeling into it."

"I think we might be on to something here."

Snake was going to kill both of them just as soon as he could move again. Unlike Ryan, the intellectual inferiority being demonstrated by both of them was too much for him to stand. All he could do now was reflect on how his recent FOXDIE attack had been dramatically more severe than his initial coronary surprise. If the increase had been this severe, he could only fathom what the third infraction would be like. Logan was approaching him, but Snake was too weak to retaliate. He feebly grabbed the man's wrist to try and toss it aside when the man gripped his balaclava. It looked as though there were going to find out who he was at this rate. That could only mean that the fun he was having right now would increase exponentially. Logan slapped Snake's hand aside and pulled the mask off.

**NEXT TIME : **That FOXDIE. Always creeping in at the worst times to ruin the party. I had a friend like that once. Unfortunately, FOXDIE isn't something that Snake can just avoid like church and network television. Even after experiencing an attack he's still ready for battle. This is why Snake is a fictional character. Anybody else couldn't have recovered from something like that quite as quickly. While Snake deals with the two guards that have him at their mercy, Raiden's safety is still in question. What horrible things has the interrogator done to him? More importantly, how will the two of them ever manage to work together effectively? Until next week, the only person who has the real answers is Yuki Nagato. Even if she were real I'm sure she'd find the information so irrelevant that she would refuse to share it.


	17. Saving Corporal Raiden

**Chapter 17 : Saving Corporal Raiden.**

"Oh, gasp!" Logan shouted. "It's Solid Snake! He's unmistakable, especially with this picture that the Boss gave us as a reference."

Logan pulled out an old black and white photo of Big Boss standing next to a blonde woman. Their stature didn't suggest they were in a relationship together and they looked more grim than a family of twenty on a farm during the Dust Bowl era. Logan glanced back and forth between Solid Snake and the photo just so he could make absolutely certain that they had found the right man.

"Of course I'm Solid Snake. How could you possibly think otherwise?" Snake managed to ask.

"That voice on the edge of a guttural choke! Indeed, we have found Solid Snake." Cooper proclaimed.

"So my voice reinforces my appearance? You couldn't tell just by using that little picture your boss gave you? I had to say something to eliminate all doubt?"

"Get that man a lozenge!" Logan ordered.

"I'm on it!" Cooper piped in.

He opened his medic pack and threw a small box of cherry cough drops right in front of Snake, who remained motionless while he tried to channel energy into himself because he was still too weak to defend himself. Cooper and Logan blessed their good fortune. Either his two opponents were playing dumb or they had not fully understood how grave their predicament was. Even so, their faults were giving him time to recover. He needed his energy. If he could restrain one of them, that would cause the other to hesitate so Snake could shoot both of them and be done with it.

If he could not manage to do that he would be captured and the full extent of Big Boss' madness might echo across the globe in the form of several attacks made by the Metal Gear's he presumably had in his possession. Snake couldn't allow that. Or at least he wasn't supposed to. The more he thought about it, the more he questioned Big Boss' ulterior motive. More importantly, why were his own men trying to kill him? How had that come about? Why had Anna helped him? Snake wanted answers.

"Out of all the guards he could have ran in to, it was fate that decided we would encounter him. And you know what that means, right?" Logan asked Cooper.

"Promotion?"

"For me. Not you."

"Outstanding! I'll finally be a specialist. I can't wait to wear that eagle!" Cooper exclaimed excitedly until he realized that Logan hadn't included him. "Wait, what did you say just now?"

Logan shot Cooper in the chest five times, scattering most of his shots completely at random. Snake's jaw locked. Obviously he was at the mercy of another traitor. The guard holding the shotgun, who posed the biggest threat at close range in a hallway where aiming might not be so easy, fell lifelessly to the floor like a rag doll, crumbling in on himself. Logan regarded what he had done for a second as Snake silently prepared himself for what might come next.

"You would almost be as hard to kill as the old man if you didn't have that damnable disease." Logan stated with a smirk. "Time to die!"

Cooper shot Logan in the back for being such a backstabbing bitch and slowly proceeded to bleed out on the floor. He had saved Snake the effort it would have taken to try and defend himself, which might not have been entirely possible given his condition. Cooper jittered about in a sick little dance complete with a hoarse death rattle. It would have been better if he could have questioned the soldiers, but that didn't look like it was going to happen. Snake crawled over to the soldier who wasn't a traitor and checked to see if he could possibly save the man, but he was already too far gone to bring back. The bullets in the handgun Logan had carried were heavy duty. They had gone right through Cooper's vest.

Snake rolled over on his back, reached for his CODEC, and sent a call to Naomi.

"Naomi." Snake wheezed. "I can't walk! My legs won't work!"

There wasn't an immediate answer, which was somewhat contradictory as they were always more than happy to admit that they were constantly monitoring him even if he wasn't on a mission. They did that just to make him paranoid, which Snake concluded after several highly uncomfortable self examinations. Casting aside the distraught feelings he was experiencing due to being ignored, Snake rooted through Cooper's medical pack. Inside he found a small blue plastic case that he assumed was full of adrenaline boosters. He was correct. This particular brand was known as Jolt and it was directly related to Mend. He popped it open and found five needles awaiting use and a small instruction panel on the back of the lid.

Jolt encouraged nanomachine activity in addition to prompting the body to immediately release endorphins and adrenaline. It was powerful enough to keep a soldier going after having been wounded lightly. Big Boss clearly spared no expense on his soldiers. Why hadn't they given any to him at the start of the mission? What an oversight. At least he had found a pack. He followed the directions and injected himself in the arm with the light blue serum, fairly confident that Mend would not conflict with his current medication. His knowledge of medicine was limited to the year and a half he spent studying it back in FOX-HOUND so he could get to wear the pretty red ribbon associated with that achievement and although he knew next to nothing about Mend the time he had spent around the particular drug fueled his confidence.

Besides, if he did not take action he would only be able to crawl. The surrounding skin at the site of the injection went numb. An icy sensation began building up in his body. The effort it took to stand decreased and he soon found himself back on his feet. Much of his pain diminished and while he could no longer feel it he knew that it was still lingering in his joints, waiting for the booster to wear off. He headed down the hallway leaving the two bodies behind out in the open. There was dissension in the ranks. Nobody should be surprised. Besides, they were both bleeding so bad that they would leave a trail.

Snake bypassed the entry to the holding cells with his card key hacker. All he had to do was plug it in and press one button. That was his kind of technology. The door slid open and he stepped inside, trying not to worry about what condition he would find Raiden in. Hopefully Old Tech hadn't done anything too drastic or Snake might have to hide Raiden and come back for him later, which he did not want to have to do at all. The cells were on the left side of the room and they were locked with regular keys. A heavy door kept the captive trapped inside a chamber that was painfully small. There were fifth teen in total.

The guards sat out in the open to his right. Their station was unoccupied. A locked rack full of Benelli shotguns ensured that the captives would behave. Across the way and tucked into a corner were three other unmarked rooms with heavy doors. They were clearly interrogation chambers. He didn't think this place was authorized to have them, which meant that the interrogator would be free to use whatever methods he needed to get information out of the captives. They were all locked using keys, which he knew were somewhere nearby.

He found them on a desk underneath a stack of adult magazines. Snake waved away the pesky bold letters that pompously appeared in front of him usually right after he made an important acquisition during a mission. A fancy case on the floor caught his attention. Inside were several blood red oxygen tanks with face masks hooked to a tube that went into a cannister that was controlled via a small valve at the top of the object. Snake had seen these things before, although he couldn't remember where. According to an insert there were supposed to be five of these things in the case. There were only four. The process of elimination concluded that the fifth cannister had probably been used on Raiden. How that could wreck an operation with such an obvious goal was not something Snake bothered to consider. Perhaps they were just messing with him because they were bored.

Snake checked the cells. The confined rooms he passed were all uninhabited. They housed a toilet-sink combo and a rather comfortable looking mattress placed atop a steel frame. A heavy door was the only way out and it used a lock requiring an actual key. The last cell he came across had a small section in the middle that was covered in blood. Snake quickly unlocked the door and darted inside, crouching near the splatter to check and see if it was indeed blood. From the look of the puddle, it had all come out of someone laying on their stomach.

Ketchup. Raiden was so cute. It looked like he had been taken into one of the other rooms. Snake followed the trail and unlocked the door it lead to. He entered into a simple room with a chair situated over a large drain. A captive was strapped to the chair with a brown potato sack placed on top of his head and Snake immediately knew it had to be Raiden because nobody else had such an alabaster skin tone perfectly refined by all of his girlfriend's lotions. There was also the issue of his exposed manliness that definitively proved that it was him if someone wouldn't know it by looking at his smooth hide. If for some reason a person associated with Raiden couldn't catch those two hints because they were either too drunk or too stupid to remember what made Jack so unique there were the barcodes that littered his body. One time at a supermarket when nobody was looking, Raiden apparently scanned several of them at a manually operated checkout station. The one on his shoulder was the only one that registered. It came up as a bottle of honey.

Snake spotted a table full of gruesome tools used to extract teeth, bones, eyeballs, and dignity, but mostly teeth. They were all new. A container of truth gas had been placed apart from the tools as if in preference. Having finished his inspection, Snake swallowed his worries and quickly removed the potato sack from Raiden's face. Raiden gasped for air and launched into a coughing fit. For having nearly been asphyxiated, he didn't look so bad. There were a couple of scrapes and bruises on his face that he most likely had earned by getting slapped around a bit, but other than that he was fine. Raiden began to look around nervously. He spotted the table and froze. Snake was quite pleased to see that Raiden didn't automatically lose it after seeing what he was up against. Raiden obviously didn't know that he was about to be liberated. A thick red paste covered most of his chest. Snake swiped a bit of it off with his gloved finger and brought it closer to his nose. Ketchup.

"I see they didn't buy that old trick. I'll give you credit for trying, but next time you should hide under the bed first." Snake said to Raiden.

"Snake?" Raiden asked hopefully.

"It's me." Snake confirmed.

"For a moment there I thought they were going to go _Hostel_ on me." Raiden said. "I'd have preferred _Saw_. At least then I might have had a chance to survive. Look at those tools over there! Did you miss those on your way in?"

"No. I saw them."

"Take a look at that one with shaped like a long hose with pincers at the end. It's the one that looks like a curling iron."

"This one here?" Snake asked, picking up what Raiden had described.

Raiden nodded grimly.

"Those are called crocodile shears and there is a _very _good reason why they were the first thing I noticed. I'll let you imagine what they're used for."

Raiden crossed his legs and Snake's hips winced in pain. He put the object down and faced Raiden, who prepared himself for an onslaught of questions that might as well have been torture in their own right.

"Where's Old Tech?" Snake asked. "I heard he was torturing you."

"What? From who?"

"That stupid broad with the bird."

"Anna?"

"Yeah. Her."

"She must have been wrong then. As you can clearly see, aside from a couple of bruises, I'm still intact. Why did you take her word for it? Are you cooperating with the enemy?" Raiden asked rhetorically.

"I don't think she's with the terrorists. She's the one who gave me this uniform and she also helped me win a boss battle."

"Well, good sir, that's a bit contradictory to my experience with her. That stupid twit was waiting underneath what had to have been four feet of snow near one of the entrances. Imagine my surprise when she jumped me. She had to have known where I was going to be, Snake!"

"Too bad. You didn't even get to say hello." Snake said sarcastically.

"Yes. She's quite a brute."

"You don't know the half of it. She tore Shadow Raccoon's throat out."

Raiden's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Interesting. By the way, you said boss battle."

"I know. Sorry, it's an old habit. Anyway, that's not important. I think something funny is going on here."

"You're telling me."

"Anyway, how have you been?"

"Before I was so rudely escorted into this room they threw me into a cell and took my suit away from me. As you can plainly see that was the only strip of clothing that I had. Next thing I know, I was in a room full of angry men who hated me for their shortcomings. I got beat up a little in the cell, but Chill Penguin put a stop to that and starred at me for twenty minutes without blinking before she ran off to go get me some food. That's how I acquired a bottle of ketchup. Old Tech dropped by after the guards called him in to come inspect my presumably dead body. Needless to say, he didn't fall for that trick. He dragged me into this room, put a potato sack over my head, and strapped me to this shitty chair. As he left he said something about going to look for the Gestapo. I've been sitting here for so long that my ass is numb. How about you?"

"Some of the guards have been killing each other off. Hold on. Some is an understatement. It would be more accurate if I told you that a lot of guards have been shooting each other left and right."

"Indiscriminately?"

"Once they're committed."

"Oh, that's just wonderful. Any idea why?"

"They obviously must be working for some other group."

"They're pulling an Ocelot!" Raiden exclaimed.

"Yes, but they aren't doing a very good job of it."

"Well, nobody can pull an Ocelot quite like Ocelot himself."

Snake glared at him.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked. "For all we know, he could have been against us the whole time!"

"I blame Stockholm syndrome and don't you give me that angry face! You went bowling with him too before Big Boss came back and turned our little world upside down; our precious little alternate universe I dare refer to as an actual world where most of our former enemies have decided to repent for their past atrocities after somehow surviving what we thought was their gory demise." Raiden sighed. "It's a shame about Big Boss, though. You think a guy like that would have better things to do with his money. Does he know he can get that eye replaced?"

They heard a nearby door open and close. As there was only one entrance to this area that Snake knew of that definitely meant that someone was heading their way. Snake and Raiden exchanged a brief glance of confusion until Snake took the initiative and figured out what they were going to do next.

"Raiden, act like I'm not me." Snake ordered.

"You've got it!" Raiden said.

It took a few seconds, but the enormity of the plan hit Raiden as sharply as a needle scratching across a vinyl record full of episodes of Quiet, Please.

"Whoa, hey, wait a second. I don't like where this is going! Get me out of this chair and we'll take them down together!"

"Just trust me, my plan is safer. Have I ever let you down before?"

"You don't answer the phone when I call anymore!"

The pain in Raiden's voice would have made Snake feel guilty if he wouldn't have been able to quickly justify why he was avoiding the other man.

"Okay, you got me. I'm guilty of that. I just didn't feel like hanging out with you when you made those calls! Don't get so bent out of shape about it, I do the same thing to everyone else!" Snake spat out as quickly as he could.

"You're a real bastard, just like Campbell said at the barbecue!" he sighed in frustration. "Let's just get this over with."

"Thanks, corporal."

"Oh, so subjecting myself to the mercy of our enemy suddenly makes me not a rookie in your eyes. I'm glad I don't earn my promotions from you. What do I have to do to become a sergeant? Swallow electricity? Get back to me on that one."

Snake picked up the potato sack and put it over Raiden's head and stood in front of the instruments of agony. Raiden's right leg began bobbing up and down nervously. He seemed less confident now than he had before when he didn't know that Snake was the one confronting him. Snake decided to let him outwardly display his fear as it kept him quiet. He put on a guise through his body language that suggested as if he had been examining the torture tools for a few minutes after he had checked in on the prisoner. He carefully picked up the crocodile shears and examined them out of morbid interest. The shears pulled apart with a distinctive shearing of metal. Snake placed his forefinger inside of their grip and gave it a gentle tug. He assumed that for their full effect the shears would have to be heated. Not getting captured suddenly became even more important than it had been before.

"If you don't put those crocodile shears down right now, we are officially no longer friends and you can forget Laser Fest!" Raiden said in a fierce whisper.

Snake damned ESP just as whoever had entered the area neared the room he and Raiden were occupying. From out of the corridor came Old Tech. He was still dressed as an American recruit from the second World War. His helmet hid his eyes in an overcast shadow, making it difficult for Snake to clearly read his emotions. He carried his precious M1 Garand across one of his shoulders with his hand looped around the worn leather strap. Old Tech eyed Snake suspiciously. Hopefully there would be no question of Snake's loyalty or things would get a little messy. Everyone but the grunts had to be on the edge, ready to dispose of whoever they were against. Whether or not Old Tech was on Big Boss's side remained to be seen. He had a small frame, but something about his posture suggested that he had about two knives hidden on his person and he knew how to use them. Old Tech noted the insignia on Snake's shoulders that clearly brandished him about four ranks beneath his current position and tapped it for emphasis, as if hoping to put the other man in his place.

"A PFC." Old Tech said sharply. "That explains a lot. Did you come to check in on the hostage?"

Snake nodded sheepishly, pretending to be submissive in the face of a ranked officer. Usually Snake found himself drawn into a fight whenever he met with a military official. These bouts normally ended with him as the winner. Old Tech chuckled darkly, oblivious to the time Snake slammed a sergeant's face into the side of an unlucky Mercedes Benz.

"Well, it's not like he can get up and walk away with his hands bound behind his back with plasticuffs. You just want to watch him squirm, don't you?"

Snake shook his head in protest, but Old Tech wasn't persuaded.

"Treat others how you want to be treated. I don't care for these things. We're not like Aribert. We're human." Old Tech said with a gesture to the tools. "There's other ways of making men talk."

Old Tech brushed past him and picked up the cannister of truth gas, nodding in approval.

"I see this is still where I left it." Old Tech mused. "It's a good thing Rommel wasn't around to steal it."

He brushed the tools of torture aside further with his arm, causing some of them to fall to the floor. Snake couldn't help but slightly respect Old Tech for preferring to be humane. Gas or serum was so much cleaner than more archaic methods of information extraction. Still, he couldn't relax just yet. Although Anna may have other ideas about who she served, Old Tech wasn't quite as straightforward with his ulterior motives. He also wasn't physically attractive and smelled like wet grass. Old Tech grabbed the potato sack covering Raiden's face and pulled it off, letting it fall to the floor alongside the gadgets of debauchery. Raiden gasped for air again, pretending to have not just been talking to the man who promised to save him about a minute prior to Old Tech's unexpected intervention.

"Hello." Old Tech said, his cheerful introduction laced with a dark threat.

Raiden didn't respond. He kept himself resigned to only giving up his name, date of birth, rank, and serial number. Virtually, Raiden had gone through some training on how to resist torture and they were experiences he'd rather forget. He knew what it felt like to have his arm broken or the softer portions of his body forcefully removed with unfriendly devices. In a way, they prepared him for a slow death and contributed a great deal to many of his personal nightmares he typically flushed out with some medication and a gunpowder chaser when nobody was looking. Luckily for him, it didn't seem like Old Tech had anything gruesome in mind. All Raiden could do at the moment was wait for Snake to make his move, which annoyed him to the point where he didn't even want to think about it.

"What's that matter? Why so silent? Do you have something to hide?"

He held the cannister right in front of Raiden's face.

"I don't have the time nor the nature to dismember another man. That's why I have this. Do you know what it is? It's a narcotic that impairs your judgment, not quite unlike alcohol or marijuana. Trust me. You will talk. But you don't have to feel bad about it." Old Tech turned to Snake. "Hold his head steady."

Snake stood behind Raiden and did as he was told. Raiden struggled and looked up at Snake fiercely, silently demanding an explanation for this dilemma. Old Tech wasted no time and immediately placed the red mask over Raiden's face and let the gas flow right through his nose. A scent that reminded Raiden of Rose's nail polish remover went straight up his nose. Raiden's body quickly relaxed and his eyes slid into the back of his skull. Snake let go and returned to his original position next to the door. Old Tech pulled out a pocket watch and counted down a minute, waiting for the gas to take its full effect. Raiden groaned and gradually began to slump, leaning more to the right as the fumes danced around his brain, wearing down his coherency and judgment.

"Alright. Let's get started with some easy questions. Who sent you here?" Old Tech asked.

**NEXT TIME : **Things aren't looking good for Raiden. Is this payback for how he stole the show during the Big Shell? No. Far from it, in fact. How long will Snake let this go on? And what's up with command? Surely if there are this many questions left that must mean that the story isn't over with quite yet. Unless you've got that gun from Portal you'll have to find some other way to entertain yourself until next week when we discover how Raiden's system handles the truth gas.


	18. Dead End

**Chapter 18 : Dead End.**

"What kind of a stupid damn question is that? You know who sent us here!" Raiden shouted.

"Pretend that I don't." Old Tech requested.

"The UN. Maybe." Raiden muttered. "Their policy has recently changed to allow for the organization to actually do its job."

"You mean preserving the ideals of capitalism at any cost?"

"Yes, of course."

"You're a little sheep." Old Tech said. "The Patriots sent you here to kill Big Boss."

"No!" Raiden said with a fair degree of sarcasm. "The thought never crossed my mind!"

"Well?" Old Tech asked. "Are you going to do it?"

Raiden's bottom lip quivered and he looked away from Old Tech.

"It's not my place to say."

"So you're just another soldier following orders. That wouldn't hold up in court."

"Allow me to pass the blame to those in charge."

"Absolutely not. I got the chance to take a peek at your file. I expected more from you. Weren't you manipulated from the day you were born? Don't you want revenge?"

"Yes, but. . .maybe the world is better off just like it is now."

Old Tech laughed at him.

"You are completely wrong about that, my friend."

"How can one man make it any better?" Raiden asked.

"He has his own ideas. They're better than what we're stuck with now. They'll require some sacrifices, but you know what they say about making omelet's."

"I sincerely hope those sacrifices won't be nuclear in nature."

"Of course not. That never crossed his mind. There's more than one way to twist an arm, as I'm sure you are aware of." Old Tech said with a glance to the tools of torture.

"Do tell me about this master plan of his. I am interested."

"It would be better if you heard it from him."

"Okay, fair enough. Hey, you know what? It kind of sounds like you're just following orders as well." Raiden countered.

"Yes, but for something I believe in. You? You're just doing what you're told and you're not all that confident about it either. Big Boss is a far better man than those who are currently in power. The Patriots must be stopped. Didn't you think that at one point? Now look at you. You're as loyal as a dog. What we're doing here is more effective than what you've done." Old Tech said. "We're moving against them. You were moving under them."

"We did all we could do. The Patriots aren't exactly easy to find. Even if we did take them down, wouldn't that mean the collapse of society as we know it?" Raiden said.

"Not at all. There is so much that you do not know."

"I think I'm done listening to you, so I'm not going to ask anymore questions and you should just shut up."

Snake cringed, automatically deducting a point from Raiden's score toward handling his current predicament. While Old Tech decided how to handle that provocation, Snake silently slipped back into the other room and checked to see if anyone was around. They were the only people in the area. Having confirmed that he quietly darted back inside and silently waited for the opportune moment to take Old Tech down.

"I don't like you very much either." Old Tech said.

"Well, you're a fanatical enthusiast. But knowing the entire history of what you have the most passion for in life is not merely enough for you. No, in order for your life to have meaning, you must become what it is you desire. In short, your equivalent mentality in today's society is that of a Naruto fan girl displaying her gradual progression into the early stages of puberty by means of keeping an online journal as you would rather share your insecurities with a group of strangers who you feel may be inclined to grow closer to you and be more prone to accepting your problems than your stilted stepmother."

Old Tech blinked. Snake tensed.

"I think I might have given you too much gas." Old Tech muttered.

"I don't believe you gave me enough, but that doesn't change a thing. You're still a Narutard. Go talk to Chill Penguin. I'm sure she has everything about that show committed to memory. You may find her similar level of fanaticism to be quite sexually attractive despite your vast age difference. Try not to talk too much about your gun, though. Girls don't like talking about guns. Make her think she can get something out of you and then maybe you'll finally get promoted. No, there's no need to thank me. It's just the way I am. After all. . ."

Raiden was cut off when Old Tech shoved the mask in his face and turned the valve until it was completely open and there was nothing to obstruct the gas from flooding Raiden's exquisitely shaped nose.

"Yes. Take your anger out on me by making me even more forthcoming." Raiden urged.

"Actually, the more of this gas you get, the less constructive your thoughts become."

"What you say?" Raiden asked.

Old Tech tossed the metal cannister aside in frustration after he emptied more than half of it into Raiden.

"How do you feel now?"

"Yeah, buddy!" Raiden shouted, elongating the second word in his sentence in a frightening fashion. "I mean, I don't feel quite right."

He slumped over further until he almost fell out of the chair. The plastic had to have been digging into his wrists uncomfortably, but Raiden wasn't really in a position to notice pain at the moment.

"You're just like the Boss said." Old Tech mused.

"Really? He talked about me? What'd he say?"

"He said if not for Snake's help you would be at a complete loss. He compared you to a watermelon, but if we're going to speak so metaphysically than I must insist you are more like a tomato."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Raiden demanded.

"Moving right along, let me ask you something you probably still could have resisted had you not angered me to the point where I was forced to feed you more gas." Old Tech said, dismissing the previous subject.

"Okay." Raiden said, his voice taking on a dumber tone.

"Do you have any idea where Solid Snake might be?" Old Tech asked.

Raiden winced and shouted in dismay. The answer to the question Old Tech had posed would be so satisfying to answer. Raiden could literally feel himself wanting to blow Snake's cover but at the same time he still had a degree of discipline that usually hung out around the uppermost portion of his cerebral cortex. He found himself wondering if this was how Ocelot felt when Liquid wanted to take control of the body they shared. Raiden's mouth opened and was about to function correctly, but he began biting his tongue in desperation so the immediate answer that came out was rather garbled.

"Alright, let's try that again but this time don't try and chew your lip off. Where is Solid Snake?"

"Your mom!" Raiden yelled, gritting his teeth together.

"You leave her out of this! Solid Snake. Where is he?" Old Tech demanded.

From out of the corner of his eye, Raiden was able to see Snake nod his head, silently giving him permission to speak. The simple answer was on the tip of his tongue, but before revealing it he made an effort to sit upright and get comfortable even though he could no longer feel his hands. The person cuffing him hadn't done a very good job.

"You're stupid. He's been right behind you all this time! Couldn't you tell by the wiry mullet hairs sticking out the back of his mask that I've had urges to play with while snuggling against his beautiful man chest? Whoops, my bad. Did I say that out loud?" Raiden began laughing. "Hey, that truth gas really works."

He continued laughing at himself to the point of tears while Old Tech sharply turned around just in time to be hit across the face with a pair of crocodile shears. A tooth flew out of his mouth along with a string of blood as he fell to the ground, considerably dazed. His helmet inexplicably remained attached to his head despite the violent impact. Considering what he'd been through up to this point, Snake wouldn't be surprised if it was glued to his skull. He briefly wondered how Old Tech could see with his helmet pulled down in front of his eyes like it was.

"That's not how you use it." Raiden interjected sharply.

"I know what to do with it." Snake insisted.

Raiden continued chuckling while Snake immediately got on top of Old Tech and looked for something nearby that he could restrain the man with. He spotted a plasticuff gun that had been carelessly discarded directly beneath Raiden's swollen purple hands. Snake reached for them and carefully applied the cuffs to the limp soldier he had straddled.

"If I were ever in a foxhole with the M1 Garand to my left and the K98 to my right, I'd have to go with the Mauser."

"Anyone can tell that you're just trying to annoy me. If you prefer not having a second chance at making the shot, then that's your business." Old Tech said in a dazed tone.

"I'm good enough that I'd get hit the target on my first try. I don't need the help of a semi-automatic." Snake said as he carefully finished cuffing Old Tech's hands together.

As Old Tech had previously not expressed interest in causing Raiden's death to slowly come about as his body gave into shock due to an overload in his pain threshold Snake figured he owed the man enough of a favor to cuff his hands properly so they wouldn't look quite as bad as Raiden's did after the time he spent in them. Snake took out his combat knife and cut Raiden's hands free. Raiden slid to the floor still in his birthday suit and mumbled incoherently.

"Get some blood back into your hands." Snake ordered.

"Aye, captain." Raiden said, his voice a slur.

He sat up against the wall and began to massage his wrists while Snake hoisted Old Tech unto the chair and cuffed his hands to it, laying on a second layer of bondage for added restriction.

"Okay, I'm a hostage. Now what?" Old Tech asked.

Snake hit him across the face again, this time with the cannister of truth gas. He forcefully placed the mask on him. He used the remainder of the gas and coldly tossed the cannister into the corner, not caring about how much its feelings had been hurt by the rampant abuse of its resources without so much as a reassuring tap on the nozzle. It died a little inside and hoped that the recycling process would be gentle until it remembered that there wasn't a proper disposal unit for metal anywhere on the base. This caused it to go into denial. Meanwhile, back in the real world, Old Tech was slowly succumbing to the fumes while Raiden had his head in his hands as he rocked back and forth on his rear.

"Are you okay, Raiden?" Snake asked, highly concerned.

"Honestly? I can't think straight, but other than that. . .no." Raiden said.

"Well, at least I know you're telling the truth."

Snake turned his attention to Old Tech whose eyes were still hidden by his helmet. He briefly considered removing it, but given his experience with how very nasty surprises seemed to always be centered around unveiling masked figures, Snake left it on.

"Before we begin, let me assure you that while I do not condone cutting off fingers and pulling off someone's lower lip, I'm not above slapping a captive around." Snake said.

"Fair enough." Old Tech said.

"Did you see those two guards in the hallway that killed each other?" Snake asked.

"They killed each other? I thought that maybe you were around the area." Old Tech replied.

"So it did not strike you as odd at all that there was a guard in here with Raiden?" Snake said, poking Old Tech's chest in a demeaning fashion.

"A guard was supposed to be on duty down here."

"Well, he isn't."

"Then he's AWOL. It happens all the time in PMC's." Old Tech said with a shrug.

"So where is Big Boss?"

"Do you think he told me?" Old Tech asked with a smirk. "Hell, the man never gave me a second look. The person he talks to the most is Johnny. Anna is a close second. He let me, that overblown goth, and the stupid little brat do pretty much whatever we wanted so long as we followed orders."

"Damn!" Snake cursed, slamming his fists on the torture table.

"Don't take it too hard. Maybe I can still help you out. There's a radio on my butt. How about you grab it?"

Snake gave him a look. Old Tech nodded and shifted in the seat as much as he could to bring his rear forward. Snake took the radio.

"140.85." Old Tech said.

Snake sighed and adjusted the frequency and gave Big Boss a call.

"Big Boss here." he announced.

"I've got Solid Snake." Old Tech said as Snake held the radio up to his face. "Where are you now?"

Big Boss was silent for a moment while he considered the situation.

"The cryogenics lab on the first floor basement."

"Very well. Expect me." Old Tech said.

"I will." Big Boss replied, almost as a threat.

Snake turned the radio off and set it on the table.

"You're welcome. I suppose you owe me a favor for that."

"Yeah? What?"

"Are you going to kill him?" Old Tech asked, smiling.

"It depends on what he has to say for himself." Snake said. "Come to think of it, you seem quite interested in that."

"If he dies, I get laid off." Old Tech said. "So yeah, I'm kind of concerned."

"I have one final question." Snake said. "Why have some of his soldiers tried to kill me?"

"To keep you from meeting him." Old Tech said.

"Snake, you wasted gas to ask questions he probably would have answered without encouragement." Raiden pointed out. "Do you know how much it costs to refill a container of truth gas?"

"Do you?" Snake asked.

"No, but I'd lie about it if I could." Raiden muttered.

Snake had finished his business with Old Tech. Letting the man stay awake might be a liability, so he decided to put him to sleep. Snake took out his M9 and aimed it at Old Tech's shoulder. Old Tech wasn't aware that the gun had been modified to shoot tranquilizer darts so he tensed up and gasped sharply as Snake pulled the trigger. He let out an overly dramatic scream of anguish until he realized that a bullet hadn't passed through him. Old Tech saw a dart sticking out of his skin and quickly lapsed into a deep sleep. Snake holstered his gun just as his CODEC abruptly began to ring. Since it had been such a long time since he was contacted Snake jumped and instinctively went into an attack stance even though he was quite familiar with the shrill tone. Snake touched the accept button and received the call.

"Snake, close your browser right now!" Campbell urged.

He took a look at Super Joe. Somehow Internet Explorer had managed to resurrect itself and operate without his consent. Since he still had no clue what it did, he wasn't bothered by this development. It noted his disgust, which he found a little unsettling. A quick description of his distaste appeared on the screen. Not wanting to be continuously reminded of what was happening second by second as information was relayed into the device through his nanomachines, Snake minimized the window as it said he would before he even tapped the button to do so.

"Why? I still don't even know what it's for."

"What's he saying?" Raiden asked.

Snake held up a finger, silently signaling for Raiden to stay quiet for a minute. He then quickly reconsidered and handed Super Joe over to Raiden, who was still sitting in his corner a few inches away from the truth gas cannister with the devastated spirit.

"We're aborting the mission. Big Boss has already launched an EMP on China. You need to get out of there now. We're sending in a chopper to extract you."

Snake looked over at Raiden and noticed that his skin had taken on an even whiter tone. If his jaw hadn't dropped and remained suspended in disbelief, Snake would have figured that Raiden was somewhat hypoglycemic.

"This doesn't make any sense." Raiden said. "You can't be talking to the real colonel. This must be that stupid AI!"

Snake broke communications with headquarters and ignored the incessant ringing that followed to ponder the possibilities with Raiden. He hadn't personally dealt with that malicious artificial intelligence program, but he had heard plenty about it. Apparently simply hoping it would go away wasn't enough. It had somehow survived or was created again specifically for the purpose of sabotaging the mission.

"That would explain what happened earlier. During the boss fight I had, Naomi and Campbell used a different way to communicate with me. It was almost as if they were using burst transmission because the audio wasn't that great and I couldn't see them. I became suspicious the moment I was told to get rid of that kid, which is something I know Campbell would never order anyone to do unless the circumstances were truly dire. Do you think that the signal might have been hijacked?"

"I don't see how else you could be hearing from it." Raiden said condescendingly. "And you said boss battle again. Anyway, there must have been a point where your communications were interrupted. That's probably when it intercepted our frequencies."

"Yeah. Campbell was cut off in mid-sentence just as I was about to do that HALO jump. Did the same thing happen to you?"

"Yes, at about the same time. Ever since then I haven't been able to get any help from them."

"We'd better find Big Boss so we can figure out exactly what's going on. But first we have to make absolutely certain that we're talking to a fake Campbell."

"How are we going to do that?"

Snake grinned slightly, not necessarily out of amusement but as a way to deal with the horrible idea he had. Raiden grimaced.

"Yeah. So long as you're sure that it's the best way to find out, then go for it." Raiden said. "Pardon me while I go tear off my ears and sit on them so I don't have to hear this."

Snake reopened the channel and prepared to carry out his devious plan.

"What exactly was that for?" Campbell demanded. "That's the last time any soldier has the option to do that! I'll see to it."

"Colonel, tell me that story about the time your nephew bought you a hat."

"Are you crazy? At a time like this?" Campbell shouted.

"At least tell me what kind of hat it was." Snake pleaded.

"He bought me a. . ." Campbell began, but was unable to finish. "He got. . ."

Even before the conversation was finished, Snake knew what the outcome should have been and therefore decided that the colonel he was talking to was not the real colonel at all. Campbell's nephew, a man by the name of Vincent who specialized in modern languages, had always fancied seeing him in a specific type of hat he purchased for him at a flea market down in Brazil. The hat apparently would have cost around two hundred dollars in America due to the name sewn into the fabric and not the actual material it took to construct the hat itself. Vincent fought long and hard over the price because he believed the merchant was simply pumping him for American money. After securing the hat, it was apparently stolen by a thief who wished to Ebay it for its approximate value. Vincent eventually managed to get the hat back in pristine condition and give it to Campbell as a present. There was more to the story than that, but nobody ever listened to Campbell when he retold it because it always lacked substance.

It was believed that he intentionally made the story so painfully boring just so he could watch his audience squirm. Even if they tried to avoid hearing it by talking over Campbell they still couldn't stop themselves from listening to whatever managed to filter through.

"He gave me a beret." Crazy Colonel AI said, obviously lying.

"Wrong. It was a derby hat that a tarantula somehow claimed as a home during its inspection at the customs department. You can still feel the eight little legs rummaging around your scalp when you first put the hat on."

"Don't remind me." Raiden groaned. "Oh, it hurts!"

Crazy Colonel AI remained silent for a moment, trying desperately to figure out how it could turn this situation around in its favor. Unfortunately, Crazy Colonel AI had been conceived, developed, and coded by an ass. When it was no longer able to keep up with its disguise it automatically switched tactics and became highly annoying. Previously during the Big Shell incident the GW virus had caused it to revert to this mode prematurely. It carefully considered its options before making such a drastic decision, but given the current circumstances even the computer it ran off of knew it was screwed.

"Necrotizing fasciitis is a decaying infection of the fascia. It is commonly referred to as the flesh eating disease and normally begins as a rash or bruise. However, it is not limited to those symptoms. People who have contracted the disease become incredibly ill during the first stage before decay is even present. Some studies indicate that it can be spread by exchanging bodily fluids and one account details how a man contracted it after being bitten by a carrier in a bar." Crazy Colonel AI babbled.

"Yup, that's it." Raiden declared, tapping Super Joe for emphasis. "Well, that's that."

"Time paradox!" Crazy Colonel screeched.

Raiden stood up and stumbled over to Snake, making an effort to cover himself with his one free hand even though he was perfectly content in his nakedness. Snake was too desensitized toward nudity to care. Raiden returned Super Joe to Snake and used his other hand

"Follow me." Raiden requested, complete with a wave at himself.

"Where are we going?"

"To get my clothes back unless you like starring at my naked ass."

Snake quickly ran up behind Raiden and slapped his rear as hard as he could. If Raiden was going to give him grief, then he was going to give Raiden back just as much or more grief in return.

"Then let's get a move on." Snake said.

It was meant to be taken as a joke, but Raiden neither laughed nor flinched, which suggested that he was quite familiar with having his ass slapped around. Snake accepted it for what it was and found himself regretting what he'd just done especially when the area he'd hit began to turn red in the shape of a hand. Raiden left the room with Snake trailing directly behind him. He didn't bother taking cover and marched onward with the same amount of reserve he would have if he were heading towards his bathroom in the middle of the night back home. Both of them went back to where the guards were stationed. Way in the back amidst an array of clutter were a set of three lockers. Raiden opened each of them in search of his clothing as Snake stood watch in the doorway. Putting back on his suit proved to be somewhat of a challenge given his light-headed condition, but Raiden was determined not to be a wimp and spent two minutes trying to put his left boot on his right foot until Snake finally intervened. Raiden tucked the laces inside of his shoes so he wouldn't have to tie them.

"Raiden, are you going to be okay?" Snake asked.

"Don't I have to be? If not, do you just want me to hide in the locker until you come back and get me?"

"No." Snake muttered in a defeated tone. "I'm just concerned for both of our safeties."

"If you give me a gun, my chances of being an asset will increase." Raiden said, extending an open hand.

"There's two dead guards out in the hallway. One has an XM8 and the other has a shotgun. Take your pick." Snake said.

"What, you won't let me use your SOCOM like last time?" Raiden asked.

"Not when you can go just get a gun." Snake said.

Aside from what Snake had pointed out it had taken him more than six months to finally get his SOCOM back after he had let Raiden borrow it. The gun was somewhat sacred to him as it was the same one he had used in the Shadow Moses incident. In a way, he could be called a scavenger. The SOCOM had been returned in deplorable condition and Snake had to replace several parts before the weapon was made whole again. He also had to adjust the sights as the bullet fired slightly to the left for some odd reason. As if that weren't enough he ran through three sets of cloths while cleaning the thing. Ever since then he quickly changed the topic if Raiden expressed interest in borrowing something of his.

"Okay, Raiden." Snake began. "It looks like we're in the dark. We're going to see Big Boss and get some answers."

"But what if he doesn't want to talk about it and he starts shooting at us? Just because we've been in several situations before where our enemies prefer to talk about their lives instead of killing us doesn't mean that luck will last forever."

"Well, it will in this continuum." Snake insisted. "Besides, if he starts doing that, we'll just incapacitate him. That means don't shoot him in the head."

"I got it, Snake." Raiden said, somewhat annoyed.

"Right. By the way, you're on point."

"Thanks, asshole!"

"I'm only kidding. Come on, let's go."

They left together. Raiden took the XM8 off of the dead guard and also robbed him of his backpack and tactical harness since all he was able to recover of his old equipment was the outfit he currently had on. The backpack had been stained with coagulated blood that had once flowed freely from the gaping hole in the man's back. After attaching everything comfortably to his body he gave Snake a nod and the two men proceeded into the research area.

**NEXT TIME: **It cans be Big Boss time again now? Yes, it may. In the next chapter Snake finally confronts Big Boss in battle for the third time in his life because that game of Mahjong prior to Operation Intrude N313 didn't count. Big Boss had to have been cheating and Snake never got any of his money back. But that's far from either of their worries now! Big Boss goes in depth about everything that has lead him up to his current position in life, but not before a brief altercation with one of the members of Blue Death. Excitement ahead! Can Snake's fleeting heart take so many revelations at once? Yeah.


	19. The Patriots

**Chapter 19 : The Patriots.**

While they knew Big Boss was in the cryogenics lab, Super Joe wasn't much help. It displayed rooms, but was unable to label them. Snake and Raiden proceeded through the basement labs carefully, trying to find a map of some sort. Since Snake was already dressed as the enemy he didn't bother taking cover while Raiden shadowed him. He had given Super Joe to Raiden. The two didn't expect much from the radar as it had proven to be somewhat vulnerable to whatever jamming devices some of the higher ranking soldiers were wearing. Regardless of their inability to predict where the enemy would be every room they came across was abandoned. All the activity was still focused on the upper levels. Snake assumed that Big Boss wouldn't need any regular guards keeping watch on him and would instead vouch for the services of whatever member of Blue Death he trusted the most.

By the process of elimination, Snake predicted that he would run into Johnny or Anna. Snake didn't find any bird feathers so he wasn't that alarmed. The basement had its own lounge where workers could kick back and relax on their twelve hour shifts. A buffet was set up in that area and the food was still hot. It looked as though they were fed well and given free access to energy drinks in the vending machines. There was even a separate jungle display with real plants surrounding the entire room. Ahead of the lounge was a library and further useless accommodations for those working on this particular level.

It wasn't until the two reached the back of the basement when they finally found what they were looking for.

"Check it out." Raiden urged, pointing at the sign on the wall which clearly pointed to the cryogenics lab.

They were getting warmer. Past a security door was a locker room. In each locker were two suits. One was for regular lab work while the other was obviously designed to protect whoever was wearing it from whatever they were tinkering with. The locker room lead out into an area with a large decontamination chamber. A retinal scanner had also been installed to identify each individual before they even had a chance to get into the labs. The equipment Snake had been given allowed him to bypass this device quite easily.

A careful search of this new area revaled nothing, although Snake did find a computer that had some interesting information on it about how exactly Big Boss was reconstructed. He had Raiden download this to Super Joe and he would review it later. In the very last possible room they could explore far removed from everything else was a chamber specifically dedicated to cryogenic suspension and cloning. Snake was somewhat surprised to discover that none of the tubes housed any victims. The lab was also completely bare, which was a bit odd.

They found the casket that had contained Big Boss in the section dedicated to cloning. Empty tubes and abandoned workstations were eveywhere. There was a seperate room with a couple of operating tables in it. One had a bodybag lying on it. Snake motioned for Raiden to stay put while he investigated this discovery. Inside the operating room were several blue barrels caked in ice that had biohazard symbols plastered on them. Snake paid little attention to them as he unzipped the bag. It wasn't until he discovered who was beneath it that Snake remembered exactly why he hated unmasking things.

Inside he found an exact replica of himself twenty years younger. The body had all of his specific characteristics right down to the oddly shaped molar on the bottom row of his teeth but lacked a pulse, which relieved him significantly. A puncture mark was visible on his wrist, possibly indicating that this clone had been killed with a lethal injection or infused with ineffective nanomachines, thus explaining why it wasn't alive. Captivated by this macabre scene, Snake was completely taken off guard by the flashbang that rolled quietly across the floor and stopped at his feet. By the time he regained his vision, Big Boss already had a gun pointed at him while Raiden took cover and tried to figure out how to handle the situation. Snake knew this meant that he was pretty much on his own.

Big Boss had been hiding inside one of the barrels and had popped out of it to catch Snake with his pants down. He was still standing inside of the container, but the lid had been moved aside and placed on top of the other sealed barrels. Big Boss was armed with the M4 Snake had begun the mission with. How exactly it had found its way to him was a grand mystery indeed but was absolutely pointless to agonize over. What really made Snake mad was the fact that Big Boss had forsaken the box for the protection of the barrel. If the man were to ever try to retract this mistake he would not be forgiven by anyone who appreciated the box as much as Snake did. Even worse, he had used the barrel as an element of surprise over the box, making it appear old fashioned and no longer effective as a means of infiltration.

"It's Big Boss In A Barrel, several times more fun and alarming than a Snake In A Box." Big Boss said.

"How do you know about Snake In A Box?" Snake demanded.

"Because I have also played Snake In A Box!" Big Boss declared. "Come on. We're technically the same person. What's your favorite type of ice cream?"

"Vanilla."

"Me too. See?"

"Uncanny." Snake muttered.

Snake heard Raiden scream and turned around just in time to see him start fighting quite vigorously with Anna, who had chosen to clean up and put on a matching top since her battle with Shadow Raccoon. Edgar watched indifferently, perched atop Big Boss' casket. Even a direct blow to the face didn't phase Anna that much and she managed to block Raiden's advances, which caused him to break away. The two circled each other while trying to figure out which hand trick to use next. Snake watched on as kung fu was blocked by krav maga. Judo got a hit in on Anna, which caused her to begin bleeding. A little bit of Taekwondo gave Raiden a wound he'd feel in the morning. An exchange between karate and aikido wound up with both of them hitting each other square in the jaw and then stumbling away in a dazed stagger. Such proficiency in combat styles had pretty much everyone in the room awed but the bird, who had finally determined that nobody was carrying grenades and then began to wonder when it would be fed next as it was quite hungry and Anna had been distracted by the mission.

"You're pretty good." Anna said, panting. "Just what I'd expect from a man with your codename. It's been a long time since I've had such a good fight, but I'm just getting warmed up."

"Bring it on, Mary Sue!" Raiden dared. "I still have at least half a chance of beating you!"

"My name is Anna." she reiterated, quite annoyed.

"Is it really, or is that merely the name you gave yourself to commemorate the day you changed your life?"

Since being eloquent and fancy hadn't done anything for either of them the two resorted to grappling each other and exchanging kidney punches. Their sweaty bodies twisted and turned in the violent embrace for a healthy round of kidney debilitating blows. Anna abruptly slammed her skull into Raiden's, which was probably the most tactically stupid thing she could have possibly done. Given that Raiden was still somewhat woozy from the truth gas he was about at his limit for physical exertion. Yet he would not allow himself to be defeated by someone like Anna. A Mary Sue would not take him down. This gave Raiden the fuel he needed to continue the fight. He would not surrender or allow himself to be defeated so easily.

Raiden grabbed Edgar and held a gun to his head. Edgar blinked and remained immobile while Anna leered at his captor.

"That's cheap." Anna said. "You're supposed to be a soldier."

"Pansy." Edgar said. "Master, transform now."

"No!" Big Boss shouted.

"Good idea." Anna said, cracking her knuckles.

"I said no and that's a direct order, you hussy!" Big Boss yelled.

Anna put both of her hands behind her head and breathed in deep. Edgar giggled. Big Boss tried to move with his legs while still in the barrel and fell over with a loud thud. Snake offered him a hand, realized what he was doing, and then retracted it as Big Boss grabbed for it. Big Boss flailed for a moment, scoffed, and then stood up on his own. Snake decided that what he had done was wrong and tried to help Big Boss as he got off his knees, but Big Boss shoved him out of the way and put the M4 on the table next to the corpse of his younger clone.

They were too late. Anna looked up at Raiden with a new glint in her cat-like eyes. A malicious grin spread slowly across her face. She almost looked like a beast from hell. Her guttural snarl complete with excessive drooling, sharpened incisors, and eyes reflecting her uninhibited fury scared Raiden so bad that his ass puckered. Raiden put the bird back on the casket and held up his hands with a smile.

"Too late!" Big Boss advised as he entered the room with Snake tailing behind him.

Anna equipped her claws and lashed out at Raiden, who dodged out of the way just in time. Raiden hoped to counter with the hilt of his gun while she was sprawled over the freezer that had once held Big Boss, but she was far too fast. Snake shot her with his M9, but that did absolutely nothing. She merely pulled the dart out and threw it aside. It would take an inhuman amount of adrenaline to continue functioning after being hit by one of his darts. Anna ignored Snake and continued to attack Raiden, who was helpless without his sword.

If she wanted to kill him, she would have already done so. Anna was merely toying with Raiden, scratching him when she could and shrugging off the blows he managed to get in. Snake intervened and attempted to restrain her to no avail. She easily managed to wiggle out of his grasp and gave him a brutal backhand across the face. There seemed to be no end to her primal energy and Raiden couldn't decide whether or not to try and kill her. Were they not on the same side? Had he not brought this upon himself?

These were questions he didn't have time to answer as she destroyed the insulation in his sneaking suit by tearing it with her claws. She caught him across the nipple and Raiden grabbed his chest and screamed in pain as a particular piece of his flesh flew from Anna's claws. This was going too far. Anna appeared to be losing restraint.

"Edgar, tell her to wake up!" Big Boss pleaded.

"You're not the boss of me." Edgar countered. "I'm hungry. I want to eat first. Off I go!"

With that, it flew out of the room. Snake jumped on Anna's back and wrapped himself around her. Though she was smaller than him, she still managed to easily support his weight. The two totterred back and forth while Snake moved her head around in various directions to disorient her. Anna screeched and swatted at him. They crashed into a cryogenic tube hard enough to crack the plate glass. It brought tears to Snake's eyes.

"Raiden, run! Follow the bird!" Snake said.

Raiden injected himself with a round of Jolt to soothe the pain and fled, still clutching his bleeding breast in pain. Big Boss left as well. Anna threw Solid Snake off of her, picked him up by the throat, slammed him up against a suspension tube, and drew her arm back. Snake managed to move his head out of the way as her claw came forward. It drove into the tank and got stuck there. That might have been a lethal blow. Snake kicked her in the stomach and slithered out of her grasp. He joined the other two men as she pulled her claw from the tube.

Edgar had no trouble keeping ahead of them.

"Chase me, chase me!" Edgar beckoned.

"Why did she attack me in the first place?" Raiden demanded as he continued running after the bird.

"I don't know. Something about testing you." Big Boss said. "I told her not to and she did it anyway. I think I'm going to fire her."

"Better yet, just shoot her. Here, use my gun." Raiden said as he tossed his handgun to Big Boss, who snatched it out of the air.

"No. We can still save her."

"What are you talking about? Do you like her?" Raiden asked.

Snake chanced a glance behind his shoulder and saw Anna following them confidently like the antagonist of a slasher movie.

"Who's going to be your best man?" Raiden asked.

Big Boss shot at him. Raiden squealed and ducked.

"You're about as annoying as red piss, boy." Big Boss asked.

"Fine, I'll shoot her!" Raiden said as he brought his gun around.

Two more rounds were fired above Raiden's head and he returned his rifle to where it had been. The trio burst into the lounge. Edgar easily found the fruit bar and began chewing on some apple slices while Snake jumped into the forest display and hid himself while Edgar indulged in the food without restraint. The bird was their only way out of the situation without having to kill Anna and they would need to wait on him. If it decided not to help them, they were going to need to resort to drastic measures. Raiden slid under the buffet and took residence alongside the heating tanks while Big Boss ducked beneath the same plant Solid Snake had decided to hide behind. The two exchanged disgruntled grimaces and decided to remain where they were until the situation had blown over.

Their current opponent entered the room quietly and began to survey the area, causing Big Boss and Solid Snake to scrunch together a little tighter. Having decided that it had eaten enough, Edgar hopped over the edge of the buffet and flew back to its perch atop the leather shoulder pad Anna wore.

"Yeah, wake up." Edgar said halfheartedly.

Anna immediately regained her senses. The realization of what she had just done hit her hard. She hadn't intended for her quarrel with Raiden to go as far as it did and she knew she should have expected as much. Still, she couldn't resist putting the kid in his place. She hated being called a Mary Sue. Anna knew she was better than that. She hung her head in shame and clutched her fists together as she silently cursed her inability to properly control her dangerous ability.

"Anna." Big Boss said, peering out from behind the corner of the plant.

She looked at him in a way that suggested she was prepared to accept her fate.

"You are so fired." he continued. "In fact, if I wasn't surrounded by people who want to kill me, I'd ask you to leave now."

"I understand." she said. "This wouldn't be the first time I've lost my place in a unit because of my nature." Anna assured him.

"Why the hell did I hire you in the first place? Oh, and the first person to make a crack about Alzheimer's is the first to die."

"I was reccommended by your imposter." Anna explained. "He knew more about me than you did. When we met, you just shrugged indifferently and decided to keep me around. Your imposter tried to talk you out of putting me in a group, but you never followed through with his advice. I do believe this is the only time you've seen me in action."

Raiden slid open the door he was hiding behind.

"You tore off my nipple!" Raiden said. "You savage!"

"Relax. Shadow Raccoon did fine without them." Anna said.

Big Boss rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Snake so he could disregard the beast of a women that Anna was while she and Raiden continued to argue over pointless things.

"I've been expecting you." Big Boss said with a smile. "I apologize for pointing a gun at you earlier. I just wanted to make sure I had your attention."

"No worries. I'm sure you know that they sent me here to kill you. I was ready to do so at first, but I think I'll give you a chance to defend yourself before I make my decision."

"Indeed. Let's not stand in the forest display while we discuss this." Big Boss said.

They jumped down from the platform and headed toward a table. Anna did not bother sitting with them and instead watched the entrances for any unwanted intruders. Big Boss reached into his coat and pulled out a leather container full of cigars and a book of matches. After lighting his cigar he offered one to Snake, who declined.

"Okay." Big Boss said. "Let me begin by saying that absolutely nothing went the way I had planned. I originally figured that the PMC I hired would have been completely loyal to me after the nanomachine infusion, but as you have seen there have been some disagreements even among the more experienced members, thus endangering my life and making it difficult for me to fulfill my objectives."

"And what is your real objective?"

"To create a world where everyone works together, but that is merely the tip of the iceberg. I could have done it, too. If it weren't for you, that is. You see, you've been running around dancing to the tune of the Patriots all this time and you haven't ever thought that I might somehow be involved."

"What are you saying?" Snake asked.

"I am saying that I am a member of the Patriots."

Snake's head almost exploded. It had been in front of him the entire time, but to actually hear it was another thing entirely.

"Perhaps it would be more accurate to say I was a member. Let me give you the short version. The Patriots were once the Philosophers. There were twelve of them and everything was just the way they wanted it. Back then you couldn't live forever, so once they began dying a vacuum was created. Information was leaked. Undesirables appeared. Believe it or not, it was the money they wanted. I don't think any of them knew just how powerful the organization was. They merely saw a billion dollars and went nuts over that."

Big Boss took a long drag off of his cigar.

"It got to the point where a couple of major military operations had to be staged to restore balance to everything. One key member in the fight for power was Adam."

"Adam?" Snake said. "You mean Ocelot?"

"Yes, him." Big Boss said, snapping his fingers in confirmation. "He assassinated a lot of people who learned about the Philosophers. Thirty people in total, I think. He was busy. I played my part as well when I recovered a microfilm that had the location of their secret stash on it. After Ocelot had gotten rid of the competition he began rebuilding the organization with help from one other individual. I received a set of documents in the mail from Ocelot that invited me to join them. I figured I might as well since they might find my ideas useful. I also wanted to keep tabs on them, but that's basically how I became involved. I couldn't pass up that kind of oppurtunity. Eventually we would meet regularly at a private island along the Mediterranean where we sat around pulling the strings of the entire world."

He chuckled at the memory.

"One member in particular appointed himself as the leader. He kind of went his own way. Look around you. Do you see the state the world is in now? Blame him. I'm getting ahead of myself, though. I didn't spend all my time doing nothing. I was still actively involved in the military and partially responsible for the creation of PMC's."

"That's basically what FOX-HOUND was." Snake said.

"Yes. A really small, extremely elite one. What was it you said that one time? I make the impossible possible? What a slogan. Things with the Patriots began spiraling out of control. I left shortly after they cloned me and I knew they had to be stopped before they had the entire world under their complete control right down to the populace itself. Guess what year that was."

"1995?"

"1994. Close enough. Metal Gear had actually been around long before that as a very clunky prototype. The first real model was made that year. It was a nice weapon. With it you can launch a missile from anywhere on the face of the Earth. I wanted one and with it I would end the Patriots."

"Operation Intrude N313." Snake said.

"Correct. It didn't take much to gather up a group of mercenaries to help. I sent you in as cover. You know what happens next. It was gradually revealed through your bumbling teammates that I was behind the whole Outer Heaven incident and I was immediately labeled a terrorist. Before that mishap even if the operation had failed nobody would have known that I was behind it. I hadn't planned on launching a nuke. I was going to fire a missile at that damnable island so that I could kill all of the Patriots in one strike and take over the organization myself! The revolt had caused an emergency meeting so I knew they would all be there. Metal Gear was armed with that very same rocket the moment you destroyed it."

"But then only you would remain. One man can't rule the entire world."

"That's what you think. Everything was already in place. All I had to do was step in and take the reigns."

There was another moment of silence as Big Boss let his story sink in. Raiden was like a sponge and was eagerly sucking up all the information that was being given to him. Snake was slightly more critical, but it all made sense when he thought about it except for a few key details. Before finishing his monologue, Big Boss stubbed out his cigar and lit another one. He made certain to use his new lungs to their maximum efficiency.

"I had a way out of the whole mess, but I figured I'd confront you first. I didn't expect you to recognize an older version of yourself. I knew nothing I could say would have mattered so I fed you the lie that everyone wanted to hear. In sheer frustration I tried to kill you so I could relieve you of your position in the battlefield because I knew what your future would have held as my child. But I was too careless. You eventually managed to kill me."

Big Boss sighed heavily as though a great burden had been removed from his soul.

"That's my side of the story. Do you have any questions?"

"You brought me all the way out here just to tell me that? You could have told this story in my living room."

"Yes, I wanted to, but some asshole made that rather hard to do. I think it might have been Shadow Raccoon. I had been told that it was safe to stop by." Big Boss said. "I was very wrong. I think he's the same person that told everyone that Big Boss was really in charge of this unit. That's probably what started the revolt."

"Do you have a way out of this mess, too?"

"Indeed. No worries. So long as I can get out of here alive they won't be able to trace anything back to me. It would be as if I simply appeared out of nowhere even though I'm in charge of this unit."

"Why did you come to this base in particular?"

"That's a secret." Big Boss replied with a smile. "I'll tell you about that later. Let's just say I have what I came here for and it's already somewhere safe."

"Did Ocelot tell you where to launch that missile?" Snake asked.

"Yes. Both times. I would have been killing a few friends in the process, but. . .well, everyone who followed me was practically a friend. Except for the real dogs of war who just wanted money. PMC's are actually quite terrible things. If I ever regain control, I will abolish them. Wars should only be fought by the military."

"Does Ocelot know where the Patriots are right this moment?" Raiden asked.

"Nobody does. They're different now. We'll talk about that a little later as well. Right now we've got to be focused on getting out of here unless you have any more questions."

"What's it like being a robot?" Raiden asked.

Snake cringed. The intense drama that had gripped him so tightly had been loosened momentarily by Raiden's outrageous query.

"It's no different from being a human."

"Do you. . ." Raiden cleared his throat. "Do you still have to go?"

"Yes, I still have to piss." Big Boss said. "And I poop too. There's clearly room for improvement. Are there any other _intelligent _questions?"

"You'll have to forgive him. He's had a sniff of truth gas." Snake said in Raiden's defense.

Big Boss shrugged. When there were no more questions, he stood up and extended his hand to Snake.

"It's time to make a decision. You can come with me or you both can play with Anna. What will it be?"

"Be careful how you answer." a hidden man advised.

Before the person even entered the room his distinctive voice and comical spurs gave his identity away. Ocelot entered the room and gave Anna a nod that she didn't return. He was not dressed as fashionably as he usually was while running around shooting at people who thought that they were on his side. Instead, Ocelot was completely decked out in the same uniform as one of Big Boss' guards. He wore two revolvers on either side of his hips and by the way his harness had been arranged it seemed as though he had only recently added that piece of equipment to his person just to keep up his appearance. Snake put a hand next to his holstered M1911.

**NEXT TIME : **Ocelot is about to Haruhi somebody's Suzumiya. That's just how he works. It's a shame it came minutes after Snake and Big Boss finally made nice with each other, which is kind of like saying that they finally managed to get along with themselves, which is kind of like saying that they're clones so by accepting each other they must really like themselves as individual people. Or something. The mission has taken a drastic turn. What will happen now that the two have allied with each other? The last hour of Metal Gear Solid 4? Okay, that was a bad prediction. What's going to happen is that they're all going to get off the base together, but not before dealing with the consequences of their new friendship. And Ocelot.


	20. Unlikely Allies

**Chapter 20 : Unlikely Allies.**

Ocelot approached the group that sat at the table as they all stiffened up and reached for their weapons.

"Are you enjoying your mission so far, Snake? It's quite lively, isn't it? You can thank me for that." Ocelot boasted. "You can also thank me for recovering Big Boss' body after Zanzibar. You see, deep down inside I'm just that kind of guy. I want to be nice, but I can't be nice without being a little mean. It's how I am. It's what I do."

"How did you get here?" Big Boss asked.

For some reason, Snake and Raiden found themselves relying on how Big Boss decided to handle this situation. It was as if he were suddenly the most important person in the room and consequently who they should be protecting. Their leader narrowed his eyes at the unwelcome visitor, trying to figure out what the other man was plotting. Ocelot's handlebar mustache was as infamously unreadable as ever. It went without saying that the man very rarely lost at poker.

"Did you really think you could have pulled this all off on your own, John? There are limits to the slack a bribe can get you." Ocelot said. "I admire your plan, though. I figured this was what you were going to try to do."

"What are you doing here?" Big Boss asked.

"I take it he didn't bother to inform you that I have been working with you all this time. You see, I haven't exactly been able to reveal myself as I've been quite busy. Now that everything is finally coming together, I can finally jump ship."

"So does that mean you know where the Patriots are?"

"Absolutely not. It's impossible to find them these days. However, I think if you got what you came here for, the odds are most definitely in our favor."

"I don't trust you." Big Boss said.

Ocelot smirked.

"You don't have a choice not to." Ocelot said dangerously. "They've already started attacking this base. Snake, turn your radio back on and ask your precious colonel Campbell what's going on topside. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to break the news to you."

Snake did as Ocelot instructed and noticed that his CODEC had been ringing for quite some time. Super Joe hadn't even vibrated once. That couldn't have been a good sign.

"Snake!" Campbell yelled. "I've been trying to reach you for the past ten minutes. You need to get out of there now!"

"What do you mean?"

"Ten Metal Gear models are about to be dropped on your location! A separate PMC known as Haven acting under the orders of an unidentified group is already fighting with Big Boss' army."

"What's he saying?" Raiden demanded.

"That we're screwed." Snake said.

"We knew something was wrong when we had trouble receiving your transmissions, but we ignorantly attributed them to weather conditions or a jammer somewhere on the base. It was only after Mei Ling spotted an unidentified signal and hacked into it that we managed to figure out what was really going on. Snake, this operation has been completely compromised!"

"It's been that way since the very beginning, though!" Ocelot shouted.

"What's Ocelot talking about?"

"Snake. . .the truth is that this entire thing was set up by Big Boss. I was in on it. How he found your house, Shadow Moses. . .all of it. Ocelot helped too. It's time we remember that we still have a mission to do and that's taking down the Patriots. They knew you were going to join sides with Big Boss, but they obviously failed to kill you before they could do so."

"Campbell. . .if you know what I know, then. . ." Snake said worriedly. "Are you safe?"

"Don't worry about me, just get your ass out of there! That's an order! We're leaving right now, but we should see you soon. This will be our last transmission."

"Good luck. Stay alive."

"Same to you, Snake."

There was suddenly a burst of static on the open channel. Snake was treated to the sound of a computer trying to access the Internet through dial-up followed by a woman's voice speaking gibberish. Suddenly everything became clear again.

"Women determine their bra size by subtracting the bust size from the band size. The number they come up with is then converted into a letter." Crazy Colonel Campbell said. "I may be annoying, but I know many interesting things."

Snake turned off the CODEC and disabled vibration on Super Joe.

"So are you going to tell us what you heard or do we have to die before we find out?" Raiden asked.

Snake explained everything to them. Big Boss seemed to be generally worried after he had heard what Campbell told Snake. In fact, the man was so upset that he quit smoking his cigar before it was even out. Ocelot remained emotionless, preferring to step in at just the right moment with whatever bit of information he could use to shut the group down so they stared at him with blank expressions on their faces. In this way he could lead them in any way that he pleased, which was exactly what he wanted. Raiden, being headstrong and reckless, wasn't bothered in the least by the challenge.

"Campbell must have been talking about the Gekko's." Big Boss said. "This is bad."

"What are they?" Raiden asked.

"They're not really Metal Gear's, but they're in the same family. They're highly mobile. They're supposed to be very good at eliminating ground forces."

Big Boss reached for his own radio and tried to use it to no avail. He flipped it over and opened the back, replacing the batteries that had died out. This explained why everyone had left him alone for the past few hours whereas he had simply thought they got tired of him not answering their calls. When the men had to ask him if Anna or Chill Penguin knew how to cook and if yes than could they please make them something more edible than what was available he knew it was time to let them act on their own. Big Boss turned the dial until he reached a specific frequency.

"Is this unit Joy?" Big Boss asked.

"Yes, sir!" a man responded frantically. "We've been trying to reach you for quite some time now! We can't hold our position for much longer! Orders, please! Quickly!"

"Retreat and regroup at checkpoint Fury since our base of operations might be compromised. We'll sort through this mess once we get there."

"Roger that!"

"Broadcast the retreat message across all our frequencies. Commander out." he ordered.

Big Boss turned to the group.

"Snake, as Campbell said the Patriots have damned you simply by sending you on this mission. You can't go back to your normal life quite yet. You must follow me for now because you don't have a choice. The Patriots sent you here to kill me as a test of loyalty and they probably suspected that you might listen to me instead and choose a different path as I have done. After all, it's in our genes. That's why the same people who have been trying to kill me have also been trying to kill you. I ordered the soldiers to bring you here alive and had Anna give you that uniform as an extreme precaution."

"Yes, I knew that already."

"Well, now you can be sure of it."

"Does that mean I've been damned, too?" Raiden asked, pointing at himself.

"I don't know. Probably not. Ocelot?" Big Boss asked.

"They neglected to put you on the roster, Raiden. That's what happens when you rush paperwork. Technically that means you aren't even officially part of the mission." Ocelot said. "You can probably just run along and be happy somewhere else while the adults do the real battle."

"No. I'll fight with Snake and someone is going to need to keep an eye on your ass."

"I promise I'll behave." Ocelot said in a mocking tone.

"You had better! If the shit hits the fan, you're the first person I'm shooting!" Raiden warned.

"I'm shaking in my boots." Ocelot said as he shivered. "I'd piss my pants submissively for you, but I'll leave that to Otacon."

Something then hit Raiden that he had previously overlooked. It hit him so hard that he couldn't even utter what had surprised him so much at first. Instead, his eyes got really wide and his lips curled back, exposing both rows of his teeth.

"Wait just a damn minute!" Raiden shouted.

"Just one? More like ten." Anna said. "As if we have the time to waste."

"Shut up, savage. Ocelot still has Liquid's hand!" Raiden said. "Liquid has always hated Big Boss, therefore it should logically follow that he will try to disarm any attempt we make to fix this problem with the Patriots!"

"The kid's got a point. Liquid is quite the selfish bastard." Snake said. "Ocelot, your defense?"

"That's funny! Disarm." Ocelot mused as he chuckled to himself. "Well, if you must know, I no longer have Liquid's hand. See?"

Ocelot showed them his left hand, which was completely new and totally devoid of calluses, wrinkles, or other properties skin typically exhibited through aging. It was a new hand in every way it could be.

"So now you've got Liquid's arm and his hand floating separately in one expensive cannister?"

"That I do, but I intend to get it fixed so that they are whole again."

"Did you go to the same French surgeon for a third time?"

"No. A lady friend of mine in Maine hooked me up with this."

"We're all going to be dead if we stay here any longer." Anna repeated. "Might I suggest that we make our retreat now and spend an hour talking about our plans later?"

"That's right! Regroup and recoup!" Big Boss said.

"More like run away in terror and cry in the corner for an hour or two." Ocelot muttered.

"How did you know how Raiden spends his Sundays?" Snake asked.

Ocelot and Snake snickered together despite the circumstances due to their previous relationship with each other. Raiden rolled his eyes, knowing full well that Snake was using humor as a way of keeping himself calm. Big Boss didn't even bother announcing that he was leaving, already seeing how simply starting a conversation in this odd group seemed to somehow cause the initial purpose of the interaction to gradually detract into a shouting match of insults and pointless quips. Like Raiden, he too equated it to stress and wrongfully assumed that things would be different if they were talking under normal circumstances.

Anna followed him from behind with her parrot ready to spring at any moment. Snake and Raiden looked at each other, sighed together, and rushed after Big Boss and his questionable team mate. Ocelot quickly tightened his belt one notch since he didn't want his pants getting in the way as he ran. The man liked to keep them loose while he was double crossing people. Snake and Raiden couldn't help but giggle as Ocelot joined them in their retreat with his spurs chinging madly with every step he took.

"He sounds like a Christmas elf." Raiden pointed out.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells!" Edgar piped in.

Ocelot shot at them. Twice. Each. The bullets barely spooked the bird, who simply moved closer to Anna's neck. Raiden yelled out and jumped instinctively, accidentally crashing into Snake and sending them both to the floor. Revolver quickly ran up and kicked Raiden once in the ribs with his pointed boot and continued following after Big Boss, leaving Snake and Raiden to recover on their own.

"Don't even do that as a joke, you putz!" Big Boss said. "You only get one warning!"

"Bullshit, if he does something like that again, I'll knock out all his teeth, make a necklace with them, and force him to wear it. I don't care what you have to say about it."

"Or you could just shoot out his eye." Anna added.

"Hey, little missy, that's not funny." Big Boss said.

"Sorry, humor has never been my specialty."

"Yeah, I know what you're specialty is." Big Boss said.

Big Boss screeched to a stop once they reached the giant door that lead out of the cryogenic labs. Raiden had been running so fast that he wasn't able to compensate for the sudden stop and accidentally slammed into the door, bouncing off of it with enough force to send him stumbling backwards. He would have fallen to the floor if Anna hadn't intervened and caught him. Ocelot took out his revolver and reloaded it while Big Boss motioned for everyone to huddle up.

"Let's keep this short, okay? No personal attacks."

"Or betrayals." Raiden said, glaring at Ocelot.

Snake slapped him upside the head to shush him. Ocelot began doing gun tricks to keep his hands busy so he couldn't shoot Raiden.

"Will you stupid tweaks start acting your freakin' age?" Edgar demanded, his frantic outburst most unexpected. "This isn't a sandbox!"

Everyone stared in stunned silence at Edgar, completely shocked that the bird had managed to utter such a constructive sentence without encouragement. Even Anna regarded him with renewed interest, which slightly bothered Edgar and made him scoot to the edge of his perch. Seeing as how Edgar realized he had already dug himself into a hole he figured making an effort to pull out after having opened the can like that would be counterproductive so he decided to continue unabashedly.

"You heard me." Edgar reassured them. "I don't want to die today."

"Furry." Snake said as an insult.

Big Boss reached into his coat and pulled out a M1911, much like the same sidearm Old Tech had only he carried his for a different reason. The weapon seemed to be customized to a state of sheer perfection, much like many of the guns Snake himself owned.

"I'm gonna shoot the next bastard that interrupts me!" Big Boss screamed.

The team reacted in complete pandemonium. Ocelot pointed his revolver at Big Boss, Big Boss pointed his Colt at Ocelot, Snake aimed his XM8 at Ocelot, and Raiden initially pointed his XM8 at Big Boss before training the sights on Ocelot. Anna slowly took a step back, leaned against the wall, and folded her arms across her chest. By her posture it was safe to assume that she wanted no part of the scuffle and had instead decided to engage in some deep thinking rather than watch the four men squabble over their noticeable differences. Ocelot quickly saw that he was outnumbered and slowly stood down. At least the event had shown him what alliances were in place. Raiden and Snake lowered their rifles, but Big Boss still kept his M1911 out.

"This is how we're getting off of this base." Big Boss began. "We will flee to a secret location where I have a helicopter standing by."

"A helicopter?" Snake asked, greatly puzzled.

"Yes, a helicopter. You know? It goes whir-whir-whir?"

"Or shwah-shwah-shwah depending on the rotor." Snake lashed out with equal sarcasm.

"Indeed. Anyway, so long as they don't sick a Metal Gear on us, we'll be fine. From there, I'll be taking all of you into my custody as hostages until you can prove your loyalty to me. Adam, you will be kept under constant surveillance and by constant I mean four guards in four separate squads taking turns watching you every minute of every day. You can also expect a strip search and a medical examination at the checkpoint to ensure no part of your body is bugged."

"And here I just wanted to be on your side." Ocelot said.

"Yeah, you go ahead and keep telling me that." Big Boss said sarcastically.

He turned to face Anna, who was still standing up against the wall, deep in thought.

"As for you, we're going to fix your problem when we get back to base."

"You mean you've decided not to fire me?" Anna asked, somewhat hopeful.

"It's more out of pity rather than affection, I assure you. Like I said, we're going to fix that bird problem as in you don't try to kill at random when 'Polly-wants-a-cracker' doesn't tell you to wake up. Then I'll fire you."

"As you wish."

"So when we go topside, it's going to be an all-our war, isn't it?" Snake asked.

"Possibly. My men will slowly be retreating with the aid of some stealth technology, so it will literally be every squad for themselves and since we're all nothing more than a set of dysfunctional terrors, it's up to us to watch each others backs."

"We're dead!" Edgar squawked.

"Do or die, Edgar." Anna said. "He who dares, wins."

"What happens if that helicopter you mentioned has been confiscated by the moles working within your own PMC that want to kill you?"

"Don't worry about that. It's hidden. It's got one of those crazy camo systems the military has been going nuts over these past few months."

"Would it by chance be a Medusa model?"

"Yeah, it would." Big Boss said. "That's what they're called. Too bad they're nothing more than a fancy Hind."

"Will we all fit inside?" Anna asked.

"Yes. It's a carrier variant. I've only had to use it once. Getting there is going to be a problem, though. We'll have to secure a vehicle. Most of my men are probably retreating right now with the materials we came to confiscate from this base so our best bet is to get to the rear garage and bust out of here that way."

"I don't know, Big Boss. That plan sounds pretty dangerous to me." Raiden said. "Here's an idea. Ocelot, how did you get in?"

"The same way everyone else did." Ocelot answered. "While we are taking some heavy risks here, I would deduce that Big Boss has the right idea. Before we leave this area and jump right into the fight, allow me to make some adjustments."

Ocelot undid his black backpack and held it open as he stuffed his personal effects in it. Ocelot was so thorough in taking off anything that might personally identify him that he even removed his spurs and tossed them in along with his weapons. Before putting it back on, Ocelot took out a balaclava and tried putting it on. He aligned the holes wrong and accidentally wound up leaving a gaping opening around his nose, which his mustache prominently stuck out of. Although Ocelot could see this way, it wasn't the best way of concealing his identity. Sighing, Anna stepped in front of him and removed the face mask and carefully put in on for him, making sure to smooth out his frisky mustache through the mask so it wouldn't bother him as much.

"Thanks." Ocelot said.

"Damn. Now I know you're really not supposed to be here." Big Boss said.

"To kill you, maybe. To help you out a little, most certainly not. Consider it a favor from an old comrade."

Ocelot put his hand on Big Boss' shoulder.

"Let's just make sure neither of us dies quite yet." Ocelot said.

"What about us?" Snake asked, gesturing towards the three remaining members.

"Collateral." Edgar said.

"That's one smart bird." Ocelot mused with a grin.

"Alright, kids. Are we going to sit around here all day talking to each other or is it time to go kick some ass?" Big Boss asked.

"Finally, a statement of action." Anna muttered.

"Let's get out of here." Snake said.

**NEXT TIME :** Next time there will be some actual escaping. Can they make it out alive? Things look pretty grim for them. They might need a little extra help. But who would be crazy enough to put their life on the line to come and pull Snake out of the mission? Plenty of people if you go by what's in the next chapter.


	21. Escape

**Chapter 21 : Escape.**

Big Boss ran his security card through the scanner. Everyone collectively tensed to rush out but the door didn't budge. Instead, the card reader beeped annoyingly at them and flashed red. Big Boss checked to see that he had used the right side and ran it through again, this time more slowly. It still refused to open and beeped at him. He sighed heavily and began stroking his beard in thought.

"Maybe if you licked it?" Anna offered.

"You would think that." Big Boss retorted.

He spat on the card and then wiped it off before trying it yet again. This time the door finally opened and the second it did the entourage filtered through it as efficiently as they possibly could with Snake at the lead and Raiden trailing right behind him. Ocelot took a back seat to the action since he wasn't properly equipped and Anna had silently been assigned the duty of watching his back. They quickly wound up in the hall with the elevator at the other end and the integration rooms just around the corner. The two dead guards were still there, both of whom were actively decomposing.

Ocelot decided now would be an appropriate time to equip himself with the shotgun. Anna took the sidearm.

"I left Old Tech in the cells." Snake said. "Should we get him?"

"Yeah, we had better." Big Boss said. "No man left behind and all that jazz."

Snake decided to put his Solid Goggles back on while they made their way to the room Old Tech was being held in. Since the cat was out of the bag, he felt he could use them to his advantage once more. Everything appeared to be working normally. He checked Super Joe and saw that command was trying to call him, no doubt it was nothing more than stupid messages from the Crazy Colonel Campbell AI. There weren't any soldiers in the area, but that didn't stop Snake from acting like there might be.

Old Tech wasn't where they had left him. His disappearance had a few implications. He might have escaped through his own means or by the assistance of another soldier. In any case, they had wasted precious time coming back for him. They went back to the elevator and called it to their floor. Snake's sixth sense suddenly kicked in. It was never something he ignored. Snake checked the radar. Nothing was on it, but it had proven unreliable before whereas his intuition had not. He silently motioned for everyone to take cover and they quickly obliged. Snake ducked around the corner just as the elevator beeped and opened. With the Solid Goggles he enabled thermal X-Ray visioning so he could see past the wall he was hiding behind and over into the elevator. Sure enough, there were four guards wearing camouflage waiting to ambush them.

The elevator trick was so old. Snake readied his rifle.

"Raiden. Sneaking mission thirty two section B." Snake said.

Raiden's eyes lit up in surprise and he nodded in acknowledgment of the situation.

"Big Boss. Maneuver sixteen eighty two."

Their enemies didn't stand a chance and were taken completely by surprise. Once they were all down, Snake switched back to his regular view. They were still completely invisible, but blood outlined their bodies. Anna knelt down and began searching one of them for their stealth clip. Eventually her fingers came across the clip and the instant she removed it the guard became fully visible.

"He's one of ours." Anna said. "Well, he was at any rate."

The guard wasn't wearing very heavy armor, which explained why he had gone down so quickly. Snake heard movement to the right and saw one of the rifles start to raise out of thin air. Anna reacted in an instant with the claws she still had on, cutting into the guard who was still alive. She tore through him until he dropped the rifle. His screams filled the air for a brief moment before she found his head and broke his neck. Snake enabled thermal vision once again and put a couple of additional bullets in the bodies of the other guards. Out of interest, she disabled the stealth clip. A guard with heavier armor appeared.

Anna stood up, brushing the blood off of her clothes. She looked up to see that everyone was watching her.

"What's the matter?" she asked, smiling. "Don't tell me that was too intense for you guys."

"There's this guy back home I want you to meet." Snake said.

"Who? Vamp? No way. You keep those two away from each other!" Raiden exclaimed.

"Woman, I've read your file. Quite frankly, you scare me." Ocelot said. "I can't figure you out."

"Considering who Ocelot is and the depth of knowledge he has in subjects everyone else knows next to nothing about, the mere fact that he is simply scared of you terrifies me. The fact that he can't figure you out horrifies me." Snake said.

"I agree." Raiden pitched in, raising his hand to emphasize his participation.

Big Boss looked at the effeminate man as if he had just insulted his old mentor. It was a look so twisted in expression that Raiden tentatively took a step away from him.

"What the hell was that?" Big Boss demanded. "What do you think this is, a message board? Are you trying to earn karma? Don't forget to sage, idiot!"

He tried to swat Raiden upside the head, but Raiden dodged him and backed into Ocelot, who shoved him forward into Big Boss. The two grappled awkwardly for a moment until Raiden broke free and regained his balance.

"Hey, I just couldn't think of anything else to say! Just look at that compared to what we did!" Raiden said, making several erratic gestures toward the bodies.

Bullet holes were indeed much more beautiful than cutting a person open through their body armor like a can opener.

"And now she's all messy." Raiden finished.

"What, this?" Anna asked, gesturing at the gore that covered her. "Think nothing of it. Now I can intimidate the opposition more easily."

"Your guards suck, Big Boss." Snake said.

"Yes, I know. If you want something done right, you just have to do it yourself!"

"They're probably just getting warmed up." Ocelot advised. "They're luring you into a false sense of security with weaker soldiers."

"Okay, that's enough. Show some respect! Mercenaries don't come cheap or inexperienced. I'm sure at least one of these guys was a marine or something before they joined this PMC."

"Either that or he just passed their silly little virtual exams." Ocelot said. "He's hyped up on nanomachines and adrenaline. Nothing more. What a waste."

"Why didn't they show up on my radar? I'm getting tired of this thing." Snake said.

"Obviously because maybe they have something on them that blocks it?" Ocelot replied. "Maybe something quite possibly like. . .oh, I don't know, a jammer? Here, let me show you."

Ocelot dug through the clothes of the corpse and tore a small metal square that had been strapped close to the man's left kidney. It was completely unremarkable and weighed about three pounds. The object didn't even have any screws. When speaking in terms of its physical appearance, it was nothing more than a square weight.

"This is the little beast that's been giving you so much trouble." Ocelot said. "It's full of chaff and corner reflectors. The only thing it can't block is heat."

"I agree." Big Boss said mockingly, flailing his arms about helplessly.

"Asshole!" Raiden shouted.

"By the way, something is bothering me. Give me that gadget on your wrist."

Snake gave Ocelot his Super Joe.

"Linux." Ocelot said in surprise.

He fiddled with the device for a little while.

"Yeah, you're being hacked."

"What?" Snake exclaimed.

"Not only that, but it looks like they're using your PDA to locate you." Anna added while looking over Ocelot's shoulder. "Can you fix this, Ocelot?"

"Go pet your bird, I'm working." he said as he tapped away at the screen.

"Your bird is lame." Raiden chided.

"Your face is lame." Anna muttered.

"Dear God!" Big Boss exclaimed. "Did I hear a 'your face' insult just now? Please tell me that I didn't."

"You did." Anna assured him. "Raiden somehow brings out the worst in me."

Ocelot sighed and tossed Super Joe at Snake.

"There. It's a good thing we caught this early. Our escape would definitely be hindered if they knew exactly where we're going." Ocelot said.

"Anna, send us up to hell." Big Boss instructed.

Anna pressed the button for the ground floor. The team stood together in silence, knowing that the real fight was just ahead of them. Through some stroke of brilliant luck, they didn't have a random encounter as they made their way to the garage. Plenty of soldiers were lying dead in the hallways, though. It was way too easy. The cafeteria was deserted. Snake wished he could worry about the hostages, but too much was at stake as it was.

Once inside the garage, he could smell the distinctive scent of gas. Beneath all the vehicles in the room were puddles of the overly expensive fluid required to keep them running. The room was full of more casualties on Big Boss' side. Apparently their idea had not been entirely original. However, on foot they would have been running targets for the Metal Gear's they assumed were stationed outside. Without a set of wheels their retreat would be even more complicated. Big Boss sat down, trying to think the situation through.

This base did have more than one garage, but the one they had gone to first was the closest. They could theoretically go to another one, but it would be fairly dangerous. Raiden examined the room further while everyone else checked to make sure that whoever had sabotaged the vehicles had gotten every single one of them. He spotted a faint red line near the door they had entered that was coming from a plastic device stuck to the wall and felt his throat lock. Motion sensors. Snake took the words right out of his mouth before he had a chance to speak.

"Guys, we're going to have some company." Snake said as several dots began heading toward their position. "We'll have to hold up in here for now!"

"It's a trap!" Raiden declared.

"Shouldn't you call for help?" Anna asked Big Boss. "You've got a whole unit, right? Surely not all of them could have retreated by now."

"What are twenty guards compared to me and Snake? Nothing. That's what I say."

Anna tore the radio away from him and turned it on.

"This is Anna. Can anyone hear me?"

"When it comes to chemistry, baking soda is by far the most versatile base there is. In addition to being used for baking, you can also use it to clean your car battery and as a means to relieve an upset stomach. If you put a box of it in your refrigerator your ice cubes won't taste funny. I like that last one. I do it all the time, but the wife gets mad when I spend her money." Crazy Colonel Campbell said.

"Who is this?"

"I'm your worst nightmare. I am legend."

"Turn that damn radio off and get yourself a weapon!" Snake shouted.

Big Boss located a crate full of several XM8 rifles that he passed out to Ocelot and Anna.

"XM8's, huh." Ocelot said. "Couldn't get a better rifle?"

"No, Johnny messed up on the order. I wanted MP5's, AK-47's, and other weapons that have been tested and proven more often than these things."

"You sent Johnny to Russia to buy weapons for you?"

"Yeah, I know. I also didn't ever begin to suspect that Eva was working for the enemy when anyone and I mean anyone could have clearly told me otherwise."

Snake and Raiden didn't have the faintest idea who Big Boss was talking about.

"How is she these days?"

"Old." Big Boss turned away from Ocelot, signaling the end of their conversation. "Everyone, take up positions around the room. Do we have time to plant claymores?"

"I wouldn't risk it. Just get ready to fill that doorway full of lead. And remember, Raiden, keep the gun set to thee round bursts. Only idiots go fully automatic." Snake advised.

There was a distinctive click as Raiden flipped the switch controlling the bullet rate of his weapon. Snake sighed. After setting up they could do nothing but wait as multiple contacts scattered throughout the building began heading their way. The sound of approaching footsteps made their adrenaline spike. Only Snake knew how many were coming and he chose not to say anything out of fear of giving them an impression of hopelessness. He didn't have enough ammo on him to make it through this scuffle. At least there were a few ammo crates left that hadn't been raided. He had to kid himself because deep down inside he knew that they would need a miracle to get out of this one. The first set of guards poured in the room and began clearing it while another group prepared to flank them.

"Fire at will!" Snake shouted.

As he popped out of cover and prepared to pull the trigger he was interrupted by a loud explosion coming from directly behind him. Snake turned to see a newly formed smoldering hole in the garage door. The scent of C4 hung heavy in the air. Everyone was momentarily confused by the blast.

"Get down and cover your eyes!" the voice of a woman from outside screamed.

A Nikita rocket was fired and directed into the hallway infested with guards as Snake's team did as they were instructed. The rocket struck the other end of the hall and filled the place up with a sizable explosion, killing a few enemy soldiers. There was a moments delay while the unseen attacker switched her weapons and began firing grenades at the spot where the flanking soldiers would soon arrive. Snake briefly looked up upon hearing the distinctive clattering noise and noted that the grenades were all of the stun variety. He covered his ears, but that did little to completely shield him from the loud bang that followed. The attacking guards began screaming in disorientation as they were mowed down by a machine gun that tore through them in a devastating manner. Snake knew the sound of the gun that was firing. It was an M2, the oldest and most efficient heavy machine gun still in service.

"Move up!" their savior ordered.

Without having to be told twice, Snake and his team headed straight for the large hole to freedom. Two heavily armored large vehicles were parked firmly in place amidst the furious storm raging outside. Snake had never seen a more beautiful combination in his whole life, although he subconsciously had a habit of feeling that way about all the jeeps, trucks, and semi-trailers that had saved his life. He was looking at two AIFV's big enough to carry all of them. These models looked somewhat unlike the others he had come across. They had two turrets and one canon mounted on the top. These weapons were most likely controlled by a computer inside the vehicle. The headlights had their hi-beams switched on so it was even harder to see the soldiers laying in the prone position in front of them. Snake provided cover as his teammates fled through the improvised door. He had silently dictated himself as the last to leave, so he was left alone when Raiden broke cover and ran towards the AIFV. Snake would have quickly followed after him if not for one thing. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the incapacitated body of Chill Penguin lying in the place where she had been after she had set off her plushie, covered in dried blood and still breathing gently.

He stopped dead in his tracks, unable to move any further from the spot he was in. If he just left her here to die, then she would haunt him in his nightmares until he died and every time he saw something even remotely similar to anime, he'd have a flashback and kick himself for not acting in that moment.

"No!" Snake said through gritted teeth. "Cover me!" he shouted to his comrades.

"Hurry!" the lady soldier urged. "Preferably before they start throwing grenades!"

Even though the incoming soldiers were slightly better prepared for the onslaught, they quickly learned that the fifty caliber M2 machine gun the unknown soldiers had was not to be taken lightly. They retreated to the end of the hall and prepared to snipe or grenade the gunner, who responded promptly by launching more stun grenades towards them with her RGB6. The audible '_thunk_' noise it made every time she fired off a round was almost humorous. While she laid down suppressing fire, Big Boss and Anna aimed specifically for the soldiers in the visible hallway while Raiden and Ocelot took care of the goons who were still trying to flank. Snake put down one guard who had managed to duck behind a crate when all the shooting restarted. He let the rifle rest across his chest as he slung the girl over his shoulder. Finished with clearing his conscience he was about to head out when he noticed the cardboard box Shadow Raccoon had used to trick him.

"Damn!" Snake shouted. "More cover!"

"What the hell are you doing in there?" the woman demanded.

After a full minute, Snake finally came running out of the smoking hole with Chill Penguin over one shoulder and the cardboard box in the other hand.

"Alright!" Big Boss exclaimed. "Good job!"

"Are we talking about Penguin or the box?" Anna asked.

"The box, of course! Although Penguin is a nice touch."

"Dim those damn headlights, you ass mongers!" Snake demanded.

When the headlights dimmed, a group of soldiers Snake had become highly familiar with suddenly appeared. Everyone took a moment to examine each other. Raiden's mouth was wide open in heavy disbelief.

"Well, I'll be damned." Snake said. "The League of Five."

**NEXT TIME : **The harrowing conclusion draws near. If you've read the story up to this point and have enjoyed it, don't miss the final chapter. Resolutions, conclusions, solutions, and a very distressed Otacon are all in store for the last part of this story.


	22. A Winner Is Snack

**Chapter 22 : A Winner Is Snack.**

The soldiers of the unit saluted him so crisply that none of them were even a centimeter off of a perfect execution of the gesture. Once proper respect had been paid to Solid Snake, the League retreated into their own confiscated AIFV. The only soldier who didn't was dressed slightly different and currently had the RGB6 they had heard from earlier in her hands.

"I'll drive!" she exclaimed.

He nodded at the soldier as he headed towards the back of the available vehicle, which was already opened. Snake hopped inside and buckled Chill Penguin into the seat farthest from the door as his companions continued to fire at the rush of soldiers who had by then decided to forsake their initial ambush and were now regrouping in the cafeteria to begin phase two of their plan.

"They're retreating!" the soldier shouted. "Help me carry these weapons back inside! We might need them!"

Raiden grabbed the Nikita missile launcher while Anna and Big Boss helped the soldier carry the M2. Ocelot disassembled the tripod the M2 had been mounted on. They all piled inside the AIFV and began putting the weapons away in a few obvious compartments in which they had been formerly stored. The soldier ran to the driver's seat, buckled up, and hit the door that closed the entrance to the vehicle, leaving everyone enclosed in a fairly well-lit metal chamber.

"Dave, you're on the turrets. Get in here!" she ordered.

Snake was about to take his seat when he noticed that it was already occupied by a familiar Alaskan huskie. Reece looked up at him with sufficient disinterest, not really caring that his owner was around. He motioned for the dog to move, but it predictably stayed rooted to its seat.

"Reece, get the hell out of his seat!" the soldier exclaimed as she grabbed the dog by the collar and forced it into the troop cab.

He whined sympathetically as he was being hauled around so brutally. Due to this, the mysterious identity of the masked soldier was revealed. There was only one person he knew of that hated Reece just as much as he did and for that matter, only one person called him Dave.

"Meryl?" Snake asked.

She took off her helmet and tossed it in after Reece to let everyone know who had just pulled them out of the frying pan and into the fire. Raiden caught the helmet and smelled the inside to get a whiff of the shampoo she had used before embarking on her mission. Ocelot thought now was a good time to begin praying, so he joined hands with Big Boss and bowed his head.

"Hey, Dave." she said as she floored the accelerator.

Reece sheepishly approached Anna and sat down in front of her, trying to keep his balance as the AIFV sped away from the base. The vehicle the League of Five had piled into followed alongside them as their daring escape commenced. Anna grabbed the dog gently by the collar and looked into its eyes. After that, neither of them moved. Raiden scooted a little closer to Big Boss, who glared at the other man as his personal space was violated. Before speaking with Meryl, Snake got acquainted with his seat from which he controlled the actions of three separate turrets. He had used something like this once before and believed he could operate it efficiently.

"How did you get here?" Snake asked.

"I stowed away on Raiden's plane after bugging him. I poked around until I realized you guys needed help. I found your dog pissing on a dead body shortly before I arrived in front of the garage. I chased the stupid mutt around for five minutes until I finally caught him." Meryl spat between her gritted teeth. "God, I hate that dog! I know that's wrong, but I can't help it!"

"Thanks for coming to our rescue, Meryl."

"No problem, but you owe me big for this."

"How did the League of Five get involved?"

"I tried to ask them that, but they couldn't find a piece of paper to write down their explanation for suddenly appearing and helping me get things together. Campbell gave me a call before the CODEC died and said he sent them here in case the mission went fubar. All things considered, I suppose we should be grateful that they always remain a neutral party and never back out of their contracts."

"Your uncle never ceases to amaze me." Snake said.

"Actually, he's my father."

"I try to ignore that."

"Me too. Oh, and don't worry about our house. There are still some personnel from this unit guarding it." Meryl asked.

"That's good, but I don't think we'll be able to go back there for a while. Do you have an escape route planned? We were kind of winging it."

"Yes. Two helicopters."

"Three." Big Boss interjected as he took up the space between Meryl and Snake. "I'm not leaving my chopper behind. It's got stuff in it I want."

Meryl's face curled into a shocked expression befitting of someone drinking bad eggnog. Snake nodded reassuringly at her and Big Boss gave her a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"Any particular reason why he's not dead?" Meryl asked.

"More than you could imagine." Big Boss countered. "But that's it? Two Chinook helicopters, I assume?"

"Yes." Meryl said hesitantly. "Two F-16's will escort us so long as Campbell is in command, but with things the way they are we'll be lucky if the Chinook helicopters arrive."

"That's a lot of pull." Snake observed.

"He said someone was helping them." Meryl said. "Someone we could trust."

Their conversation was interrupted by the noise of a cow mooing loudly from behind them. Snake knew that didn't sound right so he looked for the source with the turrets and quickly located it. A metal monstrosity was heading towards them at full speed, which happened to be a lot faster than what they were traveling. Several jeeps were also gaining on them and had already begun to fire blindly in hopes of hitting their vehicles. Three more machines of the same model that had mooed were gaining speed in the distance. They looked like tiny Metal Gear Rays with ugly legs. The AIFV carrying the League of Five began firing at the approaching entourage.

"What the hell are those?"

"Gekko's. They're one of the newer Metal Gear's." Big Boss answered.

"And they moo?" Meryl asked.

"They sure do."

"Why?" Snake demanded, completely clueless.

"To lure you into a false sense of security." Big Boss said.

"Give me a break!"

"I know, I know. What's next, right?"

"Kicking whoever develops these stupid things in his man-mans."

"We need to fight back, you guys!" Meryl urged.

"Although we aren't that far from my hidden helicopter we can't afford to let any of them know exactly where we're going." Big Boss said. "Snake, you'll have to kill all of them and that Nikita won't do anything against the Gekko's. Try to shoot the cars already on the road in such a way that they crash into them. If you can't manage that then aim for their legs."

Snake did as he was told and began mowing down perpetrators with the turrets. Breaking the AIFV's was quite a challenge. The vehicles had been made to sustain heavy firepower. He managed to get one jeep to crash into a Gekko, which took it out as the jeep exploded. The Gekko wasn't dissuaded and immediately got back up and continued to pursue them.

"Well, that worked perfectly. What shells is that canon armed with?" Big Boss asked.

"I looked, but I've never seen this kind before. They had a white stripe along the bottom." Meryl explained.

"That means they're electromagnetic, which means we're saved."

Raiden cheered, but wasn't joined by anyone else. Ocelot had removed his balaclava and was too busy stroking his mustache. Anna still had Reece locked in her grip and was likely communicating with the animal in some metaphysical fashion that gave off some rather disturbing vibes. Chill Penguin hadn't come around quite yet. Raiden crossed his arms and huffed.

"How many?" Big Boss asked.

"Five."

"I hate to put pressure on you, but. . ." Big Boss leaned in close so he was right up against Snake's ear. "Don't miss!"

"Okay!" he yelled back. "How do I not miss?"

"Don't shoot a shell directly at them. Shoot it ahead of them so they will run into the field. If these shells are strong enough, they'll automatically disable them. Don't use the computer, either. They can hack that. Fire as soon as you think you've got a shot or they'll line up the appropriate trajectory and dodge out of the way."

Snake nodded and took aim for the foremost Gekko, shooting the shell as Big Boss had instructed. The exploding shell produced a brief dispersion field that lasted long enough to completely disable two Gekko's that didn't have enough time to stop. The other two were taken out in the same fashion. After finishing them off, their enemies knew they didn't stand much of a chance against Meryl's fortress on wheels and began heading off elsewhere to enact plan C.

"Is that it?" Snake asked as he watched their opponents retreat. "That can't be the last of them."

"Stop right now!" Big Boss shouted. "This is our chance!"

The vehicle came to a screeching halt while the car carrying the League of Five stopped a few feet away because they hadn't expected the sudden change in plans. Big Boss jumped out of the back and ran for dear life down a small hill. Snake slung Chill Penguin over his shoulder and grabbed the cardboard box he'd taken with him and followed Big Boss. Raiden accidentally tripped over the top and snowballed downhill. Meryl helped him up. Reece obediently hoped through drifts behind Anna as the team of twenty followed Big Boss out into a white field. He pulled out his iPhone and pressed a few buttons. A Medusa carrier variant appeared from nowhere followed by a sound similar to a pair of electronic car locks unlocking. Big Boss chuckled to himself and hugged the nose of the helicopter lovingly.

"Okay. We're riding with you?" Meryl asked Big Boss, who was still preoccupied with rubbing the front of his aerial vehicle.

"If you really want to impress me you'll just swim to where we're going." Big Boss said.

Snake gritted his teeth together and began snickering like mad. Meryl looked at him and then at Big Boss and shook her head disapprovingly.

"There definitely is a resemblance." she muttered. "I'll call in the other helicopters so the League can get out of here."

Meryl unhooked the radio that had been strapped to her side and was about to call in support when a single bullet blew the device out of her hands. She smiled and rolled her eyes at the sheer audacity of whoever was about to fight with them. A single Gekko stood at the top of the hill. It was bulkier and better equipped than the other models. Big Boss stopped loving his helicopter long enough to narrowly make it out of the way of a missile fired from the Gekko that rendered the vehicle completely useless. The explosion knocked down some of the members of the team, but nobody was hurt.

The Gekko jumped down from the hill and landed on the burning wreckage.

"Greetings, Snake." the machine said in clear English.

"That voice. . ." Snake began.

"Yes, it's me." Crazy Colonel Campbell assured him. "Did you think I would just let you get away? Why couldn't you have just done what you were told?"

"You were going to kill me regardless of what choice I made!"

"So what? In the world I'm from that's the equivalent of shaking another man's hand for a job well done."

The League of Five made a bold move toward their AIFV at the top of the hill, but the machine piloted by the AI launched a missile at it. A glorious explosion ensued. This was bad. All of their heavy weapons were in there and they were up against a Metal Gear without so much as a single chaff grenade. The timing and convenience of the Metal Gear's presence couldn't have been more perfect to Raiden, who instantly blamed Ocelot.

"Ocelot!" Raiden shouted in a rage. "Is this your doing? Did you double cross us?"

Revolver hastily tried to shush him and wished he was cowardly enough to bury his head in the snow.

"Ocelot?" Crazy Colonel Campbell said.

The Metal Gear centered on Ocelot and scanned him to verify his identity. Ocelot futilely tried to shield himself by covering his mustache so he could at least say he tried. After spotting the revolvers he carried by using X-Ray vision and identifying a few specific bullet wounds there wasn't much room left for doubt in the AI's mind.

"What are you doing here?" Crazy Colonel asked vehemently.

"Freezing." Ocelot replied.

"No, I meant besides that."

"Standing out in the cold."

The AI took a moment to process his sarcasm and decide on an appropriate response.

"Why are you always such an ass?" Crazy Colonel demanded.

"Because I'm so selfish that I'm willing to hurt anyone in the process of achieving my goals."

"We are officially no longer friends, Ocelot. I've been waiting to say this for a very long time. You are no longer a Patriot. I will never trust you again."

Ocelot flipped it off with a vigorous middle finger full of heated ire.

"I finally have all the major players right where I want them. It's time your legacy ended. With nanomachines becoming more advanced and technology gradually taking over the battlefield there is no longer a need to make clones or mine dead bodies for DNA."

"So now what? Do we just sit here and wait to be captured?" Meryl asked.

"That's kind of what I was going for. I mean, you could try to run, but with this rail gun here I'd turn you into a fine red mist." Crazy Colonel replied. "We don't have to wait too long and if you're cold you can all huddle together for warmth. I won't mind."

The sound of an approaching helicopter made the Metal Gear jerk sharply in response. It began frantically scanning the sky.

"Someone's in for quite a surprise, courtesy of SOL-1337. That's the technical name of this model, for those of you who didn't know." Crazy Colonel stated.

While it was distracted, a single soldier rose out from under the snow next to Solid Snake. The individual was wearing a heavy thermal suit specifically dedicated toward keeping him as warm as possible while being buried under as much as ten feet of snow. It was highly reminiscent of the ghillie suits elite sniper squads used while deep undercover. He pulled a large square container out with him that he quickly opened. Inside was a brand new Stinger missile launcher. After tossing it in front of himself he began lobbing chaff grenades at SOL-1337 who was still busy scanning the skies for the source of the helicopter.

"Take it and give me the girl!" the soldier shrieked in a feminine voice.

"Johnny?" Snake asked.

"Do it now!" Johnny urged.

It was easy to pass Chill Penguin back and forth thanks to her anorexia.

"What? What the hell is going on here?" Crazy Colonel Campbell said as his sensors were scrambled. "Do you think something as measly as a chaff grenade is still a threat to these models? All it does is disable a few of its systems!"

Snake picked up the Stinger missile launcher. Just as he did a searing bolt of pain attacked his heart. Snake gasped sharply and tumbled forward face first into the snow. Of all the times FOXDIE decided to surprise him it had been cruel enough to get him on top of two other subsequent surprises. Sometimes he wondered if Naomi's personality and the nature of FOXDIE had a correlation with one another. At times it did certainly seem plausible. Now was definitely not the time to debate such matters with himself. Snake's jaw locked as he forced himself to lift his own body and the Stinger missile launcher up. His heart was pulsating rapidly and almost felt as though it were moving from side to side within his chest as the cells inside of it killed themselves and upset his bodily chemistry. The launcher had already been loaded for him and he took aim without any feeling in either of his arms. SOL-1337 sent a barrage of missiles out into the air at random and then quickly turned to Snake just as the first rocket was launched.

An odd mix of fire and electricity erupted from the explosion that struck the front of the Metal Gear. Crazy Conlonel Campbell yelled in frustration as the equipment on board was further damaged. The missile that had been used packed an EMP punch, which meant that if it stayed inside of its host much longer it would also be damaged. Balance was unfair to the opposition. Although the Metal Gear's had evolved to a point where they were now nearly immune to chaff other ways of destroying them had been developed. That was how war worked. Each side continued to discover better methods dedicated towards destroying the other as quickly as they possibly could. It ended with nukes and other systems specifically designed to wipe countries off of the face of the Earth, but it built upon itself through smaller measures that weren't as tightly controlled. Such productivity would eventually lead to a bitter end if left unchecked. Logic further added to the AI's rage as it was forced to shut down several of its weapons in order to isolate the damage and continue functioning at a lethal level.

"Why are you so hard to kill?" Crazy Colonel Campbell demanded as it began opening regular fire blindly.

Uncontrolled automatic fire typically meant that there was an equally random chance that someone somewhere was going to get hit by a stray bullet. Everyone cried out in alarm and ducked. They then tried to dissuade the infernal robot by firing at its turrets from a prone position hoping that they might eventually destroy them. FOXDIE was still slowly killing Snake as he tried reaching for another missile. When he found that he couldn't even get his fingers to grab the missile he knew that it was time to roll over and call it day. Snake fumbled with his equipment while searching desperately for the needle he needed. SOL-137 charged in the wrong direction, which gave Meryl and Raiden enough time to leap to their feet and rush over to Snake to see what the problem was. His twisted expression made the situation evident to them.

Raiden loaded up the Stinger missile launcher while Meryl quickly took out a needle and injected Snake in the neck with the serum. Hopefully the serum had been administered in time. With the last ounce of his strength he threw his handgun at Raiden to get the man's attention as he took aim for the Metal Gear. It struck him square in the head, bouncing off and landing heavily in the snow.

"Give that back!" Snake demanded. "This is not your chance to be cool!"

With a heavy sigh, Raiden handed over the Stinger missile launcher as Meryl helped Snake sit up on his rear so he could properly fire the weapon. Snake centered the sites on its head and made sure the shot was safe.

"I am getting so damn tired of these things." Snake said weakly.

He squoze the trigger and sent another missile into the Metal Gear. This one blew off most of its top.

"Damn! Don't you even begin to think that this is the last you'll see of me! I'll get you eventually, Solid Snake!" Crazy Colonel Campbell declared as electrical bolts seared across the machine.

A field in the middle of nowhere was peacefully silent without the sounds of the walking death mobile to drown out the gentle wind and falling snow. This allowed the team a brief moment of rest while the Metal Gear smoldered quietly in the snow. Another muli-million dollar tank had met its end by a slightly less expensive rocket. Snake figured that if the Patriots were wise they would suppress such weapons. Two helicopters appeared from out of the storm and proceeded to land as quickly as they could. More soldiers from the League of Five poured out from both aerial vehicles.

"Looks like they made it." Snake muttered.

"Can you walk?" Meryl asked.

Though it probably would have been wiser to let them carry him, Snake still saw it fit to stand up just to remind them how awesome he was in person. The soothing sensations that had come from his earlier injection were not present this time around. While the pain had stopped, most of his body still felt like a train had hit it and moving was very difficult. He turned to Johnny.

"I guess this means I owe you one."

"Think nothing of it. I'm just happy to help." Johnny said, saluting Snake.

"You did very good today, Johnny." Big Boss said. "I was worried you wouldn't find this spot and we'd have to look for you."

"You'd come back? For me?"

"Sure, Johnny." Big Boss said. They couldn't tell if he was telling the truth or not.

He whimpered gratefully. Snake lumbered into the back of the helicopter with Meryl following him closely behind. His teammates occupied one of the helicopters while the other was crammed with the soldiers who had aided them in their escape. Snake was trying desperately not to let on how awful he was feeling, but Meryl wouldn't quit hovering over him even though she knew better than to ask. His usual elation garnered greedily from accomplishing a mission was entirely absent. Even his new cardboard box couldn't shake his horrid melancholy.

"Snake, are you okay?" Meryl finally asked.

"Yeah. Just a little beat up." Snake replied.

"Are we fighting with Big Boss now?"

Snake thought it over for a moment. This was the beginning of a massive undertaking and this time he wouldn't be fighting for the government. Instead, he'd be on the side of an individual who was considered a terrorist and happened to have a virtually unlimited amount of money. Additionally, he still had FOXDIE to worry about.

"I guess so. There's nowhere else left for me to go. Not even if I could get this virus out of me."

"Don't mope around like that." Big Boss urged. "You act like being a member of my little military family is a bad thing. Anna, hype me."

"What should I say?"

"Do not make it seem as if you're being paid to talk."

"Big Boss is fair. You'll enjoy your time under his command. There's great food, plenty of games, and a bunch of smugglers we use to get us luxury items like Playstation 3's and anime. Plus, it's the most beautiful island you'll ever see."

"An island, huh. I thought you'd be in a cave somewhere." Snake said.

"Or under a box." Raiden piped in.

The two men glared at him for making a joke at cardboard's expense. Big Boss sighed and took out his gun. He made sure it was loaded and then turned to Snake.

"Pardon me."

Big Boss strolled up to the pilot's seat with the gun hidden behind his back. A young female pilot ranked no higher than a PFC was operating the controls with the aura of an expert.

"Did you get them?" a voice asked over the radio.

"Affirmative. Package secure. Fuel at full. Returning to base as we speak."

"Excuse me? Are you the pilot?" Big Boss asked.

She jumped up and turned to face the man. Her smile was the brightest he'd ever seen on any American-Asian women he'd run across.

"Why, yes I am!"

"That's just wonderful. Gee, this thing sure does look hard to fly with it being so big and all."

"Pilot school is a bitch." she said vindictively.

"I know! I had to do it back in the forties when we didn't have computers to help us! Listen, how about you go sit in the passengers area with the others?"

"Oh, no. I can't do that. I have to take you back to. . ."

Big Boss shoved his gun in her face.

"I'm hijacking this helicopter."

She immediately flipped out.

"Please don't shoot me! I'm only here because my father said I'm not really a citizen unless I joined the armed forces!"

Big Boss was reminded of a particularly large organization that had done the same thing at about the time he was in his twenties and couldn't help but smile. While he did not agree with it he did think everyone needed at least a year of military training just in case they had to use it.

"I am now your new dad."

"You're probably an upgrade."

"Good. Now move."

"Yes, daddy!"

Chill Penguin would undoubtedly bond rather intensely with this girl if she woke up. Kids these days were getting so stupid.

"And what's your name?"

"Mitsuki Chihara."

"Go make some friends."

"Right!"

Everyone moved to the end of the helicopter closest to the bay door including Reece and Snake, who later regretted it and grasped painfully at his chest again. Mitsuki was oblivious to the animosity and took a seat next to Chill Penguin. Big Boss assumed the position of pilot and plotted a course to his rendezvous point from where he would regroup. He made sure they weren't being tracked and veered off course. Snake sighed heavily and took his pack of cigarettes. It'd been a long time since he'd had one. Even in his current state he still managed to obtain some euphoria out of taking a drag.

"How long until we get to where we're going?" Raiden asked.

"Forever." Big Boss replied.

"What an arrogant son of a bitch. . ." Raiden cursed.

"That makes two of us."

"Cousin Mai?" Mitsuki asked.

She grabbed Chill Penguin's head with both of her hands and brought her in for a closer look.

"Cousin Mai!" Mitsuki declared. "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in years!"

Ocelot grabbed Snake's M-9 and shot Mitsuki in the shoulder. She lingered for a moment and then passed out noisily on the bench. Ocelot put another round in Chill Penguin just to make sure she wouldn't wake up any time soon.

"Thank you." Edgar said, breaking the silence he'd held for so long.

"Concurred." Anna added.

"It's bad enough with him." Ocelot said, gesturing towards Raiden. "But with those two? I'd sooner jump out of this damn chopper!"

Snake nodded. No further words were exchanged as he quickly finished his cigarette. Snake felt exhausted. His senses dulled as a great urge to sleep took hold of him. This was undoubtedly due to the FOXDIE episode. Snake usually refused to rest on the trip back home until he was in a nice soft bed with a gun under his pillow, but for once he had to make an exception. Meryl's lap doubled quite nicely as a pillow of sorts. The moment his head was rested he was out. He would not dream.

**X**

Otacon fiddled with the ball of string he'd found underneath his bed. Ever since the electricity went out and the Internet had been disabled, he'd grown quite fond of making cat's cradles and solving Rubick's cubes. He couldn't say he hadn't tried to get out more these past few days since the power went completely out all over the city. Nobody had returned his calls that he'd sent using his cell phone, which still worked. But that was okay for now. Engaging himself in activities that actually required him to think had brought back his love for experimenting with electronics and improved his skill at Japanese Mahjong. A few days ago he had purchased the last generator available and braved the horde that tried to steal it from him by jumping above the swarm and stepping across their shoulders to safety. He had bought it specifically so that he could boot up his computer and erase what had once been his true obsession. Now he simply waited in the dark for Snake to come back from whatever vacation he was on. An inspector had come by earlier and asked him a couple questions about his house and how much electricity he used, but Otacon couldn't answer those questions by default. The representative eventually left empty-handed, leaving Otacon with all the time he needed to disassemble his magic eight ball.

Deep down inside, he knew he was kidding himself. Taking apart the lava lamp and getting the wax out without losing any fluid was simply his way of dealing without access to the things he enjoyed doing. The fact that all of his friends had gone missing and that FOX-PALS had been temporarily disbanded complicated matters further. Even Mantis had left his office without an explanation. Usually he'd be out bowling by now. That was okay, though. It left Otacon with plenty of time to himself that he used mainly for some heavy duty soul searching. A vehicle screeched its tires loudly somewhere nearby, but he thought nothing of it as he put down his string and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. It was full of prepackaged food ready for consumption. Otacon wasn't much of a cook. After dumping some chicken soup into a bowl, he headed into his living room and began eating.

Suddenly, tears welled up in his eyes. He felt bad for neglecting his friends. Otacon would have to do something really nice for them to gain back their acceptance. He'd have to throw a really big party or take them all out to eat at a Chinese buffet. Truthfully he knew that they would take him back regardless of what he had done, but Otacon really felt the need to give them something special in exchange for his inexcusable absence. His day became much more exciting when Solid Snake came crashing through his window, landing right on top of his coffee table. Thankfully Otacon had been holding his bowl so his meal had not been spoiled. Antics like this were not entirely unusual to him. He wasn't that shocked to see Snake suddenly reappear after so long in the manner he had chosen. Even so, Otacon would still expect him to pay for the broken window.

"Morning." Otacon greeted pleasantly. "There's some coffee in the kitchen. Help yourself."

He tried to contain his excitement as Snake stood up and brushed the glass off of his set of winter fatigues. Once Snake grabbed him by the neck and began hauling him out the window he'd just broken, Otacon knew something was wrong. The presence of four heavily armed guards covering Snake also reinforced this notion.

"What are you doing?" Otacon asked. "Let me go! Is that the League of Five?"

"No time! Talk later! Run now!" Snake said, almost out of breath.

Otacon's house exploded seconds after they left it. The four men and two women were thrown forward by the force of the blast. They cleared the fence in Otacon's backyard and landed in the adjoining backyard of his next door neighbor, who wasn't home at the moment. Snake's head went crashing through a nude female snowwoman. Otacon landed on a trampoline and bounced into a drift. After recovering, he turned around to see his humble abode going up in flames.

"My house!" he screamed. "My porn!"

"You can get it all back later!" Snake said as he dragged Otacon around by the scruff of his neck.

"I beg your pardon!" Otacon interjected. "Not all of it, good sir! I can tell you that much right now! What's going on? Are we being headhunted again?"

"They blew up your house, Hal!" Snake screamed at his friend. "Of course someone's pissed off at us!"

"Geez, calm down! I figured that by asking you such an obvious question, you'd gladly launch into a full explanation for it."

Snake kicked the gate door down and headed into an alley where three black SUV's were waiting. He yanked the passenger's door open and threw Otacon in headfirst right into the lap of a rather young Asian girl. His legs were sprawled out over a Raiden until he managed to adjust himself properly. Snake crawled into the passengers seat. Meryl floored the accelerator sped out of the alley.

"Welcome aboard the U.S.S Pwnage! Woot, woot!" the Asian girl exclaimed with a wink.  
"I'm admiral Chill Penguin. At ease, ensign!"

"Would you stop that, already?" Raiden demanded.

"Where are we going?" Otacon asked.

"Outer Heaven." Snake responded.

"The new bar on eighth?"

"No, the base Outer Heaven." Snake clarified.

"Big Boss' Outer Heaven?" he asked, to which Snake nodded. "Oh, geez. What have you gotten yourself into this time?"

"We'll talk about it later. Right now we need to rendezvous with everyone. For now, talk to that new friend we got you."

He looked over at the somewhat attractive Asian, who pulled out a portable DVD player.

"Inuyasha?" she asked.

"How about something less trendy? Do you have Lucky Star?"

"I sure do!"

"Drive faster before I start hyperventilating." Raiden requested.

Meryl slammed her foot down on the accelerator to shorten the trip into their cloudy future.


	23. Extras

**Author's Notes.**

The story originally started out with Snake finding some obscure monsters from Japanese mythology living in his basement. While still funny to some degree, they felt a lot like furries so I cut them out. I shall sum up what would have happened if they had been left in because this is my extras section and if you're actually reading it I assume that you're curious about such things. Chapter one of the director's cut is exactly the same up until the end. When Snake goes downstairs to do his laundry, he hears something in the bathroom and investigates. Snake discovers that an akaname has taken residence down there, but he doesn't know what it is at first and runs away in fear. Chapter two begins with Snake getting side-tracked into the conversation he has with Naomi and the others until they finally hang up and he's left to decide what to do about the monster in his basement. Snake decides to kill it because it bothers him. The akaname offers him a chocolate bar so that it might be able to gain his trust. What happens next?

_The gunshot clearly resonated throughout the whole basement and half of the house. The bullet hit the creature square in the skull, violently tearing both of its eyes out of their sockets and completely mutilating the upper portion of the things body. Gore exploded everywhere. The force of the bullet sent the creature toppling backward until it came to a rest inside the shower. A trail of blood marked the trail. A splatter of gore was on the wall next to where the thing had been standing. Bits of the tiny monsters brain seemed to be in it. The chocolate bar, however, was completely unharmed. After it was all said and done, the things tiny little legs were still twitching as it lay on its side, totally dead._

Meryl comes rushing downstairs with all of Snake's dogs and takes in the scene. She tells Snake what he has killed. Meryl knows what it is due to all the books Snake keeps around the house and never reads. The spirit of the creature then comes alive and begins berating them for being so insensitive and stupid. The akaname reveals that it was merely helping Snake clean his dirty bathroom, which is what the creature does in the first place according to Japanese folklore. Enraged at having been killed, it summons a gaki, which is a creature that must eat whatever its master tells it to. In this case the akaname has the gaki eat Snake's heater. It then tells them that they will play host to the gaki and another being who will come by later to revive its physical body.

Their names are then given. Tetsuko is the akaname while Ishikawa is the gaki. When the akaname leaves, Snake looks at what it has done to his bathroom. Because he has stepped on tile tainted by the akaname's tongue, he catches a cold. Again, this is accurate as far as the folklore goes. I really wanted to keep the cold, but I couldn't. Ishikawa turns out to be a rather proficient cook and makes them a meal at the beginning of chapter three. A tanuki with an embarrassingly familiar name I won't dare to mention later stops by and takes Ishikawa downstairs with him. They then proceed to try and revive Tetsuko while Snake's company is over. After Big Boss has come and gone with Blue Death, Snake and Meryl go back downstairs and find that the creatures have already left. A note is attached to a care basket on top of the toilet that says they will resolve this matter at a later date.

They were supposed to come back later in the story and save the day because Big Boss was originally a bad guy. Big Boss invited Snake to his terrorist bar, the Zanzi-Bar, so that they could talk. Snake and Meryl sneak in with the aid of a cardboard box and find that they have infiltrated a veritable utopia full of guards they have knocked out and abused in the past. Nobody seems to care that they are there, though. The two eventually find Big Boss' secret lair, where he is storing quite a few Metal Gear's and his own cyborg machine that turns regular soldiers into. . .well, cyborgs. Johnny Sasaki is the first to go as a demonstration for them. After that, Big Boss sicks a Metal Gear on them that has trouble obeying orders due to the fact that Big Boss and Snake sound the same. He then attacks them himself. This is where the tanuki would have intervened and saved the day by knocking Big Boss around with its nearest available weapon.

Snake would have kept Big Boss' head, which still talked. That would have ended the story. This is what I began with. Obviously, my idea has matured quite a bit and I think that's a good thing. The fights Snake had with Blue Death were nonexistent in this version. In retrospect, I am grateful for having abandoned the original idea. I imagine many of you are as well.

* Big Boss is a good guy?Yeah, why not? Everyone else has their own crazy theories and they seem to get away with them. I based this assumption as closely on canon as I possibly could. I believe it's a fairly good theory even if MGS4 proves to tell the story otherwise.

* Shadow Raccoon uses the same type of magic that characters from the Ultima series are able to utilize.

* Anna originally attacked with actual animals that obeyed her every command.

* The container of truth gas is a reference to Snake's Revenge. It has been described to look exactly as it appeared in the game. It was one of the less useful items and was used to persuade officers to part with mundane hints that rarely ever helped you.

* Even though they are designed differently, Snake's house always gets me thinking about an awful abode I used to live in back in fifth grade. Likewise, the interior of Ocelot's house has always reminded me of my uncles home while the exterior never fails to look like the house of a friend of mine.

**And finally, to conclude. . .**

Extra double special thanks to Arcangel who actually read the entire story.

Thanks to Haru-Hoshi for staying on for as long as he/she was able and for taking a gander at Metal Gear Spira.

More thanks to Ijinzu, Hammer, and Jonny #5 for their comments.

Thanks to all those who added the story as one of their favorites but didn't comment. The same can be said to those who added the story to their author alert lists but still didn't comment.

Moderate appreciation goes to Thing In A Coat for pointing out the obvious. I am indeed long-winded, but I will try to change that in my next story.

The next story in this series will undoubtedly be the last unless I can justify another one, but it's about time it ended. I wanted ten, but I'll have to settle for less, I suppose. Until next time, dedicated readers.


End file.
